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'Banter' annoys me. Is it my problem or my friend's? watch

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    (Original post by pbw)
    would you say you're being bullied by your friends?
    It could be perceived like that yes. From my perspective. From their's they claim it's a joke. But when I ask them to explain what is funny about it. They can't explain because that would mean that they would have to admit what they do. Takin the piss out of me is funny. I am a punchline lol. This is the point. They think it ok to make a joke out of an aspect of my life. I expect this from people that don't like me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I could either dish out but with vengeance or bring them up on it.

    I think I will dish it out and get them to try and fight me so they understand what it feels like. This means I have to be vindictive in my approach. Everything my friends do is open to ridicule lol. If they get fired, I'm on it straight away. Spill drink on their shirt, on ittttttt.

    It means you need to ignore everything they say and concentrate on the obliteration of their life. Make them feel so upset that they want to fight you. That's my aim.
    Have you considered finding new friends?

    These friends don't seem to bring you much joy. And if you surround yourself with people you don't like, it will bring out the worst in you.

    Personally, I think you're overreacting. Yes, this whole banter/mocking humour that everyone seems to have these days can get tedious and a bit dull, but it's not this deep.

    I know you wouldn't accept it from a stranger, but you wouldn't even talk to a stranger so that argument is irrelevant really.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It could be perceived like that yes. From my perspective. From their's they claim it's a joke. But when I ask them to explain what is funny about it. They can't explain because that would mean that they would have to admit what they do. Takin the piss out of me is funny. I am a punchline lol. This is the point. They think it ok to make a joke out of an aspect of my life. I expect this from people that don't like me.
    OK, I'm gonna be a serious now. I think what you're going through is just an aspect of growing up. i think nearly everyone goes through it and its just about getting through it. as you get older, it happens less and actually becomes less important.

    try to ignore as much of it as you can and don't let it upset you. just concentrate on things that are important to you and trust me, this will all just pass.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's like a never ending cycle of insults. The only way it ends is if I punch you because clearly you don't respect me. You see me as nothing but a joke.

    Naaaa mate. It's annoying. Simple as. Everytime you see your friends you have to be insulted lol. That's really fun.
    Do you actually have any friends?

    Its not insulting at all: you're missing the fundamental point of teasing.
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    (Original post by OU Student)
    He's done both. IE:

    Friend one: (to me) Isn't it you who lives in Plymouth?
    Me: Yes
    Him: Someone has to

    Him: We all sit around the campfire and play. Even if they're just as rubbish as you
    Me: um, thanks

    With the latter, he had to explain that a) he meant "you" in general terms and he thought he knew well enough that he could get away with something like that.

    With the former, he was just being sarcastic.
    But why is it funny?

    The first one is a general comment. It's not specifically ridiculing you. It's ridiculing Plymouth. If you love Plymouth, you might be offended but that's a stretch.

    The second one is more direct but I don't understand why it is funny. He is trying to insult you irrespective of your playing skills. Insulting you is the source of humour. The joke itself isn't humorous...I don't understand. Did you laugh when he said that?
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    (Original post by pbw)
    the running-joke here is that OP can't handle banter.


    There's always one ******** who can't take a joke and constantly takes things personally and gets all wound up when everyone else is just having a laugh. They normally have a brain aneurysm and die aged 40.


    Its best to just not invite people like this out at all.
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    (Original post by cole-slaw)
    Do you actually have any friends?

    Its not insulting at all: you're missing the fundamental point of teasing.
    Course I do. Teasing is one thing. But over a considerable amount of time is annoying.
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    (Original post by pbw)
    OK, I'm gonna be a serious now. I think what you're going through is just an aspect of growing up. i think nearly everyone goes through it and its just about getting through it. as you get older, it happens less and actually becomes less important.

    try to ignore as much of it as you can and don't let it upset you. just concentrate on things that are important to you and trust me, this will all just pass.
    I think this is partly true. 12 year olds quite often can't take a joke unless you signal very strongly that you are joking. I see it all the time. A little bit of banter ends with one of them in tears.

    Fortunately, 90% of 16 year olds have sufficiently advanced social skills to understand when someone is joking and when they're being serious. Very few people make it to adulthood without developing these skills.

    It appears OP is something of a unique case.
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    (Original post by cole-slaw)
    There's always one ******** who can't take a joke and constantly takes things personally and gets all wound up when everyone else is just having a laugh. They normally have a brain aneurysm and die aged 40.


    Its best to just not invite people like this out at all.
    If you can only enjoy yourself by insulting your mates, that's stupid.

    But don't worry. I will actively dish it out. We will see what happens. No holding back. Your mum, dad granny, uncle, girlfriend anyone can get it and if you try and moan about it, i'll headbutt you and call you an uptight sensitive prick. lol
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Course I do. Teasing is one thing. But over a considerable amount of time is annoying.
    If you actually understood it, you wouldn't find it annoying.

