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How would you react if your gf/bf confessed to being sexually abused as a child? Watch

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    To be very blunt.....

    If your unable to have sex due to previous abuse, that individual need counselling. I'm not being harsh, but I had a GF who 2 weeks into having sex started all of a sudden crying during sex and then left me there thinking wtf....

    Turned out she was abused and it took a while to kick in the "flashbacks" for lack of a better phrase.

    Be supportive, but if they don't do anything to improve the situation themselves by going to counselling they are 'never' going to get better.
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    I'd try to be supportive and non-prejudicial and ask if she wants to talk about it. Also to encourage her to report the incident to the police/NSPCC.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It has become an issue. I have largely downplayed and omitted the issue in my oP( I tried to present it as a hypothetical situation but kind of failed at this). We've been together for almost 6 months and I guess that might not be considered to be that long...
    okay then my comment was less valid sorry... from your OP I assumed you'd been together a couple of months and he was starting to get a little impatient... for me, 6 months is long enough to be fairly committed to a person, obviously you know your relationship and how comfortable you would feel but one thing I would say is that if sex has become such an issue it might be your partner already has suspicions about why that might be
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    okay then my comment was less valid sorry... from your OP I assumed you'd been together a couple of months and he was starting to get a little impatient... for me, 6 months is long enough to be fairly committed to a person, obviously you know your relationship and how comfortable you would feel but one thing I would say is that if sex has become such an issue it might be your partner already has suspicions about why that might be
    Hehe. It's alright. I didn't do a good job of explaining my situation.
    I definitely feel very comfortable in this relationship. The mere fact that I'm considering telling him and not just quickly breaking up with him (this is what I did in the past 2 relationships I've had) to spare both of us the trouble has made me realise just how much I love him. The thing is even though he tells me he loves me and his behaviour and all is consistent with this on an emotional level I have this fear that he may not love me all that much. I know it's unreasonable and I'm rapidly moving away from this train of thought.

    Sorry I'm just blabbering now.
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    (Original post by DanB1991)
    To be very blunt.....

    If your unable to have sex due to previous abuse, that individual need counselling. I'm not being harsh, but I had a GF who 2 weeks into having sex started all of a sudden crying during sex and then left me there thinking wtf....

    Turned out she was abused and it took a while to kick in the "flashbacks" for lack of a better phrase.

    Be supportive, but if they don't do anything to improve the situation themselves by going to counselling they are 'never' going to get better.
    it does depend a lot on the individual, and try not to be judgemental, your partner may have thought she was 'over it' until she was placed in a situation that was very difficult, also for a lot of people even after they have dealt with their own feelings it will take some time and 'relearning' to feel comfortable with sexual situations, it is likely someone who's been abused will be terrified the first time they begin a sexual relationship even if they have had years of therapy because doing something in practice and suddenly putting that huge amount of trust in someone is a massive step and sometimes that step may be a massive part of what they need to learn that sex can be fullfilling and enjoyable, that they can find a respectful partner and to be a relationship which is generally positive and supportive

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hehe. It's alright. I didn't do a good job of explaining my situation.
    I definitely feel very comfortable in this relationship. The mere fact that I'm considering telling him and not just quickly breaking up with him (this is what I did in the past 2 relationships I've had) to spare both of us the trouble has made me realise just how much I love him. The thing is even though he tells me he loves me and his behaviour and all is consistent with this on an emotional level I have this fear that he may not love me all that much. I know it's unreasonable and I'm rapidly moving away from this train of thought.

    Sorry I'm just blabbering now.
    no it's 100% not unreasonable, my situation was probably nowhere near as serious as yours but I was petrified to tell my partner what happened to me, we'd been together nearly a year and I was convinced he loved me and I knew all the logic that it wasn't my fault and he wouldn't judge me or run away if he was worth anything... but taking that step is HUGE, especially if it is the first (or close to the first) time as being knocked back after such a big risk would be horrible... I would say good luck, at the end of the day you want to make a go of this and this is the only way, if he has supported you for the last 6 months without getting anywhere I'd imagine he's not too desparate to get away, you will feel a million times better once it's done and you don't have this big looming secret which at some point you'll have to tell
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    it does depend a lot on the individual, and try not to be judgemental, your partner may have thought she was 'over it' until she was placed in a situation that was very difficult, also for a lot of people even after they have dealt with their own feelings it will take some time and 'relearning' to feel comfortable with sexual situations, it is likely someone who's been abused will be terrified the first time they begin a sexual relationship even if they have had years of therapy because doing something in practice and suddenly putting that huge amount of trust in someone is a massive step and sometimes that step may be a massive part of what they need to learn that sex can be fullfilling and enjoyable, that they can find a respectful partner and to be a relationship which is generally positive and supportive
    Oh I get everyone is difference, but the whole problem of using time by itself to heal such things, more often or not the situation never improves. Getting help is the first step and not getting counselling is quite honestly not fair on the persons partner.
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    Give the person a hug
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    (Original post by DanB1991)
    Oh I get everyone is difference, but the whole problem of using time by itself to heal such things, more often or not the situation never improves. Getting help is the first step and not getting counselling is quite honestly not fair on the persons partner.
    I agree, you need to be in a place where a relationship is possible and the person is not going to become a carer... and I agree time rarely makes things okay, but being in a relationship where you can really trust someone and explore sex at your own pace in a safe space can do, obviously you have to be in a good enough place for that as otherwise you get a situation like you experience which isn't fair on your partner
 
 
 
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