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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    For sake of anonymity I will not use any real names / names of universities. Sorry if this resembles a GCSE algebra problem...

    I've been with my girlfriend for around half a year now – and it's been absolutely great.

    Initially, I had high hopes of getting into University X – but was rejected. Had I not met my girlfriend, my second choice university would be University Y.

    However, both my girlfriend and I have offers for University Z – a Russell Group uni - and it just so happens that University Z is on the opposite side of the country to University Y – at least a 6 hour train journey from eachother which costs a fortune. We've both discussed the potential of long distance but it doesn't really appeal to either of us...

    I have firmed University Z – as has my girlfriend – but I am having second thoughts. I've suddenly just realised what a huge sign of commitment this is – and although I love her, at 17, I'm not sure I'm ready for that. What if the regret of not choosing University Y causes me to resent my girlfriend?

    She has obviously expressed a preference for me to join her at University Z – I wouldn't say she's explicitly emotionally blackmailed me, but it is true to say that I'm not sure how I could bring myself to tell her that I have changed my mind and chosen University Y instead.

    University Z is a great university but University Y (my original second choice) is more prestigious and boasts a higher ranking in most league tables.

    It just feels slightly weird to be making my university choice based off a relationship – especially at this age.

    I don't know if I'm on the verge of making the biggest mistake of my life and would really appreciate some advice.
    Hate to sound heartless but it might be time to beg to UCAS to change your uni and chat with your gf
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    I had such a decision to make previously, and it ended extremely badly for me. In what can only be described as the only time I have endorsed a romantic and idealist position on this forum, millions of people have degrees, I doubt the same can be said about happy relationships, so if you've found one, maybe you should take a gamble.
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    (Original post by DanteTheDoorKnob)
    I had such a decision to make previously, and it ended extremely badly for me. In what can only be described as the only time I have endorsed a romantic and idealist position on this forum, millions of people have degrees, I doubt the same can be said about happy relationships, so if you've found one, maybe you should take a gamble.
    You've hit the nail on the head here.

    I've always got exactly what you've said at the back of my mind, then the rest of the world is telling me otherwise...
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    (Original post by DanteTheDoorKnob)
    I had such a decision to make previously, and it ended extremely badly for me. In what can only be described as the only time I have endorsed a romantic and idealist position on this forum, millions of people have degrees, I doubt the same can be said about happy relationships, so if you've found one, maybe you should take a gamble.
    Mmmm, despite my previous post, I think that this is also a very valid point and I sort of agree with it too. I just think that 17 is still a very young age to make such a big decision when they've only been together half a year. Although I think that sometimes it is worth taking the risk, I would think about it very carefully. Also, the OP says the he is having second thoughts. That's not a good sign, is it?
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    (Original post by Mother's Mercy)
    Mmmm, despite my previous post, I think that this is also a very valid point and I sort of agree with it too. I just think that 17 is still a very young age to make such a big decision when they've only been together half a year. Although I think that sometimes it is worth taking the risk, I would think about it very carefully. Also, the OP says the he is having second thoughts. That's not a good sign, is it?
    I don't quite remember the last time I made a big decision without second thoughts, that didn't mean my course of action was the wrong one. Doubt is a natural part of serious decision making.
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    (Original post by DanteTheDoorKnob)
    I don't quite remember the last time I made a big decision without second thoughts, that didn't mean my course of action was the wrong one. Doubt is a natural part of serious decision making.
    Precisely – I'm not having second thoughts about the relationship, nor my feelings towards my girlfriend.

    It's more that I am making a decision based largely on her – I don't want the relationship to become one where I live in her shadow etc
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Precisely – I'm not having second thoughts about the relationship, nor my feelings towards my girlfriend.

    It's more that I am making a decision based largely on her – I don't want the relationship to become one where I live in her shadow etc
    Do be aware it can go horribly wrong, the novelty of Freshers week and everything, sometimes people decide they want different things even if they didn't previously... It is a complete gamble.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Precisely – I'm not having second thoughts about the relationship, nor my feelings towards my girlfriend.

