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I won't have sex until I'm in a relationship!Do I stand a chance in the dating world? watch

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    (Original post by Vlad_Tepes)
    Oh not, not on...What's who with sex, I'm not saying would not wait for a few weeks/months for the right person... Not something like 5, 6 months though. And I don't see anything wrong with having several in the relationship. I think that attitude has so e thing to do with prejudice people being judgment and some people end up being self conscious about it.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Sorry I don't quite get what you've written here are you saying what's wrong with sex? Nothing! I actually think sex is great and to be honest I get very horny, I love to be submissive in bed and have some pretty wild fantasies BUT call me crazy when I get super attached to the person I sleep with so I have to be very careful and not sleep with anyone until I'm feel safe. It's not that I'm scared of being judged for sleeping with someone too early (if there's even such a thing!). If anything I'm more scared about being judged for wanting to wait as that is probably not the norm nowadays.

    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    It is very hard to give an actual figure. Generally, the earlier the better. Me and my girlfriend had sex the first time we met, and that was coming up to four years ago. I don't buy into the whole "slut shaming" thing, I think if you like each other, there's no reason to be waiting around. So I would generally want to be having sex pretty early on. I get that other people have different views on this, but it would raise questions about our compatability. You want the emotional connection before sex, but I feel sex helps build that emotional connection.

    However, there's an important point to add. I tend to get infactuations with women, I've had a few really big ones in my life. When you're in that position, the girl has a hell of a lot of power over you, and I probably would agree to a long timescale on sex that I wasn't really happy with, to be honest. If you can really get inside a guy's head, I think you can get him to wait.

    In the title you say "until in a relationship", so would you want a few months of dating before entering a relationship? If so, would you mind the guy seeing other girls in that time?
    Oh dear I really need to make it clear that I'm not trying to slut shame nor do I wait for sex in fear of being slut shamed... I find it difficult to feel 'safe' (which is due to feeling vulnerable and submissive when it comes to sex) with someone in the beginning because intimate physical contact (even spooning/cuddling in bed) gets me very attached to the other person. I find sex very emotionally overwhelming and even if I like someone that doesn't necessarily mean I can sleep with them.

    Yes that's right my ex for example he asked me out after 3 months at 7 months we started to slowly build up a physical relationship didn't have 'full' sex until 9 months. Not saying every relationship has to follow that blueprint but were talking quite a few months before I'm ready to get intimate. Yes I would be okay with a guy dating other women initially but until we have exclusivity I would not sleep with him.

    (Original post by Sophi12)
    I've always had that opinion although my friends think it's weird (as well as the fact I've never had sex) and am so glad I have stuck to it as it has made me realise that some guys just aren't who i thought they were. My recent ex knew this and told me he was happy to wait until I was ready (but in reality I don't think he was, which is probably the proper reason we broke up rather than the reason he gave)
    I know at almost 20, I probably wont find a lot of guys who would be willing to wait but if a guy really cares about me (or you) they'll wait.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Yes I've had a lot of men suddenly change personalities when I told them I'm not willing to have sex until I'm ready. But yes I know there's guys out there that are willing to wait finding them is difficult but I think universally many people struggle to find a compatible partner.

    (Original post by keturah)
    I feel the same. It seems hard to find someone who will wait to be in a relationship first now though.
    Definitely! Some people will think it's crazy but I really do believe there's someone out there who will wait

    (Original post by iAmanze)
    You'd have to give clear signals you're into him because if not then he would think he's not getting anywhere with you and will move on to other girls.
    Yes definitely I communicate my needs and thoughts throughout and ask for them to do the same Sadly they usually crumble after like 2 months as they want sex they go elsewhere
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    (Original post by Maid Marian)
    I suppose there's little way around the getting hurt part ...:erm: Goddamn being human and having social desires, life would feel so much better if I could be happy without needing other people around me.

    I don't need people around me and it is as great as you think it is.
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    (Original post by catsis)
    I don't need people around me and it is as great as you think it is.
    Lucky you. I get too lonely and needy.
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    i love sex and if he isn't doing it for me in the sheets then i don't see how our relationship can be viable
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    I think that's quite asexual, girls like you are the reason why men become sexually frustrated. I hate girls who wear chastity belts, all I'm looking for is sex so if a woman is not going to provide that for me, I'm not interested. I don't understand this silly notion of only having sex if you're in a relationship, makes no sense. Waste of time really.


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    (Original post by Icebaker)
    I think that's quite asexual, girls like you are the reason why men become sexually frustrated. I hate girls who wear chastity belts, all I'm looking for is sex so if a woman is not going to provide that for me, I'm not interested. I don't understand this silly notion of only having sex if you're in a relationship, makes no sense. Waste of time really.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    That's fine that all you are looking for is sex as long as you make that clear to someone.

