my boss cheated on his wife with me and I can't stop thinking about him

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You're a teenager and you've fallen for the older guy with the gift of the gab and the mature charm. You weren't the first and you won't be the last.
Just remember, you weren't the one who made vows and promised loyalty to his wife, that was all on him. If he has cheated many times before then she knows about it and chooses to stay, no one is that dense.
it's a lesson learned and you need to move on. Also, you do realise that you now deserve to have it happen to you don't you? You can never complain when some silly young girl comes along and catches your mans eye.
These things have a way of going full circle.
the only winnr here is the Rsoul who is getting all this willing company.
Never mind he won't go to heaven! :eek:

Reply 41

joker12345

Original post by trustmeimlying1

Rikus back :biggrin:

Yeh I agree.Men are painted as the cheaters in society when in reality it takes two to tango...The person whos single is just as much in the wrong.

I dont agree with using the word slut.But yeh you shouldnt go after married men/women.Yeh its poor form on her part.

Women are usually blamed for everything actually, either slut or homewrecker.
Either way, it's him that made a promise to his wife, it's up to him to keep it in his pants.

Reply 42

joker12345

Original post by Cobbler

Also, you do realise that you now deserve to have it happen to you don't you? You can never complain when some silly young girl comes along and catches your mans eye.
These things have a way of going full circle.
the only winnr here is the Rsoul who is getting all this willing company.
Never mind he won't go to heaven! :eek:

No, HE deserves it to happen to him. He cheated, so karmically he could 'deserve' to be cheated on. If she's always been faithful to get partners and is really loyal, why does she deserve it?
Plus, I really dislike your wording, the young girl comes along, as if he were seduced. He made a decision to disregard his vows to his wife.

Reply 43

trustmeimlying1

Original post by joker12345

Women are usually blamed for everything actually, either slut or homewrecker.
Either way, it's him that made a promise to his wife, it's up to him to keep it in his pants.

I dont agree with the word slut.Its actually women who push that word so hard not men.
Well she is a homewrecker if she cheats...
Anyhow I mean men are always seen as the people more likely to cheat..even tho its two people.
Either way its both their faults.No fecking excuse whether youre married or not.simple as.
It works both ways.if married woman cheats its the same story.the single man is just as bad.

Reply 44

Cobbler

Original post by joker12345

Way to cherry pick parts of a persons responce! Why didn't you quote the beginning of my responce where I basically say the same thing that you just did? That the married guy is the one who cheated and not the single girl.
thing is, if you go for a married guy and disregard his wife and kids (yes you do as well as him) then you deserve to have the same thing happen to you.
that's Karma.

Reply 45

joker12345

Original post by trustmeimlying1

But that's the point - the girl's the slut if she cheats and homewrecker if a guy cheats with her, a guy doesnt get either of those terms (I get that you don't use it, I mean societally)
No, it's often one person who cheats - the person in a relationship, It could well be that men are more likely to, I'd have to look at statistics.
Well I'd say it matters a lot whether you're married or not. If you're married you made vows to someone and should keep them. If not, you made no such promises.
If a married woman cheats, well she cheated and is the bad person. The single man is not at fault. SHE is at fault and should take responsibility.

Reply 46

joker12345

Original post by Cobbler

Well I could have quoted the whole thing and agreed with the beginning bit, I just really disagreed with you saying she deserved to be cheated on, because she didn't cheat, so surely only cheaters deserve to be cheated on. Well, we don't actually know who went for who, the way she presents it makes it sound like he chased her. It was up to him to regard his wife and kids.

Reply 47

trustmeimlying1

Original post by joker12345

Maybe.But what about the lads who never intend on cheating.theres this constant crap going round that yeh have to watch the husbands...I dont care who cheats more...my point both the person who cheats and the other person involved are as bad.hence it shoudnt be a man blaming thing where some people think we cant be left alone with an attractive woman for two mins.
ofc women shouldnt be called sluts either etc.
I disagree.if people fecking saw both as bad maybe it wouldnt happen as often.

