Turn on thread page Beta

Autistic brother is so annoying. watch

    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Ah yeah i know what you mean.... my 7year old brother (turned 7 today aww) is very much the same, he has special needs and its really bad, sometimes NO ONE can control him, he looses control and its so sad seeing him go through all that he does, hes unable to express his emotions and feelings and has really bad anger problems aswell as that he has ADHD with learning difficulties, but hes still my little brother and i love him so much! you need to understand that he may not be able to help it, even though my brother can be annoying as ever at times i still love him so damn much and wouldn't give him up for the world regardless to all that! just imagine if it was you going through that and not him, how would you feel?
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    gosh people are harsh to you! supporting an autistic child a few hours a week or being autistic yourself doesn't mean you understand how OP feels and I really don't know why people won't get their heads around the fact that being a carer/part of a family where someone needs a lot of care is really ****ing hard... it doesn't mean you hate your brother or have no sympathy or understanding

    I have an autistic stepsister and she is very high functioning and I only see her for a few hours at a time and that is tiring enough! I have worked with severely autistic kids (who sound more like your brother) and while it's fine to do for a few hours I honestly cannot even begin to understand how difficult it must be to live with someone who needs so much either as a parent or as a sibling whose needs then ALWAYS come second

    my experiences don't really give me any answers which will help you but what I would say is to try and build a support network outside of home, do your tutors know it is a difficult situation for you? can you find another place to work? even if it means staying on at 6th form til 6pm every night or going to the library in the evening...try and talk to your friends when you're feeling frustrated, it's hard to have a needy sibling in part because it takes away a lot of the family support you could have as you feel like you just can't heap any more on your parents but perhaps at the moment you need them to know how you feel? that way there may be some solutions

    my own feelings would be that A. surely nice food can be bought and hidden and eaten when your brother isn't around?
    B. can you and your mum set aside just a little bit of time just for you once a week?
    C. is there anything your brother likes? it is hard to connect with autistic siblings but sometimes if you can do it on their terms you can build a sort of relationship, I don't know your brother so it's hard to suggest things but a shared activity or listening to them talk about something they are obsessed by can be really good for them
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    22
    ReputationRep:
    Very Important Poster
    (Original post by doodle_333)
    gosh people are harsh to you! supporting an autistic child a few hours a week or being autistic yourself doesn't mean you understand how OP feels and I really don't know why people won't get their heads around the fact that being a carer/part of a family where someone needs a lot of care is really ****ing hard... it doesn't mean you hate your brother or have no sympathy or understanding

    I have an autistic stepsister and she is very high functioning and I only see her for a few hours at a time and that is tiring enough! I have worked with severely autistic kids (who sound more like your brother) and while it's fine to do for a few hours I honestly cannot even begin to understand how difficult it must be to live with someone who needs so much either as a parent or as a sibling whose needs then ALWAYS come second

    my experiences don't really give me any answers which will help you but what I would say is to try and build a support network outside of home, do your tutors know it is a difficult situation for you? can you find another place to work? even if it means staying on at 6th form til 6pm every night or going to the library in the evening...try and talk to your friends when you're feeling frustrated, it's hard to have a needy sibling in part because it takes away a lot of the family support you could have as you feel like you just can't heap any more on your parents but perhaps at the moment you need them to know how you feel? that way there may be some solutions

    my own feelings would be that A. surely nice food can be bought and hidden and eaten when your brother isn't around?
    B. can you and your mum set aside just a little bit of time just for you once a week?
    C. is there anything your brother likes? it is hard to connect with autistic siblings but sometimes if you can do it on their terms you can build a sort of relationship, I don't know your brother so it's hard to suggest things but a shared activity or listening to them talk about something they are obsessed by can be really good for them
    Those of us with Autism actually do understand how the OP feels. You can't say we don't.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by karl pilkington)
    This may seem rude but have you ever thought about using physical violence like maybe giving him a clip around the ear or maybe a hard slap if he is really naughty. As he is autistic I presume you can't separate out him genuinely being bad or just being naughty so I would just use violence.
    I wouldn't do that.


    (Original post by OU Student)
    I am Autistic and have an Autistic sibling.