    And there's nothing wrong with asexuality but get it right I am not asexual. I'm actually a very sexual person but I chose to wait because when I give sex I give a lot if not all of myself as I am submissive. So please don't displace your sexual frustration out onto me because I'm not even dating you at least I wear my 'chastity belt' out of choice I don't know why your blaming 'girls like me' because looking at a post of yours from a previous thread about soul mates you just got used sexually yourself by a woman and left high and dry I'm not your problem you need to work on it dude. You just sound hurt and resentful so you want to sleep with as many women as possible and spread your pain. Well good luck to you.

    (Original post by ironandwine)
    i love sex and if he isn't doing it for me in the sheets then i don't see how our relationship can be viable
    I totally get that too a try before you buy But I never said that I don't love sex I'd just feel more comfortable waiting. I was quite luckily with my last boyfriend he was amazing!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Oh dear I really need to make it clear that I'm not trying to slut shame nor do I wait for sex in fear of being slut shamed... I find it difficult to feel 'safe' (which is due to feeling vulnerable and submissive when it comes to sex) with someone in the beginning because intimate physical contact (even spooning/cuddling in bed) gets me very attached to the other person. I find sex very emotionally overwhelming and even if I like someone that doesn't necessarily mean I can sleep with them. Yes I would be okay with a guy dating other women initially but until we have exclusivity I would not sleep with him.
    I wasn't accusing you of that, what I meant was that some guys won't date girls they consider "easy". Like "we shagged on the first date, so she isn't relationship material". Does that mean that avoid any intimate physical contact? I think I'd find it hard to form a strong bond who wouldn't even want to cuddle. That seems fair. I don't think you'll find that too hard generally if you can form a good connection with a guy. Expecting a guy to date for six months without sex, but not seeing any other girls either, is going to be excessive for most guys. If you're chilled on that, you should be fine.
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    I can't imagine being in a relationship for 7 months without sex and I am a girl.
    I would just be so horny for it, especially if we spend so much time together.
    Although I wouldn't have sex on a first date.
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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    Expecting a guy to date for six months without sex, but not seeing any other girls either, is going to be excessive for most guys. If you're chilled on that, you should be fine.
    I disagree! My boyfriend has been dating me much longer than that, & isn't seeing anyone else! - each to ones own I guess!
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    (Original post by EmmzAyr)
    I disagree! My boyfriend has been dating me much longer than that, & isn't seeing anyone else! - each to ones own I guess!
    How old are you? OP says she's 24, I'm 23, so I was thinking more for my age. For teenagers, especially virgins, dating for six months without sex is going to be much more common. In any case, I did only say "most", there's always exceptions.
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    I am the same and I have a wonderful girlfriend just stick to your guns and don't change, I believe if everyone was like this the world would be a better place
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    How long do you typically want to wait? Waiting a bit won't put off too many guys (few who are worth your while at least) but waiting for a long time will.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello people!

    I prefer a bit of more traditional approach to dating and I won't have sex without a commitment and a deep connection. I also like a bit of courtship and romance.

    What do you guys think? Do you think I'm being entitled or that I sound dis-empowered? Maybe even needy? I feel like I just know what I want now

    I tried a more modern approach to sex/dating once and it ended up in me getting hurt and feeling used. I realised I'm just not cut out to have sex like that e.g on third date etc. It's not for me but I understand that it works for others

    I'll admit I now have a much harder time finding men who are willing to wait and I some ways think I've got a lot of work to find someone who respects this. I've dated many guys so far who were not willing to wait. I've only had one boyfriend in my life because of this and I'm 24. So if you do the maths I've slept with 2 men in my life.

    How long would you guys realistically wait? And ladies you too?

    Thanks!
    its a challenge but I prefer it this way too.just keep him interested and progress.

    explain how you feel and he should understand
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    I say good on you!! I feel the same way if someone doesn't wanna wait for you then they're clearly not right for you!


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    I am 17 and my boyfriend is 19. What does age matter? We are old enough, & care not that we are not doing it yet.
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    That's fine, I prefer that actually.
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    I'd prefer it too.

    The guy I was dating mentioned it during the second date which was rather off putting. we'd been seeing each pther for a week then. And I wasn't even sure if I wanted to be with him.
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    (Original post by EmmzAyr)
    I am 17 and my boyfriend is 19. What does age matter? We are old enough, & care not that we are not doing it yet.
    You're past the age of consent, but a lot of girls your age don't feel ready for sex. Age matters for the reason I said, people just generally tend to have sex earlier when they're older. You're lucky, because most nineteen year old guys wouldn't be happy in your boyfriend's situation. But good for you if this is what you really want!
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    I'd wait as long as a girl needed but I'd be ****ing other girls in the meantime as and when opportunities arose (openly, not cheating, never cheat). I think you're perfectly sensible OP, you must stay true to yourself, but equally you are undeniably making life a little tricky for yourself, and asking quite a lot of a guy if you're expecting to be taken seriously without putting out for ages
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    What you just described is kind of the norm where I live. I suggest you stick by your standards.
 
 
 
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