Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Is it appropriate to ask what a guy does for a living... Watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ZuluK)
    Lol you can ask that but don't start off with

    "How much do you earn? Do you get paid monthly or weekly? Are you up for promotion? How much have you saved? How much do you spend weekly? Would you spend money on your partner and how much? ....."

    Other than that, like a normal person just ask "so what do you do?"

    :rofl:
    Attachments Pending Approval
  1. File Type: jpeg image.jpeg (124.5 KB)
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    You are a good wholesome girl in essence/when on friendly terms with someone, but when you're talking about unadulterated dating prospects you can come across as being a bit of a 'box ticker' :flutter:

    To be fair, not everyone can be the lovable rogue, a world without normals who grow up and become viable 'marriage material' would be chaotic

    Depends on the context really, but when it's one of the first things that they say, and they haven't much else to offer conversationally, 9 times out of 10 you know the type you're dealing with
    *true to some extent ,Obviously there are many boxes I would like to get through when I talk to potentials as I don't usually take dating and relationships lightly and would like someone on the same page as me,but just asking someone to tell you Abit more about themselves is an eye opener and I love learning stuff about people all the time and from experience,I've never directly asked a guy,they kind of just volunteer it,if you know what I mean? After that we just move on or talk Abit more about their work,hopes and dreams etc And also,there's a huge difference between a guy who will always just remain a friend and somebody you plan on dating. Always good to get a feel for them and get to know them Abit more,build rapport and for some people their job really does define who they are. I don't want to be dating a guy who is a complete workaholic and whom I never get to see,not romantic in the slightest
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by 99_Problems)
    Really, lol? There are many reasons why. No. 1 being that £10,000 barely covers the fees in some places. An MSc at UCL for computer science for example costs over 11,000..

    Office Jobs are often inflexible meaning they couldn't carry it over to when they start their masters and can be harder to get in to. Or here is a novel thought maybe they prefer it? I certainly wouldn't judge them for picking any of the reasons, hell, I wouldn't judge them face value for working at a grocery store period...

    It's good you're passing these people by though because it sounds like they have had a lucky escape.
    I'm sorry for offending you but lets be realistic...how many attractive, intelligent, ambitious, confident women work in grocery stores at 25? Let's assume you finish your degree at 21/22. It's going to take you 3 years to save up for a Masters?? If this hypothetical girl is studying an MSc/MA or whatever, I assume she has career aspirations, and the qualification is to enhance her job prospects. Why not seek sponsorship through a company? Hypothetical girl clearly hasn't thought this through.. :rolleyes:

    if somebody is doing their masters and at the same time working whatever job that allows them the flexibility to perfom well academically as well as keep the bills in check, then, that's great! But that's not what we are talking about.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by xobeauty)
    Yeah thought so this question is really important to me though.
    Why is it really important to you? Judging a man on his job will lead to misery in the relationship and you could potentially pass up on an awesome guy who is more suited for you
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    I decided not to ask, I'll just let that convo come up naturally.
    • TSR Support Team
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    TSR Support Team
    No, it's completely fine. Guys get asked all the time what they do for a living, where they're headed, their ambitions etc. Usually just to make conversation more than anything. It's no big deal and no man is gonna start thinking deeply into it all of a sudden. Simple question, simple answer.

    EDIT: Just don't ask about anything finance and assets related, e.g. salary.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by hezzlington)
    I'm sorry for offending you but lets be realistic...how many attractive, intelligent, ambitious, confident women work in grocery stores at 25? Let's assume you finish your degree at 21/22. It's going to take you 3 years to save up for a Masters?? If this hypothetical girl is studying an MSc/MA or whatever, I assume she has career aspirations, and the qualification is to enhance her job prospects. Why not seek sponsorship through a company? Hypothetical girl clearly hasn't thought this through.. :rolleyes:

    if somebody is doing their masters and at the same time working whatever job that allows them the flexibility to perfom well academically as well as keep the bills in check, then, that's great! But that's not what we are talking about.
    I'm not so much offended as weirded out that you would rule someone out because of their job when life is so complex. I've worked at Tesco, pet shops, cleaning in between getting where I am now but I'm still the same 99_Problems which is what matters, if I've gone from undateable to dateable from going from Pet shop **** cleaner to a Community Manager then that's kind of sad.

