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Dealing with a sociopathic parent who is getting support from his family watch

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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    I'm a bit stumped at the moment. obviously the ideal is you all move away, but you have problems.

    1. He's a sociopath.
    2. You have no money
    3. your mum doesnt want to move away and is abused anyway.
    4. You have the mafia family to contend with anyway.

    So the scenario is you talk about running away, your mum agrees, then she changes her mind or your dad comes after you or they call in the family and he lawyers.

    So if you make a move you need to get

    1. Your mom onboard. 2. have somewhere to go. 3 have the legal angles covered.


    It cant happen without your mum, namely because she wouldnt leave without without your brother anyway, shs scared and with the diagnosis, shes probably thinking of hanging on long enough for your brother to escap and has pretty much given up after that. Perhaps she might change her mind if she had somewhere to go and she knew she had a good chance of resisting the family. If its old and established, even if its rich I have a feeling they would make it extremely hard to get support, so id almost save the effort.

    You said shed consulted lawyers? So they are aware?

    Your mum needs to talk to someone maybe from a refuge, so they cna help her see there is an opion of getting away and not being subject to abuse. Maybe shed settle for ten years peace than whats currently on offer?

    Freephone 24-Hour National Domestic Violence Helpline Run in partnership between Women's Aid and Refuge 0808 2000 247

    She probably already talks to them but she needs a fallback place to talk to someone who isnt scared of him. She needs to be carefull about the phone so he can never track who she is calling. The refuge might be able to get her to see things in perspective, shes being abused, but that she can leave if she wnats to and disappear. t cna only really be done without your dad knowing and then the domestic abuse unit cna slap some injunctions on him.

    Seems to me she won do that though, becayse shed rather have a roof over her head than being in a refuge or on the benefits system. Theres also the aspect of getting your broither out of school as well. A refuge should be able to handle it and keep her safe, but they have limited resources and your dad sounds like the type who would ignore an injunction and get private detectives. I think your mum and baby borither are too bulnerable on their own without trystworthy friends.

    The only thing i cna think of at the moment is if they do run, then the only other person she cna rely on is you. You could get a job and maybe a house so you could keep an eye on them. It would entail putting off uni for a few years, but its all speculative. At the moment i dont see your mum being strong enough to run and stay away from their clutches?

    Can i have some more fedback please. Am still thinking, but for me unless your mum is willing to take action, then you have an almost impossible battle to try and protect her.

    You could ofc get some evidence against him, but if hes a sociopath it might be hard to catch him out. Also if he every found cameras he would go ballistic.


    This is the number for get connectedthe mix, which is a helpline for young people. 0808 08084994
    http://www.getconnected.org.uk/get-h...-and-violence/
    Right more info:

    - It's not old money, it became like this in the 40s when there was an affair between my great grandmother and a married man. He was a horrible person, probably worse than my dad, and sent the children off to pretentious private schools in the uk and kenya. From there, they acted like dicks, one a doctor, the other one an economist who eventually became a drunkard. The latter is my grandfather and he was abusive and controlling from what I can tell, but utlimately took orders from the great grandfather and eventually the doctor.
    - My mum is a former executive, it is really distressing her how far she has fallen.

    My computer is lagging unlike it ever has before, I think that's all you want though.
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    (Original post by ODES_PDES)
    What's up with the essays tonight.
    Some of us are dyslexic
    I cleared it up later apologies
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Lawyers know some, they offered her a restraining order as I have said. I don't think they are so much a mafia family since they are well connected and rich but I think it is more down to collective mental illness than anything. We have hours of recordings, pictures of where he has punched us too. However, he also records us too and there is suspicion he has bugged the house. The main issue is, that her illness is as such that she needs to spend good amount of money on things like purified water, otherwise she could potentially get ill and that can half her life.

    My browser is acting weirdly, I will try to respond a little later with more information if you need it.
    then if thats the case you have to take the advice of lawyers or she has o be able to lay her hand on finance because they will shut down and make it as difficult as possible. they wont play nice. he will obviously not pay plus he will point out he is in debt etc. standard resistance tactics. Imo he will ignore the restraining order and attempt to use the power he has over her to not press charges. hence if your mum makes the choice she has to be clear and ready for his possible moves.

    the lawyers shoul know what they are doing rather than have just a restraining order.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Right more info:

    - It's not old money, it became like this in the 40s when there was an affair between my great grandmother and a married man. He was a horrible person, probably worse than my dad, and sent the children off to pretentious private schools in the uk and kenya. From there, they acted like dicks, one a doctor, the other one an economist who eventually became a drunkard. The latter is my grandfather and he was abusive and controlling from what I can tell, but utlimately took orders from the great grandfather and eventually the doctor.
    - My mum is a former executive, it is really distressing her how far she has fallen.

