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How long did it take you to get over your first love? Watch

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    (Original post by Mona-S)
    I do not think you should see him again. It'll just bring all your feelings back. I think this is why it took me a long time to get over him, because every time I tried to, I would see him again after a couple of months and all my feelings would come back.

    HAHA me too!! I wanted to keep a diary to remember how it made me feel so I don't fall in love again! I don't want to go through the same thing again. But writing was the best thing, because I wrote down everything I wanted to say to him, which really did help.

    No problem.
    Hopefully you'll get over him some time soon.
    Well he hasn’t asked to see me, even though he said he would like 5 times since he left. As hard as it is to be away from him, it’s probably a good thing that he hasn’t asked me because I wouldn’t have the will power to say no. But the fact that I’m viewing the situation with a bit of clarity is progress, I guess. Usually, I’m just sat beating myself up about the fact that we haven’t seen each other in so long.

    I still hate myself so much sometimes because I wasn’t good enough.

    Yeah, I don’t hear from him for weeks and weeks and I feel like I’m beginning to let go. Then I’ll hear from him and, all of sudden, I get happy again. My feelings intensify again. Repeat cycle. I feel like it has been a lesson to not let myself get so close to anybody again. Then again, right now, it’s difficult to imagine there ever being someone else.

    Lol, I wrote in it just now before I replied to this.

    Another thing I found difficult was not being able to tell my mother about how I felt, since it’s a highly inappropriate situation if you come from a background like mine. Sometimes, I so badly wanted to tell her because I thought she was the only one who’d be able to help ease the pain I was feeling but I just couldn’t.

    Thank you, you’ve offered some good advice. I think I needed to hear something like this as a starting point.x
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    A long time.

    An even longer time til I got to the point of not even thinking about them anymore.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    1st love 3 years
    2nd love 5 months and ongoing

    there were points were i thought i got over him but as soon as i saw him or heard about him it would all come back
    also when you see all these fboys you cant help but think how good he was compared to all theses boys that just lead you on for attention then block you away from their lives, but i promise it ALWAYS gets better
    i remember at the start i thought i would never be the same chirpy girl again but now i'm back to as i was before,
    humans are designed to be adaptable, and so you just move on as life goes on
    people come and go, I've learned to accept that so never hold on to tight......
    sorry I'm going through this phase now
    Yeah, I still think of him as being above everyone else. There was just something so special about him. He was uniquely different.

    Thanks for your response.

    Haha, don't apologise.
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    (Original post by cuddle_me_in)
    I was close to someone for a period. We were never "together" but we developed an unlikely friendship over time. We were both pretty broken people and, even though our lives are worlds apart, we just grew closer together.

    He never wanted me the way I wanted him but he was still so good to me. He looked after me and he made me feel better when I felt like ****.

    He moved and I haven't seen him in half a year. In the beginning, I was so depressed that I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't eat properly for a few months, I even cut myself one day when I felt really *****y. It brought all my past issues with low self-esteem and self-hatred and depression back.

    I tell myself that deep down it would never have worked anyway. There would have been religious/cultural issues on my side and drugs and other **** on his side but it doesn't help. I made him my absolute world and, since his absence, I've completely lost myself.

    I'll admit, I'm not as ****ed up about it as I was months ago but I still think about him every day. It's half a year down the line and I still break down crying if I think about him too much.

    I mean, do these feelings ever ****ing stop?
    It took me at least a year to get over my ex. So I can empathise with you.

    Especially since I also went through the hardships of pain that you endured.

    I still sometimes think about her, even though it's been over a year ago since we broke up. I became deeply depressed and was forced to take medications to calm my depression. But on the outside you'd think I was mentally stable.

    I only truly got over her, when I found someone new. Then I started being optimistic about life and completely forgot about my ex. I think once you find a new love in your life, the emotional pain will subdue and disappear.

    So don't don't worry I am sure you'll find a new partner. And start being happy again.

    It's just a question of time and patience.
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    (Original post by Loosey Goosey)
    It took me at least a year to get over my ex. So I can empathise with you.

    Especially since I also went through the hardships of pain that you endured.

