I want my boyfriend to be more dominant

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Original post by halliethestudent

Help!!!! Me and my boyfriends sex life is so so great don't get me wrong but I want him to be more controlling during these times. However I'm the sort of girl who's such a feminist and doesn't let anyone tell me what to do and I put people in their place if I do so this is why I'm so shy and embarrassed to tell him because in the past I've been so embarrassed to admit I like it because of the barrier I put up. But during sexy time I want him to talk dirty to me and I want him to pin me down but he treats me as an equal which I know is great but at that time it's not what I want so I need help!!!

Here's an alternative suggestion to rather than just 'stating it' to him as other people have been telling you to do :/

Try to have put a dominant spin on it. So, for example, you could say that you're tired after a long day but you still want to have sex. So you could suggest to him that he needs to take the lead for today. You need to pull the act on well. When you actually tell him to take the lead, don't say it from half a room away, stuttering and twiddling your thumbs. But rather on the bed, looking deep into his eyes, and he's looking at your eyes, hold his head with your hands and whisper it to him or however you want to say it. For the first time, the whole pretence is that you're tired. This whole thing is purely because you don't have the energy to do do the usual stuff.

BTW This is only if you want to keep yourself as the dominant partner. If you don't want to lose that image to your boyfriend then you don't have to pull off all of this, but what I'm suggesting is if you feel that admitting you want him to pin you down would undermine your dominance.

Anyway, if you want him to pin you down etc, don't ask him to. Tell him to. Command him to. You're putting him in his place, he's not gripping you hard enough, he's not pushing hard enough, he's being too gentle. He's not pleasing you enough, the way he's doing things right now it disappointing you. Word by word, you need to make him slowly become more dominant, while maintaining your own dominance. I don't know if you get what I mean. Like the only reason he's dominant with you right now in sex, is because your telling him to be dominant. And he since he listens to you, that simultaneously makes you dominant too. This way you won't be losing your dominant position in the general relationship while also getting what you want which is (to be frank) a male to hold you down.

Original post by halliethestudent

I want him to talk dirty to me

Easy. Tell him to express how much he's missed your body for the past day. Tell him to confess to all the dirty thoughts he's has about you over the past day. Obviously, they may be quite tame, but this is only the first time.

So then after sexy time is over, you can explain to him how you really enjoyed that, and how you might want to do that again. You could try pulling off the 'I discovered a whole new part of myself' thing I dunno. Then maybe not the next time, maybe the time after, you do it again. But this time, it's not under a pretence of tiredness, it's because you enjoyed it and you want to do it again.

One thing though, treat him nicely too :biggrin:

He will probably still love to be dominated by you in the original sense and if that's the case, take turns to be the dominant or something.

So overall, in his mind, the only reason he's doing this is because one night, you really wanted to have sex but you were just too tired so you two did something different to compensate for that fact. Turns out you really liked it and want your man to do this more often! So it turns out to be that him being dominant in sex was an accidental discovery rather than something you've been wanting for a long time now. Thus this maintains your dominance, leading you two becoming co-dominant instead of you becoming submissive and him becoming dominant which I think was your original fear.

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Please note that I have never been in a relationship, so feel free to change bits or criticise parts that you don't think would work. Obviously I don't know how your exact relationship works so you may not want to do all of what I said or you may want to add more things to what I said.

I know the above paragraph may seem like I made my whole post redundant but basically, I want a dominant female in my future life. And I felt the need to suggest an alternative solution that came into my head just in case there were others like you feeling really awkward about them wanting their males to be more dominant.

If you have any questions please feel free to PM me or reply back on this thread :smile:

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Wow, my longest post on TSR, kinda makes me realise just how strongly I feel about this topic lol.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 41

grvcex97

Original post by apronedsamurai

"Honey, I want you to treat me like a whore." "Take me over your knee and spank my sweet ass red!"

:smile:

I'm down......

Reply 42

grvcex97

Original post by hektik

Thank you for the erection.

well then.

Reply 43

Ridingmyego

If your boyfriend is a virgin, would you teach him how go be dominant, or would you rather he try things that he would believe to be so?

Reply 44

Anonymous #2

Original post by Josb

Commas, please.

HAHAHAHAHA you oxford old-fashion insanity (just joking...

Original post by halliethestudent

Well not only women want it, bottom gay guys want it too.

Never work that well unless you tell him in a horny way... Ask him to **** you just like the way he does in his fantasy dreams

Reply 45

Anonymous #2

Original post by Ridingmyego

If your boyfriend is a virgin, would you teach him how go be dominant, or would you rather he try things that he would believe to be so?

Best point ever

Reply 46

TurboCretin

Original post by halliethestudent

I know I have a choice I'm fully aware of that I'm just scared to pluck up the courage to tell him

Posted from TSR Mobile

People here can't really help with that, you're just going to have to bite the bullet. It shouldn't be all that difficult when you're in a relationship with someone.

Reply 47

zyzzyspirit

Original post by Josb

Since she closed her diary thread, we are not informed of her current mood anymore.

I wasn't sure what was causing this void feeling in me for the past ten days, but you've summed it up.

We should start a Kickstarter campaign to resume the thread, biggest pledge gets a romantic dinner with a Maid Marian look alike doll. :daydreaming:

Reply 48

Josb

Original post by zyzzyspirit

Man, I think she closed her thread because of you.

Reply 49

zyzzyspirit

Original post by Josb

Man, I think she closed her thread because of you.

It had more to do with that hermit frog character who put Marian in her place.

This thread has annoyed me. How on earth can you moan about some guy who doesn't want to be your friend and who ignores you, when you clearly treat other people with the EXACT SAME disregard. Either be a bit nicer to people, or quit your moaning. No one likes a hypocrite.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuEQFzoGm4s&feature=youtu.be&t=12s

Reply 50

heynow

Having recently broached the subject with my boyfriend, the best advice I can give is be honest, and don't expect too much straight away. I told my boyfriend the stuff I was into six months ago, and have jokingly brought it up a few times since. It was only the other day when he slapped my butt as a joke, as he often does, and I went 'if you're going to do it, do it properly' that things actually changed. I helped show and tell him what I liked and, although he said it was a bit weird for him and he wasn't massively into it, he also said he would be happy to do it again because I like it so much. It's all about honest open communication.
And also: what you like in bed has nothing to do with being a feminist.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 51

Masih ad-Dajjal

Original post by Anonymous

Its completely natural. Women (in general) want to be dominated, the science supports this. Thus why feminism is innately flawed

This is so childish and naive it's unreal.

In my experience, most women prefer to be sexually dominated but socially they still want equality, I guess a woman doesn't want to submit herself to just anyone.

Reply 52

Josb

Original post by Masih ad-Dajjal

I would find it strange if an animal rights activist liked to eat meat.

Reply 53

Masih ad-Dajjal

Original post by Josb

I would find it strange if an animal rights activist liked to eat meat.

I really don't understand why guys have such trouble understanding this point.

Just because a woman enjoys her man sexually dominating her, does not mean she doesn't want to be educated or that she wants to just stay at home washing dishes.