    My computer is lagging unlike it ever has before, I think that's all you want though.
    Ok the only thing is they have money and you or your mum dont. Not that their money matters too much, but your dad can use it as control. Its not going to work unless you have it all worked out where to go, how to resist him and how to pay for it. Pkus your mum needs the will to do it.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    then if thats the case you have to take the advice of lawyers or she has o be able to lay her hand on finance because they will shut down and make it as difficult as possible. they wont play nice. he will obviously not pay plus he will point out he is in debt etc. standard resistance tactics. Imo he will ignore the restraining order and attempt to use the power he has over her to not press charges. hence if your mum makes the choice she has to be clear and ready for his possible moves.

    the lawyers shoul know what they are doing rather than have just a restraining order.
    They won't. My dad knows specialists related to her terminal illness, and so If she does something there is no telling how he could screw her up.

    The lawyers don't know all of it as I have said. Violence is not a regular occurrence though, but alcoholism and constant psychological abuse is the major issue. When it is violent though, it gets quite bad. One time I stepped in my dad's blood since my mum fought back with her nails. It was droplets but still, it's ****ed up.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Ok the only thing is they have money and you or your mum dont. Not that their money matters too much, but your dad can use it as control. Its not going to work unless you have it all worked out where to go, how to resist him and how to pay for it. Pkus your mum needs the will to do it.
    They're also reasonably high ranking masons, so they have at least some influence on a lot of things, although considering how bad things are I doubt it will matter.
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    Btw whats your esacape plan or biews on one? it sounds pretty difficul at the moment, unless you cna change your mums mind.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Its the thing that gets to her the most, she keeps telling me that she wants to be loved and not die alone. I think she craves affection from somebody who cares and Isn't her child.

    Its very difficult since, being in her 50s and terminally ill, there is a lot of men who don't want that.
    Oh right
    Well she could meet someone in an abuse victims therapy group if she goes there. It would help her, poor woman why has she gone on so long with this? She's broken, she feels like has to have someone to make herself feel whole :/
    I just all around feel sad for your mum, but I hope there is a kind soul who will care for her after she leaves your father's house.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Btw whats your esacape plan or biews on one? it sounds pretty difficul at the moment, unless you cna change your mums mind.
    My escape plan for myself is to go to uni. By then I am hoping she will divorce him.

    If that doesn't happen, I am not all too sure.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    They won't. My dad knows specialists related to her terminal illness, and so If she does something there is no telling how he could screw her up.

    The lawyers don't know all of it as I have said. Violence is not a regular occurrence though, but alcoholism and constant psychological abuse is the major issue. When it is violent though, it gets quite bad. One time I stepped in my dad's blood since my mum fought back with her nails. It was droplets but still, it's ****ed up.
    then maube you cna find other specialists, if these ones are tainted. In fact if she went into hiding she would wnat to transfer away from then becayse he could use them to track her down?
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    No worries mard. its a worrying and difficult situation, so it does help having relevant information becayse it would change depending on age and other things. Am thinking OP. Thinking what i would do in the given situation.
    I can't think of anything, this is a bit over my head. If he were older or something I'd say leave but he's a dependent
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    (Original post by Eternalflames)
    Oh right
    Well she could meet someone in an abuse victims therapy group if she goes there. It would help her, poor woman why has she gone on so long with this? She's broken, she feels like has to have someone to make herself feel whole :/
    I just all around feel sad for your mum, but I hope there is a kind soul who will care for her after she leaves your father's house.
    I really want her to be happy, but I don't know what It's like to be in a relationship myself. Heck, I don't even know if my friends like me and if the girl I like is deliberately winding me up or not.

    She has gone on so long because she was in denial for a lot of years. She blamed herself and denied the truth. Initially, it was just his bipolar (or whatever manic depression is) but eventually the more we read the more we realised he was a sociopath and a narcissist. At least thats what my counsellor says based on what I have said.
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    (Original post by Mard_arse)
    I can't think of anything, this is a bit over my head. If he were older or something I'd say leave but he's a dependent
    well hes getting to the age where he can leave, but the problem is the mum, until she makes a choice to wnat to leave then she looks isolated enough that she wont. 20 years of it.......Means its not going to happen without serious change.

    OP does she have any family or friends she cna rely on? you mght have said his at he beginning.
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    Hey man - I can introduce you to some of good friends of mine who are lawyers based in London

    Will you be able to cover their expenses? You said something abt debt, is it something that's on your name or your dad's?

    Ive read a lot abt sociopaths man and they seem like a thing from a nightmare.

    Take care man. I hope things turn out better for you
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    Dude thats me done at least for tonight. As you realise there isnt an easy answer. it cnat be done without your mum wanting it to happen and being prepared to take the decision.
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    (Original post by Mard_arse)
    I can't think of anything, this is a bit over my head. If he were older or something I'd say leave but he's a dependent
    I'm 18, I can leave. I refuse to abandon my family to that without them being safe
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey man - I can introduce you to some of good friends of mine who are lawyers based in London

    Will you be able to cover their expenses? You said something abt debt, is it something that's on your name or your dad's?

    Ive read a lot abt sociopaths man and they seem like a thing from a nightmare.

    Take care man. I hope things turn out better for you
    We already have a law firm.

    Right, just talked to my mum about it. She says the only reason she hasn't left is that considering his influence it is very likely he would get to see my brother, and therefore pour poison in his ear.
 
 
 
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