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Im 19 and my mother still hits me. HELP ME watch

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    Chinese culture is ridiculous, we have all these superstitutions
    If you have a rash, mango is bad because it stirs up some inner fire thing
    Periods, can't have any cold/frigerated food
    Can't speak about any super bad consequences because it's like cursing yourself
    The parents are so contradictive it's a joke.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6HP2escR3qQ
    This youtube vid, I kid you not is exactly what it's like in a Chinese household, every little bit of it. My mum has actually done/said all of that stuff to me.
    • #1
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    That wont help me
    (Original post by The_Internet)
    It's easy to say that. Imo it's a bit of a "Western" view that people can just "escape" like that...

    In a way, regardless of the OP's cultural background, I reckon these guys will be able to help:

    http://www.karmanirvana.org.uk/

    It's more focusing on those who's parents might be Asian, but they're still quite helpful I think for any one else
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That wont help me
    Why not? Theyre entirely anonymous?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    T



    Thank you so much. Your advice made me feel better i was crying earlier but you motivated me

    Is it bad that Im praying for a man to come into my life and show me unconditional love? No pain, just true love. I've never had an older male figure in my life and all i want is someone to just love me like crazy, get married to them and live happily with my own family with no beatings and pain. But im just scared that i'll jump into marriage just so i can escape this and nothing else.
    Oo.. Result of your past. Therapy is necessary after this post. Please consider this!


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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    But im almost 20!!!! I dont desrve this

    Read my above posts. Talking to her wont work at all.
    (Original post by NomadicBelle)
    Lol! It's so normal.
    I'm from an East African background and my mother is half Somalian Half Tanzanian. They are just brought up that way! There's nothing you can do about it! At all. My mother is a single parent too.. If you think about all the things they go through as single mothers, they really rely on their children to turn out near perfect. Their mentality is "I work day and night, and the least my child can do is become a good child"
    - She loves you! Means no harm. It's just she was taught by the hand and therefore she knows no other way but to teach but by the hand.

    (Also, take into consideration that she may be a bit bitter from your father passing away. I am almost near positive that my mother is bitter due to a tragic divorce)
    - East African woman are strong! They have been through so much! And in my case my mother has fled a massacre. So just take into consideration that they have been through a lot!
    - I figured out that if I try to build a relationship with her and try to build trust with her.. It should be fine! And my hypothesis has proven to be correct.
    It works!

    Hope that helped



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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by NomadicBelle)
    Oo.. Result of your past. Therapy is necessary after this post. Please consider this!


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    Lol dont think so
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    maybe not therapy because lets face it its a massive taboo in some cultures but one thing i'd advice is to talk to your siblings not about her but about you guys like uplift each other because you're in the same situation. Sometimes bringing in other people could make it worse because they might not understand the cultural influences and the " ultimate betrayal" as it would be viewed. Dont rely on a man to change this youre a smart person just work on yourself its so much more guaranteed. Coming from other cultures living in the western world is so frustrating because you have different rules inside your house and outside you're a different person. But honestly l dont see you not coming out of this as the stronger person, you're young you have all the optionsin the world dont let her restrict you mentally
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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    You understand me 100%. Im such a different person when im with my friends and at home. Im more relaxed and bubbly and more frustrated and angry at home. I guess its all the negative energy. I cant thank you enough. I wish you were my friend in real life. Im gonna take your advice and completely focus on my improving my relationship with God and myself and my future. Im gonna work so hard and be the best person I can be. Im not gonna think about marriage until i've finished my degree, can drive and just in a happy place and to love myself first because i believe that once someone loves themselves, they're unbreakable. People will let me down but i'll always have myself and God.
    (Original post by OG-J3nn)
    maybe not therapy because lets face it its a massive taboo in some cultures but one thing i'd advice is to talk to your siblings not about her but about you guys like uplift each other because you're in the same situation. Sometimes bringing in other people could make it worse because they might not understand the cultural influences and the " ultimate betrayal" as it would be viewed. Dont rely on a man to change this youre a smart person just work on yourself its so much more guaranteed. Coming from other cultures living in the western world is so frustrating because you have different rules inside your house and outside you're a different person. But honestly l dont see you not coming out of this as the stronger person, you're young you have all the optionsin the world dont let her restrict you mentally
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    always happy to help we all need uplifting : )
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    are you nigerian?
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    (Original post by TheElvenQueen)
    Your mum shouldn't be smacking you or other children this is a form of abuse contact social services or anon police she needs to stop. Its against the law what she is doing.
    Technically this isn't true. I believe it's only against the law if it leaves a mark.
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    Hit her back! I'd bloody well hit mine if she hit me and I've done so.

