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Bf watches porn even though I sent nudes watch


    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So this might sound stupid but I just want other peoples opinion.
    Im 17 my bf is 18, almost 19 and we've been together for almost 2 years. We live very close to each other so see each other basically everyday and we have sex almost everyday we're together.
    Now I understand men are different to girls and they need to masterbate sometimes so whenever he asks I send him nudes, this is often I totally trust him so I don't need to be told it's a bad idea. Anyway in the past we've had the porn talk and I said it would make me uncomfortable if he used it and he said he hasn't watched it in years he doesn't like it he prefers pictures and he would only like to use mine since we're together.
    I've become aware that's all lies he uses porn he often says he's going to bed then stays up to..you know. I don't like it to begin with but it makes it worse he lied.
    So is it normal to be upset or am I unreasonable? It makes me feel insecure he has my nudes but chooses other women? We spoke about it at first he denied to then I said go on your history and there was no getting out of it but he didn't talk about it he just changed the subject and lAter asked "are you sending nudes tonight"
    Am I in the wrong?
    Doesn't matter if you sent nudes, he's still gonna watch some porn like most men.

    Also you do realise sending and sharing porn of someone under the age of 18 is illegal.... so both of you could be arrested for doing so (and just because it's you in the picture will not prevent this).

    I would recommend not posting such stories on here even if you are annon.

    (Original post by Cherie Amour)
    You need to seriously reevaluate your tone. There is no reason to be angry. And I'm not misguided at all; porn has a lot to do with how people view sex. Of course people have developed their sexuality on their own, I never said they didn't and that porn is culpable for cheating. But it can be and has been. It can develop addictions that ruin relationships.

    However, just because you have a penis it doesn't mean you can speak for everyone else who does. Men, especially young men just becoming sexually active like the guy spoken about in the OP, look at porn and then ask the girl even if it's her first time, to do what he saw. Is this foreign to you, because it's not to me. And the school shooting thing is a wild analogy and completely irrelevant because now we have to discuss gun laws and psychopathy. Really, guy?

    And no I've never asked a man not to watch porn but obviously if someone does and he does it still, there will be trust issues now.

    I know this. And ok. You've confirmed for me to never take Jennifer Lawrence seriously.
    Yeah that is foreign to me. In all my early sexual experiences I was the one who was petrified, behind the curve and didn't know what I was doing. Thank you for a different perspective and sorry for being angry, but I don’t think problematising porn is any more of a solution than problematising the video games - it is a valid analogy. In both cases, the porn and video games influence the cosmetic appearance of the person's behaviour, but not the underlying cause of it, which would have come out some other way anyway.

    Thrre is also no real way I can see to get rid of the unrealistic characteristics of porn. Real sex involves all five senses plus a hefty dollop of chemistry. Porn has to compete with that just using visuals, sound and story. No wonder it's exaggerated and unrealistic.

    Really I just see porn as much the same as any other type of entertainment. There's porn that's like say soap operas and porn that's like documentaries and a lot more besides. And generally all the genres can be enjoyable to watch but as with anything 95% of it is ****.

    And I don’t see the problem about some naive people expecting porn to be played out in real life as anything particularly distinct from, well, let's use an interesting example, girls expecting to be swept off their feet and treated like Disney princesses like in the fairy tales. People if they held them at all are generally disabused of both notions after the barest of experiences.

    (Original post by banterboy)
    Every man who has access t o it in the world watches porn. It's just one of those things, like tea or food.

    It literally means nothing and there's no need to be upset. Watch some yourself, he won't mind.
    I thought I would just point out that not every man watches porn. It's simply not true.

    I'd be happy and very interested to read some research papers on the matter, banterboy, if you have any that say the contrary.
    • #4

    Just to echo what everyone else said - never, ever, send nude pictures of yourself - or take any. If it were the other way round, and your boyfriend cheated on you, I'm sure you would be tempted at the very least to put those on the internet.

    Also, I guess the real issue here is not to have sex unless you are married. If you could wait, you really wouldn't be in this scenario at all. Call me a prude all you want. It's your loss that the lot have you have as much common sense as a pea, and morals as loose as a runaway caboose.

    Pornography and masturbation is a whole other conundrum, but I'm going to stop here - let not the sinner cast the first stone. Hah!

    I can understand being upset about the lying, but to be honest the porn thing unless it affects your relationship or sex life directly, then there isn't really an issue. If it was swapping nudes with another woman or going on chat rooms or the likes then I can understand you saying outright no, but as it is purely a way of helping him 'get off' - which will always happen as men and women both do it, regardless of being in a relationship - then you can't tell him outright not to do it.
    Yes, it might make you uncomfortable, but porn isn't a form of cheating, it's just a fantasy which helps to stimulate, nothing more. If it becomes an addiction which effects your sex life and relationship, then that's another matter. You might not like it, and as long as he acknowledges that and doesn't let it affect the relationship etc, then it's just going to be something he does in private which you don't particularly like. Maybe a comparable example is him hanging out with a friend you don't get on with? You don't like it, but it doesn't affect you and the relationship.
    As for nudes - just be careful. So many stories of men using them for revenge etc

    He's an 18 year old male. Of course he watches porn. You'd have a hard time finding someone who didn't so you'll just have to get over it I'm afraid.

    (Original post by Wilfred Little)
    An addiction and personal issue Nearly every bloke on here with a girlfriend (or boyfriend) watches porn. Many will even enjoy watching it together. This will apply to many of the girls as well. Absolutely no issue with it whatsoever. If you're ******* five times a day and it's interfering with daily life then that would be an addiction.

    If you've got a boyfriend he is watching porn. Do you honestly believe he only ever wanks over you?

    I think the OP is insecure BTW.
    Erm actually just in case you didn't know, i was speaking of the more harmful causes to too much of ANYTHING, people start to become desensitized, in fact real life sex doesn't turn them on unless they actually watch some porn before hand.

    oh this btw -->
    pretty damn interesting perspective.

    Like i said, i don't think watching it is bad at all, from what she was describing about her bf, and how he hides it from her was a little creepy at my first assumption and how he on top of that asks for some nude pics too on the same night. It sounded a little...

    I never said only guys watch it..
    I was speaking of extremities.
    There is a limit to everything.

    And lastly, of course she may be insecure she's young and her way of dealing with being in that situation for the first time shows that, nothing wrong with it.
    • #5

    Look at you, sending nudes to a guy that will drop you in seconds and share them with his friends.

    You've sold your soul to somebody that isn't guaranteed forever.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter

    So like someone said I do have nudes of him too and my nudes aren't with face or anything that could show its mine so im really not worried about that.
    It's the fact he lies and could do it over me but chooses not to.
    One person uses the example of him being crazy if I spoke to boys but the thing is he is. He gets so jealous over me being friends with or speaking to another boy hes insecure I'll leave him for someone else even if I'm just friends with them so it's not like im just a crazy gf.
    We spoke about it today and he just got upset and literally cried but he doesn't actually talk about it he won't tell me why he or it or why he lies and I think he just got so upset asa way to turn it back on me so he's the victim and i would feel bad. He said he didn't think it mattered but then said he knew it would upset me that's why he didn't tell me
    It's all just super weird to me why say you don't like porn and just like pictures of girls and only want my nudes if you don't ?
    Like I said I get boys masterbate but I have said it makes me uncomfortable and I don't like him watching it so why can't he get off another way?
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