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"Once a man hits you once, he'll do it again" do you agree or not? Watch

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    (Original post by EatAndRevise)
    "Real men don't hit women" is a very bold statement to make. Are you saying there is never a time when a man can't hit a woman? If so, I would have to disagree with you. i.e. in self-defense.

    "Once a man hits a woman, he will definitely hit her again." is also a very bold statement to make. I would definitely have to disagree with you on that one.

    I am not talking about self defence or genuine accidents.


    Many men use violence and emotional abuse to control women. Such men think that real men should be tough, powerful and they are entitled to do sex with their partners. The common excuse is alcohol or stress.


    Real men don't hit women if they are stressed or drunk etc*


    Once a man hits a woman, he will definitely hit her again.


    Yes, it is true because women are always easy targets for men. Women are physically weaker than men (please don't give me an example of female bodybuilders or female karate experts etc because such women are very few and far between). Domestic violence is another example of it where men don’t take responsibility for their behaviour and prefer to think that loved ones or circumstances provoked their behaviour.
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    See, this is one of those questions that really get you thinking.
    But before leaving that person, I would consider a few things - such as:

    1. Was it a one off? or did he repeatedly abuse you?
    2. If he had a violent background, as this plays a part in his personality/ tendencies to hit another person
    3. How long have you been together? if the reason was unjustified, (for example, not out of self defense) I probably wouldn't be ready to forgive him.

    I'm not sure if it's true, but I remember reading from somewhere that people who hit others used to be abused in their childhood. I really think there is a limit, and there certainly should be a boundary for these things.
    If he is genuinely sorry and swears not to do it, I would forgive him just once. But there will be no second time.
    It all depends on the person, I can imagine it won't be easy to leave someone especially if you've been together for a long time or some type of fear is holding them back.

    PS. I don't think there should be any physical (or any type of) abuse in a relationship. It doesn't matter if it's a woman or a man who does it, they shouldn't be treated any differently. But majority of the time, it's not acceptable for this to happen. I reckon it's more dependent on the person, whether he will change his ways or not. It's hard to say.
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    (Original post by That_Hijabi)
    What if you're married to them?
    I think that's when you become a little stuck..
    He beat me might just sneak into 'behaviour you can't reasonably be expected to live with'.

    Just because you're married to someone does not mean you shouldn't or couldn't leave if they hit you.
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      Not at all. Do we think once an alcoholic always an alcoholic? Once a drug addict always a drug addict? Once a criminal always a criminal? Of course not. It's unfair to damn someone for life like that.

      The woman may choose to leave, but every situation is different and there's no guarantee he will do it again.
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      (Original post by DiddyDec)
      If you value your safety, you would make the decision to leave.
      Sometimes your safety may be as compromised by leaving, particularly if you have children. You hear quite a few horror stories from lawyers who specialise this sort of thing about women who can't leave because if they did their kids were would be homeless and they know the beater is their protector from even worse violence at the hands of someone else (an ex or their dad usually).

      Also, the emotional aspect, they still love them and think they'll change, even when it's objectively obvious they won't.
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      (Original post by Genocidal)
      Not at all. Do we think once an alcoholic always an alcoholic? Once a drug addict always a drug addict? Once a criminal always a criminal? Of course not. It's unfair to damn someone for life like that.

      The woman may choose to leave, but every situation is different and there's no guarantee he will do it again.
      How can you compare addiction of drugs/alcohol with blues on a woman's face? For God's sake, a woman is human.

      Do you think that after getting punches on faces, a woman will give same respect to man. And what about her own self respect? Clearly, such a relationship has no end unless woman keeps suffering the torture.
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      It depends on the woman. If the woman has no self worth and does not demand or dserve respect he will keep beating her.
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        (Original post by universal_set)
        How can you compare addiction of drugs/alcohol with blues on a woman's face? For God's sake, a woman is human.

        Do you think that after getting punches on faces, a woman will give same respect to man. And what about her own self respect? Clearly, such a relationship has no end unless woman keeps suffering the torture.
        Drugs and alcohol harm others just as much as a physical hit. I'd rather have someone hit me in the face than see a drug addict or alcoholic emotionally destroying his family. Emotional scars are far worse than physical bruises. At least a woman can leave an abusive relationship. It's much harder to leave a son or a brother who is destroying a family with his addictions.
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        Every week two women in this country die at the hands of a violent partner or ex partner.

