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Stay at home mum Watch

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    (Original post by Alfissti)
    Have you checked and asked for feedback as to why you keep being rejected for jobs?

    Some qualifications do have a shelve life and becomes worthless if you don't use it for anything useful within a year of gaining it, this is especially true for anything technology related. Professional work experience does take a hit if you stop working in that field and if you quit for as little as 3 years then even if you are a mid-level manager you would need to start again at the bottom.

    Are you only planning on having 1 child? It might be best to have all the kids you want to have and when the youngest is at school then only you start returning to work. It might be helpful to work a casual job or a part-time even if it is zero-hour contract or one where it is by project only when you have kids if you are in one of that kind of professions.

    As for whether it is bad or not? It will depend on what qualifications you hold and what career you are planning to pursue.
    I did and those who replied said that someone just have better qualifications than me. My degree would be a BA in Media (probably a 2.1 but likely to be higher) I know it's fairly hard to get a job with this degree. I am considering doing a part time masters in computing or a pgce in maybe a couple of years. Ideally we would like 3 kids but it remains to be seen. I've just mentioned to my husband about maybe having all the kids before I start a career and he agrees that it's something to be considered.

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    (Original post by donutaud15)
    I find being a stay at home wife really lonely and I'm worried about the effect it will have once I have a baby. I did tell my husband that if it gets too much, I'll see about doing a part time masters. Money would probably be an issue then but hopefully I can sort it



    we have a third party who decided the payment rates but other than that it doesn't seem similar.

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    It just totally depends on individual circumstances and your own skills and personality, as a student mum I know I would go mad in the summer if I didn't do something out the home part time.
    I am comparing a bit to the red one thread where lots of people were saying (at a young age pre-kids) they will definitely stay at home but it's hard to know the intricacies until you have them! As long as your husband is supportive no matter what, that will make all the difference, good luck!
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    (Original post by Georgie_M)
    It just totally depends on individual circumstances and your own skills and personality, as a student mum I know I would go mad in the summer if I didn't do something out the home part time.
    I am comparing a bit to the red one thread where lots of people were saying (at a young age pre-kids) they will definitely stay at home but it's hard to know the intricacies until you have them! As long as your husband is supportive no matter what, that will make all the difference, good luck!
    thanks!

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    (Original post by donutaud15)
    I did and those who replied said that someone just have better qualifications than me. My degree would be a BA in Media (probably a 2.1 but likely to be higher) I know it's fairly hard to get a job with this degree. I am considering doing a part time masters in computing or a pgce in maybe a couple of years. Ideally we would like 3 kids but it remains to be seen. I've just mentioned to my husband about maybe having all the kids before I start a career and he agrees that it's something to be considered.

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    If it is what you want then have all the kids you want first before starting a career, 3 kids my guess is it would be 7-10 years before you start a career, my advice is you keep yourself in some kind of employment even if it is just a zero-hour contract or by project or something along those lines as you would need some really good references when it comes to starting your career.

    I would advise against doing any Masters qualifications until you've at least had some working experience in the field you want to pursue that Masters in as otherwise that Masters would essentially be worth less than the paper it is printed on.

    Good idea or not? If you are planning on more than 1 child then it is best to get all of them out of the way first as 1 career break tend to be acceptable more than that it becomes very difficult to get back into the workforce as you might send out the vibe to the employer that you might have another break later in life.

    What type of career or job are you thinking of pursuing?
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    (Original post by Alfissti)
    If it is what you want then have all the kids you want first before starting a career, 3 kids my guess is it would be 7-10 years before you start a career, my advice is you keep yourself in some kind of employment even if it is just a zero-hour contract or by project or something along those lines as you would need some really good references when it comes to starting your career.

    I would advise against doing any Masters qualifications until you've at least had some working experience in the field you want to pursue that Masters in as otherwise that Masters would essentially be worth less than the paper it is printed on.

