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He calls me fat, withholds sex and affection... Watch

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    (Original post by BarBaBaBaBarBaBaBa)
    ...
    This ^

    OP's life is in danger. And no matter what, us humans should care for our lives more than anything else. He is abusing her day and night. He's calling her names and ridiculing her physical characteristics. The only thing that's left for him to do, is to hurt her physically. She needs to stand up for herself. There's a limit to an individuals love towards an abuser and patience.
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    That's full blown abuse.

    You need to break out of the thinking that you need his approval to begin with, or else you will keep trying to be more and more perfect, even though he is clearly the issue (I don't even always take the woman's side either)
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    (Original post by Mystery Me)
    This ^

    OP's life is in danger. And no matter what, us humans should care for our lives more than anything else. He is abusing her day and night. He's calling her names and ridiculing her physical characteristics. The only thing that's left for him to do, is to hurt her physically. She needs to stand up for herself. There's a limit to an individuals love towards an abuser and patience.
    Thank you. I agree with what you say also.

    The last thing this woman needs is to be told that it's her fault and she needs to lose weight. On the other hand, she needs to be strong enough to realise that this could essentially kill her. She needs to leave him, and leave him now.
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    You need to get rid of him and never look back. Tell him that he is dumped. You are deserving of a man's love but this guy does NOT deserve you. If you keep going back to him, things will only get worse. This is how these *******s work, they gnaw at your self-esteem so that you won't leave them and they can just keep on bullying you.

    There was actually a section of This Morning on today which dealt with domestic / emotional abuse in relationships where a few women phoned in under false names for advice on their situations. You might be able to catch it on ITV iplayer.

    Also I'm sure there will be online or phone advice on this sort of thing.

    Good luck
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    (Original post by BarBaBaBaBarBaBaBa)
    I disagree. It's not always about low self-esteem. True, the women who are being abused are usually those with low self-esteem but this is because they are easier to prey on and have control over by their partner. They don't stay in the relationship because of their low self-esteem, rather they do because they constantly believe that this person will one day change. But truth hurts and that will never happen.

    I know it's easier said than done, but at the end of the day this is the only advice we can give. That's the only real answer there is out there: end it, because nothing else will solve the problem. The OP's partner clearly doesn't love her enough to change, because if he did, then he wouldn't be treating her like this in the first place. If the OP wanted to hear something else, then she shouldn't have posted on here at all. But this is the reality of things, whether she likes it or not.

    You may also think your abuser "loves" you, and that's why you stay with him, but at the end of the day that's not what true love is and you can only be with someone who truly loves you once you get rid of the abusive partners who only say they do.
    Yes I agree with you, but hoping your partner will change is not always the reason people stay in such relationships. Reading through the OP, it is obvious she suffers from low self-esteem; she believes she's not worthy of a man's love. People who feel this way would rather stay in an unhappy relationship than face the prospect of being lonely for the rest of their lives. Self-esteem play a huge part in this; I know because I have experienced it first hand, as well as seeing several friends go through it.
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    You need to watch Murdered By My Boyfriend on BBC I player.

    Really hope you manage to leave him; good luck! X


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    Leave him! Run away as far as you can, wot's wrong wid u gurl.
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    (Original post by Mystery Me)
    I really don't understand why you women feel the need to stay with guys who clearly abuse you and ignore guys who would treat you with respect. If you keep going back to him, you're going to suffer. It's going to turn nasty. So, if you want to save yourself, leave him. And go for that guy who you definitely must've ignored when he was being nice to you.
    It really isn't as black and white as women just staying with abusive partners and ignoring "nice guys". In fact if you were a nice guy you would have read this and offered some actual advice instead of making a weak argument in favour of you getting a girlfriend. So transparent. SO tedious. Put your fedora away and rethink your approach.

    Anyway, OP you know what you need to do, you just need the strength to do it. You must try and end this now before you wake up in 10 years and realise that you are still no better off than you were before. Change your number, email, block him on social media and then i would look into getting some counselling for your self esteem as it sounds like it is at rock bottom right now. He will never treat you well, he will never make you feel good about yourself and you will never respect or trust him. Please find the courage to make a break and start a fresh.
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    (Original post by Trigger)
    It really isn't as black and white as women just staying with abusive partners and ignoring "nice guys". In fact if you were a nice guy you would have read this and offered some actual advice instead of making a weak argument in favour of you getting a girlfriend. So transparent. SO tedious. Put your fedora away and rethink your approach.
    Wtf? When did i claim that i'm a nice guy? Why are you attacking me personally? Have i said anything abusive? Why would i try a get GF over here when i'm already seeing a girl? Learn to respect people's opinion's, you poor Kid.
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    Please leave this relationship. He is being abusive towards you.

