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    (Original post by sherlockfan)
    my god, i wouldnt have considered it to be such a big age difference. its only 3 years. i would have happily dated a 19 year old when i was 16. theres nothing wrong with you.
    i just think people would say to me 'oh, its because your an introvert, you get off with younger girls' or 'you cant get girls your own age so you go for younger ones, pedo'. Those kind of comments. Maybe is because i live in south london or something... not every area in uk has the same thought as this
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i just think people would say to me 'oh, its because your an introvert, you get off with younger girls' or 'you cant get girls your own age so you go for younger ones, pedo'. Those kind of comments. Maybe is because i live in south london or something... not every area in uk has the same thought as this
    well i dont know where you get those ideas from. if she was 15 there might be a legal issue but she isn't.
    if youre interested in her go for it. if youre not, then don't.
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    I can see why you feel uncomfortable. 16 + 19 fine like everyone says, but the fact is, you're there in a position of authority, and they are in your care.

    Do I understand the situation right? So whilst your ages are fine, it's more that it's 'unprofessional' a breach of the responsibilities and boundaries we hold adults that look after children accountable to.

    So I would say, remove yourself from the situation if you feel uncomfortable, so that you can date her, without crossing the line. Not the age line, the professionality line.
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    (Original post by MagicNMedicine)
    Year 11s can be 15 or 16. There's a huge difference in the eyes of the law.

    In the eyes of society there's probably less of a difference in that it is always seen as a bit weird.

    But it's not unheard of.

    When I was in 6th form there was a guy that was 17 that had a 13 year old girlfriend :lolwut:
    They weren't sleeping together but it was a bit weird (what was even more weird was when she turned 14 and he turned 18 she dumped him and he was crying about it).

    I also remember last year waiting at a coach station and there were a group of National Citizens Service kids around - I think these are aged between 15 and 17 so some might be legal, some might not. What was weird though was the way the volunteer mentors (2 guys probably aged mid/late 20s) were interacting with them, bantering about pulling and shagging in clubs, one of the girls had a short skirt on and they were making a lot of suggestive comments to her about it. They would probably say they were doing nothing illegal but as an outside witness I just thought the two guys were creepy as anything.
    NCS are a bit dodgy... I was part of their the challenge programme three years ago and the following year, an associate mentor.

    But anyway on topic, that guy with a 13 year old gf was clearly a perv... i would have reported him myself..

    I think its strange, just imagine me **** her in school uniform or something. :erm:
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    I know you're not a qualified teacher, but even if a teacher was 23, and the student, for some bizarre reason was 22, it would be wrong. Not because of age, because teacher/student professional boundaries. They could only date once the teacher was no longer that teaching that student/ that student have moved on to different school.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I can see why you feel uncomfortable. 16 + 19 fine like everyone says, but the fact is, you're there in a position of authority, and they are in your care.

    Do I understand the situation right? So whilst your ages are fine, it's more that it's 'unprofessional' a breach of the responsibilities and boundaries we hold adults that look after children accountable to.

    So I would say, remove yourself from the situation if you feel uncomfortable, so that you can date her, without crossing the line. Not the age line, the professionality line.
    no no no no, im doing a project alongside other young people aged 16-24 (but sadly most of them are 15-18), I'M part of the project, im not leading/teaching them.

    my issue is she is still in school and im having an attraction to a schoolgirl. Whilst it can be private fantasy, its sickening for me to be attracted to her but i feel 50/50 on it. I'm confused more because i like another girl in college (same age as me) but i know nothing will happen between us whereas this 16 year old girl, something could happen because we already talk.

    Thats the situation
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    no no no no, im doing a project alongside other young people aged 16-24 (but sadly most of them are 15-18), I'M part of the project, im not leading/teaching them.

    my issue is she is still in school and im having an attraction to a schoolgirl. Whilst it can be private fantasy, its sickening for me to be attracted to her but i feel 50/50 on it. I'm confused more because i like another girl in college (same age as me) but i know nothing will happen between us whereas this 16 year old girl, something could happen because we already talk.

    Thats the situation

    Oh I see. Tbh, the very fact that you think it's wrong, makes it wrong. If you felt attracted to her, simple as, then fine, you are a similar age, and it's legal. But if you feel that you are in such different stages of your life that a balanced relationship wouldn't work, or if your instincts are telling you that this is a fantasy/ fetish thing, or an availability/ power thing, then that's what it is, and it would be wrong to act on it.

    If you sense an imbalance of power between you, because of life experience, and her being at school, you having a slightly different outlook, then it would be exploitative to act on your attraction. If it was pure and simple, you really got on with each other, and were attracted, then it would be fine.