    I still sometimes think about her, even though it's been over a year ago since we broke up. I became deeply depressed and was forced to take medications to calm my depression. But on the outside you'd think I was mentally stable.

    I only truly got over her, when I found someone new. Then I started being optimistic about life and completely forgot about my ex. I think once you find a new love in your life, the emotional pain will subdue and disappear.

    So don't don't worry I am sure you'll find a new partner. And start being happy again.

    It's just a question of time and patience.
    I’ve been off work sick because I’ve been really depressed lately. I ended up crying numerous times in the toilets at work. I can’t explain how frustrating it is to have people tell you that “you’re fine” -_-

    Ha, I’m not so sure about the someone new part. Technically, I never even had the one person I wanted and I don’t feel like anyone will ever match up to him. I’ll just be thinking “but it’s not him”.
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    (Original post by cuddle_me_in)
    Well he hasn’t asked to see me, even though he said he would like 5 times since he left. As hard as it is to be away from him, it’s probably a good thing that he hasn’t asked me because I wouldn’t have the will power to say no. But the fact that I’m viewing the situation with a bit of clarity is progress, I guess. Usually, I’m just sat beating myself up about the fact that we haven’t seen each other in so long.

    I still hate myself so much sometimes because I wasn’t good enough.

    Yeah, I don’t hear from him for weeks and weeks and I feel like I’m beginning to let go. Then I’ll hear from him and, all of sudden, I get happy again. My feelings intensify again. Repeat cycle. I feel like it has been a lesson to not let myself get so close to anybody again. Then again, right now, it’s difficult to imagine there ever being someone else.

    Lol, I wrote in it just now before I replied to this.

    Another thing I found difficult was not being able to tell my mother about how I felt, since it’s a highly inappropriate situation if you come from a background like mine. Sometimes, I so badly wanted to tell her because I thought she was the only one who’d be able to help ease the pain I was feeling but I just couldn’t.

    Thank you, you’ve offered some good advice. I think I needed to hear something like this as a starting point.x
    You shouldn't beat your self up about it because if he did want to see you or if he did care about you one bit he would be with you right now, but he doesn't. I know I sound harsh but that is the truth.
    I understand about your mother, I can never talk about these things with my mother also. But that's why you have us, and your diary.

    If you need anything else, just message me.
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    (Original post by cuddle_me_in)
    I’ve been off work sick because I’ve been really depressed lately. I ended up crying numerous times in the toilets at work. I can’t explain how frustrating it is to have people tell you that “you’re fine” -_-

    Ha, I’m not so sure about the someone new part. Technically, I never even had the one person I wanted and I don’t feel like anyone will ever match up to him. I’ll just be thinking “but it’s not him”.
    I know what you mean, I hated when my family would say "just get over her you'll find someone else". It was irritating because how can you just expect me to get over someone at a click of a finger, and they had no idea how much I was suffering.

    Have you ever thought about seeking help like psychotherapy for your depression?

    It might help a bit. It's good to seek help, because this depression will just eat away at your life, and you shouldn't let one person to take over your life like this, it's not right. You deserve to be happy and live your life, because life is too short.
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    around 3 weeks? depends, i was in a state of trying to get over her around a month before the relationship officially ended. surprisingly quick for myself.
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    Ive been in love about 3 times in my life, and each time was a tremendous waste of energy over people who didn't love me back. Just one of the reasons I will never invest so much of myself into another person ever again. Celibacy can help to protect you from something like this happening again. Love isn't always the glorious feeling its made out to be, it can be very painful and cause mental health problems .
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    I remember I had a huge crush on this girl in my Bio class at AS for 1.5 years


    Once I messaged her on twitter and she didn't reply back. I was going to a party that day too and I spoke like 10 words during that party.


    **** feelings man. I get hurt way too easily.
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    Don't think I have got over them yet, maybe when I find someone I will aha Basically there were a couple of people I had deep feelings for, one women was a bit older but was more of a mentor to me at this self-development course I took, & the other person I knew from Primary school & still stay in touch with now, nice girl but I can't seem to get here interested in me romantically instead of a friend
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    (Original post by cuddle_me_in)
    I was close to someone for a period. We were never "together" but we developed an unlikely friendship over time. We were both pretty broken people and, even though our lives are worlds apart, we just grew closer together.