    I found a lot of my over 25 colleagues who were in these "undateable" roles to be very "dateable". Sure there are the dead beat unintelligent ones but honestly they were kind of rare for me. Even the crappy jobs I had have stiff competition.

    Although I am not ambitious and am from a working class background so perhaps that is why we differ on this. Switch ambition for social/friendly/kind in terms of what I fancy.

    So would I choose someone who worked at ASDA but was social/friendly/kind/can have a laugh? Yes.

    I guess we just find different things attractive. There are many women and men who tick the characteristics you've listed but are so boring. Would they sit under the stars with me and smoke a joint? Book a spontaneous weekend in Paris to party? **** me like their life depended on it? Generally just lark about and have a laugh. These things are more important to me. Where they work is nothing in comparison
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    OK, he is a Road Sweeper. Does that make him a bad person? Fair enough, he gets dirty because of his job, picking up rubbish all day is not too good for personal smells, but so what? He can have a bath when he gets home, can't he? Germs and Microbes might get into his skin from dirt and dog mess on the ground , but that's not his fault. Blame the people who let their dogs do their Business in the Public street, not the person who has to pick it up all day.He still gets paid doesn't he, would you prefer him to be on the Dole, watching daytime tv and Jeremay Kyyle all day?
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by xobeauty)
    That's what I say but I'm always being told not to think that way. I don't wanna ask a dude and it turns out he has a *****y Job making him feel bad after.
    say if a guy was a window cleaner or some thing would you not go out with him and if he was a surgeon or hedge fund manager I presume you would be more attracted to him
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by 99_Problems)
    I'm not so much offended as weirded out that you would rule someone out because of their job when life is so complex. I've worked at Tesco, pet shops, cleaning in between getting where I am now but I'm still the same 99_Problems which is what matters, if I've gone from undateable to dateable from going from Pet shop **** cleaner to a Community Manager then that's kind of sad.
    It's not about the job, it's about what you want out of life. I tend to be attracted to independent, driven, competitive people. Women that strive to be the very best they can be. I'm just saying you don't tend to meet people like that that are long term minimum wage workers.

    If, since 16 you've been at the same job, or at the same level doing the same thing, it speaks to me that, well, you're not really that driven/ambitious? And there is nothing wrong with that! I guess some people their reasons. I've met amazing women who have given up everything to care for ill family members and have therefore stunted their own career development etc. But they are few and far between.



    (Original post by 99_Problems)
    I found a lot of my over 25 colleagues who were in these "undateable" roles to be very "dateable". Sure there are the dead beat unintelligent ones but honestly they were kind of rare for me. Even the crappy jobs I had have stiff competition.

    Remember this is just my opinion. I'm not trying to take away anything from these people, or make out like they're undesirable.


    (Original post by 99_Problems)
    Although I am not ambitious and am from a working class background so perhaps that is why we differ on this. Switch ambition for social/friendly/kind in terms of what I fancy.
    I'm not working class, but I'm from a single parent background. I don't get what your point is?

    (Original post by 99_Problems)
    So would I choose someone who worked at ASDA but was social/friendly/kind/can have a laugh? Yes.

    I guess we just find different things attractive. There are many women and men who tick the characteristics you've listed but are so boring. Would they sit under the stars with me and smoke a joint? Book a spontaneous weekend in Paris to party? **** me like their life depended on it? Generally just lark about and have a laugh. These things are more important to me. Where they work is nothing in comparison
    Yep, I agree. I just enjoy people who are passionate about what they do for a living.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by queen-bee)
    I've never directly asked a guy,they kind of just volunteer it,if you know what I mean?
    Yup. A more subtle et. sophisticated approach is all to the good

    for some people their job really does define who they are
    Which can be a blessing and a curse :ninja:

    I don't want to be dating a guy who is a complete workaholic and whom I never get to see,not romantic in the slightest
    Indeed not. Balance in all things :hippie:
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Yup. A more subtle et. sophisticated approach is all to the good

    Which can be a blessing and a curse :ninja:

    Indeed not. Balance in all things :hippie:
    of course and most guys I come across are somewhat mature and sophisticated,so,it's all good!

