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In love with a guy I met on-line Watch

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    I see. So he's a highly successful 41 year old lecturer, who is apparently going to move to teach at Cambridge university, but despite the fact he is surrounded by 18-22 year olds on a daily basis, he has fallen in love with an 18 year old girl who he has never met and lives on the other size of the world?

    I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be cruel here, and I do understand unlikely couplings happen, but please tell me you can see the red flags here? In my general experience, even normal people often turn out to be fakes online, let alone people with unusual or highly unlikely scenarios.

    I'm aware you can't just turn off your feelings and it doesn't work like that, but I think you really need to try and look at some of this objectively and you certainly don't want to be making any life decisions (such as gap years to Mexico) over this.
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    (Original post by Bekkiblu)
    I do get everything you are saying, trust me, and i'm reading everything, I am partly concerned about getting hurt.

    I was trying not to mention this but i was bullied my whole school life due to so called friends, all because i wanted to study and do well in life. José is the 1st guy that liked me for me, he likes that i'm a study nerd (our words) we get on so well.

    Again he is my first boyfriend and first love.
    You were bullied by your peers then someone online comes along tells you how amazing you are treats you like no one has ever before and you THINK you're in love. Trust me been there, done that. It all feels great now but you're only attached to him its not love. You've never met him in person and you're willing to take a gap year just to visit him?! Have you even been to Mexico? What if you do go and it turns out to be a catfish? He's 41, how do you know he's not married and has a family of his own?
    You need to skype him!! But I still wouldn't recommend you go visit him. You're only 18, get an education first, you have your whole to fall in love.



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    Wow. OP is so delusional. Falling in love with an idealised image of a man she's never met face to face; ignoring and glossing over the obvious age gap and the possible problems they might come across; has never been in love with anyone so substitute real, existential experiences with virtual fallacies; and is convinced that something good can come out of pursuing this despite all the red flags.

    You are very defensive about the criticisms but at the end of the day, we all know you're just going to crash and burn. There is no hope for you.:shoot:
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    (Original post by mr.purplelambkin)
    Wow. OP is so delusional. Falling in love with an idealised image of a man she's never met face to face; ignoring and glossing over the obvious age gap and the possible problems they might come across; has never been in love with anyone so substitute real, existential experiences with virtual fallacies; and is convinced that something good can come out of pursuing this despite all the red flags.

    You are very defensive about the criticisms but at the end of the day, we all know you're just going to crash and burn. There is no hope for you.:shoot:
    Don't hold back and sugar coat it, tell her how you really feel...
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    risk it for the biscuit is what i say
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    Has ur sister met this guy in real?

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    (Original post by Blondie987)
    Aww :console:
    Thank you :hugs:
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    lmao i just realised, how does your sister know a 41 year old from mexico.. i think you might be lying about that
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    (Original post by Elivercury)
    Yup, been there, it sucks .

    I always recommend to anyone considering internet dating to always meet relatively soon to avoid such issues. It doesn't stop them being ********s, but at least you've not invested too much.
    PRSOM
    I'll never consider online love again, much better to meet people the good old fashioned way.
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    (Original post by Elivercury)
    Never fall in love with someone you haven't met. You don't know them and you will have naturally filled in the blanks with your ideal person that they can never live up to in reality.

    This is of course assuming they're not just catfishing/playing you outright which is also very common online.

    Sorry, I know this isn't the response you were looking for.
    I do agree, on the whole. But I think you have to consider also that having met someone every Saturday at your local Nando's, for 3 or 4 hours, shag when the person in the mood (let's say every other Nando's Night), is not a reliable indicator of your compatibility either. Nasty surprises can and usually do occur as you spend more time with the person; usually by McDonald's Mondays you will find a skeleton or two in the closet.
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    (Original post by Bekkiblu)
    I'm madly in love with a guy i met on-line. He is friends with my sister, she introduced me to him We text everyday and i call him or he calls me nearly everyday.

    He lives in Mexico so we've never met, he tells me that he is planning to come to a teaching job in Cambridge, i want to believe him, but part or me doesn't. He is older than me but i don't care, i want to be with him. I've considered taking a gap year before uni to go to him.

