1st year student and pregnant. What to do?

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This is an incredibly tough decision, but honestly as a single mother I can tell you having a baby does NOT mean you have to "give up" your future career like a lot of naysayers here seem to think. Education is always going to be there. I am 25 about to do a degree and to be honest I am far better off financially than students without children as you get extra learning allowances so don't think it's impossible.

The question you have to ask yourself is, do you want to wait? You will have to put things on hold for a while and a child is a lifetime commitment. It is very, very hard work especially on your own. At your age you have to be prepared - you will have to give up your social life, be prepared to live slightly frugally if you have to go on benefits for a while. It is completely your choice but don't let anyone push you into anything with "your life is over" stories. Good luck whatever you decide.

Reply 41

Welkom

Original post by Anonymous

He said he will drop out of uni to work and provide for it, but would no longer be in a relationship with me.

There, read properly if you're going to profess your knowledge on the subject

Reply 42

Des_Lumières

I'm sorry that's you're in such a difficult situation. Sending you many feels.

If you decide the keep your baby, perhaps if you paused full-time study your boyfriend would be able to continue in the university. Then at the end of his degree one of you would be ready to enter a career and by then you might be able to make arrangements for you to return to full-time study. Maybe you could transfer to a university with child care services.

I'm sure you will find a way forwards. It's sounds like you are full of love for your future children. What's more precious than that.

Reply 43

john2054

Original post by Welkom

There, read properly if you're going to profess your knowledge on the subject

and how many children call you 'dad'?

Reply 44

Welkom

Original post by john2054

and how many children call you 'dad'? idiot

I walked out before any of my 7 could talk.

Reply 45

Maid Marian

Are your parents supportive?
If it were me, abortion is certainly not an option. I have very supportive parents so that makes all the difference to me. I would keep the baby :h:

Deffo dump the boyfriend though, what a tosser :lol:

Reply 46

SophieSmall

Original post by john2054

and how many children call you 'dad'?

Could you please refrain from having arguments on this girls thread and talking about yourself and why your opinion is superior since you're a dad. This thread isn't about you please don't be so selfish.

Thanks.

Reply 47

john2054

Original post by Welkom

I walked out before any of my 7 could talk.

Raising a son or daughter, is different from making a baby, i'm sorry they didn't teach you that at school

Reply 48

doodle_333

Whatever decision you make I would make it on the basis that you are 100% alone in this... I know your boyfriend is saying right now he would support you financially, I honestly would not be relying on that, he's had very little time to consider this and after 9 months of anger at you for keeping it he may well decide he isn't prepared to give up on his future career to work a minimum wage job and give you all his money. Personally, I would abort, there are already so many unwanted children in the system that I don't think having the baby to give it up would be the right move and I feel that if you can't raise a child properly in a stable financial and family situation then it is not fair on either of you to go through with it. But I'm not pregnant and don't have to live with the consequences, which I'm sure could be very distressing.

Reply 49

john2054

Original post by SophieSmall

i'm not being selfish. my daughter means the world to me, and so what if she is only my step-daughter. Also i am not the only parent on here who feels this way. please stop picking on me okay sophiesmall??

Reply 50

cherryred90s

Original post by Anonymous

a quick bit of background... I'm a first year student at a top 20 university (although i guess that depends on the list you choose to follow). I have been with my boyfriend for 2 month, he is great ( also at university). i am 5 weeks pregnant.
Before this i would always have been against myself abortion (not pro life, just never thought it was for me.)
i have 3 options.
Abortion.
my boyfriends preferred solution. He thinks me considering anything other than abortion is holding a gun to his head and he couldn't see himself continuing to be with me if i decided to keep it.
I however am crying my eyes out over it because i know its the sensible option but i don't think i cant bring myself to do it.
Keeping it
I will need to drop out of uni, and sacrifice possibly my entire future plans, aswell as do damage to my boyfriends studies and plans. He said he will drop out of uni to work and provide for it, but would no longer be in a relationship with me. However it is my baby, and being a mum is ultimately my career goal. doing a degree is the plan to provide for my future children but the degree and jobs that follow aren't the main goals for me. But do I want a child with a man who wouldn't support me.
Adoption
Boyfriend is also very against that. i think it is kindest as i know i wouldn't be able to provide the child with as much as id like. I do think it would kill me inside though, possibly more than an abortion due to the whole carrying a child for 9 months.

please offer support/ advice / something

Nobody can tell you what to do, but if it were me, I'd have an abortion, and maybe get some contraception...