    The curse would be never getting to see the but not sure about the blessing. Luckily for me,I don't know any guy I like who is a work addict and I hope I don't come across any in future. It's really interesting tho when someone tells you what they do for a living because maybe sometimes that how you're able to find common ground. *

    I certainly like a guy who is able to balance work and his social life *
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by queen-bee)
    Luckily for me,I don't know any guy I like who is a work addict
    Not so sure about that one!

    maybe sometimes that how you're able to find common ground
    I suppose, initially at least. For me, it's more about the person, and the personas you meet within any given line of work can be extremely varied
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Not so sure about that one!

    I suppose, initially at least. For me, it's more about the person, and the personas you meet within any given line of work can be extremely varied
    I'm absolutely sure

    Of course,for the most part it is about the individual person and not so much their job but I've kinda seen a trend depending on the type of job the guys I talk to do. The ones who do medicine/are registrars/doctors are usually so on time with everything,they're perfectionists and very caring,they're the ones I would say who take a huge interest because of my health issues. Then there are those who do stuff like working in the city/economics/business and they're just so laid back and so up themselves at times. I've just always wanted to be with a guy who's into animals and working with wildlife,like boon smith :love:
    I've find guys like that to have balls of steel and are so different :innocent:
    Safari trips together <3*
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by karl pilkington)
    say if a guy was a window cleaner or some thing would you not go out with him and if he was a surgeon or hedge fund manager I presume you would be more attracted to him
    Idk I'm really attracted to construction workers and that's not the best job.
    I'd wonder why he didn't strive for better, a window cleaner....ok then.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by fefssdf)
    I'd ask them as an icebreaker type question... its a pretty important part of that individual's life tbh
    Ikr lol

    "So...what do you do?" -sips through straw awkwardly waiting for food-

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by queen-bee)
    I'm absolutely sure

    Of course,for the most part it is about the individual person and not so much their job but I've kinda seen a trend depending on the type of job the guys I talk to do. The ones who do medicine/are registrars/doctors are usually so on time with everything,they're perfectionists and very caring,they're the ones I would say who take a huge interest because of my health issues. Then there are those who do stuff like working in the city/economics/business and they're just so laid back and so up themselves at times. I've just always wanted to be with a guy who's into animals and working with wildlife,like boon smith :love:
    I've find guys like that to have balls of steel and are so different :innocent:
    Safari trips together <3*
    That's pretty cool, can't say I've ever spoken to a guy in those fields. A teacher was the best I did thus far.
    Online

    20
    ReputationRep:
    I was under the assumption that it was a totally ok question to ask at any time unless the person you're dating is a hitman or part of a drug cartel.

    It's just part of the standard stuff, innit?
    "what's yer name?"
    "what do ya do?"
    "where abouts you livin?"
    "funny weather we're havin', innit?"
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by queen-bee)
    I'm absolutely sure
    Guess again! :teeth:

    The ones who do medicine/are registrars/doctors are usually so on time with everything,they're perfectionists
    Aye

    and very caring
    This isn't representative, unfortunately. Many young medics these days are self-serving, elitist, narcissists, and many (naturally) end up being rather selective in their empathy!

    take a huge interest because of my health issues
    I'm sure many are genuine, but you should be aware that some see a vulnerable girl/opportunity to 'play doctor' e.g. show off/attempt to assume a(n inappropriately) paternalistic role (as you know, I get a read on people in no time at all and understand the human/male psyche very intuitively)

    working in the city/economics/business and they're just so laid back and so up themselves at times
    Complacent et. condescending, yes, I know the type. Don't mind it if they actually have something to back it up but most are tragically short on real human 'capital' :mmm:

    I've just always wanted to be with a guy who's into animals and working with wildlife
    That's so sweet, and kinda resonates with me in ways I doubt you're aware of/fully appreciate but perhaps one day will

    Safari trips together <3*
    Vaccinations.. :indiff:

    Spoiler:
    Show
    Offline

    19
    (Original post by xobeauty)
    should that not be one of the first things you ask? When is it ok to have that talk?
    It's fine. It would probably come up while making conversation/getting to know each other.

    But if they tell you "that's classified" they are either a spy or unemployed. Most likely the latter.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 14, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Brexit voters: Do you stand by your vote?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Write a reply...
    Reply
    Hide
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.