    You have to remember that he probably doesn't know how to show / tell people he loves them. He also can't control the way he acts either. You need to learn to understand this.
    Ok


    (Original post by KJane)
    My brother is autistic too, so I get the need to vent when it gets frustrating. Which it does. It does require a lot of patience, and unfortunately it is you who's going to have to find ways around it. Can you not find other quiet spaces to study? A local library maybe?
    I live quite far from anything. My mum tries to take him and my younger sister, who is not autistic, out of the house so I can actually work.

    Thanks for the advice


    (Original post by Profesh)
    Do you mean 'dietitian'? Because if not, you've only demonstrated his point.
    What I meant to say



    (Original post by Scenekid)
    Ah yeah i know what you mean.... my 7year old brother (turned 7 today aww) is very much the same, he has special needs and its really bad, sometimes NO ONE can control him, he looses control and its so sad seeing him go through all that he does, hes unable to express his emotions and feelings and has really bad anger problems aswell as that he has ADHD with learning difficulties, but hes still my little brother and i love him so much! you need to understand that he may not be able to help it, even though my brother can be annoying as ever at times i still love him so damn much and wouldn't give him up for the world regardless to all that! just imagine if it was you going through that and not him, how would you feel?
    (Original post by doodle_333)
    gosh people are harsh to you! supporting an autistic child a few hours a week or being autistic yourself doesn't mean you understand how OP feels and I really don't know why people won't get their heads around the fact that being a carer/part of a family where someone needs a lot of care is really ****ing hard... it doesn't mean you hate your brother or have no sympathy or understanding

    I have an autistic stepsister and she is very high functioning and I only see her for a few hours at a time and that is tiring enough! I have worked with severely autistic kids (who sound more like your brother) and while it's fine to do for a few hours I honestly cannot even begin to understand how difficult it must be to live with someone who needs so much either as a parent or as a sibling whose needs then ALWAYS come second

    my experiences don't really give me any answers which will help you but what I would say is to try and build a support network outside of home, do your tutors know it is a difficult situation for you? can you find another place to work? even if it means staying on at 6th form til 6pm every night or going to the library in the evening...try and talk to your friends when you're feeling frustrated, it's hard to have a needy sibling in part because it takes away a lot of the family support you could have as you feel like you just can't heap any more on your parents but perhaps at the moment you need them to know how you feel? that way there may be some solutions

    my own feelings would be that A. surely nice food can be bought and hidden and eaten when your brother isn't around?
    B. can you and your mum set aside just a little bit of time just for you once a week?
    C. is there anything your brother likes? it is hard to connect with autistic siblings but sometimes if you can do it on their terms you can build a sort of relationship, I don't know your brother so it's hard to suggest things but a shared activity or listening to them talk about something they are obsessed by can be really good for them
    I think I'll have to try these, thank you all for the feedback.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by OU Student)
    Those of us with Autism actually do understand how the OP feels. You can't say we don't.
    actually being autistic doesn't mean you understand OP's position as OP's problem is with an autistic sibling, I can see you have posted saying you have an autistic sibling so maybe you do have that understanding I don't know your situation however I wasn't referring to every single poster anyway I was referring to the large number of people who have experienced someone with autism and therefore feel they know what it's like to live with someone whose autism leads to severe behavioural problems all the time because a large number of autistic people function very well and unless you have lived with someone with such extreme needs I doubt anyone could understand how exhausting and difficult it must be for their family... I felt I needed to say what I said because there are so many posts like yours saying essentially 'he can't help it so deal with it' I'm certainly not blaming OP's brother but often with posts like these the posters feelings get completely forgotten with everyone being 100% focussed on the person with the problem
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I never said I hated him for being autistic.

    I didn't make this thread just to be critiqued for my opinion, there are many who feel the same way.

    I just want some advice on how to deal with these problems, they're not things that I can just dismiss.
    It's not unnatural , where it is impacting on your future, or feels like he absorbs all the love and attention of your parents, to feel resentful.

