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Please be honest: would you date a girl who has had one night stands? watch

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    (Original post by Cherie Amour)
    So you only date virgins? I hope you remain one till you meet your soulmate, otherwise that is hypocrisy.
    Just because he would say no to someone who has one night stands does not mean he'd say no to someone who only had sex while they were in a relationship.
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    Yes I would, same for guys. I really do not care, as long as they healthy ofc.
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    I would prefer to date a girl who's been through multiple one night stands, actually.
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    (Original post by zyzzyspirit)
    I would prefer to date a girl who's been through multiple one night stands, actually.
    Okay, why is that?
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    (Original post by thecatwithnohat)
    Just because he would say no to someone who has one night stands does not mean he'd say no to someone who only had sex while they were in a relationship.
    Why are you speaking for him?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Good for you for not letting yourself be used it's a shame about the low self esteem though. Yeah I wasn't sexually active until just before I turned 20 (literally 4 days before) and was celibate throughout my teens but after that it was like something just broke in me and I couldn't take it any more I just wanted to be held for one night by my friend at the time I was so lonely.
    Were you celibate by choice or circumstance? I never felt alone because I chose it so I never relapsed into a sexual life.
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    I definitely wouldn't but I am only 19 though. At age 25+ a lot of single people will have had them and if anyone says they haven't, I would straight up think they are lieing.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Okay, why is that?
    She'll be more mature and less likely to be tempted to try something 'new'.
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    (Original post by drowzee)
    Yes I would, same for guys. I really do not care, as long as they healthy ofc.
    Yeah I'm STD free
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This all stings but thank you. I wish I would have had the integrity to wait for someone that did care about me.
    This is one guy's views, do not let it hurt you. Honestly the amount of ONS you have had has nothing to do with your integrity; there is nothing wrongs with ONS as long as you're safe. Any guy that rejects you for having ONS is not worth your time anyway.
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    (Original post by Cherie Amour)
    Were you celibate by choice or circumstance? I never felt alone because I chose it so I never relapsed into a sexual life.
    Choice to begin with as I'm a Christian but circumstance after all while when all my friends were getting boyfriends and leaving me out I felt really lonely so I wanted to find someone who cared about me and would look out for me.
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    (Original post by Cherie Amour)
    Why are you speaking for him?
    I'm not speaking for him; I'm putting the sense in what you posted. At no point did he say that he "[would] only date virgins".
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I feel so rotten and dirty. I think I have to deal with my own issues before I can invite a guy in. But thanks it might take a rare kind of guy to accept me I hope I find him.

    Yeah being single isn't so bad but I've been single my entire life and I feel abnormal. I felt sad that I was 20 and never had a boyfriend whereas all my peers had had boyfriends since 15.
    What I am going to say may be difficult to hear, but I am saying it from a place of empathy, and because I very much hear you. I hope you will take it in the constructive way it is intended to be given.

    The issue here is not your sexual history but your low self esteem. Men, or at least the right man, will accept you for what you are, love you for you, and that includes your one night stands, because they made you what you are.

    I am not saying all guys would, but any guy worthy of you.

    But you will find it hard to be loved if you don't love yourself. It is a terrible cliche, but like all cliches based on a fundamental truth. Your low self esteem is the barrier to you finding the love you seek, not strangers you shagged, and now regret doing.

    You are not worthless or (forgive me for using an unpleasant term) a "whore for having slept with a few men who didn't respect you. They were in the wrong here, not you.

    You need to tie those experiences up, tie them in a little bow and move on from them. Easy to say I know, harder to do. But if you can, when you can, you will find a loving fulfilling relationship comes to you. It may not be tomorrow or next week, but it will, and you will likely not expect it.

    If you find you can't move on, if it is too hard to stop beating yourself up there is always therapy. I had undergone it myself and it is fantastic in helping you with your demons.

    There is a stigma to it of course (not so in the US but definitely here) but you don't have to tell anyone. Although you WILL want to tell the man you find love with.

    Or you may not need it and can work through this yourself.