    Wouldn't hit someone on the street, won't be hitting me...
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    Hit her back.
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    **** you both. Hell no would I hit the woman who brought me to this earth. I'd rather she killed me than to lay a finger on her
    (Original post by Lord Jon)
    Hit her back! I'd bloody well hit mine if she hit me and I've done so.

    Wouldn't hit someone on the street, won't be hitting me...

    (Original post by Maid Marian)
    Hit her back.
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    (Original post by Cherx)
    Does she work?

    I honestly think that she may be depressed with everything that has happened. High blood pressure?And its a bad situation to be in and I honestly woudnt know what to do.

    I used to get beats as well when I was younger but it was for stuff like not eating -.-
    Armchair diagnosis to the rescue.
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    Just because it's a Western thing to say leave apparently, doesn't mean it's not valuable advice. If only African advice was wanted then that should have been stated. Just because it's your culture doesn't mean it's acceptable. You're an adult and your mum is emotionally bullying you (or abusing more like) aswell. Accusing you of lying all the time and hitting you is not normal and is totally unacceptable in this day and age. You need to take control of your own life, it's not healthy for you to be in tht environment. I'd say try to talk to her first but if not, then pack your bags and move on.

    Look at it this way, if that was a boyfriend treating you that way, nobody would be telling you to stay and people would be telling you to report it to the police.

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    (Original post by Black Cat)
    Can you read?

    Spoiler:
    Show
    She isn't allowed to move out before marriage.
    No, I actually am illiterate. *Rolls eyes*.
    What I meant was that's her family's opinion, presumably, but why not just ignore that..? At the end of the day, she's an adult and she's being hit by her mother.. She doesn't need permission to leave, just leave.
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    (Original post by Black Cat)
    Can you read?

    Spoiler:
    Show
    She isn't allowed to move out before marriage.
    So due to 'cultural' reasons it's OK to be physically assaulted by your family, but you can't move out until married?

    ... yea .... middle ages.
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    OP, I understand that you don't want to disrespect your mother because she brought you onto this earth, but at the same time, she shouldn't have had children if she wasn't going to respect them. Culture or not, it's unacceptable to treat your children like that, and putting up with it should not be the solution. Either you'll have to confront her and get help from other people such as uni or social services so she stops the behaviour, or remove yourself from the situation. I understand it would be hard to do either, but you're doing something good and potentially giving hope to other people in the same situation. What if you never get married? Or you don't until you're thirty? What then? You can't put up with that kind of treatment. I often see threads on here saying 'You don't understand, I just can't, it's such a massive thing in x culture', but at the end of the day, that culture won't stop being a justifiable reason for things like this until people like you in your situation stand up themselves and speak out. It's hard, but all you have to do is find the courage to do it.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thank you
    (Original post by Bellarrr)
    OP, I understand that you don't want to disrespect your mother because she brought you onto this earth, but at the same time, she shouldn't have had children if she wasn't going to respect them. Culture or not, it's unacceptable to treat your children like that, and putting up with it should not be the solution. Either you'll have to confront her and get help from other people such as uni or social services so she stops the behaviour, or remove yourself from the situation. I understand it would be hard to do either, but you're doing something good and potentially giving hope to other people in the same situation. What if you never get married? Or you don't until you're thirty? What then? You can't put up with that kind of treatment. I often see threads on here saying 'You don't understand, I just can't, it's such a massive thing in x culture', but at the end of the day, that culture won't stop being a justifiable reason for things like this until people like you in your situation stand up themselves and speak out. It's hard, but all you have to do is find the courage to do it.
 
 
 
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