    The issue here is that he is a child, more than that he's a young child and he has a profound disability. I would suggest trying to talk to your parents about how you feel, and seeing what you can do practically to minimise the effect he is having on your A-levels
    • #2
    #2

    Every time he get's soppy show this clip:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2jAwiq6YsE

    Back in the day they used to cain kids for misbheaving and some the older more hardcore men that grew up in 1910 used to beat a misbehaving child with a belt. Apparently a worked a treat, or so i've heard.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You probably don't know how it feels if you don't have an autistic sibling.
    OP i am a bit offended by your post. I am autistic (I HATE IT SO MUCH) but more have anxiety and depression and my brother is age 7 who is also autistic (my parents keeps saying, i gave him my 'diesease' )

    I am trying to revise to get into university for a THIRD attempt (due to social anxiety) but now i need to pass which it has become difficult. When i try to revise at night, my brother would just be shouting whilst using his iPad every single day and when the iPad finishes he will keep disturbing the house as he gets bored so quickly.

    His behaviour was far more worst than mine when i was a child, he disturbs the church (i do my best to make people not know he is autistic as my family wants to keep our disabilites secret to others) only eats custard at age 7 and copies everything cartoons do on TV. It's sad and painful so i know your pain.

    My advice is go to the Library to revise then you can pass your a-levels.
    • #4
    #4

    I can totally sympathise! my brother has aspergers and it used to be super difficult. luckily I have left home now and only return twice a year. Despite all the negative comments on here don't feel bad that you are not more tolerable. You have a unique relationship with your brother and people won't necessarily understand this challenge just because they have experience with autism. But I will tell you my story so you know that you are not alone in this.
    I HATED my childhood life due to the pressure that my brothers aspergers had on my family. I was ashamed of my family and often felt inferior due to how differently we were treated. Whenever my brother did something bad in public he would get away with it cause my parents didn't want to make a scene, if I was to do it I would be simply because I was obedient enough to control calmly without making a deal ! When I provoked him, as it is natural for older sisters to do, my parents went mental but when he reacted he wanst in trouble. my parents pulled the "he has problems, he can't help it" card. "problems" was the word they used to help me understand when I was too young to know what aspergers was. I therefore never felt loved by my parents because of this, and during our early years especially I viewed myself as a monster as I was always the one in trouble. I was jealous of all the attention he got, i felt like he was the Prince and I the rat that causes trouble and no one wants around. I didn't even speak to him for the first 16 years of his life due to jealously and resentment, but after leaving home it has got better. Not easy, but better. I am much happier after leaving home because I can forget about myfamily and just focus on the present. sorry, so far this sounds really depressing possibly heartless and mean. But I'll move on to a happier story: Then when I was 9 and my brother was 7, my mother had a third child. I thought that everything would be better because I would have a "normal" sibling and we would be in the same position. But it wasn't that simple. My younger brother accepted more easily that I did and he seemed unaffected. Although I have my moments of jealousy, from him I learned that it was not just my brothers aspergers that caused me problems but my attitude towards it and the relationship that we had that affected my wellbeing.
    I'm sorry that you have problem's with your brother! I cannot say I understand your circumstances cause every relationship is different and unique, but I can say that having experienced my own difficulties growing up alongside aspergers, my heart goes out to you!
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    I know it sucks because it definitely would suck but this is something I'm afraid you'll just simply have to deal with. It's not like he can turn an off switch and boom he isn't autistic anymore. He's prewired to be like that, born that way. It's something you may as well forget about and live with because otherwise you're just going to hate him for the rest of your life and you don't want that do you. There are solutions to your problems however. For food, eat at a different time to him and prepare him something different. In terms of your A Levels, perhaps shutting your door and locking him out will do the trick and put some headphones on. With your mother, try to go out with her away from your brother, go on a nice day out or something. There are ways of lessening the impacts of your brothers condition on your life, you just have to be creative and find work arounds
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Don't let people guilt-trip you into believing you have no right to be pissed off with the situation. You have every right. Unfortunately, that doesn't actually improve the situation you are in.

    All you can do at the moment is go to the library to study for your exams. After your exams, sit tight, stay in your room or out of the house.

