Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

manipulative and sex obsessed boyfriend Watch

    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i found something that suggests he is cheating on me with a girl that liked him and tried to get with him before, and after i approached him about it he started shouting how if i don't stop crying i may as well just leave his house and leave him alone and how it is all my fault anyway and that I'm so boring and insecure. he broke up with me and i feel awful. i feel sad that i feel like I've been cheated on, that I'm being bashed by someone i thought highly of and that I'm just hearing how the girl is so much more attractive than me and how he's better off without me and that i have no right to be hurt.

    my friends said i should leave immediately but i continued believing him that nothing happened, and now i feel like such a mug. he doesn't care and i can't move on no matter how badly he treats me and I'm so lost on what to do..
    Yes you can. You become what you believe yourself to be. Just tell yourself that you can leave. You just have to get away from him and you can talk to me if you'd like.
    Do you have a place to stay in after leaving his house?
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    I don't understand why you would waste anymore time with him.

    Anyone can say "I want to be with you forever".


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by cosmic angel)
    Yes you can. You become what you believe yourself to be. Just tell yourself that you can leave. You just have to get away from him and you can talk to me if you'd like.
    Do you have a place to stay in after leaving his house?
    i do, but i stay at his because i feel really uneasy with where i live. i lost my friends so I'm practically by myself, other than two of my best friends who live in a different city.
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    19
    Very Important Poster
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i found something that suggests he is cheating on me with a girl that liked him and tried to get with him before, and after i approached him about it he started shouting how if i don't stop crying i may as well just leave his house and leave him alone and how it is all my fault anyway and that I'm so boring and insecure. he broke up with me and i feel awful. i feel sad that i feel like I've been cheated on, that I'm being bashed by someone i thought highly of and that I'm just hearing how the girl is so much more attractive than me and how he's better off without me and that i have no right to be hurt.

    my friends said i should leave immediately but i continued believing him that nothing happened, and now i feel like such a mug. he doesn't care and i can't move on no matter how badly he treats me and I'm so lost on what to do..
    whether he was cheating on you or no most people wouldt let themselves be treated like that and left long before. If you cnat move on no matter how bad he treats you, then you are obviously not in the right frame of mind and should contact. he doesnt care for you and if his behaviour is anything to o for he doesnt hold you in any regard at all. You dont seem to want to leave him, but continue to make excuses for his behaviour. He has no right to treat you like that and maybe you need to speak to someone neutral who can help you see that.



    24-hour National Domestic Violence
    Freephone Helpline0808 2000 247
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi

    We've been together for almost a year, he once cheated and is still surrounded by that girl as they're on the same course and in the same friend group, he's very hot and cold - "i want to marry you" a day later I'm single, everything always goes back to sex, if i don't fancy sex he's moody and thinks there is an issue and that he looks like a mug if i turn him down, i lost a lot of my friends because they think he's treating me badly and that he doesn't treat me how you'd treat a girlfriend in the slightest.

    I'm with him because I've had some great times with him, he told me some amazing things like that he wants me forever, but at the same time he can snap at me for anything, won't apologise, left loads of physical marks on me..

    he will do things behind my back, like book festivals or lads holidays without telling me or even putting it by me to see how i feel about it, I'm not invited to anything but the girl he cheated on me with is. I've brought up feeling upset but he doesn't think i have the right and calls me a psycho.

    when he dumps me i always run back, apologise, cry and beg. but the past 3 weeks i felt so drained, i wouldn't even want to kiss him because i could just think of how badly he treats me. but then on the other hand he will tell me how he wants me forever, how prefect i am etc.. so i stay because my brain tells me he's good for me and if I'm too picky ill just end up by myself.