Reply 51

Welkom

Original post by john2054

Raising a son or daughter, is different from making a baby, i'm sorry they didn't teach you that at school

Calm down Operation Rescue. You've given enough of your opinion, I think this girl has a surplus of your views required to make her decision.

Reply 52

john2054

1993helen and Supersaps, are two other users of tsr, who are also parents and support my opinion!

Reply 53

Tabstercat

Original post by AJP98

Your boyfriend sounds so unsupportive, it's sad because ultimately, you shouldn't realisticly be having sex unless you're confident that you are both agreed in what to do if pregnancy occured. That being said, I'd suggest you go with your heart, it's your body after all xx

he said he'd drop out of uni and pay for the kid he just doesn't want to be in a relationship with the mother? why is that wrong? He has no obligation to always be with her

Reply 54

MCPC247

What do you think would be best for YOU?

Reply 55

Lawliettt

Original post by Anonymous

please offer support/ advice / something

We can't decide for you. But abortion is the smartest option in your case. Especially if the bf doesn't want the kid either

Reply 56

Silver Arrow

I'm not going to pass judgement on how you ended up in this situation so i'll give you my advice. I think that you should abort the baby.

I don't know how old you are but i'm guessing between 18-22. You are not ready to have a baby. Motherhood is draining and keeping it will change your life. You can wave goodbye to your freedom and youth. The baby will make completing your education very challenging and you may even grow to resent it.

Your boyfriend may leave you but that is nothing compared to how your life will change if you decide to keep it. You have so much ahead of your life and it would a massive shame to throw it all away.

Reply 57

LiquidGold

Firstly, go to GP if you haven't already. They will be able to give you some impartial advice.
Please don't listen to the people trying to scare you off, especially in regards to medical advice about fertility after abortion, they really don't know what they are talking about in comparison to a GP.

Next, explore ALL your options. Don't dismiss an option immediately just because you don't like the idea of it (e.g. abortion) or because your boyfriend doesn't want to do it (e.g. adoption). Actually look into them all. People often don't like the idea of abortion, but when the other option is to bring a child into this world when you won't be able to care for it in a way you would like and causes you to not be able to have the life you want, it may become more appealing. On the other hand, you may find that your or your boyfriend's parents are willing to help out financially with the costs and also help to look after the baby which could mean the child has a good upbringing and you are still able to go to uni. But you won't know this until you look into it.

On a side note, please reassess how "great" your boyfriend actually is - it very much sounds like he is trying to push you into an abortion by threatening to break up if you don't have one and have the baby instead, this is not something a "great" boyfriend would do.

In the end, although your boyfriend, parents, GP etc have a say in what you do, the decision is ultimately yours OP, and you need to make the right choice for you at this time in your life.

Reply 58

Rossagle

I think all the replies on here will be opinion based. I see it is difficult for you to know what to do but for the best help I really think you should talk to a doctor, someone at a family planning clinic, someone at your university (if ur uni offers support like this).

If you haven't seen this maybe this link will help too: http://www.fpa.org.uk/unplanned-pregnancy-and-abortion/pregnant-and-dont-know-what-do

Reply 59

HFBS

No-one here can decide for you, but I'd say that either way your life will continue after your decision, so get in touch with a counselling service now who can support you to make and live with your choice. Sending you lots of hugs right now.

It will all be OK, I promise.