    I don't think you understand it. I think you think they are actually insulting you.
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    (Original post by cole-slaw)
    Do you actually have any friends?
    this actually did cross my mind. I think OP has acquaintances, not friends.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    Is it a healthy relationship if you all mock each other???

    Is it my problem or my friends'?
    I'm a girl so many my opinion doesn't count for your situations.

    I don't like friends who take the mickey out of each other for what seems like no reason, however sometimes there is a reason.

    e.g
    -I have this friend who does a couple of things that are really annoying. They have been brought up seriously but she carries on..... therefore when she carries on it is a lot less awkward tho bring it up through "banter" than a serious conversation. its a way of bringing up serious issues in a way that will (hopefully) cause less of an issue between friends.

    - I have some friends where we have agreed to disagree on various issues. We've talked a lot and know each others opinions so when it gets brought up in conversations we may just joke rather than going through the whole thing again. e.g. on belief in a higher being, I may say " xxx thinks she's atheist because she's smart but really it's because she's closed minded about it" -not insulting as we already know what we both think.

    -Sometimes people do funny things which just have to be brought up again, like when my stepdad fell asleep then woke up and threw a glass on wine in his face. obviously makes him feel silly when it is brought up, but it was just too funny not to ever talk about it again.
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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by cole-slaw)
    I think this is partly true. 12 year olds quite often can't take a joke unless you signal very strongly that you are joking. I see it all the time. A little bit of banter ends with one of them in tears.

    Fortunately, 90% of 16 year olds have sufficiently advanced social skills to understand when someone is joking and when they're being serious. Very few people make it to adulthood without developing these skills.

    It appears OP is something of a unique case.
    Past experiences have resulted in my aversion of such interactions i.e. I do not insult my mates. well 99.9% of the time.

    The problem is that sometimes people are actually trying to offend you in a malicious way. If I feel like this is the case, it annoys me. So I decided not to engage in it at all. Allow your whole life being a running joke. That's dead.
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    I think OP thinks he is being disrespected. that's his issue, he wants respect. problem is, if you don't take the banter, no one is gonna respect you.
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    I think its fine
    The only time i hate it is when someone says bants after being absolutely horrible to someone, bot at all jokingly, but the person cant respond without being told they need to learn how to take a joke
    But in the normal sense laughing with each other then its fine
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    (Original post by Bobbi!)
    I'm a girl so many my opinion doesn't count for your situations.

    I don't like friends who take the mickey out of each other for what seems like no reason, however sometimes there is a reason.

    e.g
    -I have this friend who does a couple of things that are really annoying. They have been brought up seriously but she carries on..... therefore when she carries on it is a lot less awkward tho bring it up through "banter" than a serious conversation. its a way of bringing up serious issues in a way that will (hopefully) cause less of an issue between friends.

    - I have some friends where we have agreed to disagree on various issues. We've talked a lot and know each others opinions so when it gets brought up in conversations we may just joke rather than going through the whole thing again. e.g. on belief in a higher being, I may say " xxx thinks she's atheist because she's smart but really it's because she's closed minded about it" -not insulting as we already know what we both think.

    -Sometimes people do funny things which just have to be brought up again, like when my stepdad fell asleep then woke up and threw a glass on wine in his face. obviously makes him feel silly when it is brought up, but it was just too funny not to ever talk about it again.
    If the reason is to laugh then it's pretty pointless isn't it. It's not a way of augmenting my behaviour. It's pure ridicule.
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    (Original post by pbw)
    I think OP thinks he is being disrespected. that's his issue, he wants respect. problem is, if you don't take the banter, no one is gonna respect you.
    If they don't respect, they don't respect you. The only way you could come up with this type of 'banter' is if you do not respect me enough to consider my feelings. Therefore you don't really care about my well being. To fool myself is silly. Really good friends never ridicule each other. I've seen it. Really tight friends do not insult each other for laughs. Justified ridicule is when you're trying to make a serious point but not getting through. That's different. You actually care about the person.
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    (Original post by cole-slaw)
    If you actually understood it, you wouldn't find it annoying.

    I don't think you understand it. I think you think they are actually insulting you.
    They are. They are insulting and laughing about it andddd even expecting me to take it. At least a stranger will expect an uppercut lol
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    (Original post by anonymous)
    if they don't respect, they don't respect you. The only way you could come up with this type of 'banter' is if you do not respect me enough to consider my feelings. Therefore you don't really care about my well being. To fool myself is silly. Really good friends never ridicule each other. I've seen it. Really tight friends do not insult each other for laughs. Justified ridicule is when you're trying to make a serious point but not getting through. That's different. You actually care about the person.
    have you been seen by a mental health professional yet? I think you should be on suicide watch
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    (Original post by pbw)
    this actually did cross my mind. I think OP has acquaintances, not friends.
    I was thinking about that myself because everyone get's their fare share of banter?

    but when I have seen it get 'a bit much' it's usually been a really tight group of mates and then there's a 'new lad' or someone who's just kinda tagging along..often he does end up being the 'whipping boy'. (Especially if he's seen as been a bit of a noob)
 
 
 
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