    i need advice on what to do. as it stands he is kicking off because i brought up feeling upset that he's going to this festival 2 days after our anniversary so we aren't doing anything because his money is going on that..
    Im being deadly serious GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP NOW. from what you have wrote it sounds exactly what i went through an before long i was taking serious beatings. i always held on to the good things an how great it used to be hoping that it will get back to that and with constant promises that it would that i was stupid enough to believe but it never will. it got worse. i ended up completely isolated unable to do anything with anyone. and with no were to turn when things got bad. im telling you now you need to get out of this relationship for good now while you can.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i do, but i stay at his because i feel really uneasy with where i live. i lost my friends so I'm practically by myself, other than two of my best friends who live in a different city.
    I think given the current situation you'd probably feel even worse living at his place compared to where you live?
    Are you at university by the way?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by domlpool)
    Im being deadly serious GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP NOW. from what you have wrote it sounds exactly what i went through an before long i was taking serious beatings. i always held on to the good things an how great it used to be hoping that it will get back to that and with constant promises that it would that i was stupid enough to believe but it never will. it got worse. i ended up completely isolated unable to do anything with anyone. and with no were to turn when things got bad. im telling you now you need to get out of this relationship for good now while you can.
    but i can't. he will be so nasty and i still justify it and think that its my fault and he's right, i need to change and make him happy because he will tell me how well he treats me and how i cause unnecessary drama. and i look forward to all the plans we made and think about the great times we've had and suddenly all the ways he hurt me in just don't mean a thing anymore and I'm ready to forgive him and get on with it. even now when he's dumping me saying the worst things I've ever heard i feel like i can't be without him and i try to convince him to stay..
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by cosmic angel)
    I think given the current situation you'd probably feel even worse living at his place compared to where you live?
    Are you at university by the way?
    yes to both.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Such a silly post, highlights everything wrong and then needs help to get away from it when you can obvs walk away? The logic..
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    You're so stupid for going back to him.

    Have some self respect, and recognise when you're being disserviced.
    Pick up your dignity, and leave his ass at the front door. You don't need this in your life. You deserve someone much better than this POS
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    but i can't. he will be so nasty and i still justify it and think that its my fault and he's right, i need to change and make him happy because he will tell me how well he treats me and how i cause unnecessary drama. and i look forward to all the plans we made and think about the great times we've had and suddenly all the ways he hurt me in just don't mean a thing anymore and I'm ready to forgive him and get on with it. even now when he's dumping me saying the worst things I've ever heard i feel like i can't be without him and i try to convince him to stay..
    Well, look at it this way. People disrespect people who allow themselves to be treated badly. What you really need to make your relationship work is to get you boyfriend to start respecting you. How this happens is if you leave him and cut contact for a while, at least 30 days - i.e. signal that you won't allow yourself to be treated badly. This will cause his respect for you to increase. (This is true for all relationships. I think your relationship is completely toxic. But you can think this way if it helps you leave).

    So don't think of yourself as leaving for good. Think of yourself as leaving for a short while, for the good of the relationship.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    but i can't. he will be so nasty and i still justify it and think that its my fault and he's right, i need to change and make him happy because he will tell me how well he treats me and how i cause unnecessary drama. and i look forward to all the plans we made and think about the great times we've had and suddenly all the ways he hurt me in just don't mean a thing anymore and I'm ready to forgive him and get on with it. even now when he's dumping me saying the worst things I've ever heard i feel like i can't be without him and i try to convince him to stay..
    i know how it is but u need to find the strength within yourself to stick to your guns and say that's it. it get to a point where you feel that you deserve the abuse you get and an you end up wrecking your head trying to make them happy but you never will. they will always find something an before long it will become your fault for things that has gone wrong that was nothing to do with you. the nice times are over they are never coming back no matter how many promises he makes. you deserve so much more that that an its time you seen it. if you are unhappy for what ever reason it is not unnecessary drama to tell him. the plans for the future are not going to happen he doesnt want to be with you he just wants to have you it about control nothing more. take that control back when he starts getting nasty and i say when for a good reason keep a note of everythin he does all messages everything an get police involved because it will get that far trust me he wont let go without a fight. but you will win and you will be so much happier for it
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by cosmic angel)
    Well, look at it this way. People disrespect people who allow themselves to be treated badly. What you really need to make your relationship work is to get you boyfriend to start respecting you. How this happens is if you leave him and cut contact for a while, at least 30 days - i.e. signal that you won't allow yourself to be treated badly. This will cause his respect for you to increase. (This is true for all relationships. I think your relationship is completely toxic. But you can think this way if it helps you leave).

