Is it to spare their feelings or because you try to avoid conflicts?
Just don't wanna hurt them.. I look up to those people who can be honest and just not care that much about the person's feelings. I'm so over-caring I personally prefer when someone is honest with me
Just don't wanna hurt them.. I look up to those people who can be honest and just not care that much about the person's feelings. I'm so over-caring I personally prefer when someone is honest with me
I can relate I guess the trick is to find some middle ground where you're honest but not too blunt about it, sparing their feelings
do you get that pleasure-pain feeling when you do it? And is it done when you're really nervous?
Yes, and no. I'll do it anywhere, anytime, usually when I'm bored I suppose. I stop when it gets red raw and bleeds, then go onto another finger and chew that off.
Probably telling people what they want to hear instead of the truth :/
This is my downfall as well. People repeatedly tell me I'm too nice and I sugar coat things but I don't have the heart to tell anyone anything bad about themselves even if they personally **** me over. I try and avoid confrontation that's why I do that and I always spare their feelings.
1) When I'm nervous I'll blurt out the stupidest things and I'll laugh 2) my leg shakes like a washing machine, non stop, especially when I'm deep in thought 3) I interrupt people when I want to talk and I'll zone out when they do
This is my downfall as well. People repeatedly tell me I'm too nice and I sugar coat things but I don't have the heart to tell anyone anything bad about themselves even if they personally **** me over. I try and avoid confrontation that's why I do that and I always spare their feelings.
This perfectly describes me I always worry that I will come off as rude or careless. I think it's an insecurity, when there's people we respect, or just someone we want to impress, we tend to tell them what they want to hear
This perfectly describes me I always worry that I will come off as rude or careless. I think it's an insecurity, when there's people we respect, or just someone we want to impress, we tend to tell them what they want to hear
This part's really true. I've found my favourite teachers are those most critical of me. It's not because I hate myself, rather they have this knack of being able to tell me if I'm not doing something the right way.
As an example, I showed my uni personal statement last month to ~4 teachers. 3 of those teachers told me it was very good and probably ready to send. The 4th one (my favourite teacher) was honest with me and said it was horrible (her exact words), because it didn't sound like me. Even though it made me feel bad at the time, in the long run she was the most helpful of everyone I asked for advice. It was because of her I rewrote it and it sounded soo much better.
As a tip, just remember that being completely honest at times will help the person much more If it does make you feel bad to be 100% truthful because you fear you'd be hurting someone (and I can't blame you for feeling that way, I do too!), at least make sure you emphasise whatever improvement or suggestion you have, so they don't forget it amidst the praise (or whatever positive you have to say)
This perfectly describes me I always worry that I will come off as rude or careless. I think it's an insecurity, when there's people we respect, or just someone we want to impress, we tend to tell them what they want to hear
Yeah I know, when you have feelings for someone or if they're your family/friends then you'll just tell them nice, positive things rather than the negatives but if it were someone who I didn't care about then I could probably be rude, but even then I don't have it in within me to create drama and I steer away from trouble
This part's really true. I've found my favourite teachers are those most critical of me. It's not because I hate myself, rather they have this knack of being able to tell me if I'm not doing something the right way.
As an example, I showed my uni personal statement last month to ~4 teachers. 3 of those teachers told me it was very good and probably ready to send. The 4th one (my favourite teacher) was honest with me and said it was horrible (her exact words), because it didn't sound like me. Even though it made me feel bad at the time, in the long run she was the most helpful of everyone I asked for advice. It was because of her I rewrote it and it sounded soo much better.
As a tip, just remember that being completely honest at times will help the person much more If it does make you feel bad to be 100% truthful because you fear you'd be hurting someone (and I can't blame you for feeling that way, I do too!), at least make sure you emphasise whatever improvement or suggestion you have, so they don't forget it amidst the praise (or whatever positive you have to say)
That was truly beautiful!
It's an issue someone has to work on. I think as soon as you realize you were dishonest, tell them : "no, just kidding, here's the truth..." and play it like a joke. People know when they are being bull****ted, whether it be sooner or later. Like you said with your PS, once you get some real accomplishments under your belt you won't feel compelled to get fake recognition because it will not be as rewarding
It's an issue someone has to work on. I think as soon as you realize you were dishonest, tell them : "no, just kidding, here's the truth..." and play it like a joke. People know when they are being bull****ted, whether it be sooner or later. Like you said with your PS, once you get some real accomplishments under your belt you won't feel compelled to get fake recognition because it will not be as rewarding
Awe thank you
Agreed, for sure! I've seen it get to the point where people just tune out when they realise everything's completely sugar-coated. It wastes both peoples' time and no one really benefits. This is a really hard issue though, for those who take pride in making people happy I think the hardest thing is understanding and accepting that even when things like being honest don't seem to fix the problem at the time, it really does in the long run!
I definitely get that it's hard to draw a line between the right amount of "sugar" and the right amount of honesty. Tbh, that line probably differs person to person
Agreed, for sure! I've seen it get to the point where people just tune out when they realise everything's completely sugar-coated. It wastes both peoples' time and no one really benefits. This is a really hard issue though, for those who take pride in making people happy I think the hardest thing is understanding and accepting that even when things like being honest don't seem to fix the problem at the time, it really does in the long run!
I definitely get that it's hard to draw a line between the right amount of "sugar" and the right amount of honesty. Tbh, that line probably differs person to person
Very true, I guess you have to find out what works best for you and the other people. You will be a better person by achieving honesty with yourself and acceptance of it, plus you may gain a strong path to becoming an objectively more excellent person!