Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Manager not taking sexual harassment seriously because I'm a guy! Watch

    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    what, she's hot and throwing herself at you and you say no, that's most boys dreams lol. If she's hot just flirt back....you could get money out of her as well as sex lol.
    What is wrong with you?! You're seriously implying that a 15 year old not wanting attention from a grown woman is odd??
    And you have people wondering why female on male child harrasment isn't taken more seriously...when you've got guys themselves saying it's the dream :facepalm2:
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by AperfectBalance)
    I love how if this was a 15 year old girl most of the people would be telling her to go to the police but the most some people can offer is puke or fight back.
    That's exactly what I was thinking :/

    OP - speak to your DofE coordinator about this. They should then speak to the manager about the inappropriate behaviour. She hasn't sexually assaulted you from what I can gauge, but the harassment and making you feel uncomfortable is inappropriate and inexcusable. That manager should be fired tbh. Also, the police would believe your testament and there should be CCTV in the store.
    Offline

    17
    Tell someone in a higher position, you're 15, it's definitely not right.

    I used to volunteer in a charity shop and the women were definitely strange, they'd try to hook me up with any Asian guy that walked through the door :erm:
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Serine Soul)
    Tell someone in a higher position, you're 15, it's definitely not right.

    I used to volunteer in a charity shop and the women were definitely strange, they'd try to hook me up with any Asian guy that walked through the door :erm:
    Seriously what is wrong with older women working at charity shops???
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    As part of my bronze DofE award I'm doing a 6 month volunteering scheme at a local charity shop. I was in charge of cleaning and generally making the store look nice but now I've been moved to the back where I sort out the donated items.
    There's another woman there who does the same job, and she's really weird. Let's call her Jenny. At first she was just nice and chatty, but then she started making really inappropriate comments. The first time was when I wore skinny jeans (admittedly, very skinny) and she looked at me for ages, then laughed and said 'with the size of that bulge you won't have trouble with the ladies'. I can't even tell you how uncomfortable that made me feel.
    I let it slide, just thinking she was being inappropriate without realising, but she made multiple comments like that, always saying how I'm handsome and blowing me kisses (ok, it sounds like I'm bragging, but trust me, it was creepy not flattering). So I told my manager, who said she'd look into it. The next time I went to work my manager said that it was ok, Jenny had just been joking but she was going to stop now. Which she did...for about a week.
    Then she started up again with really blatant comments, asking me if I was a virgin, asking me if I went for 'cougars'...then the other day she said something REALLY inappropriate while touching my thigh, I won't say what but I completely freaked out and ran out of the room and straight up to my manager and told her what happened. She told me to lighten up, she alrready established Jenny was just joking around, and I said 'this isn't a joke, it's sexual harassment'. And you know what she said? 'Only women can be sexually harassed.' WTF?!
    Spoiler:
    Show
    And to make it worse, just a couple of months ago a customer made sexual remarks to another girl who worked there, and that customer was asked to leave and has been banned from the store. So it's not like the manager doesn't know the seriousness of it all or doesn't know how to deal with harassment.
    I was literally IN TEARS at this point, never mind the fact that Jenny is in her 30s and I'm only FIFTEEN, so how is this a 'joke' and not harassment? My manager said Jenny's been volunteering for years, she's a 'part of the team', not a bad person.

    Here's the thing - I would just leave and forget all about it, but it's part of my DofE and it's too late to start volunteering at another place (my manager said she wouldn't sign my book if I left over this so it's not like I can just pick up the extra 2 months at another place). I said I'd go to the police about it (admittedly that was a bluff), but my manager said that it would be my word (a child's) against Jenny's (a 'well established member of the community) and she'd fire me if I told anyone. I'm leaving school this year and I've already paid for my DofE expedition and equipment, and if you're not a student at the school you can't do an expedition so it's not like I could just do it next year. I know it seems like a lot of fuss over DofE but I really want this on my CV as I'm not going to uni. What in God's name do I do?!
    hey buddy seems like you got a huge problem there
    http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/...47/650/3fe.jpg

    but seriously easiest way to deal with it is to bring someone else along and see if the employee still pulls that s**t when your buddy's there.
    if not try and keep your phone in your pocket and keep it on record or something.

    ok so endure it, that's best i can say, it'll just be like the expedition, you'll endure a day or 2 walking. :/
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Here's the thing - I would just leave and forget all about it, but it's part of my DofE and it's too late to start volunteering at another place (my manager said she wouldn't sign my book if I left over this so it's not like I can just pick up the extra 2 months at another place). I said I'd go to the police about it (admittedly that was a bluff), but my manager said that it would be my word (a child's) against Jenny's (a 'well established member of the community) and she'd fire me if I told anyone. I'm leaving school this year and I've already paid for my DofE expedition and equipment, and if you're not a student at the school you can't do an expedition so it's not like I could just do it next year. I know it seems like a lot of fuss over DofE but I really want this on my CV as I'm not going to uni. What in God's name do I do?!
    That sounds absolutely terrible. In fact, if they are working with children the manager would have an obligation to report any possible sexual activity against children to the police, it is a legal obligation.