    So don't think of yourself as leaving for good. Think of yourself as leaving for a short while, for the good of the relationship.

    the worst part is that i wish i could change the bad about him, and leave for a bit and make him realise he's treated me badly. except i know he'd get over me immediately and never speak to me again as he outright told me if i left he wouldn't come back cos it is my choice.. i feel like its never ending. i can't help wanting him when he's so bad for me and treats me this ****.. it makes no sense to me either but I'm forever hoping he will change
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by domlpool)
    i know how it is but u need to find the strength within yourself to stick to your guns and say that's it. it get to a point where you feel that you deserve the abuse you get and an you end up wrecking your head trying to make them happy but you never will. they will always find something an before long it will become your fault for things that has gone wrong that was nothing to do with you. the nice times are over they are never coming back no matter how many promises he makes. you deserve so much more that that an its time you seen it. if you are unhappy for what ever reason it is not unnecessary drama to tell him. the plans for the future are not going to happen he doesnt want to be with you he just wants to have you it about control nothing more. take that control back when he starts getting nasty and i say when for a good reason keep a note of everythin he does all messages everything an get police involved because it will get that far trust me he wont let go without a fight. but you will win and you will be so much happier for it
    he always manages to turn things around though.. in the past we had an argument and he hit me so i pushed him back and accidentally scratched him as i had long nails. he pushed me and i had a concussion. i said i would ring the police but he said what is the point, I'm the one who can prove it as I'm scratched and they won't believe you. our relationship is convenient in lots of ways, i wanted him since i could remember, we live in the same town, go to the same uni, yet its all gone so wrong and i feel like I'm to blame for it all. and i feel like i shouldn't be so picky or ill end up single for the rest of my life
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Must be a troll account

    I assume people have told you to leave him above, If not leave him. Simple as that, nobody cares how convenient it is, nobody cares if you love him, nobody cares if sometimes he's nice.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    the worst part is that i wish i could change the bad about him, and leave for a bit and make him realise he's treated me badly. except i know he'd get over me immediately and never speak to me again as he outright told me if i left he wouldn't come back cos it is my choice.. i feel like its never ending. i can't help wanting him when he's so bad for me and treats me this ****.. it makes no sense to me either but I'm forever hoping he will change
    He's only saying that now because he has no respect for you, seeing as you've put up with him for so long. He hasn't had the chance to miss you when you haven't given him the space. Think: how many girls are there who'd be willing to do for him the things that you do? Once he's been allowed him to feel that pain and loneliness he will change - or maybe not. What is 100% certain is that he will NOT change if you stick around like you've always done... It's time for a change.
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    please break up with him


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by cosmic angel)
    He's only saying that now because he has no respect for you, seeing as you've put up with him for so long. He hasn't had the chance to miss you when you haven't given him the space. Think: how many girls are there who'd be willing to do for him the things that you do? Once he's been allowed him to feel that pain and loneliness he will change - or maybe not. What is 100% certain is that he will NOT change if you stick around like you've always done... It's time for a change.
    he had one other girlfriend before me, he wasn't like that with her but when they broke up that was it. so maybe I'm getting the special treatment.. i lost all my self esteem and i feel so dependant on him
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    he had one other girlfriend before me, he wasn't like that with her but when they broke up that was it. so maybe I'm getting the special treatment.. i lost all my self esteem and i feel so dependant on him
    If he was different with her, it was probably ony because she wouldn't put up with the things that you do. No other reason.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    No offense OP, you are 19 and worrying about being alone. Thats no issue whatsoever.
    If anything I should be more worried than you, Im 21 and a virgin. But I dont care. Money keeps me happy, i just play with that when im sad.

    EDIT: Point im trying to make: move on. Dump him.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: April 25, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What's your favourite Christmas sweets?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.