Reply 48

joker12345

Original post by trustmeimlying1

If they don't cheat, they don't cheat. If they do then whether they intended to isn't really relevant.
As o said, it SHOULDNT be anything to do with genders, I'm not making it a gendered issue. The person who cheats, male or female, did the bad thing. If both parties were in relationships they both cheated. If only was one, then only they cheated.
Not really. I mean, I'd rather my partner cheated on me and I found out than him hitting on attractive girls and them rejecting him, hence no cheating. Would you be cool with it if your wife was about to have sex with another man but he decided it was wrong?
My point being, it's all about the intentions of the committed party.

Reply 49

trustmeimlying1

Original post by joker12345

It is about gender tho...just like women shouldnt be called shut..men shouldnt be seen as the likely ones to be cheating all the time.
I think we have to be realistic here.Marriages are tough.Its likely some people are least contemplate cheating...but many dont go through with it.and the marriage goes on and can even work.sometimes a rejection can put it into focus and make them realise.if they really want out of their relationship then grand theyll get out at some stage..when someone eventually has an affair with them.
but theres still a large proportion of cheaters that might get attached to one or two people and if they reject them they wont move on.its easier to get over an attempted cheat than an actual one.

Sure id prefer to know the truth.always.but...gotta be realistic when talking about marriage.if it was seen as bad to cheat for both the commited and uncommited person maybe it wouldnt happen as much and people wont see it as a viable option as much.furthermore people may see marriage as more serious and take their time before going into one.probably make them put more effort into their marriage etc.
so yeh I do think itd be a good thing.besides it always will be in my eyes.you shouldnt hook up with a married person.end of.

Reply 50

Anonymous #1

OP here, just read all the responses, as soon as I posted this I regretted it and shied away from it. I totally understand/agree with the very harsh comments, but to the 2 people who said I was selfish/had no remorse for the wife, you are completely wrong, that's what I meant when I said I felt guilty (which I did say several times... in the first sentence! what else could I mean that feeling guilty for his wife?). I feel absolutely horrible for her! Thank you all also for the nice, supportive comments. I really appreciate them all even though I haven't replied personally. I feel as thought I couldn't reply to 1 without replying to them all and I don't feel like arguing/debating, so....

I know he cheated before because there were rumours at work and I asked him if they were true, he told me they were. I get the feeling his wife may know/suspect he's cheated, just because of a couple of things he's said about her, but I haven't asked... I might do, actually, it'd be interesting to know. I kind of hope she doesn't.. from what I've seen of her she seems so lovely, happy and sweet.

And as for people asking who came onto who, he came onto me and was inappropriately close with me from when I started etc but he is like that to some degree to every young pretty girl that works there, some more than others (me more than others I guess) the difference is I liked it, so I encouraged it/let it happen/go further knowing he had a wife, so no one is really worse there. my ex before this (the one I mentioned in OP) cheated on me and was cheating on me for like a year with his best friend and then with a girl that he worked with and it was so heartbreaking... so yeah... not sure if that's had an affect on the way I'm acting, but I just feel quite numb/emotionally distant from it at the moment.

I haven't seen him that much since it happened but he still acts the same way with me, flirty and touchy feely and stuff.

As for the whole societal 'who's worse' debate, we did have a chat about that. pretty much everyone at work knows he's a serial cheater but most people still regard him as the lovable charming sweet boss. a lot of the people that work there have cheated/are cheaters, not sure if it's something about the line of work?! it's weird. I know a few people who think he's a dirtbag though, ha. but yeah... I'm sure I wouldn't still be seen as innocent me if people knew (deservedly so)

it's so hard to say no, especially once you've already done it once. but nothing else has really happened since. I still can't stop thinking about him really! we'll see how it goes.

bleh

Reply 51

Anonymous #2

Oh people, get a grip. Let's not pretend that husbands/wives cheating isn't commonplace.

OP, it takes time. It may sting when you hear something about him and his wife from time to time, but you just have to wait it out :smile: