Do relationships work if the girl is highly educated compared to the guy? Watch

Snugglebunny
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#41
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#41
(Original post by pickup)
Of course it will be difficult for him to understand what you have to do for your course if it's outside his range of experience. I do think it's possible for relationships which appear to be unequal from outside , to work but only if there is mutual respect for the other's opinions.

It isn't important that one wants to have a well paid job and the other doesn't. Plenty of well paid jobs are not as rewarding or valuable to society as poorly paid jobs, or unpaid jobs, for that matter.

What is worrying about this relationship is his refusal to listen and understand, his jealousy, his disregard for your well being etc.

It is very important that you have a supportive partner in life and it doesn't look as though he is going to be that man for you if at this early stage he is already complaining. What will happen when you have to cope with family emergencies? What will happen when you have to go to a conference ?
This is what upsets me most, his lack of understanding, and in a way i don't blame him for not experiencing this, but just wish he tried to put himself my shoes. Looks like i have to really rethink this relationship
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scotttb
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(Original post by Snugglebunny)
i don't even have time to pee!
You have enough time to post threads asking if you should find a boyfriend who is worthy.
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HeavyTeddy
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#43
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Tbf, you've made it very clear that you think you're better than him. I also dislike the assumption that because of his career choice people are assuming that he isn't intelligent enough to do anything else. It's arrogant. His jealousy is an issue, but tbh, it's not entirely absurd to think one would be jealous given the circumstances (that he doesn't see you often and that you're a fresher).
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username728604
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(Original post by HeavyTeddy)
Tbf, you've made it very clear that you think you're better than him. I also dislike the assumption that because of his career choice people are assuming that he isn't intelligent enough to do anything else. It's arrogant. His jealousy is an issue, but tbh, it's not entirely absurd to think one would be jealous given the circumstances (that he doesn't see you often and that you're a fresher).
This.

OP I don't think it has anything to do with him not 'getting' what you do. He's just insecure and he doesn't trust that you're doing what you say you are. He probably senses your superiority complex and thinks you'll leave him for someone 'better'. After seeing your attitude here, can't say I blame him tbh.
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emilyb96
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(Original post by sbj)
Miss highly educated,

you didn't answer my question. I asked you in which areas you have an expert level of knowledge. Maybe you should think about again what highly educated means.

Having a degree of your studies tells nothing about your intellect because this is what you study. The important part is outside of your studies you have knowledge about and then you can call yourself highly educated.
Your first class honours degree isn't impressive, 15% reach it.

Your intellect is normal, nothing above average.

But yes, you have a higher intellect than your boyfriend and your level of ambitions are different. There I agree with you. But you are putting yourself in a position which makes you look down on people. The problem is, if you loved your boyfriend, you wouldn't do this to him. No matter what kind of intellects you have. The problem is you. You already know that you can't be thoroughly happy with this guy and you search for reasons why it won't work.

Stop thinking that you are highly educated, you are not, and tell the truth about your feelings and thoughts to your boyfriend.
Wish him the best in his life and move on.
No offence, but you clearly have no concept of "average" if the top 15% of graduates (who make up the top however many percent of the population) are "nothing above average". By definition, being in the top 49% makes you above average...
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emilyb96
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OP- I don't think your problem is a difference in intellect. I think that can cause tensions in relationships, but I think it is beside the point here.

Your problem is that your boyfriend thinks you're cheating on him when you're studying... That is not a sign of a healthy relationship. Also, as others have said, you also come across as thinking you are much better than he is. Again, red flag. Plus, simply the fact you wrote this suggests you aren't very happy in the relationship and are considering ending it. Bad combination...

My guess would be this relationship won't last, unless quite a lot of things change, some of which are you, and some of which are him. And I would gamble that that probably won't happen.
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WeedCanKill
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Question is, are you cheating on him?
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donutaud15
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He doesn't trust you and you think you're better than him. That won't work unless something changes. I'd end it if I were you.

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Commercial Paper
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OP, the harsh reality is when you're as ambitious as yourself, sometimes you just have to sacrifice relationships and take the hit to achieve what you want.

It's really hard if the person you're with just doesn't understand what you do/why you're doing it/long hours etc. Have had the same experience myself - letting go was the biggest relief ever.

That's not to say you can't have relationships, but try and find some mutual understanding - manage the expectations; tell him as it is - I won't be able to see you properly until Christmas Day - if that is the reality.

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Chillaxer
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No, because girls are hypergamous, much better the other way round.
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LavenderBlueSky88
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#51
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I don't think education levels have as much to do with it as motivation and ambition. For example, my boyfriend left school at 16, did a BTEC (not a levels) and doesn't have a degree. Whereas I followed the traditional route of 3 a levels and uni, and have gone on to do another degree. However, my boyfriend is incredibly ambitious and intelligent despite what it says on paper, he has started his own company and works 12-14 hours a day.. Every day. Whereas I'm not exactly ambitious, I would rather have a job I enjoy, I'm not so fussed about the wage.

I'd hope we'd equal out in terms of income in a few years, I do think a massive disparity could cause problems.
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Gwilym101
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#52
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Relationships can work if the woman is more educated/driven than the man. Of course they can.

This relationship... the guy sounds like a jealous prat.
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LostGear
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I just can't see how this relationship would take off when there ARE so many issues! My advice to you is to end it and save yourself, and your bf, the anguish of trying to save what looks like a relationship that will fail sooner or later.
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sbj
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(Original post by emilyb96)
No offence, but you clearly have no concept of "average" if the top 15% of graduates (who make up the top however many percent of the population) are "nothing above average". By definition, being in the top 49% makes you above average...
You clearly have no concept of "understanding".

By definition, yes, she is above average relating to being a good student. This has something to do with effort.

However, her INTELLECT has nothing to do with this. She is not above average well-cultured.

I hate it to meet people, who think because of they had good marks at school/university, they think that they are intellectual/highly educated. YOU ARE NOT.

In which areas do these people have an expert level of knowledge? Music? Literature? Programming? Languages? 13th century history? Entomology? Craftsmanship in building electronic devices or boats? What?

A cheap diploma of your studies is not a value which says that you are highly educated. So what? These days everybody gets a diploma.
What makes you highly educated is that you have profession in many areas.

So you should understand what I wrote. Don't mix up two different things.

No offence, I had a rough day today, my words could be a bit harsh.
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Guy Secretan
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A dentist isn't really that much better than a waiter imo.
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genomaniac
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(Original post by Guy Secretan)
A dentist isn't really that much better than a waiter imo.
One serves the food, one sorts out the mess when people don't brush properly.
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emilyb96
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(Original post by sbj)
You clearly have no concept of "understanding".

Understanding what, sorry?

By definition, yes, she is above average relating to being a good student. This has something to do with effort.

However, her INTELLECT has nothing to do with this. She is not above average well-cultured.

a) How do you know how cultured she is? Have you had long conversations with her, exploring her attitude to different philosophical concepts? and b) Could you provide a source telling me what the "average well-cultured" implies? Are we on a Darcyesque understanding of "accomplished"? A platonian concept of well educated?

I hate it to meet people, who think because of they had good marks at school/university, they think that they are intellectual/highly educated. YOU ARE NOT.

Have you met every uni graduate? How do you know this applies to all of them? Stop making insulting generalisations. They do not help your argument.

In which areas do these people have an expert level of knowledge? Music? Literature? Programming? Languages? 13th century history? Entomology? Craftsmanship in building electronic devices or boats? What?

A cheap diploma of your studies is not a value which says that you are highly educated. So what? These days everybody gets a diploma.
What makes you highly educated is that you have profession in many areas.

Certainly a degree, and even a good degree do not necessarily correlate to wide general culture, or to higher degree standards of expertise. (Incidentally, you seem to swap between these in terms of what you think being highly educated is... Which are we actually discussing?) Someone who has a BA is probably less expert in their field than someone who has a Phd, or a professor who has been doing research for fifty years. However, higher education is exactly that, higher education. Ie. gaining further education into what you study than someone who does not study it. OP has not made claims to being a world expert in dentistry, merely to being "highly educated compared to [her boyfriend]". Compared to her boyfriend, who does not have the samefurther education diplomas she has, she is indeed highly educated.

So you should understand what I wrote. Don't mix up two different things.

I'm still not entirely certain of your point of view. As far as I can tell, you define being highly educated as having a wide and expert knowledge of everything, and are harrassing the OP for not being this.

No offence, I had a rough day today, my words could be a bit harsh.
​None taken
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Anonymous #1
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I'm thinking about ending a 4 year relationship with my boyfriend... and this may be the root of it. He's only done his GCSEs, don't get me wrong, his general knowledge is great, and he definitely isn't stupid. But he's 36 and works in a shop and I'm doing MSc and lately we just don't have things in common anymore. I met him whilst I was doing my undergrad while I was happy to mess around. But right now, I've become totally career focussed and we can't talk about things I'm interested in as he'll zone out and so things are becoming increasingly superficial. He has also at times felt emasculated and said he's happy to be a kept man,

Now, it depends on you. Do you care if you won't be able to explain or thesis to him or have in depth conversations about something you're passionate about? I don't mean for this to sound geeky, but at least for me this is true... I've found the higher up I've gone (in terms of studies) I've become more serious about my studies and it gets to a point (for me it was my MSc) that it really does take up a lot of your time, and if it's something you are keen about you do end up going out in circles that are equally interested in those subjects eg. colleagues and course mates. And my bf ends up totally left out, or unable to match the level of conversation.
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