    Good idea or not? If you are planning on more than 1 child then it is best to get all of them out of the way first as 1 career break tend to be acceptable more than that it becomes very difficult to get back into the workforce as you might send out the vibe to the employer that you might have another break later in life.

    What type of career or job are you thinking of pursuing?
    You're right about the masters. I'll likely need to wait as I'll need money for tuition anyway.

    In terms of working, hopefully I would. I'll likely get restless after a few months so few days worth of employment a week would be a welcome respite.

    I'm not sure what type of career I would want to get into. I've applied for business grad schemes and production jobs but tbh I'm really not sure

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    (Original post by donutaud15)
    Right I've seen a few threads about this and I need opinions on this particular situation. I will be graduating in July and since November of last year I've been applying for jobs and all I got was rejection after rejection. At this point me and my husband have decided that if I don't get anything by April, we would be trying to start a family. No problem with that except we have agreed a while back that I will stay at home until any children that we have starts school. That's when I'll start my career, whatever that may be. Money is not an issue as he just had a promotion and I won't be claiming any benefits.

    My question here is, how bad would it be that I would have a degree but I am choosing to delay starting my career to be a stay at home wife and mum?

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    Such an idea would be absolutely inadvisable as it would essentially equate to professional suicide. Here's the simple truth: if you think you're getting rejection after rejection at this young age, I wonder what you'll be thinking when you're at least 30 years old, the last of your rugrats has started school, and they'll be hiring people of the age you were when you made the foolish decision to get pregnant early on purpose.

    If you are in your teens or twenties, this is the best time for professional or academic development; I mean it in the sense that work experience or additional training (for example, a master's degree at the College of Europe) will not bring as much value as it did when you were 'just out of school'.

    Furthermore, the hormonal changes of pregnancy do not do the body a favour: stretch marks, long-term weight gain, piles, abdominal bloat. If you really, really must bring another human into the world, opt for a C-section.

    Remember: as long as you've got your womb and tubes, you can always give birth... but you can't always get hired, promoted, or a rise in pay.
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    (Original post by honeywhite)
    Such an idea would be absolutely inadvisable as it would essentially equate to professional suicide. Here's the simple truth: if you think you're getting rejection after rejection at this young age, I wonder what you'll be thinking when you're at least 30 years old, the last of your rugrats has started school, and they'll be hiring people of the age you were when you made the foolish decision to get pregnant early on purpose.

    If you are in your teens or twenties, this is the best time for professional or academic development; I mean it in the sense that work experience or additional training (for example, a master's degree at the College of Europe) will not bring as much value as it did when you were 'just out of school'.

    Furthermore, the hormonal changes of pregnancy do not do the body a favour: stretch marks, long-term weight gain, piles, abdominal bloat. If you really, really must bring another human into the world, opt for a C-section.

    Remember: as long as you've got your womb and tubes, you can always give birth... but you can't always get hired, promoted, or a rise in pay.
    The physical aspects doesn't bother me in the slightest.

    If I don't get a job even then, I will most likely start a business. Or move abroad.

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    (Original post by donutaud15)
    The physical aspects doesn't bother me in the slightest.

    If I don't get a job even then, I will most likely start a business. Or move abroad.

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    I didn't say don't have kids. I said wait till you're nicely hired and promoted to a position of responsibility. That way, you will get better mat leave benefits as well.
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    (Original post by honeywhite)
    I didn't say don't have kids. I said wait till you're nicely hired and promoted to a position of responsibility. That way, you will get better mat leave benefits as well.
    I could be unemployed for a long time and be wasting my time. Anyway thanks but I pretty much have decided on what I'm doing, this thread is more asking on opinions of people not really advice.

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    (Original post by honeywhite)
    Yeah, well then in that case my opinion is that you are not only naive, but you also have your priorities flipped boss-ackwards---you are a total, utter, and abject fool, quod erat demonstrandum. And I speak Latin since I'm not a fool and I'm learning skills that are useful in a job as a barrister.
    Your opinion, doesn't bother me in the slightest. As I've said money is not an issue for me and that's why employment and maternity benefits mean nothing. End of the day my priority revolves around my family. If your career is your priority, good for you. But just because it's not as important for me, it doesn't make me naive.

    P.S your career choice has nothing to do with this thread so I don't know why you need to mention it, other than to show off :rolleyes:


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    (Original post by honeywhite)
    My career choice means nothing except for the fact that I actually MADE a career choice. Medicine, Law, the Church, Civil Service... all of these are preferable to "unemployed" and they are especially preferable to "unemployed by choice".

    If you don't want one, well, I think you're three stops past Upton Park, but I guess I can't change that.
    I am not unemployed by choice, if I have the choice I would have got a job by now. Any of the over 100 jobs I applied for would do nicely.

    I do have a career choice, it so happens that I can't get a job. Now I can take a chance and carry on applying for jobs, which could take years to get and then a few more years to even get anywhere in the said job. By then I would be stressed, disgruntled and possibly refusing to have children because it will cost me my job. Which would then cost me my marriage and possible regrets. For what? Money? Which I don't really need?

    Or I could have a child, spend few years with the said child, get on to a part time masters course and start looking for a job. If job eludes me then, I can go ahead and start a business which I would have already planned given that I had some time while at home or even go abroad.

    If I didn't have a career choice, I won't be in uni in the first place. I would have had a child much sooner. As it happens I do, but sometimes life after uni doesn't always work out perfectly.

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    (Original post by donutaud15)
    I am likely to be in bed rest once I'm pregnant so would have some time for my particular hobby.
    Out of nosiness - why..?? There are very few indications for bed-rest throughout pregnancy - I'd get advice for a Midwife/Obstetrician early on if you get pregnant rather than self-imposing bedrest & ending off worse with a blood clot in your legs/lungs!
    If its a pre-existing condition would this also impact on ability to be a stay at home mum..?


    If you're ready & it's the right decision for you too then go for it - but I also think it sounds potentially a bit kneejerk in response to the job situation? & there are quite a few things that jump out as potential issues:


    I do think it will make a career afterwards harder for a number of reasons - the even bigger CV gap & also logistically/mentally trying to then get yourself established in something when you have childcare issues/children on the brain too!
    Only one working partner does make things financially more precarious - statutory maternity pay (at least 90% salary for 6 weeks then about £500 per month for another 6) is a big help compared to child benefit which is only something like £80/month.


    Also if you're finding being a stay at home wife lonely I think in some ways being a stay at home Mum can be even more isolating as you have an even greater sense of responsibility and source of anxiety on a background of your hormones being all over the place! On the one hand there are opportunities for meeting people at baby groups etc. but often it's fairly superficial Mummy-friends.


    How easy is it for you to picture what the reality would be like..? Do you have many friends/family with babies & what support other than your husband would you have?


    I'm coming up towards the end of a year's maternity leave with my first baby. :love:
    & I've enjoyed it but I'm also looking forward to going back to work! Although I'll be dropping down to a 4 day week & the long term plan hopefully as we have more children is to work perhaps 1-3 days per week or even just work around their Dad being home with occasional evenings/weekends.

    I think I would enjoy being home a little longer - but not necessarily without my income as maternity leave is especially fun if you're not penny pinching the whole time! A couple of my new friends this year are planning on staying at home for a while - but with a lot of family support or baby going to nursery 1 day a week to give them a break.

    Childcare is relentless - being back at work will feel like a 'break' sometimes, looking forward to the adult conversation/company & not everything being defined by being 'Mummy'. I'm also lucky enough to really enjoy my job (& logistically - it's very easy to go part time & the pay surpasses childcare costs!) & I think me being happy in that sense will be good for our relationship - making sure we have quality time together (rather than just quantity) and being a positive role model for my daughter (not to say a stay at Mum can't be - but that wouldn't be right for me at this stage).


    Hope some of this might help!
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    (Original post by honeywhite)
    Furthermore, the hormonal changes of pregnancy do not do the body a favour: stretch marks, long-term weight gain, piles, abdominal bloat. If you really, really must bring another human into the world, opt for a C-section.

    Remember: as long as you've got your womb and tubes, you can always give birth... but you can't always get hired, promoted, or a rise in pay.
    I don't know if you're trying to be funny..? But, yes - your body does change in pregnancy - it grows another human being :love: Although none of the things you mention are inevitable - stretch marks are probably the ones you have least control over but they fade.
    & why opt for a C-section? If you're going to be Superwoman back at your desk ASAP then a SVD & rapid-hospital-discharge is the way forward.
    If it's all so unsavoury then surely social-surrogacy is actually the way to go? :rolleyes:


    Unfortunately, you can't always give birth if you've still got a womb & tubes - women can be unlucky or leave it too late... & then no amount of money from that career can necessarily give you your own biological child.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Out of nosiness - why..?? There are very few indications for bed-rest throughout pregnancy - I'd get advice for a Midwife/Obstetrician early on if you get pregnant rather than self-imposing bedrest & ending off worse with a blood clot in your legs/lungs!
    If its a pre-existing condition would this also impact on ability to be a stay at home mum..?


    If you're ready & it's the right decision for you too then go for it - but I also think it sounds potentially a bit kneejerk in response to the job situation? & there are quite a few things that jump out as potential issues:


    I do think it will make a career afterwards harder for a number of reasons - the even bigger CV gap & also logistically/mentally trying to then get yourself established in something when you have childcare issues/children on the brain too!
    Only one working partner does make things financially more precarious - statutory maternity pay (at least 90% salary for 6 weeks then about £500 per month for another 6) is a big help compared to child benefit which is only something like £80/month.


    Also if you're finding being a stay at home wife lonely I think in some ways being a stay at home Mum can be even more isolating as you have an even greater sense of responsibility and source of anxiety on a background of your hormones being all over the place! On the one hand there are opportunities for meeting people at baby groups etc. but often it's fairly superficial Mummy-friends.


    How easy is it for you to picture what the reality would be like..? Do you have many friends/family with babies & what support other than your husband would you have?


    I'm coming up towards the end of a year's maternity leave with my first baby. :love:
    & I've enjoyed it but I'm also looking forward to going back to work! Although I'll be dropping down to a 4 day week & the long term plan hopefully as we have more children is to work perhaps 1-3 days per week or even just work around their Dad being home with occasional evenings/weekends.

    I think I would enjoy being home a little longer - but not necessarily without my income as maternity leave is especially fun if you're not penny pinching the whole time! A couple of my new friends this year are planning on staying at home for a while - but with a lot of family support or baby going to nursery 1 day a week to give them a break.

    Childcare is relentless - being back at work will feel like a 'break' sometimes, looking forward to the adult conversation/company & not everything being defined by being 'Mummy'. I'm also lucky enough to really enjoy my job (& logistically - it's very easy to go part time & the pay surpasses childcare costs!) & I think me being happy in that sense will be good for our relationship - making sure we have quality time together (rather than just quantity) and being a positive role model for my daughter (not to say a stay at Mum can't be - but that wouldn't be right for me at this stage).


    Hope some of this might help!
    For the bed rest I was told by the GP that I might need it. I had miscarriage years ago and the reason was unknown plus I have medical issues so she said I might need it. Though it remains to be seen. One of the medical issues might make things difficult to look after a child but I think I'll be fine with a bit of forward planning.

    It sounds like a reaction to the job situation but it has been planned years ago. It's just more of a compromise if one thing doesn't work out. The way my husband and me planned it, we won't have specific time to start a family. We would just know when situation tells us. It seems that the situation is now.

    I would have support from family members and I plan to have maybe a day doing something for myself. Just so I don't feel suffocated or resent my husband for going out when I can't.

    The money thing isn't an issue. Maternity pay would be a lovely addition to the finances but since I've got no job yet and I don't know when I'll get a job if I carry on applying, it would all be unsure.

    Btw congratulations on your baby!