    He never wanted me the way I wanted him but he was still so good to me. He looked after me and he made me feel better when I felt like ****.

    He moved and I haven't seen him in half a year. In the beginning, I was so depressed that I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't eat properly for a few months, I even cut myself one day when I felt really *****y. It brought all my past issues with low self-esteem and self-hatred and depression back.

    I tell myself that deep down it would never have worked anyway. There would have been religious/cultural issues on my side and drugs and other **** on his side but it doesn't help. I made him my absolute world and, since his absence, I've completely lost myself.

    I'll admit, I'm not as ****ed up about it as I was months ago but I still think about him every day. It's half a year down the line and I still break down crying if I think about him too much.

    I mean, do these feelings ever ****ing stop?

    If I was you I'd delete him off social media completely and don't talk to him at all. Eventually your feelings will die down but you may always have a soft spot for him.
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    takes ages, it varies between people because a lot of peope who have their first "love" aren't in love at all, they just want a bf/gf and do it for the experience but like in your situation if its starts as something like an unlikely friendship and just kind of goes in that direction then it takes aaages. thats what happened to me. i was only with about half a year, it ended almost a year ago but i still think about her a lot, several times a week, something triggers it like a song i listened to when i went to go see her or if i see someone wearing the type of thing she'd wear. at first it was painful, for the first few months tbh and i thought about her every single day without fail and thought id never be so in love again. but then one day you don't think about them, then over time your mind takes you to other things and so even though somethmes i feel sad about it and want to see her again, i feel that things ended the best way possible, and it makes me kind of appreciate that i ever just had that time with them. idk what your situation is, it may depend how things ended for you but i guess the only thing ill say is something i was told a million timems but couldnt believe but now its been true, things do get better over time and one day youll get over it
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Somewhat different (stages), but you have all the raw materials, and I am here to help you be the best, strongest, most complete you

    :mmm:

    Exceptional characters :innocent:
    No,completely different makeup,not stages. Most of the time I honestly wish I was just able to let go of **** and not care about guys a single bit,but as usual,that's never been a possibility for me. I always try to avoids catching feelings,because they really do **** with your head at times. But I'm thankful for the experience

    Options after options. That's what relationships have just kinda become nowadays. Like once they're done with someone,just move on to the next one. I don't think true love even exists anymore. This is just a general thing I've noticed,not necessarily about you.

    Exceptional characters are very rare to find and even when you do,it's the same old ********.people are just temporary,nothing really lasts. only in rare cases do people stay together forever
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    (Original post by sherlockfan)
    Ive been in love about 3 times in my life, and each time was a tremendous waste of energy over people who didn't love me back. Just one of the reasons I will never invest so much of myself into another person ever again. Celibacy can help to protect you from something like this happening again. Love isn't always the glorious feeling its made out to be, it can be very painful and cause mental health problems .
    :console: I agree with your last sentence
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    Still think about mine over a year later. It sucks, and I haven't been able to find anyone else to fill that gap in my life, but never-mind.

    I just hope the pain subsides soon.
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    (Original post by queen-bee)
    No,completely different make-up
    Sorry but that's horseshit. You have an inner resilience comparable to mine (you've been through a heck of a lot and kept things together/stayed strong), and your inner resourcefulness isn't far behind, just needs nurturing :emog:

    I honestly wish I was just able to let go of **** and not care about guys a single bit, but as usual,that's never been a possibility for me
    Except you know, deep down, that this capacity to care is integral to experiencing love that can fill you with so much life, warmth, strength, purpose, and earthy, broody, desire, that to be without it could only be considered a terribly grave loss. Important not to lose sight of that

    I'm thankful for the experience
    Well, that's a bonus

    Options after options. That's what relationships have just kinda become nowadays
    True, although quasi-sociopathic 'hoppers' like moi are mercifully rare! :devil:

    I don't think true love even exists anymore
    True love was always rare, and you could argue that modern trends are, in some ways, enhancing the probability of finding it (much as I protest/lament polygamy/promiscuity on the basis of broader [intergenerational] mental/physical health/sociological harms)

    Exceptional characters are very rare to find .. only in rare cases do people stay together forever
    Indeed so. All we can do is keep our eyes peeled, and our fingers crossed! :crossedf:
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    Still a work in progress 12 years on. I was never popular at school, my only attemt at dating landed me in hospital with a cracked skull as I as attacked by people in my year who said girls shouldn't date freaks.

