Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I've come to ask for some more advice.. I have managed to only talk to him once in 2 weeks which is a massive achievement for me; given we were talking virtually daily before for 5 months.

    He still likes my pictures and statuses on facebook which I know probably means absolutely nothing but it gives me hope.

    I've stopped trying to work out his behaviour, as I'll never understand it, but I did find out something that hurt me.

    One of my best friends (who is also good friends with him) has known him for 3 years now. She said that he was single for 2 years and nobody was interested in him, no dates or anything, and that he was quite fed-up.

    I did meet him once in a bar a few months prior to when we started to get to know each other, and apparently he said to my friend that night that he found me very nice and attractive, but thought I was out of his league.

    Then, when he found out the 2nd time that I liked him too, he was really happy. He was really shy with me but was saying to my friend and his flatmates that he liked me.

    So we had been talking on facebook for a couple of weeks, getting on well, and it had become flirty. I went round there with the intention of asking him on a date, I told him I liked him, and he told me he liked me too and would have liked to go out with me but didn't want a girlfriend because of moving abroad soon.

    I don't understand why he was so fed-up about being single, and so happy about me being interested in him and then he tells me right away he doesn't want a relationship ahyway...

    I know it's irrelevant now but I just don't understand..
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    x
    Tbh, it sounds like he may like you but he's really confused about his feelings and what he actually wants. If he doesn't know himself, the chances of you understanding his actions properly are quite small I think.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #2
    #2

    Can't really offer any advice but just wanted to say I sympathise OP, being in a similar situation atm*
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Can't really offer any advice but just wanted to say I sympathise OP, being in a similar situation atm*
    Here to talk if you ever need

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Matrix123)
    Here to talk if you ever need

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Thanks so much, however I feel like I've bored enough people with all the details!
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks so much, however I feel like I've bored enough people with all the details!
    I doubt you'd bore me but I understand if you ever change your mind though, please don't hesitate

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Matrix123)
    I doubt you'd bore me but I understand if you ever change your mind though, please don't hesitate

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    In that case I will drop you a quick line
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    In that case I will drop you a quick line
    OK

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thanks again for all your replies and help, I really appreciate it! Do you think he may like me then? I suppose that he's moving halfway across the world in September (for at least a year or more) doesn't help... when he was in England, he told me that he didn't want to get attached to anybody and he didn't want me to get attached to him either.. you're right, I will never fully understand I'm still angry at him for saying he liked me, then sleeping together, then saying he had only been attracted to me and hadn't had a connection...
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Can't really offer any advice but just wanted to say I sympathise OP, being in a similar situation atm*
    thanks, I appreciate it! I hope things improve for you What's happened?
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    x
    No worries! From the way I see it, he probably does but I don't think he's willing to accept it. Obviously, I don't know for sure; he could have never had the connection, like he said. Him moving to America could be a mistake but it doesn't seem to be something he's going to put off so you'll both have to live with it. Maybe, as his and your friend said, he isn't ready for a proper relationship so he hopes to explore the world some more first.
    Yeah, I'd be very upset if that happened to me too but it's something you have to live with now.

    Btw, I've recently started doing some mindfulness exercises which I find very useful fof relaxing the mind. The website says it's for stress but it could be worth doing some of these when your mind wanders back to your ex:
    http://www.pocketmindfulness.com/6-m...can-try-today/
    I hope that is of some help to you
    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Matrix123)
    No worries! From the way I see it, he probably does but I don't think he's willing to accept it. Obviously, I don't know for sure; he could have never had the connection, like he said. Him moving to America could be a mistake but it doesn't seem to be something he's going to put off so you'll both have to live with it. Maybe, as his and your friend said, he isn't ready for a proper relationship so he hopes to explore the world some more first.
    Yeah, I'd be very upset if that happened to me too but it's something you have to live with now.

    Btw, I've recently started doing some mindfulness exercises which I find very useful fof relaxing the mind. The website says it's for stress but it could be worth doing some of these when your mind wanders back to your ex:
    http://www.pocketmindfulness.com/6-m...can-try-today/
    I hope that is of some help to you
    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Yeah, absolute mystery really What is it that makes you think he probably does, just out of interest?

    Yeah, he just literally told me so many different versions of things...

    That's true, he was saying that he just doesn't want another relationship at the moment; he wants to go and travel etc. I asked him if he'd have even had a relationship with me if he was staying in the UK and he said he'd 'have maybe thought about it more..'.

    You're right; I'm trying to meet new people, and I hope it will work

    Thanks for those, appreciate it, I'll give them a go
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    x
    Yeah it is. Well firstly it's the lying to you about the ex. Yes, it could have been a tactic to have a one night stand then end things quickly. However, he told that friend he liked you. His breaking off seems to be him (maybe thinking you're out of his league again) or not trusting himself with you. Sometimes the idea of loving someone so much can be a bit frightening. Him moving to an entirely different country could be read as him trying to get away from anything that could remind him of you. He also refused to meet up last time you were in the area or close, didn't he? It could have been too much for him as may feel like he can't control himself with you.
    But yeah, that's my interpretation of it anyway.