    What do you think?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Then tell me how to get out of this lust. For christ sake, i feel like a perv, shes 16 and in year 11 and 19!!!! ****ing 19!!!
    Thts how old I was and how old my bf was when we started dating. No one found it weird, it's actually pretty normal difference
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    If it bothers you that much keep in touch and dont act on it till she leaves school. Duuh

    I met my other half when i was 16 he was 22. Tbf i had left school and ive always looked older for my age and acted it so perhaps he felt he was more with a 18 year old because of my maturity. Never the less, we complimented each other. The 6 year age gap just works for us. Now of course if he were a year 11 and i was a year 7 it would have been wrong. Same age gap- diffo situation.
    There is no point leaving tge project over a girl. Especially when theres the possibility she doesnt even like you so your worrying over nothing. Just saying
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    (Original post by TorpidPhil)
    As much as society shuns young people - you have to be 21 to drink in america (lol) - males are biologially programmed to find post-pubescent girls attractive. Some girls start noticing features of puberty as young as 8. Many will be well undergo with it, or simply done with it by the time they are 15/16 and so men will often find 15 or 16 year olds sexually attractive. Men never stop producing testorone. We are made such that we find youth attractive. Even when we are 70 we will find 15 or 16 year olds attractive.

    That frightens a lot of people, especially women, but I don't know why. Do these people assume men are all rapists or paedophiles? I imagine they do to be quite honest. It's disgusting, you cannot help being attracted to such young people, nor your age, that doesn't mean you will initiate sex with them so it isn't a big deal.

    Anyway, for you specifically you're 19 so I honestly don't even see it as that big of a deal if you are both similar on an intellectual/knowledge level. If I was dating a 15 year old though... Well few of them would compete intellectually I must admit, so it would really feel paedophilic. I don't think I could be sexual with someone who I can't really empathise with. I feel it's like being sexual with an animal.
    Completely disagree! It's not normal for a 70 year old to be attracted to a 15 year old. 15 year olds still aren't physically fully mature. You're still developing up into your 20s in a lot of cases.

    With the OP, because he's still young he's not completely mature himself so his attraction is normal. But for a very mature man to be attracted to a girl of such a young age, I completely disagree that that is normal. A 15 year old is still so immature.

    Hebephilia describes an attraction to individuals going through puberty. If a fully mature man is attracted to 15 year olds I'd say he's attracted to girls going through puberty.
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    (Original post by Direstraights)
    you're 19 shes 16 its not really a big deal.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Then tell me how to get out of this lust. For christ sake, i feel like a perv, shes 16 and in year 11 and 19!!!! ****ing 19!!!
    3 year age gap, I'm confused? What is the problem? Many people marry with a larger age gap...
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    What the hell... How is that even disgusting? There's nothing wrong with that.

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    NCS are a bit dodgy... I was part of their the challenge programme three years ago and the following year, an associate mentor.

    But anyway on topic, that guy with a 13 year old gf was clearly a perv... i would have reported him myself..

    I think its strange, just imagine me **** her in school uniform or something. :erm:
    How do you mean, a bit dodgy...? Dodgy as in the mentors are pervy? :curious:

    I think the 17 yo with the 13 yo gf was just a bit weird really, he had a few issues socially, the 13 yo girl was probably more mature than he was. I think she was quite advanced for her age and she probably dumbed him when she realised that he was a misfit amongst his year group so going out with an older guy wasn't as cool as she thought. There wouldn't have been any point 'reporting' him though as he was hardly hiding it and also both of them said they weren't having sex so...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It depends really on that case. How did people feel about that?
    Absolutely fine. His and her family were happy that they were happy and it didn't effect their work etc.

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    (Original post by Nottie)
    Thts how old I was and how old my bf was when we started dating. No one found it weird, it's actually pretty normal difference
    my preference would be to go out with a girl whose in college, not someone from school.
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    (Original post by MagicNMedicine)
    How do you mean, a bit dodgy...? Dodgy as in the mentors are pervy? :curious:

    I think the 17 yo with the 13 yo gf was just a bit weird really, he had a few issues socially, the 13 yo girl was probably more mature than he was. I think she was quite advanced for her age and she probably dumbed him when she realised that he was a misfit amongst his year group so going out with an older guy wasn't as cool as she thought. There wouldn't have been any point 'reporting' him though as he was hardly hiding it and also both of them said they weren't having sex so...
    let me just say 2 years ago when i was the associate volunteer mentor, i heard one of my colleague spoke about this girl but it was actually banter..

    I still think thats sick with they 17 year old, he's clearly a pedo...
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    I have had thought everyone. Obviously i aint leaving this project because i've been trying to get into that for two years, but i will still see her as a friend. If attraction grows between us or a 'friends with benefits' occured, then of course i will do it with her (discreetly till shes 18). I think this is happening because i'm upset that i can't get a girlin college i truly know i'm in love

    In fact is it odd that i like two girls at the same time? how i ****ing wish i can edit this thread but i'm anonymous
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have had thought everyone. Obviously i aint leaving this project because i've been trying to get into that for two years, but i will still see her as a friend. If attraction grows between us or a 'friends with benefits' occured, then of course i will do it with her (discreetly till shes 18). I think this is happening because i'm upset that i can't get a girlin college i truly know i'm in love

    In fact is it odd that i like two girls at the same time? how i ****ing wish i can edit this thread but i'm anonymous
    1. You don't know what love is.
    2. It's possible to lust after two people at the same time.
    3. The age difference isn't much.
    4. Grow up.
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    I don't think there's anything "disgusting" or anything to be worried about, that you find a 16 year old attractive and provided you treated her respectfully, I doubt most people would.

    However, you clearly do. If this is something which seriously bothers you, then remove yourself from the situation, remove yourself from her company. Concentrate on other endeavours and stop contacting her.
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    It's only three years.
 
 
 
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