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    (Original post by donutaud15)
    At the moment I prefer impartial advice from strangers. My family and friends are too involved.

    I do have interests and hobbies, I made it clear to my husband that I still intend to do them. I am likely to be in bed rest once I'm pregnant so would have some time for my particular hobby.
    If you want to do that, then go for it. Having a degree has no bearing on the situation that I can see.
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    (Original post by flugelr)
    If you want to do that, then go for it. Having a degree has no bearing on the situation that I can see.
    I've got the comment that the degree is a waste. Wanted to know what people think.

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    (Original post by donutaud15)
    Right I've seen a few threads about this and I need opinions on this particular situation. I will be graduating in July and since November of last year I've been applying for jobs and all I got was rejection after rejection. At this point me and my husband have decided that if I don't get anything by April, we would be trying to start a family. No problem with that except we have agreed a while back that I will stay at home until any children that we have starts school. That's when I'll start my career, whatever that may be. Money is not an issue as he just had a promotion and I won't be claiming any benefits.

    My question here is, how bad would it be that I would have a degree but I am choosing to delay starting my career to be a stay at home wife and mum?

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    Hey,

    Just read your post and felt I had to comment. I have done what you are looking at, I wasn't qualified but had a good job with good prospects for progression. I decided to leave my job until my kids went to school and like you had no financial issues with this due to my husbands job/income. My youngest now goes to school in August so it's time for me to get my butt back out there, I have been studying part time and doing voluntary work while he is at nursery but regardless of what people on here say finding a job with the career gap has been infuriating and difficult. I have decided to go back to uni to study and effectively start again.

    At the end of the day if you were an employer and you could have someone fresh out of uni but with no work experience but all they have learned fresh in their heads would you hire them or someone who graduated 4+ years ago with no work experience and their relevant teaching not fresh in their mind? I know what one I would pick.

    I am sorry if this is harsh but you need to think about this. If your wish for a child is so great that you want it now defo go for that because otherwise you will just wish you had done it all the time but if you are just having a child because you can't find a job I would consider it risky if your career is important to you.

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    (Original post by donutaud15)
    I've got the comment that the degree is a waste. Wanted to know what people think.
    The point of getting a degree is because you want to study something at a higher level. Plently of people don't follow a career related to their degree, that doesn't mean thaty've wasted anything or that they are failures.

    One of the happiest people I've ever met was someone who had done a degree in finance and spent several years working in 'The City' before giving it all up to buy a croft in Lochaber. He went from million dollar deals to (literally) shovelling s***e. He also went from being feeling miserable to feeling fulfilled and happy.

    If you want to stay at home while your kids are young then go for it.
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    (Original post by xmhairix)
    Hey,

    Just read your post and felt I had to comment. I have done what you are looking at, I wasn't qualified but had a good job with good prospects for progression. I decided to leave my job until my kids went to school and like you had no financial issues with this due to my husbands job/income. My youngest now goes to school in August so it's time for me to get my butt back out there, I have been studying part time and doing voluntary work while he is at nursery but regardless of what people on here say finding a job with the career gap has been infuriating and difficult. I have decided to go back to uni to study and effectively start again.

    At the end of the day if you were an employer and you could have someone fresh out of uni but with no work experience but all they have learned fresh in their heads would you hire them or someone who graduated 4+ years ago with no work experience and their relevant teaching not fresh in their mind? I know what one I would pick.

    I am sorry if this is harsh but you need to think about this. If your wish for a child is so great that you want it now defo go for that because otherwise you will just wish you had done it all the time but if you are just having a child because you can't find a job I would consider it risky if your career is important to you.

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    thanks for posting, I appreciate what you have said. As I've mentioned before I would have had a child a while back if we were financially stable so it's something we absolutely want. The career thing, well I have ideas but I'm so uncertain so tbh I don't really which sector I really want to be in. If things are still uncertain for me job wise in few years, I'm hoping to start my own business or do another qualification (whether it's a masters, pgce or something similar) to help me be more employable.

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