    It's more that I am making a decision based largely on her – I don't want the relationship to become one where I live in her shadow etc
    Imagine yourself in the next situation:

    You give up on University X and go to Y because of your girlfriend. Relationship goes wrong early on and you are stuck in Y. Is there any other reason for you not to regret your decision? would you still be happy to be in Y? if the answer is yes, then by all means go on. If the answer is not... think about it carefully. Don't let your girlfriend be the only reason why you are going to University Y.
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    (Original post by Mother's Mercy)
    Imagine yourself in the next situation:

    You give up on University X and go to Y because of your girlfriend. Relationship goes wrong early on and you are stuck in Y. Is there any other reason for you not to regret your decision? would you still be happy to be in Y? if the answer is yes, then by all means go on. If the answer is not... think about it carefully. Don't let your girlfriend be the only reason why you are going to University Y.
    I was in the same situation although I had no alternative university, we were still together at the time, it ended badly and we lived very close. It was a disaster and absolutely sucked.

    So yes, do choose wisely.
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    (Original post by DanteTheDoorKnob)
    I was in the same situation although I had no alternative university, we were still together at the time, it ended badly and we lived very close. It was a disaster and absolutely sucked.

    So yes, do choose wisely.
    I'm sorry it ended up badly I'm in a similar situation to that of the OP's at the moment, but the other way around. My boyfriend wants to join me in London and I am trying to make sure that I am not the only reason why he wants to come down. I'd absolutely love it if he came down with me, but I'd feel terrible if something went wrong and he then regrets his decision. That's why my advice to the OP is to make sure there is more to it than just his girlfriend in the equation.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    For sake of anonymity I will not use any real names / names of universities. Sorry if this resembles a GCSE algebra problem...

    I've been with my girlfriend for around half a year now – and it's been absolutely great.

    Initially, I had high hopes of getting into University X – but was rejected. Had I not met my girlfriend, my second choice university would be University Y.

    However, both my girlfriend and I have offers for University Z – a Russell Group uni - and it just so happens that University Z is on the opposite side of the country to University Y – at least a 6 hour train journey from eachother which costs a fortune. We've both discussed the potential of long distance but it doesn't really appeal to either of us...

    I have firmed University Z – as has my girlfriend – but I am having second thoughts. I've suddenly just realised what a huge sign of commitment this is – and although I love her, at 17, I'm not sure I'm ready for that. What if the regret of not choosing University Y causes me to resent my girlfriend?

    She has obviously expressed a preference for me to join her at University Z – I wouldn't say she's explicitly emotionally blackmailed me, but it is true to say that I'm not sure how I could bring myself to tell her that I have changed my mind and chosen University Y instead.

    University Z is a great university but University Y (my original second choice) is more prestigious and boasts a higher ranking in most league tables.

    It just feels slightly weird to be making my university choice based off a relationship – especially at this age.

    I don't know if I'm on the verge of making the biggest mistake of my life and would really appreciate some advice.
    My friend was in the EXACT same situation, she had a russel group uni offer but rejected it in the end as she wanted to be with her bf essentially she chose your version of university Z? (the one her bf went to)

    Anyways they ended up breaking up in second year, I asked if she regretted picking it and she said it depends how you look at it, from one perspective she does as she could have gone to a better uni and they never ended up lasting, but she said she got to be with him another year and a bit and let the relationship go naturally rather than failing due to distance and also that she may have made a quick decision on going to his uni based on her feelings for him but in another perspective she has made new friends and is happy.