    It will be much easier if you move out for university - it may help you reconnect with your mother as well. She is in a very stressful situation (more-so than you, because people will hold her responsible for his behaviour) and I know it's difficult but you should cut her some slack. Maybe do some nice things for her once in a while, and just avoid arguments. This may come as a surprise to you but you are probably on the same side.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    OP i am a bit offended by your post. I am autistic (I HATE IT SO MUCH) but more have anxiety and depression and my brother is age 7 who is also autistic (my parents keeps saying, i gave him my 'diesease' )

    I am trying to revise to get into university for a THIRD attempt (due to social anxiety) but now i need to pass which it has become difficult. When i try to revise at night, my brother would just be shouting whilst using his iPad every single day and when the iPad finishes he will keep disturbing the house as he gets bored so quickly.

    His behaviour was far more worst than mine when i was a child, he disturbs the church (i do my best to make people not know he is autistic as my family wants to keep our disabilites secret to others) only eats custard at age 7 and copies everything cartoons do on TV. It's sad and painful so i know your pain.

    My advice is go to the Library to revise then you can pass your a-levels.
    It's a disability/handicap rather than illness/disease and your parents are full of shit if they can't see that it would've been passed down from their genes to both children by them, so what the hell are they chatting?
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    OP i am a bit offended by your post. I am autistic (I HATE IT SO MUCH) but more have anxiety and depression and my brother is age 7 who is also autistic (my parents keeps saying, i gave him my 'diesease' )

    I am trying to revise to get into university for a THIRD attempt (due to social anxiety) but now i need to pass which it has become difficult. When i try to revise at night, my brother would just be shouting whilst using his iPad every single day and when the iPad finishes he will keep disturbing the house as he gets bored so quickly.

    His behaviour was far more worst than mine when i was a child, he disturbs the church (i do my best to make people not know he is autistic as my family wants to keep our disabilites secret to others) only eats custard at age 7 and copies everything cartoons do on TV. It's sad and painful so i know your pain.

    My advice is go to the Library to revise then you can pass your a-levels.
    It's a disability/handicap rather than illness/disease and your parents are full of shit (no offence) if they can't see that it would've been passed down from their genes to both children by them, so what the hell are they chatting?
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by OU Student)
    Those of us with Autism actually do understand how the OP feels. You can't say we don't.
    I don't know if anyone understands how another person feels, not really.

    People are so different and have different emotional thresholds etc. Something which doesn't bother you might really upset someone else because they have a differerent temperament, have had different life experiences, and so on.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    OP I think you're doing really well to recognise this is a problem and to try and find ways to cope with your situation.

    Of course there is no way to change your brothers autism but maybe you could change your relationship with him? Of course this depends on your circumstance but if you could find an activity that he could do with you (drawing? Board games?) then he may feel more comfortable/reassured around you and may show his love more.

    In terms of work, as others have said try and get out of your house, even if it is in a corner of your garden, at a library or a nearby field/park. Having some time away front a potentially chaotic house can clear your head, help you to focus and benefit your revision. It might help to find some sort of stress relief activity (yoga/meditation/high energy combat sports) to help you cope with the day to day stress.

    With your mother it might me worth sitting down and talking to her or writing a letter. Explain how you feel about your brother (you love him but its stressful?), why you want to spend time with her, what you feel you already do to help out (she may not notice just how much you do and this might take some of the pressure off you) and little things you could change to help everyone. If you have any close family (grandparents etc) ask if you could stay with them for a week during exams so you could focus on revision? She might not always show it but she most likely wants the best for you.

    And most of all keep going, don't forget that its important to be yourself and make sure that you are as happy as can be. Keep going with your brother and remember its okay to feel a little stressed out about the situation, noone else is you And noone else knows what it feels like.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Hi I completely understand and sympathise with you. I myself have an autistic brother. He is 10 yet acts like someone half his age. I am studying for my GCSEs and my sisters studying for her A2 exams. Therefore I know what it's like to work and be distracted constantly by him. It's tough but you've got to just get on with it. Go some place quiet and just learn! My parents take my brother out a lot so it's not that bad but ofcourse he can't be out all the time. It's a real pain I know but I love him to bits. When I feel like telling him off I just remember that it's not his fault and that he's not making all these noises on purpose. Take care and I hope you do well in your exams. If you need anyone to talk to I'm here!
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    (my parents keeps saying, i gave him my 'diesease' )
    Your parents are disgusting and you deserve better, that really is inexcusable.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I thought that everything would be better because I would have a "normal" sibling and we would be in the same position. But it wasn't that simple. My younger brother accepted more easily that I did and he seemed unaffected. Although I have my moments of jealousy, from him I learned that it was not just my brothers aspergers that caused me problems but my attitude towards it and the relationship that we had that affected my wellbeing.
    I'm sorry that you have problem's with your brother! I cannot say I understand your circumstances cause every relationship is different and unique, but I can say that having experienced my own difficulties growing up alongside aspergers, my heart goes out to you!
    Ultimately it is substantially easier for you to adapt then an autistic sibling, i'm not placing blame but it is the path of least resistance imo, CBT and/or therapy could be a big help to both yourself and the OP.