    I don't know what to do he is the first person i've ever loved.
    Aw bless your little heart. Before you consider taking a gap year and going out to mexico you really need to find out whether the person you are speaking to is actually him. Try and facetime or skype or whatever because you don't want to waste a entire year of your life for some 40 year old man. I do understand that you are in love and love makes you blind but at the end of the day you need to think about your safety first. I'm sure you're getting angry at some of these comments but if strangers are telling you that you should be careful and not to date someone you don't know that must mean your family will be 100000 more times protective.

    I do understand not all boys are the same, but in reality a massive percentage play girls like a piano.. Especially this guy lives VERY far away so you cannot be 100% sure whether he has someone else over there, whether he is talking to loads of girls from other countries and promising the same thing as to you.

    In summary, you need to think about yourself. I don't think you should sacrifice starting university for some boy in Mexico because the reality is he most probably not come to Cambridge and teach there, he may not even ever come over to the UK and in a couple of years you will look back at this and laugh. Just be careful and do not make any rash decisions just yet
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    Wow wow.. I did not see that he is 41... And you are what? 18?
    The reality is he wants to probably be your sugar daddy.
    You should not waste your time, you need to live your life, he is most probably going to die by the time you yourself reach 41.
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    (Original post by Lord Hoffman)
    I do agree, on the whole. But I think you have to consider also that having met someone every Saturday at your local Nando's, for 3 or 4 hours, shag when the person in the mood (let's say every other Nando's Night), is not a reliable indicator of your compatibility either. Nasty surprises can and usually do occur as you spend more time with the person; usually by McDonald's Mondays you will find a skeleton or two in the closet.
    Of course, meeting in person offers no guarantees. If a person is going to lie and try to deceive you then they'll do it regardless of the medium. However if things are purely online you tend to lie to yourself, which can be even worse as they've done nothing wrong.
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    I've read the rest of this thread and I'd advise you against this. You haven't Skyped, the age gap is massive and how do you know he is what he says he is.
    I did Skype with the guy I was talking to, he was the guy in the pictures and that was fine.
    But he lied about everything else. I don't know who that is even though I spoke to him for 7 months. He lied about his age (said he was 21, was actually 19 or even younger), he lied about his nationality, his family, his job, basically everything was lies. He never loved me, he was just using me, and I stayed due to the attachment.
    And how do you know he's actually moving here? When I asked the guy to meet me, he'd always make excuses until one day where he was bored of me and said we wouldn't meet.
    Also how do you know he's not talking to other girls at the same time, or hasn't done this with other girls before?
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    (Original post by Bekkiblu)
    I'm madly in love with a guy i met on-line. He is friends with my sister, she introduced me to him We text everyday and i call him or he calls me nearly everyday.

    He lives in Mexico so we've never met, he tells me that he is planning to come to a teaching job in Cambridge, i want to believe him, but part or me doesn't. He is older than me but i don't care, i want to be with him. I've considered taking a gap year before uni to go to him.

    I don't know what to do he is the first person i've ever loved.
    Well im not sure you can be madly in love without having met him first tbh. I think you can only judge whether you connect with someone when you actuslly spend time with them.
    Well talking everyday isnt necessarily a sign that he loves you, he may just want to be good friends?

    Hmm Mexico of all places, not the most trustworthy country in the world tbh.
    The only way youll be able to believe him in with proof that hes got the job!
    Once you have clear evidence then you will know whether he is legitimate or not.
    Age isnt an issue, unless hes like a lot older than you!
    Hmm well id wait for him to come over here first! If hes a fraud then thats a lot of money wasted!

    Id say leave it for a bit, something seems fishy here!
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    (Original post by FireFreezer77)
    Well im not sure you can be madly in love without having met him first tbh. I think you can only judge whether you connect with someone when you actuslly spend time with them.
    Well talking everyday isnt necessarily a sign that he loves you, he may just want to be good friends?