    He has no right to treat you poorly. If he loves you then he would treat you with love, care and respect.

    Don't blame yourself. He is to blame for his behaviour. He is the bully, not you.

    Also, speak to Jo from AVA in TSR relationships section.
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    (Original post by Mystery Me)
    Wtf? When did i claim that i'm a nice guy? Why are you attacking me personally? Have i said anything abusive? Why would i try a get GF over here when i'm already seeing a girl? Learn to respect people's opinion's, you poor Kid.
    Poor kid? Really?

    If you can't see why what you said is actually pretty offensive (blaming women for staying in abusive relationships because they didnt pay attention to another man is utter crap, just saying) then what is there to say? I am "attacking" you personally because you said it
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    (Original post by CC2010)
    You need to watch Murdered By My Boyfriend on BBC I player.

    Really hope you manage to leave him; good luck! X


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    I agree!
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    He honestly isn't worth your time, especially as he serves you no happiness. Get out now before it gets any worse. There are a million other guys out there who would treat you with the upmost respect.


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    (Original post by Trigger)
    Poor kid? Really?

    If you can't see why what you said is actually pretty offensive (blaming women for staying in abusive relationships because they didnt pay attention to another man is utter crap, just saying) then what is there to say? I am "attacking" you personally because you said it
    I did not blame women. I cannot stress this enough. If you want to attack me personally, then go ahead. That's what kids do when they cannot argue with people maturely. All, i said was:

    "I really don't understand why you women feel the need to stay with guys who clearly abuse you and ignore guys who would treat you with respect",

    Meaning: I think you deserve more. I don't understand why you're hurting yourself by staying in this abusive relationship.


    P.S: OP has a choice. She can choose not to follow my opinion. But you don't have the right to attack me personally, when not even a single word against women has been uttered by me. Your argument's reek of feminism too. So i wouldn't argue with kids like you anymore and waste my time. Good bye.
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    (Original post by I love shopping)
    Yes I agree with you, but hoping your partner will change is not always the reason people stay in such relationships. Reading through the OP, it is obvious she suffers from low self-esteem; she believes she's not worthy of a man's love. People who feel this way would rather stay in an unhappy relationship than face the prospect of being lonely for the rest of their lives. Self-esteem play a huge part in this; I know because I have experienced it first hand, as well as seeing several friends go through it.
    Alright, well in that case say self-esteem is the cause in only some cases, not all. Because I can tell you for a fact, from my experience, that even the most confident girls can go through this.
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    (Original post by Mystery Me)
    I did not blame women. I cannot stress this enough. If you want to attack me personally, then go ahead. That's what kids do when they cannot argue with people maturely. All, i said was:

    "I really don't understand why you women feel the need to stay with guys who clearly abuse you and ignore guys who would treat you with respect",

    Meaning: I think you deserve more. I don't understand why you're hurting yourself by staying in this abusive relationship.


    P.S: OP has a choice. She can choose not to follow my opinion. But you don't have the right to attack me personally, when not even a single word against women has been uttered by me. Your argument's reek of feminism too. So i wouldn't argue with kids like you anymore and waste my time. Good bye.
    This is the most confused post i have read in a while. You say you dont blame women, then reiterate the phrase "you women" then proclaim again you are not being offensive and then rightfully accuse me of being a scary feminist. Jog on
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    (Original post by BarBaBaBaBarBaBaBa)
    I never really got that. As a woman if my man were to start treating me like dirt I'd leave him in the blink of an eye.
    Everyone says that in theory, but in practise sadly people tend to be far less rational.

    (Original post by Mystery Me)
    I really don't understand why you women feel the need to stay with guys who clearly abuse you and ignore guys who would treat you with respect. If you keep going back to him, you're going to suffer. It's going to turn nasty. So, if you want to save yourself, leave him. And go for that guy who you definitely must've ignored when he was being nice to you.
    Really? I wouldn't say I'm great at emphathising, but she makes it pretty clear why she's stayed with him, she's lonely, she has low self esteem, she blames herself and she has an emotional attraction.