    Trust me, this can be sorted out. Which charity is it? We can put you in touch with the head office of this charity, they will go ballistic that the manager has been so inappropriate and possibly even acted illegally by failing to report this to the authorities (which she has an obligation to do as a child protective regulation)
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by samina_ay)
    No worries. You just need solid evidence for these things. Hope there is CCTV in there and the problem gets solved
    Nope, you don't need "solid evidence". If it has happened, then you can make a statement. A victim's statement is evidence, which the court can choose to accept. A witness statement from the victim can convict.

    Some of the suggestions here are ludicrous, this foul old woman is a paedophile and she needs to be punished. I feel very bad for the OP, but he should know that the head office of this charity will go ballistic if they realise the manager has been so negligent
    • #5
    #5

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    As part of my bronze DofE award I'm doing a 6 month volunteering scheme at a local charity shop. I was in charge of cleaning and generally making the store look nice but now I've been moved to the back where I sort out the donated items.
    There's another woman there who does the same job, and she's really weird. Let's call her Jenny. At first she was just nice and chatty, but then she started making really inappropriate comments. The first time was when I wore skinny jeans (admittedly, very skinny) and she looked at me for ages, then laughed and said 'with the size of that bulge you won't have trouble with the ladies'. I can't even tell you how uncomfortable that made me feel.
    I let it slide, just thinking she was being inappropriate without realising, but she made multiple comments like that, always saying how I'm handsome and blowing me kisses (ok, it sounds like I'm bragging, but trust me, it was creepy not flattering). So I told my manager, who said she'd look into it. The next time I went to work my manager said that it was ok, Jenny had just been joking but she was going to stop now. Which she did...for about a week.
    Then she started up again with really blatant comments, asking me if I was a virgin, asking me if I went for 'cougars'...then the other day she said something REALLY inappropriate while touching my thigh, I won't say what but I completely freaked out and ran out of the room and straight up to my manager and told her what happened. She told me to lighten up, she alrready established Jenny was just joking around, and I said 'this isn't a joke, it's sexual harassment'. And you know what she said? 'Only women can be sexually harassed.' WTF?!
    Spoiler:
    Show
    And to make it worse, just a couple of months ago a customer made sexual remarks to another girl who worked there, and that customer was asked to leave and has been banned from the store. So it's not like the manager doesn't know the seriousness of it all or doesn't know how to deal with harassment.
    I was literally IN TEARS at this point, never mind the fact that Jenny is in her 30s and I'm only FIFTEEN, so how is this a 'joke' and not harassment? My manager said Jenny's been volunteering for years, she's a 'part of the team', not a bad person.

    Here's the thing - I would just leave and forget all about it, but it's part of my DofE and it's too late to start volunteering at another place (my manager said she wouldn't sign my book if I left over this so it's not like I can just pick up the extra 2 months at another place). I said I'd go to the police about it (admittedly that was a bluff), but my manager said that it would be my word (a child's) against Jenny's (a 'well established member of the community) and she'd fire me if I told anyone. I'm leaving school this year and I've already paid for my DofE expedition and equipment, and if you're not a student at the school you can't do an expedition so it's not like I could just do it next year. I know it seems like a lot of fuss over DofE but I really want this on my CV as I'm not going to uni. What in God's name do I do?!
    Honestly just threaten to sue them, then they will back off
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by IFoundWonderland)
    That's exactly what I was thinking :/

    OP - speak to your DofE coordinator about this. They should then speak to the manager about the inappropriate behaviour. She hasn't sexually assaulted you from what I can gauge, but the harassment and making you feel uncomfortable is inappropriate and inexcusable. That manager should be fired tbh. Also, the police would believe your testament and there should be CCTV in the store.
    The manager has probably already broken child protection laws; anyone who works with children has a legal obligation to report this kind of activity to the police. If you fail to, you can be banned from ever working with children again.

    From the response of the manager, it sounds like she's ****ing useless and it makes me so mad Telling the victim that it would be his word against hers. The police would take this very seriously, the victim would make a statement and so would the criminal. Often the police can get them to confess simply by bringing them in, or the contradictions in their own story sinks them.

    The OP shouldn't be put off by claims he needs "hard evidence", and he should also consider that if he doesn't speak out about this, this foul old hag will do this **** to other young guys too. The head office of the charity will take this extremely seriously, if he gets in touch with them (or speak to the DofE coordinator) they will deal with it.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by BeastOfSyracuse)
    Nope, you don't need "solid evidence". If it has happened, then you can make a statement. A victim's statement is evidence, which the court can choose to accept. A witness statement from the victim can convict.

    Some of the suggestions here are ludicrous, this foul old woman is a paedophile and she needs to be punished. I feel very bad for the OP, but he should know that the head office of this charity will go ballistic if they realise the manager has been so negligent
    Some cases cannot go to court because of the lack of evidence, especially for things like sexual harassment/assault/rape.

    And I totally agree with that, disgusting.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by thefatone)
    ok so endure it, that's best i can say, it'll just be like the expedition, you'll endure a day or 2 walking. :/
    Endure it? What kind of idiotic ****ing advice is that?

    This paedophile hag has been sexually harassing underage children, she needs to be sent down. And if he speaks to any of the teachers at his school or the charity head office, they will deal with it and prosecute this foul woman.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    because if she's hot then you have sex with her..sorry but I have to agree with your friend.
    you're what's wrong with the world
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by BeastOfSyracuse)
    Endure it? What kind of idiotic ****ing advice is that?

    This paedophile hag has been sexually harassing underage children, she needs to be sent down. And if he speaks to any of the teachers at his school or the charity head office, they will deal with it and prosecute this foul woman.
    advice that can help you grow a thick skin and allow you to brush of mean hateful comments about you in the future(but then again i just endured bullying, it didn't mean a thing to me when i realised they were just empty threats)

    that's better advice than mine
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by samina_ay)
    Some cases cannot go to court because of the lack of evidence, especially for things like sexual harassment/assault/rape.
    It completely depends on the case. It is often difficult in a situation where you're talking about two consenting adults. Where you're talking about an adult and a child, that doesn't face the same problems and the police and CPS are extremely conscientious about prosecuting them.

    Evidence in a legal sense can include a witness statement from the victim; that is a substantive piece of evidence in a court of law. If the OP were to go to the police and make a statement, the accused would also have to give a statement. I bet that this stupid old crone would probably convict herself with her lies and inconsistencies, and the manager would be so scared she was going to lose her job and get dragged down she would be forced to tell the truth and admit that the OP had gone to her and told her.

    The comments her claiming the OP simply has to endure it are stupid. He does not have to endure it, all he has to do is go to a teacher at his school or speak to his DofE coordinator or bring it to the attention of the charity head office. They will chase it up and deal with this horrible woman, even if she isn't prosecuted she will lose her job. She shouldn't be allowed to work around children
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by thefatone)
    advice that can help you grow a thick skin and allow you to brush of mean hateful comments about you in the future(but then again i just endured bullying, it didn't mean a thing to me when i realised they were just empty threats)

    that's better advice than mine
    What on earth are you talking about? The crone has been sexually harassing the OP, as this involves a child that is molestation. This stuff is taken extremely seriously by police, CPS and schools and anyone who works with children has an obligation to report any possibility of molestation of a child to the authorities. That is not optional, it's the law. The manager has already broken the law by failing to report it.

    Comparing "mean and hateful comments" to having some old crone sexually molesting you is just stupid
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    poor you, its even worse coz your only 15. OP try recording it and take it to the police or something
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    "Paedophile hag"

    :rofl:
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by BeastOfSyracuse)
    What on earth are you talking about? The crone has been sexually harassing the OP, as this involves a child that is molestation. This stuff is taken extremely seriously by police, CPS and schools and anyone who works with children has an obligation to report any possibility of molestation of a child to the authorities. That is not optional, it's the law. The manager has already broken the law by failing to report it.

    Comparing "mean and hateful comments" to having some old crone sexually molesting you is just stupid
    just bc of the whole thing with Jimmy Savile which has been blown up and made recognized by the world? means that people take it seriously now but what about other problems ppl don't take seriously? racism, obesity, amongst other things. I guess you feel strongly about this but i'd probably just slap her hand if she tries to go near me and ignore the comments since it's not that big of a deal to me.

    I don't think this person caressing OP's inner thigh should be classed as sexual molestation maybe inappropriate touching?
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by BeastOfSyracuse)
    Nope, you don't need "solid evidence". If it has happened, then you can make a statement. A victim's statement is evidence, which the court can choose to accept. A witness statement from the victim can convict.
    While a witness statement alone can convict, an audio recording would make it an open-shut case. If OP feels comfortable to, he should consider recording audio for one session of work (and perhaps keeping a diary, though that's less important) before immediately reporting it to the safeguarding officer. If he doesn't, then he should go ahead with telling the safeguarding officer immediately. Physical evidence will be a bonus, though it's by no means required.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thanks everyone for the help. I've told my aunt what has been going on and she's told my school, who have made an exception in my case for the DofE stuff and will allow me to leave the shop and have another place backdate the signatures in my log book if the current place refuses to sign. Honestly I considered going back in and getting an audio recording but don't feel comfortable being alone with her again and going in there just to get evidence seems dishonest. I'm not sure about letting the police know or not but all I can say is I hope it's all over and I never see her or that manager again. Thanks for all your advice guys, you really helped a lot
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: April 14, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Brussels sprouts
    Useful resources
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.