Why do people tell their partners their sexual past? Watch

DanB1991
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#41
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#41
(Original post by poohat)
Its not sexism, men and women usually want different things in their partner. Thats just how life works; the sexes are not identical.

Men are willing to date women who earn less than them, women are typically not willing to do this. Is that sexism against men?

Women are willing to date men who have slept with large numbers of partners, men are typically not willing to do this. Is that sexism against women?

Either both are sexism, or neither are. Realistically, neither are. There is almost certainly a biological drive for men to value purity in their partners, since purity has been valued in pretty much all cultures in human history (there is a similar drive for women to value higher status partners who can provide for them)
Generally speaking when talking in this respect, the majority of people would agree fertility is the main reason people ask how many people their partner has slept with, aka how easy.

In my experience you can have someone who's never slept with anyone else, who is just as likely, if not more so, to cheat than someone who has slept with a few people.

And generally, yes it is sexism, men and women are both perfectly entitled to sleep with people for pleasure. There is no innate reasoning why it should affect future relationships, outside of obvious issues, like pregnancies and resulting children, STD's or when they have slept with people their partner knows (aka friends and relatives).
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poohat
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#42
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#42
(Original post by DanB1991)
Generally speaking when talking in this respect, the majority of people would agree fertility is the main reason people ask how many people their partner has slept with, aka how easy.

In my experience you can have someone who's never slept with anyone else, who is just as likely, if not more so, to cheat than someone who has slept with a few people.

And generally, yes it is sexism, men and women are both perfectly entitled to sleep with people for pleasure. There is no innate reasoning why it should affect future relationships, outside of obvious issues, like pregnancies and resulting children, STD's or when they have slept with people their partner knows (aka friends and relatives).
I dont think thats the main reason - its not just about how likely they are to cheat, its also about if she is 'contaminated'. If you know that your girlfriend has had multiple one night stands with guys who just used her for a cheap shag then thats horrible, and its very hard to have respect for them. You are basically taking some other guy's cast-off, and its hard to get over that.


men and women are both perfectly entitled to sleep with people for pleasure.
Sure, and guys are perfectly entitled to choose not to get into serious relationships with women who have slept around.
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DanB1991
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#43
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#43
(Original post by poohat)
I dont think thats the main reason - its not just about how likely they are to cheat, its also about if she is 'contaminated'. If you know that your girlfriend has had multiple one night stands with guys who just used her for a cheap shag then that's horrible, and its very hard to have respect for them. You are basically taking someone else's cast-off, and its hard to get over that.


Sure, and guys are perfectly entitled to choose not to date women who have slutted around.
And so are women entitled to make the same decision regarding men.... and many actually do.

However I just see it as very pompous and self righteous. Why risk missing out on the perfect partner just because they had sex with X, Y or Z people? It's equally as bad as people being put off people with minimal sexual experience.

And respect should be built on you're own personal relationship with someone, not their past, which odd's are you probably don't actually know too much about. So what if they have been taken advantage of, you should arguably help them become a stronger person.

Women (and men for that matter) should not be seen as objects simply to be "cast off" as you describe that, I would much rather pity and feel sympathy for a person who has been treated like that.

And also just because a woman has had multiple one night stands does not automatically presume she has been the one being "used". I would actually find it very attractive feature in a woman to be confident in herself sexually and knows what she wants.
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poohat
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#44
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#44
(Original post by DanB1991)
And so are women entitled to make the same decision regarding men.... and many actually do.

However I just see it as very pompous and self righteous. Why risk missing out on the perfect partner just because they had sex with X, Y or Z people? It's equally as bad as people being put off people with minimal sexual experience.
You are trying to view disgust as a rational response. It isnt, but that doesnt mean it isnt real. Would you eat a cockroach that had been sterilised in a laboratory so that it was clean and had no germs?

Many men feel a deep sense of disgust towards women who have had multiple sexual partners - it is hard to give it a justification, but it is there nonetheless. Again, this is pretty much universal - chastity has been considered a virtue in pretty much every human society throughout history.

And also just because a woman has had multiple one night stands does not automatically presume she has been the one being "used". I would actually find it very attractive feature in a woman to be confident in herself sexually and knows what she wants.
Yeah its hot in the sense that she'd be good in bed so its an ideal quality in a woman you're casually dating, but is it really something you'd want in a long term partner?