    (Original post by hockham jaynsaw)
    This is the answer.

    I have an autistic brother that's 3 years younger than me. The best defence is to be out of the house. I also noticed that when I started to treat him a little more grown up, made him feel like he was on my level, he settled down. I don't know why. Maybe others accidentally belittled him or maybe he took cues from people and behaved at that level... Whatever the reason, I found that being kind of nochalant towards the outbursts, and otherwise removing the hyperactive, screaming games we used to play from our lives (and replacing them with chilled out stuff instead) actually made a huge difference in his overall behaviour. Nobody wants to feel like an annoyance.
    I noticed the same thing with my neice who doesn't have autism but has 'autistic traits'[...?], teenagers her own age had undue influence over her and she was substantially calmer with them, unfortunately you couldn't rely on this and it would have been unfair to dump her on a teenager [I think this still happened a lot because she has a non-autistic twin].

    Also did you know that roughly 80% of people with Autism also have some form of Sensory Deprivation Disorder? This can often act as a trigger point, for example my neice has a vice like grip, punches hard, loves trampolining- her senses are registering sensations to weakly and so her mind is compensating and making her squeeze harder etc.

    Oh also she is TINY for her age which proves her sensory dial is whacked up to super high because she hits like a pro boxer.

    This is completely 'normal' for her, she is reacting to her surroundings in response to her senses just like you and me but it's very easy for people to misunderstand, they think she is trying to hurt them or has no self control over her physical aggression. For her she is just holding your hand at the pressure her senses are telling her is normal- it's very sad and yes VERY frustrating even for me who's studied it i'm ashamed to say i've lost my temper occasionally.

    Also of course the angrier people get about her hurting them the more anxious she gets and her grip gets tighter...

    Anyway it's a tough time for you but I think some of the posts i quoted could help and some therapy. You deserve to be mentally stable and healthy and it could put you in a good place for your exams.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Another about him is that he loves to pour drinks that I buy down the drain and my food in the bin.

    He still does it despite my mum telling him on many occasions not to. He thinks it is funny.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You probably don't know how it feels if you don't have an autistic sibling.

    1. He acts like a 2 year old, even though he's 8, screaming and throwing tantrums. Which is affecting my preparation for my A-level exams next week.

    2. We can't even have nice foods in the house because it will make him hyper etc

    3. I barely talk to my mother since she is busy dealing with his problems, as a result we argue often.

    4. He doesn't show any love to anyone else except my mum, in his eyes we're just people who give him stuff whenever he wants it.

    Any advice from people who have actually experienced this?
    I have an Autistic brother. It's not his fault he is the way he is, and your mum is just trying to do the best she can for him. Think about the stress she will be going through daily trying to keep him as calm as possible, and the fact that she will probably be caring for him the rest of her life. Show some respect for the amount that she does and appreciate that you don't have to be more involved with looking after him.

    Go to a library, friends house, or just put your earphones in.

    As for nice foods, deal with it, or eat the food you want when you're not home. If they make him hyper surely that would make it even worse for everyone in the house?

    It sounds like you need to grow up and not be so selfish. It is the way it is. And you're doing you A levels so you probably won't be living at home for much longer? Just wait it out.
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    22
    ReputationRep:
    Very Important Poster
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Another about him is that he loves to pour drinks that I buy down the drain and my food in the bin.

    He still does it despite my mum telling him on many occasions not to. He thinks it is funny.
    Keep your drinks in your room.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: November 23, 2017

2,627

students online now

800,000+

Exam discussions

Find your exam discussion here

Poll
Should predicted grades be removed from the uni application process

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.