Turn on thread page Beta
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by z33)
    yeah it was for some competition ahaha sorry :hugs:



    oh right okay x'D
    Joker here! *cackles*

    Of course it was fiction!

    Excuse me bats! HAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA

    Got a train to catch

    *grin*
    • Community Assistant
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Community Assistant
    (Original post by z33)
    yeah it was for some competition ahaha sorry :hugs:



    oh right okay x'D
    np, weirdly, iv been thinking about writing some fiction and didnt find out about this competition till now. I was planning on doing fresh prince of bel air as a joke but SOMEONE stole it
    Spoiler:
    Show
    (Axel Johann)
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by apronedsamurai)
    Joker here! *cackles*

    Of course it was fiction!

    Excuse me bats! HAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA

    Got a train to catch

    *grin*
    I love you :lol: :jumphug: I NEED YOU TO ALWAYS TALK TO ME IN THAT VOICE JOKER
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by quasa)
    np, weirdly, iv been thinking about writing some fiction and didnt find out about this competition till now. I was planning on doing fresh prince of bel air as a joke but SOMEONE stole it
    Spoiler:
    Show
    (Axel Johann)
    :lol: ahaha you shoulda done it!
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by z33)
    I love you :lol: :jumphug: I NEED YOU TO ALWAYS TALK TO ME IN THAT VOICE JOKER
    http://vocaroo.com/i/s1fKlPFMKrh5
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by quasa)
    np, weirdly, iv been thinking about writing some fiction and didnt find out about this competition till now. I was planning on doing fresh prince of bel air as a joke but SOMEONE stole it
    Spoiler:
    Show
    (Axel Johann)
    :toofunny: :toofunny:

    rekt
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Axel Johann)
    :toofunny: :toofunny:

    rekt
    You got crushed so hard there, it was BANEFUL to watch. Crushed, by a TITAN.

    PS: F*** U Joker it's my turn now for the mic
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    OMGGGGGGGGGG the laugh at the end HAHAHAHA I LOVE IT
    don't die though :lol:
    but omg THIS IS THE BEST

    (Original post by apronedsamurai)
    You got crushed so hard there, it was BANEFUL to watch. Crushed, by a TITAN.

    PS: F*** U Joker it's my turn now for the mic
    it makes me so happy
    • TSR Support Team
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    TSR Support Team
    Too many contractions that made it too informal if that makes sense. And then some formatting and grammar issues. I guess for next time try to proof-read it for any inconsistencies and watch out for shortened forms of words.

    The story itself was a wonderful read though and stirs up emotions.
    • Community Assistant
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Community Assistant
    (Original post by z33)
    :lol: ahaha you shoulda done it!
    eitherway my real story will be interesting (I think). the title will definitely be controversial
    Offline

    21
    The mum character really annoys me. Like why not listen to your daughter lady? At least have some hope...smh
    z33 I loved it
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by quasa)
    eitherway my real story will be interesting (I think). the title will definitely be controversial
    i look forward to reading it! tag meeeeee
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by homeland.lsw)
    The mum character really annoys me. Like why not listen to your daughter lady? At least have some hope...smh
    z33 I loved it
    ahahaha ikr :lol: thank you!
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by z33)
    Goodbye, Dad

    “Alright honey, Mummy’s going to go get a hot chocolate and come back in a bit, will you be alright?” she pinched my cheeks and gave me a kiss. I smiled and nodded in response, and she left the room. I looked around at the large, white room. I didn’t like it, and I bet dad didn’t either. I looked at him, my father, all wired up. I watched his chest rise and fall with every breath, was he there? Could he hear me?

    It’s been months since the car accident and since that day,my dad hasn’t opened his eyes. We didn’t speak much because he was always busy with work. When he wasn’t at work, he was at home in his office doing more work. Occasionally he’d take me out for ice cream, and we’d talk about our dreams and our ambitions. How we’d move to America and buy a beautiful mansion. But now that is impossible. All his dreams have been shattered, his ambitions destroyed.

    I’ve visited, and I’ve talked to him every day. About school, about friends, about… my dreams, and my ambitions. I told him about my plans to make it all become a reality, and how I’d make him proud. It seemed like a one-way conversation but in my heart I felt a connection. Today was different though. The doctors said he wouldn’t make it and it was only a matter of time before the life support machine would have to be turned off. Today was the day.

    “Dad I’m so sorry to have to do this, but if you can’t comeback we don’t want to trap you and keep you from going into Heaven to be with grandpa. I know how much you miss him. I hope that you understand that this is not goodbye, and I will see you soon when my time comes.” I reached up to wipe the tears from my eyes when I swore I saw something. I saw his eyelashes flutter,and I saw his fingers twitch. “DAD! Can you hear me?!” I jumped up and ran to find my mother.

    “Mum, mum! I saw Dad move, I saw it with my own eyes he’s still in there! He’s gonna make it!” I smiled. My mother looked at me with tired eyes that instantly welled up, dark circles surrounding them. She put her head in her hands and sobbed uncontrollably. “Mum what’s wrong? Mum…” my lips quivered,“Honey your Daddy wants to be free. God will keep him safe, and He will help us. You’re tired baby, and you’re seeing things.”

    I begged and begged her, but she put it down to me not sleeping well, or hallucinating. I was sure I saw him move. But she wouldn’t listen. Maybe it was easier to give up on him. The switch was flicked and it wasn’t instant. “He’s gone” – at last! He’s free. At least he gets a better view of the world from up there. Goodbye, Dad.

    *My submission for the Short Story Competition*
    This has to be my favourite plot of all the stories I've read so far in the competition.
    An enjoyable read. Nice job. c:
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ZiggyStarDust_)
    This has to be my favourite plot of all the stories I've read so far in the competition.
    An enjoyable read. Nice job. c:
    Really?! :blush: thanks! 500 words wasn't really enough to properly convey the emotion but i liked the plot so went with it anyway thank you!
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    Wonderful, heart warming and touching. I love how it is in a childs point of view. I hope its not based on reality, and good luck with the competition
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
Updated: April 10, 2016
Poll
Do you think parents should charge rent?
Useful resources

Make your revision easier

OMAM

Ultimate Of Mice And Men Thread

Plot, context, character analysis and everything in between.

Notes

Revision Hub

All our revision materials in one place

Love books

Common grammar and vocabulary problems

Get your questions asked and answered

Useful literary websitesStudy help rules and posting guidelines

Groups associated with this forum:

View associated groups

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.