Women (and men for that matter) should not be seen as objects simply to be "cast off" as you describe that, I would much rather pity and feel sympathy for a person who has been treated like that.
Do you think that pity is a healthy feeling to have towards someone you are in a long term relationship with?
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DanB1991
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#45
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(Original post by poohat)
You are trying to view disgust as a rational response. It isnt, but that doesnt mean it isnt real. Would you eat a cockroach that had been sterilised in a laboratory so that it was clean and had no germs?

Most men feel a very physical sense of disgust to women who have had multiple sexual partners - it is hard to give it a justification, but it is there nonetheless. Again, this is pretty much universal - chastity has been considered a virtue in pretty much every human society throughout history.
Remove the context and yes most men do..... add context then I would argue no they won't.

Using your analogy, get some kind of bug that actually tastes nice cooked. Suggest it to a person and initially they're disgusted, counter this with logical and positive reasoning and most open minded people wouldn't actually mind and try it. Only the closed minded wouldn't. It's precisely the same when it comes to relationships in the manner you suggested. In a relationship myself and many others wouldn't want to waste our time with a closed minded person.
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icdjabtjk
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#46
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#46
(Original post by MylittlePlusle)
It's all in the past.

Why do people want to know about their partner's sexual past? It has nothing to do with them.
it has everything to do with them, its their past. I think it's quite naive to not discuss sex before getting into a relationship and can cause bad problems, because sexual compatibility is important.
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CherryWine
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#47
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#47
(Original post by wsxcde)
it has everything to do with them, its their past. I think it's quite naive to not discuss sex before getting into a relationship and can cause bad problems, because sexual compatibility is important.
You can discuss sex and what you like without going in to details about your past.
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bittr n swt
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#48
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#48
(Original post by Mike9910)
Doesn't "easy" refer to how receptive you're to sex not how many people you have slept with? Hence the meaning of the word easy and its use in this context.

easy
ˈiːzi/
adjective

  • 1.
    achieved without great effort; presenting few difficulties.




For example, say we place a woman who is willing to have sex with any man she meets on a desert island. Now this women will have had no sexual partners, assuming she didn't have sex before she went onto the island and assuming no men are on the island.

While another woman might have had 7 long term committed relationships but be very discerning about who those relationships were with.

Surely the second woman can't be more "easy" than the 1st woman?
I agree.
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CherryWine
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#49
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#49
(Original post by wsxcde)
If you want to, it's your choice, but I think the past influences what people are like sexually and is more highlighting than what people may say they like, and personally I think the more you know your partner the better. If two people say to each other that they would rather keep their pasts a secret from each other and are happy to never know that but still be in a relationship, that's their choice if both are happy with that situation. Personally I'd never be comfortable with that and want to feel like I know my partner properly, but everyone's different. The only thing I strongly disagree with is lying to your partner e.g. saying that you have no past when you really do. Personally though I'd only want to be with someone who has no past with other people anyway, so if someone said they didnt want to discuss their past I wouldnt be interested in them anyway.
Of course the past influences what you are like sexually, how is saying "I've slept with two other people" going to highlight anymore about a person than just stating what you are in to? I wouldn't ask the question in the first place but if I did and somebody lied about their past, I agree that that would be wrong. Either tell the truth or say that you wouldn't like to discuss it. You've got to take a lot of factors into consideration when someone says that they don't want to discuss their past though. It may be for many reasons, it might mean they aren't ready to talk about their past yet, but possibly would in the future
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Carpe Vinum
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#50
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#50
(Original post by phunky_fresh)
I like discussing my past and finding out about theirs. It's always been something that either I've brought up or a potential partner. Just the other day I asked a guy if he's ever had a one night stand etc, I was curious. Prior to this he asked if I'd been with many guys and I asked him back, he just basically said he wasn't going to give me a number. I can live with that, if you don't feel like sharing, then don't. I ask because I want to know, it won't necessarily change my view of them.
This really. My boyfriend's not a very naturally open person about himself so I like asking him about his 'past' (makes him sound old lol) just to get to know him. It's not anything I consider particularly important but I like us to be open and honest with each other. If he ever wants to ask me anything I'll never hide anything. I don't think it's a big deal :dontknow:
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NaughtyTy
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#51
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#51
Because I have. A funny willy
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