    When I was 19 I had my first relationship, we were together just over as year and the joy and warmth we shared was like nothing I have felt before or since. Then one day I went to see her and there was now one home, as I was texting her a neighbour said the family had given the house away and moved. Her parents were part of a weird religious group, I found out from her uncle but he had no way of contacting them. Despite trying everything I lost hope of finding her(2003 not a lot of social media either to help) and fell into very dark place.

    For the next five years I became the mirror opposite of myself, Drink, drugs, violence, using women and other terrible thing became my life, anything to numb the pain or vent the anger and hopelessness.In the moments of clarity I tried to kill myself, more because of what I had become. I was only dragged back from the edge by reaching out to a close friend after I put myself in hospital.

    It's been seven years since then I am still rebuilding my life, I will never beg or ask forgiveness whats done is done, all I can do is let my actions help me find a sense of attonment and peace. I do some charity work like samaritans and have returned to education, hoping to study criminology. I have been on a couple of dates this year but a combination of my past and finding it hard to adjust to modern dating has made it tough.I have good and bad days but things are progressing mainly in a direction.
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    (Original post by Mona-S)
    x
    Tbh, I think that the harsh truth is exactly what I need to hear. Otherwise, I just keep clinging to an illusion which prevents me from letting go.

    Thanks, I will probably take you up on that offer

    (Original post by Loosey Goosey)
    x
    I spoke to a counsellor for a while but I just didn't feel comfortable with it. Stangely, some days it made me feel worse. In the end, I decided that I'd just deal with it myself. I've improved from what I was like before though.

    (Original post by Proxenus)
    I remember I had a huge crush on this girl in my Bio class at AS for 1.5 years


    Once I messaged her on twitter and she didn't reply back. I was going to a party that day too and I spoke like 10 words during that party.


    **** feelings man. I get hurt way too easily.
    Lmao, bad times.

    (Original post by JNDSAN)
    x
    Sometimes, the only thing that keeps me going is the thought that things will get better, eventually.

    (Original post by SpiritSharD)
    Still think about mine over a year later. It sucks, and I haven't been able to find anyone else to fill that gap in my life, but never-mind.

    I just hope the pain subsides soon.
    Thank you
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Sorry but that's horseshit. You have an inner resilience comparable to mine (you've been through a heck of a lot and kept things together/stayed strong), and your inner resourcefulness isn't far behind, just needs nurturing :emog:

    Except you know, deep down, that this capacity to care is integral to experiencing love that can fill you with so much life, warmth, strength, purpose, and earthy, broody, desire, that to be without it could only be considered a terribly grave loss. Important not to lose sight of that

    Well, that's a bonus

    True, although quasi-sociopathic 'hoppers' like moi are mercifully rare! :devil:

    True love was always rare, and you could argue that modern trends are, in some ways, enhancing the probability of finding it (much as I protest/lament polygamy/promiscuity on the basis of broader [intergenerational] mental/physical health/sociological harms)

    Indeed so. All we can do is keep our eyes peeled, and our fingers crossed! :crossedf:
    I'm only strong considering certain aspects of my life,other than that I'm a very vulnerable,especially when it comes to dealing with relationships or romantic feelings etc

    I've lost worse things in life. It just leads to heartache. There's certain things I long for and its one of them but it's not good for my mental health at all,so I'm better off without it in most cases

    does it make you feel secure knowing you're never short of female dating options?

    It's gotten worse in this day and age. It's all about what I want or what I need. It's no longer a shared thing but rather what I can only get out of it. It's based on selfish interests most of the time

    I don't necessarily believe in true love these days,it's all just Abit superficial but there are people out there who actually believe in romantic Hollywood style stories where the girls meets this amazing guy and they fall in love and get married,I'm very skeptical especially because of my past two relationships and my experiences with my exs
 
 
 
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