    Yes, good luck with that

    No worries. OK, I hope they work well for you
    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Matrix123)
    Yeah it is. Well firstly it's the lying to you about the ex. Yes, it could have been a tactic to have a one night stand then end things quickly. However, he told that friend he liked you. His breaking off seems to be him (maybe thinking you're out of his league again) or not trusting himself with you. Sometimes the idea of loving someone so much can be a bit frightening. Him moving to an entirely different country could be read as him trying to get away from anything that could remind him of you. He also refused to meet up last time you were in the area or close, didn't he? It could have been too much for him as may feel like he can't control himself with you.
    But yeah, that's my interpretation of it anyway.

    Yes, good luck with that

    No worries. OK, I hope they work well for you
    Posted from TSR Mobile

    Yeah, that was strange. He first told me that he'd had a long-distance relationship with her and that it had ended ,and he'd suffered a lot from it/didn't want it to happen again, so didn't want anything more long-distance.

    But yeah, he then told me he'd gotten over her, only to admit more recently that there were still some feelings there.

    Yeah, he told my friend, his other friend, and his flatmate that he liked me!

    I don't understand why he spent a couple of weeks talking to me online and stuff and telling people he liked me if he knew he didn't want a relationship?

    It could be that yeah; the very first time we slept together, he was drunk, but he kept saying how 'unfit he was' compared to me ,how I was 'much sexier' than him etc.. and he seemed quite insecure in that sense.

    Oh, the moving away thing was something he'd wanted to do for a while, before he'd ever met me, apparently.

    Yeah, that's right. He would have had to make a 45-minute train journey, but yeah maybe he thought that something would happen between us, and he didn't think it'd be a good idea given all the history, which I agree with.

    Thank you, yes hopefully they will
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah, that was strange. He first told me that he'd had a long-distance relationship with her and that it had ended ,and he'd suffered a lot from it/didn't want it to happen again, so didn't want anything more long-distance.

    But yeah, he then told me he'd gotten over her, only to admit more recently that there were still some feelings there.

    Yeah, he told my friend, his other friend, and his flatmate that he liked me!

    I don't understand why he spent a couple of weeks talking to me online and stuff and telling people he liked me if he knew he didn't want a relationship?

    It could be that yeah; the very first time we slept together, he was drunk, but he kept saying how 'unfit he was' compared to me ,how I was 'much sexier' than him etc.. and he seemed quite insecure in that sense.

    Oh, the moving away thing was something he'd wanted to do for a while, before he'd ever met me, apparently.

    Yeah, that's right. He would have had to make a 45-minute train journey, but yeah maybe he thought that something would happen between us, and he didn't think it'd be a good idea given all the history, which I agree with.

    Thank you, yes hopefully they will
    Yeah, like I said before, it might be because of confusion of hus emotions. Ohh OK, wel the insecurity is another reason combined with everything else as to why he might not want to be with you any longer. Ohh I see. Well I hope you manage to find a way to take it off your mind for a bit and have a great day

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Matrix123)
    Yeah, like I said before, it might be because of confusion of hus emotions. Ohh OK, wel the insecurity is another reason combined with everything else as to why he might not want to be with you any longer. Ohh I see. Well I hope you manage to find a way to take it off your mind for a bit and have a great day

    Posted from TSR Mobile


    Thank you I will yes, I will eventually get over him and accept that we will never be together... not talking to him/about him with friends is already helping !
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you I will yes, I will eventually get over him and accept that we will never be together... not talking to him/about him with friends is already helping !
    No worries yup, that's great to hear!

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    It was his birthday, so I caved in and message him, and now he's said some stuff which has really confused me.

    So first of all he made a flirtatious comment about my body. Then later in the conversation, he told me he had something to ask me, but wasn't sure if it was a good idea. I asked what it was, and he asked me if i'd slept with anybody else since him. I told him, no, why? And he said he just wanted to know, and told me he hadn't either.
    then he started to talk about when we used to have sex, and said he'd been really turned on thinking about it, as well as the conversations we had, and asked if I wanted to do that again.
    Then he said he was really sorry, he shouldn't have said that; it was really stupid of him. etc.

    Wow, why is he so confusing, lol
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It was his birthday, so I caved in and message him, and now he's said some stuff which has really confused me.

    So first of all he made a flirtatious comment about my body. Then later in the conversation, he told me he had something to ask me, but wasn't sure if it was a good idea. I asked what it was, and he asked me if i'd slept with anybody else since him. I told him, no, why? And he said he just wanted to know, and told me he hadn't either.
    then he started to talk about when we used to have sex, and said he'd been really turned on thinking about it, as well as the conversations we had, and asked if I wanted to do that again.
    Then he said he was really sorry, he shouldn't have said that; it was really stupid of him. etc.

    Wow, why is he so confusing, lol
    Yeah I could be wrong but it seems like what I said before about him having feelings but being too (scared/intimidated/confused) to give in to them. I take it you don't plan on sleeping with him again, and he does seem to have taken back everything he said? I think it's a good idea to avoid any of that as we had agrees on before

    Haha yeah, it is quite confusing
    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Yeah ,it could be, who knows! Just find it odd that he asked me if i've slept with anybody else

    No, it wouldn't be a good idea, and besides, we're not even in the same country lol.

    anyway, i've started to meet other guys and stuff so that's great
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: August 20, 2016
Poll
Who is your favourite TV detective?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.