        Its not a risk worth taking. If he hits you, you walk.
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        I do but then again at the same time I disagree with the statement, personally I wouldn't put up with anyone hitting me, the first time he does it will be the last because I'll be out the house and immediately alert the authorities, you should never put up with an abusive partner.
        Having said that, some people can genuinely change but I would never take back someone who beats me.
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        (Original post by Genocidal)
        Drugs and alcohol harm others just as much as a physical hit. I'd rather have someone hit me in the face than see a drug addict or alcoholic emotionally destroying his family. Emotional scars are far worse than physical bruises. At least a woman can leave an abusive relationship. It's much harder to leave a son or a brother who is destroying a family with his addictions.
        I would have to disagree you assume that the abuse is just violent when in reality it's also usually coupled with emotional abuse. Being beat up by someone that is meant to love you can leave a lot of emotional scars in itself. It can also tear a family apart and emotionally damage children as well from having to watch/hear their mother being beating up. Also it so easy to say that a woman can just leave but I think that the BBC's Murdered by my Boyfriend gives a good insight into why it's not alway as easy as it sounds.
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        (Original post by Genocidal)
        Drugs and alcohol harm others just as much as a physical hit. I'd rather have someone hit me in the face than see a drug addict or alcoholic emotionally destroying his family. Emotional scars are far worse than physical bruises. At least a woman can leave an abusive relationship. It's much harder to leave a son or a brother who is destroying a family with his addictions.

        I agree that drugs/alcohol abuse and addiction is vulnerable to society but the addicts destroy their own lives. For example, if my neighbour is alcoholic and tries to harm me in any way then I can use self defence tactics or ask police to help me or complain to the related authority such as council etc. On the other hand, victims of domestic violence (either men or women) also suffer mentally torture. *I am not talking about male victims. I am talking about women who tolerate this BS everyday in order to save relationship mainly because of their children. Many men will not let women to break off the relationship because of the egoism. Once a man crosses the line in a relationship and becomes violent, then it almost always leads to more violence. And if he doesn't hit her again then he will definitely torture her mentally like through criticism or abusive language etc. He may convince her that he is sorry and he will not do so, but he will. She will offend him again, he will get angry again, he will find a way to put the blame on her. It is a power struggle that he must win to feel dominant. If woman doesn't leave him (due to any reason) then as a result the son will follow his father's footsteps because men are more inclined towards their forefather’s chauvinistic ways.*

        Note: if my brother is taking drugs or he's alcoholic then I won't give a s**t because he's destroying his own life. And I don't care about family's so-called honour.
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        I would leave simple as.
        Even if my partner told me that he wouldn't ever do it again and swore by it I would probably leave,
        It's not always physical abuse but psychological abuse that comes with it and if for one moment he thinks that that stuff will work on me he's wrong,
        I wouldn't want to end up like the girl on 'murdered by my boyfriend', life is too short and it can be hard when you have children but its the best decision in the long run when you find someone who can love and care for you without having to place hands upon you.

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        I know a girl who's only the dear age of 18... She's got a baby with a waster of a guy and he seems to have hit her.... She's back with him again.

        I don't have much sympathy for these people who get into and carry on with these situations... Its dire

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        I've hit a girl, but I was royally inebriated and I did hit about 3 other people that night so I don't think I was distinguishing between genders. Safe to say will not happen again.
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        (Original post by That_Hijabi)
        What I meant is that if you're a married couple, it becomes harder to just simply leave the person than if you were just dating for example. You're much more likely to be emotionally invested in the relationship and just so many other reasons.
        This is very true.

        Speaking from experience, it is rarely ever the case that a person changes, if ever you get beaten by a spouse the likelihood of it happening again is an absolute certainty, in reality if you don't do anything about it all the more it emboldens that person to do more.

        Used to have an ex-wife who loved raising her hands and silly me I used to make excuses for her.
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        (Original post by Alfissti)
        This is very true.

        Speaking from experience, it is rarely ever the case that a person changes, if ever you get beaten by a spouse the likelihood of it happening again is an absolute certainty, in reality if you don't do anything about it all the more it emboldens that person to do more.

        Used to have an ex-wife who loved raising her hands and silly me I used to make excuses for her.
        I'm very sorry to hear that. What was the final straw for you during the time? What were the excuses you made for her?
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        I wouldn't wait around to find out.
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        There's no excuse for hitting a women. Seriously though, you don't need to think about all this if you've never even been in relationship. Don't worry about stuff unless it actually happens. Life should be for enjoyment. Don't spend it worrying!

        On the actual question I'd say if a man hits a woman he's pretty likely to do it again.
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        I disagree.
       
       
       
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