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Opinions on stay at home girlfriends/wifes? Watch

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    (Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes)
    I can make up for lost time with my children with extreme love for them when I get home
    Fair enough, but I should point out that the only instance of this approach with which I have personal experience (i.e. my own childhood) was a phenomenal failure.

    if I'm happy and my partner is happy then our children will be happy.
    Not necessarily, Mrs.:holmes:.

    Also there are many stay at home mums/ dads that make a mess of it. It depends on the parent.
    Agreed.
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    (Original post by _icecream)
    Staying at home gets so boring after a while
    So does work.
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    (Original post by RivalPlayer)
    Just because you turned out "fine" doesn't mean a nurturing mother isn't necessary. It's essential in my opinion. Obviously your mum didn't have a choice at the time so that's understandable.

    And no, not everyone has to work. I know it's trendy to downplay the importance of traditional family units these days but there are women out there that are happy to be stay-at-home mothers because they want to spend time with their children.
    Yes and that's totally fine, it's up to them. I just don't think it should be expected of women. You don't need traditional family units for children to turn out okay, fathers should be nurturing towards their children also (that isn't very traditional though, is it?).
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    (Original post by Hydeman)
    Fair enough, but I should point out that the only instance of this approach with which I have personal experience (i.e. my own childhood) was a phenomenal failure.
    I'm really sorry to hear that.


    Not necessarily, Mrs.:holmes:.
    No? I thought happy parents= happy children, well in their younger and formative years. Later on it doesn't work that way...


    Agreed.
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    (Original post by Hydeman)
    Well, I felt quite neglected because of both my parents working full-time (with regular night shifts to boot); a housemaid/daycare only makes up for so much. :moon:

    I know that you're quite the feminist about most things, but I'm afraid I'm given to tradition on this one in an almost non-negotiable way. :holmes: :lol:
    To me the more progressive way forward is both parents both work but work less in order to share work with child rearing. Or of someone is going to be "stay at home" it can be the man or woman. I don't really see the point in having children if you are both to work full time high hour jobs. The feminism that thinks gender equality is women entering the same *****y rat race men did/do is pretty poor feminism imo.
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    (Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes)
    But you were talking about mothers specifically, also my grandma wasn't very loving or nurturing either but mum didn't have the choice at the time, again, I turned out fine.

    Nothing wrong with day care, people have to work, it's life.
    :hmmmm: :holmes:
    Spoiler:
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    Maybe if your mum had been around more she could have taught you to clean laptops.
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    If her job is to stay at home, clean the house, do the ironing, washing & wiping up, dinner and all other domestic chores while the man goes to work, then fair enough. If she just wants to watch TV all day and leech off her man, nah, no respect from me.
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    (Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes)
    No? I thought happy parents= happy children, well in their younger and formative years. Later on it doesn't work that way...
    I don't think it's that straightforward necessarily -- you could easily have neglectful parents that enjoy their own lives to the hilt/chase their own careers and treat their children as a nuisance borne out of social pressures, to be given a few curt nods and mostly fobbed off with 'that's nice, dear' type comments.

    I wonder what Mr. :holmes: would think about all this... :flute:
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    (Original post by ChaoticButterfly)
    :hmmmm: :holmes:
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    Maybe if your mum had been around more she could have taught you to clean laptops.
    Stop it, that comment made me sound like a really gross troll. Shame on you for putting me in that position.
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    (Original post by Hydeman)
    I don't think it's that straightforward necessarily -- you could easily have neglectful parents that enjoy their own lives to the hilt/chase their own careers (the latter being the case with my parents) and treat their children as a nuisance borne out of societal expectation, to be given a few curt nods and mostly fobbed off with 'that's nice, dear' type comments.

    I wonder what Mr. :holmes: would think about all this... :flute:
    Okay, well I'm even more sorry hearing that. No, you must make your children feel loved and wanted, that is extremely important! But you must be happy yourself too. It needs to be a right balance.

    What the fictional one, or the real one in the very distant future? LOL
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    No. If I ever have kids the husband is going to have to stay at home with them. It would drive me insane only having children and menial stuff like looking after the house
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    RIP the man's finances if they get divorced.

    Not going to fall into that trap.
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    (Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes)
    Yes and that's totally fine, it's up to them. I just don't think it should be expected of women. You don't need traditional family units for children to turn out okay, fathers should be nurturing towards their children also (that isn't very traditional though, is it?).
    Who said anything about expecting women to be like that? Of course it's entirely up to them. I just think there's this ridiculous perception that every woman who stays at home while her husband works is doing so under duress.
    I think you do need traditional family units although that's not a popular opinion in today's society. But I think that's what people should aim for if they want the best chance of establishing a stable environment for raising children.
    Yeah fathers should have a role, but I do believe a mother's role is of greater importance. It's clear you disagree tho and that's ok.
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    She'd better work - at least part-time - because I won't give her my gold.
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    (Original post by ChaoticButterfly)
    So does work.
    It depends on the job.
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    (Original post by Mentally)
    Very strange coming from an Arab considering this being the very standard in our culture. I also think its unfair to say you are 'reducing yourself' if you become a housewife. I genuinely think the housewife has a harder more difficult role than the husband in many cases
    Not all Arabs think the same or have the same attitudes, clearly. My views on this matter are shared by other arabs I know.

    Perhaps reducing was the wrong word to use. I'd feel like I was wasting my potential;I have a very clear idea of what I want to do with my life, and I'm very passionate about the future career that I'm aiming for, so being a housewife would be very limiting and I know I wouldn't be happy living that kind of life.I have no doubt that it's not easy work, but it's just not something I want for myself.
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    (Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes)
    No? I thought happy parents= happy children, well in their younger and formative years. Later on it doesn't work that way...
    imo it should be the complete opposite. If you have kids, you should put their happiness before anything you may want. If you're raising another human life, unable to care for itself and totally dependant on you, it's selfish to compromise on that care for your own selfish wants and desires. Of course not everyone is in that position, but those that are able to should. We live in a very selfish generation, everything's me, me, me, people need to realise you can't raise a kid properly with that attitude.
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    (Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes)
    Okay, well I'm even more sorry hearing that. No, you must make your children feel loved and wanted, that is extremely important! But you must be happy yourself too. It needs to be a right balance.
    Agreed.

    What the fictional one, or the real one in the very distant future? LOL
    I was going for the fictional one; I've always assumed that the idea of your username is to imply that you're the fictional Holmes's one and only.

    (Original post by infairverona)
    No. If I ever have kids the husband is going to have to stay at home with them. It would drive me insane only having children and menial stuff like looking after the house
    It could drive your husband insane, too, unless he's the paternal type.

    (Original post by Josb)
    She'd better work - at least part-time - because I won't give her my gold.
    Get with the times, and with the fiat money, Frenchie. :slap:
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    (Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes)
    Yes because our lives resemble porn.
    Didn't you know?

    The husband could also be getting it on with his secretary as well.
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    (Original post by Hydeman)
    Get with the times, and with the fiat money, Frenchie. :slap:
    Stop hitting me.
 
 
 
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