    Hmm Mexico of all places, not the most trustworthy country in the world tbh.
    The only way youll be able to believe him in with proof that hes got the job!
    Once you have clear evidence then you will know whether he is legitimate or not.
    Age isnt an issue, unless hes like a lot older than you!
    Hmm well id wait for him to come over here first! If hes a fraud then thats a lot of money wasted!

    Id say leave it for a bit, something seems fishy here!
    He's 41 (23 years older), is a lecturer at a private college and is going to move to Cambridge university to lecture in computing and robotics. She also has never skyped him, has no idea how her sister met him and doesn't think he loves her as much as she loves him. Not to mention he's presumably surrounded by 18 year old girls daily, yet has fallen for one across the other side of the world.

    Fishy is an understatement.
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    (Original post by Elivercury)
    He's 41 (23 years older), is a lecturer at a private college and is going to move to Cambridge university to lecture in computing and robotics. She also has never skyped him, has no idea how her sister met him and doesn't think he loves her as much as she loves him. Not to mention he's presumably surrounded by 18 year old girls daily, yet has fallen for one across the other side of the world.

    Fishy is an understatement.
    Ah thanks for the info!
    Yes i now see that fishy is a massive understatment!
    Thats too old i think.
    Is he now? Has that been confirmed in any way?
    Never skyped! Wow thats not a good sign!
    Is this man actuslly a man? Or is it somekind of alien? Do they even exist?
    Well if she doesnt think he loves her, she cant change that, so why not end it and search for someone legitimate?
    Yeah thats probably true!
    Spoiler:
    Show
    That does make him sound a bit like a paedophile now!
    This is just getting worse!
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    He is certainly a man. I havr spoken to him. We speak every night via phone call as well as txt. I've never wanted to Skype as I'm incredibly shy after years of bullying. To the point where i got stabbed earlier this year by my best friend, yeah its going to court.

    My boyfriend helped me loads throughout when i was in hospital.

    Whats with the age difference? Age is just a number. I don't want kids so thats not an issue.

    Just reading that Oxford doesn't like students taking gap year students is this true?
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    (Original post by A321)
    You were bullied by your peers then someone online comes along tells you how amazing you are treats you like no one has ever before and you THINK you're in love. Trust me been there, done that. It all feels great now but you're only attached to him its not love. You've never met him in person and you're willing to take a gap year just to visit him?! Have you even been to Mexico? What if you do go and it turns out to be a catfish? He's 41, how do you know he's not married and has a family of his own?
    You need to skype him!! But I still wouldn't recommend you go visit him. You're only 18, get an education first, you have your whole to fall in love.
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    (Original post by Bekkiblu)
    x
    Read the above quote.
    You are not in love, you're attached because he's the only guy who actually "cares about you" and gives you attention. Obvious catfish who's probably grooming you and manipulating you.
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    (Original post by Bekkiblu)
    He is certainly a man. I havr spoken to him. We speak every night via phone call as well as txt. I've never wanted to Skype as I'm incredibly shy after years of bullying. To the point where i got stabbed earlier this year by my best friend, yeah its going to court.

    My boyfriend helped me loads throughout when i was in hospital.

    Whats with the age difference? Age is just a number. I don't want kids so thats not an issue.

    Just reading that Oxford doesn't like students taking gap year students is this true?
    I would suggest you engage with the obvious questions and issues surrounding this guy rather than ignoring them and planning a gap year.

    I mean seriously, you plan to be a young women alone in a foreign country having traveled there to meet a complete stranger who could do absolutely anything to you.

    There is a reason why you meet people from the internet in public, neutral territory for safety.

    I get it, I've been there (as have several others who've commented), I've planned to travel to the USA to spend the summer with some girl of my dreams. Thankfully in the end my siblings asked me if I was high and pointed out how it was generally a terrible idea and with the benefit of hindsight I can clearly see that it was correct.

    I strongly suggest you seek the answer to some basic questions such as how he knows your sister, have they ever met in person, skype with him to try and check he's actually what he says he is (being a man doesn't mean he is that man).

    Has your sister ever been to Mexico? Does she frequently associate with 40something lecturers in other countries?
 
 
 
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