    Good luck.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Choice to begin with as I'm a Christian but circumstance after all while when all my friends were getting boyfriends and leaving me out I felt really lonely so I wanted to find someone who cared about me and would look out for me.
    This is literally how my mother made my older sister. And she regrets it. And I imagine you might be making the thread wondering if there's a chance for redemption. Of course there is But you have to be strong and not worry about someone judging you. If you feel bad then try not to do it again I guess I felt bad when I lost my virginity and so I just didn't do it again even if men pursuing me get mad. My mother told me and I told me to leave a guy if they get mad for not getting sex, and then stopped talking to me for it (the latter never happened, and I can't accept that a human being that immature walks this earth).
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    (Original post by drowzee)
    This is one guy's views, do not let it hurt you. Honestly the amount of ONS you have had has nothing to do with your integrity; there is nothing wrongs with ONS as long as you're safe. Any guy that rejects you for having ONS is not worth your time anyway.
    Thank you it's not that ONSs are bad in themselves but they affected me in bad way possibly because of the way I was raised where sexuality (outside of unprotected missionary in the bounds of marriage) was disgusting and demonized so 2 years ago I chose to keep my sexuality within a committed relationship as I feel this will be healthiest for me. For me it's not even that I had them it was the place I was coming from meaning I was doing it because I felt worthless rather than doing it for enjoyment or pleasure if that makes sense. I don't think that guy is isolated in his views but as you say there will surely be quite a few guys who will accept me as I will likewise accept the skeletons in their closet!
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    (Original post by Starvation13)
    I wouldn't cos you don't seem like them dominant female types

    ---

    But back to your problems, I don't see why someone else shouldn't, it's not like you cheated on someone. Honestly if your sex history is enough to dissuade a man from wanting to date you, you're the one that should be running that mile. Though IMO, you shouldn't be blurting out that at the start or the relationship, but you shouldn't be revealing it just before he puts the ring on your finger. You should say it when the relationship is steady, because if its real love, the relationship will persist.

    Then again that's coming from me, who has never been in a relationship before, sooo i might just be talking a load of bull. Can i get someone to verify this? Preferably someone who's been in a relationship.... in real life.... not in your dreams, otherwise i wouldn't need to ask someone for clarification.
    Yes thank you for the advice I'm certainly not going to tell someone straight away it will come as we build trust together, and again not before the ring either

    I'm just curious what attracts you to dominant ladies? Is it just dominant in the bedroom or all around you speak of?
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    I'd say 'no', but I'd make an exception for your attitude.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Do you mind explaining a little as to why you would?
    As long as she has changed her ways and is not a feminist then I would for a serious relationship.

    Why did you think you were not worthy for a long term relationship?
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    (Original post by chocolate hottie)
    What I am going to say may be difficult to hear, but I am saying it from a place of empathy, and because I very much hear you. I hope you will take it in the constructive way it is intended to be given.

    The issue here is not your sexual history but your low self esteem. Men, or at least the right man, will accept you for what you are, love you for you, and that includes your one night stands, because they made you what you are.

    I am not saying all guys would, but any guy worthy of you.

    But you will find it hard to be loved if you don't love yourself. It is a terrible cliche, but like all cliches based on a fundamental truth. Your low self esteem is the barrier to you finding the love you seek, not strangers you shagged, and now regret doing.

    You are not worthless or (forgive me for using an unpleasant term) a "whore for having slept with a few men who didn't respect you. They were in the wrong here, not you.

    You need to tie those experiences up, tie them in a little bow and move on from them. Easy to say I know, harder to do. But if you can, when you can, you will find a loving fulfilling relationship comes to you. It may not be tomorrow or next week, but it will, and you will likely not expect it.

    If you find you can't move on, if it is too hard to stop beating yourself up there is always therapy. I had undergone it myself and it is fantastic in helping you with your demons.

    There is a stigma to it of course (not so in the US but definitely here) but you don't have to tell anyone. Although you WILL want to tell the man you find love with.

    Or you may not need it and can work through this yourself.

    Good luck.
    Thank you so much my low self esteem is definitely holding me back probably more so than the men I slept with. My self esteem has come on leaps and bounds over the past few years but I've still got quite a journey to go

    I suppose I need to forgive myself rather than call myself worthless etc. I have learnt from the past and need to put it behind me. I like your analogy of the box with the bow I might just visualise that in doing so
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    (Original post by quentinhamilton)
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    Hahhahaah this made my day :gah::nah::rofl:
 
 
 
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