    So everything will work out fine in the end no matter where you go.. but.. I would just aim of getting top grades and applying to your original uni choice "X" in clearing and hopefully you get in there which I assume is closer to univeristy "Z" is than "Y" is

    personally go to the uni you personally prefer without your gf in the picture.. plus mate............ TINDER IS THE WAY FORWARD IN FRESHERS WEEK you can lit message a girl "hey how you doing, you going to *** tonight?" if they are, you meet up and literally it's that easy. so what im saying is, if you depart you're going to meet new tings at which ever uni you go to
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    At 17 you are not even officially adults and teenage relationship is something that isn't very reliable. I would say if you were going to choose a university, don't choose it based on if your relationship benefits off it, leave it out of the equation. If you have any interest in the uni ur gf is going compare it to your options and choose one that you think is best for your course, career etc.
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    As much as a hopeless romantic I am, I would never base such an important decision, perhaps the most important decision of my life around someone I've known six months for. Go for the uni you want. It's your future.
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    i agree with alot of people on here, 17 is real young and you'll be at uni for quite a while, and idk of your relationship but there is a chance of break up with uni life, jelousy etc. your putting your whole future at stake! take the uni you want, make it work with a long distance relationship, and you can see each other every few months or so idk how these things work but this isn't who to take to prom your gf or best friend who has no date, this is where are you gunna study and get a drgree from that will change your whole life.
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    Education and success should come first I think. Your girlfriend isn't going to get you that degree, nor will your complete success be based utterly on her. It all depends on what you value more as an individual.
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    It's obviously natural to assume you should go to the most prestigious university you can but I think there's a whole bunch of other stuff you need to think about too: What's the course like; do you like the city; is it the right distance from home etc.

    I don't think that going to Exeter to be with your girlfriend instead of Durham is a terrible idea. As people have said a lot changes when you go to university and you may end up breaking up but even if you do it's hardly the end of the world - a degree from Exeter will be perfectly respectable.

    I would also say that once you get to university people tend to just accept the choice they made rather than wonder what life might be like if they had gone elsewhere.

    Good luck with whatever you do decide anyway.
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    (Original post by DanteTheDoorKnob)
    I had such a decision to make previously, and it ended extremely badly for me. In what can only be described as the only time I have endorsed a romantic and idealist position on this forum, millions of people have degrees, I doubt the same can be said about happy relationships, so if you've found one, maybe you should take a gamble.
    Of course it can
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    I love arguing the contrary to what other people are arguing, so here goes.

    What do you think of the university-type girl? The career obsessed, "independent", woman who, statistically speaking, prefers her own ambitions over starting a family with many children? Who will not be there to raise the child, will not be a warm stay-at-home mum, but a stressed out burn-out?

    University women who also had multiple one-night stands with strangers and performed sexual deviancy that would have been unimaginable last century?

    If you are okay with finding a new girlfriend who has a high chance of being the above phenomenon, then you are set to go. In that case, I doubt you will regret not going to Y that strongly, but you could theortically go to either.

    Now, if you think your relationship with her is THAT serious, so serious you could last all of university and after- which is not at all impossible but depressingly rare- you could keep an eye on what she does, and influence her to be the wife you want. If you are unlikely to find a better deal at other universities, then why give up on something that will last your whole life?

    Now, I know this is very unlikely to be the case, and I wouldn't normally encourage anyone with this because of how improbable it is to be true. It's just an alternative viewpoint.
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    Become the most complete, integrated person you can be. Don't sign away your life for what someone else might want. If that isn't what your girlfriend can handle, then let her go.

    Now, if going to a perfectly good university that she happens to attend works best for you, do that. But consider the other side-- if you're not able to handle six hours' separation, with all the Skype and FaceTime options available these days, plus long weekends and vacation time, maybe the relationship isn't so strong.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You've hit the nail on the head here.

    I've always got exactly what you've said at the back of my mind, then the rest of the world is telling me otherwise...
    I stayed in my home town to be close to my boyfriend, now we live together and I couldn't be happier. If you think you'll be happy at Exeter go there. Have you visited both universities? What do you like and not like? I think 6 months is a reasonable amount of time to be able to take a guess at the direction your relationship is heading in. Although I had been with my boyfriend 3 years before I started uni, I'm certain I would have made the same decision earlier on in the relationship, too.

    I looked at loads of different universities and I wasn't going to even apply for the one where I already lived, but I did as a 'just in case'. By the time it came to the deadline of choosing a firm I knew I couldn't bare to go anywhere else.
 
 
 
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