    It's rubbish that she "definitely" ignored some "nice guy". I've been really attracted to a few girls, and they've all been conventionally above average looking. The best looking girls have loads of guys after them, I doubt you'd deny that- logically it must be true the least attractive girls have no guys after them (not saying the OP is unattractive, obviously I don't know). "2/3 of male messages go to the top 1/3 of women."-http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/
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    When you say witholding sex do you mean he actually refuses to have sex with you just to annoy you maybe he just doesn't want to. I would say that your problem is typical of abusive relationships you have become accostemed to his behaviour and reliant on him as whenever you leave him you become lonely. Maybe you should think about pursuing other guys and making female friends which may give you the confidence to eventually leave him. He obviosly deep down wants to be with you when he pesters you to see him. But is obviously a bully and puts you down deliberatly to lower your self-esteem, enabling him to have more control over you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have been in an on/off tempestuous relationship for 4 years. The reason it is a rocky relationship is due to his anger, although he blames me for making him angry, and I have to admit sometimes I do think its my fault. He has a tendency to shout, although he says he is simply 'raising his voice', and he does this to his parents and me.

    It is things like, if I get a crumb on the floor, don't wear the clothes he likes, don't put something in the bin or drawer the minute I'm finished with it...he goes crazy and starts shouting at me, telling me that 'he shouldn't have to tell me twice' he will regularly swear at me in public, and tell me off if I do something 'wrong'. I have never had real relationship except him and I honestly believe that I am irritating and would get on anyones nerve. But then it changed, and he started to call me fat and make comments about my body, giving me looks like I am something truly repulsive. I am a small size 10, but he would say that my legs were huge like a ham and that my love handles were horrible.

    When I was doing my third year dissertation this year, I distanced myself from him and didn't go visit him (he lives 2.5 hours away and doesn't visit me). During this time he would keep messaging me asking me to go over. He said things like 'no girl is worth what you are' and 'I don't care what you have done. I want you to come see me'. I ignored it until lonliness got the better of me. I don't have many friends and now uni is over I have just been stuck in my house with a suffocating family.

    I went back to see , and I'm ashamed to say that I was needy for intimacy and I thought he could give it to me, but he is worse than he ever was. Although he appears nice to me when his friends are there, in private its a different story. He never hugs me, holds my hand, kisses me, or says that he loves me. I feel something I have never felt before, which is neglect in affection. He withholds sex, but would gleefully tell me about his masturbatory sessions. When we did once have sex, he would not kiss me or even acknowledge me, and when I said 'I love you' in the heat of the moment, he made me feel terrible and embarrassed about it the next morning, I have never felt so ashamed. We would watch tv and he would say 'why don't you look like her?' I feel like if I became thin and hot, I would have a boyfriend who gave me affection and wanted to be with me. Even though my brain tells me that average looking girls can get love just as much as pretty ones, there is something inside me that tells me that maybe I am just not deserving of a mans love, like I am nothing.

    If I left again, I know he would message me and I would end up going back. Or I would become so lonely and go back anyway, as being virtually friendless has caused me to think its better to be in an unhappy relationship that just be alone. Does anyone have any advice, or is there anyone I can talk to who has experienced something similar
    break up with him obviously.
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    (Original post by BarBaBaBaBarBaBaBa)
    Still wrong. If she lost the weight it would make no difference in his behaviour at all. So not only is this not the most paramount concern, but it's a pretty non-existant one.
    I was approaching from a health perspective rather than a placate boyfriend perspective..

    (Original post by donutaud15)
    If you don't want to say what everyone else have said then don't reply. But saying she might need to lose weight doesn't help someone whose clearly in an abusive and manipulative relationship. For one she hasn't said she's big. She said her boyfriend compares her to women on TV. For all we know she's perfectly normal in weight and advising her to lose some can just lead to a whole set of problems.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Yes, you are right it is always best to just say what everyone else has already said. Shall i save myself self time and just plagiarize them or take a little more time and paraphrase?

    (Original post by qwertyking)
    Please stop giving people advice.

    Posted from TSR Mobile


    (Original post by Ronove)
    She clearly doesn't really think she's overweight, given that she says she's a small size 10.
    Hmm... She may be fine, then again maybe not. It's possible her b/f is calling her fat when she in fact is not, but given he has many other areas to attack it seems odd to pick the one that would be wholly untrue?

    As an addendum: women are usually pretty bad when it comes to obesity and less commonly anorexia and gauging what a normal body weight is. It may have even started with OP telling her b/f she's fat and then him using it against her. Either way weight is attitude towards weight is still an issue..
 
 
 
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