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is it shallow to reject someone on looks Watch

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    (Original post by upperechelon)
    so if someone you knew really well and liked spending time with asked you out, and you said no, because you are not physically attracted to them, you aren't shallow right? isn't that the defining difference between a friend and a potential lover? it doesn't make you a bad person does it?
    Hmmm maybe, sometimes the person you know may have attractive personality, makes you laugh like no other which then makes his/her looks attractive. Saying that if the former do not apply, the look is what will turn you on, as when sex is concerned (if male) in order to get aroused I'd need a good looking face

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    (Original post by EnterNamehereplz)
    Lol Anon just explained why and he seems like a great person. I would say give it a go OP and actually looks isn't everything. If you loved someone you would still be with them even if they burned their face. Now while I am not saying go for unattractive people it isn't the be all and end all
    He can go for his ''diamond in the rough'' and I hope the girl never finds out what is really going through his mind.
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    (Original post by Sisuphos)
    I'd like to know what TSRians think shallow is. To my understanding, what the OP describes is the very definition of being shallow. You like a person but you don't like how they look so you reject them.

    Instead of people redefining words why don't you just say "yes, it's shallow but that's how attraction works therefore it's not a bad thing"
    If 99.99% of humans share a certain inherent characteristic, it renders said characteristic meaningless. You'd be a deviant not to factor in looks while choosing a partner.
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    (Original post by RobML)
    If 99.99% of humans share a certain inherent characteristic, it renders said characteristic meaningless. You'd be a deviant not to factor looks in choosing a partner.
    Didn't argue otherwise, in fact, I said just that. It's how attraction works and it's not a bad thing.
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    (Original post by Atlas Thugged)
    He can go for his ''diamond in the rough'' and I hope the girl never finds out what is really going through his mind.
    what he sees beauty in everyone? Not everyone is perfect.
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    (Original post by Atlas Thugged)
    He can go for his ''diamond in the rough'' and I hope the girl never finds out what is really going through his mind.
    Lol you still don't get it do you? I fell for her just the way she was 3 dates in. She changed as a result of being with me, my personality and lifestyle. She changed, not because I forced her, but things just fell in place and the changes were a result of it. Some people need love, security and encouragement in their lives as they otherwise may not have had that before. Changes happened gradually over 4 years...it didn't just happen over night. I don't get why you're so bitter lol. Do enlighten me..What's going through my mind..? Lol.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    .
    In several of your posts, you seem to be talking as if it's ---Meet someone---Instantly decide to start a relationship with them or reject all interaction with them forever. If you are not physically attracted to someone, and they are looking for a relationship with someone who is, I would say it's misleading and unfair to start up a relationship with them. I completely agree that getting to know someone's personality is often the thing that triggers being physically attracted to them, moreso that the first impression of their appearance. I also think it's great that you were supportive of the girl you mentioned through her confidence issues, and obviously it worked out well as you became physically attracted to her. Unfortunately, there's no way to predict whether that will happen. Imagine if you'd started a relationship and then had to end it telling her 'Sorry, I just never found you physically attractive' - she'd probably feel devastated and very much misled. I don't believe it's right to start a relationship with someone on the off chance that you may find them physically attractive in the future. For me, it's much better to remain friends and get to know them better, be there for them, and if the attraction develops THAT is the appropriate time to start a relationship.Of course there are always unusual situations. For example, if you were on a dating website and met someone, or set up on a blind date, if you get along reasonably well it's fair enough to go on another date or two to give yourself time to figure out if a physical attraction is going to develop. But if we're talking about the much more common situation of knowing someone first as a friend (as the OP is) then it doesn't make sense to me to start the relationship before an attraction develops. My husband and I were friends for years before we became attracted to each other, to start a relationship before then just because we were nice people would have been ludicrous (and also confusing... surely by that logic you'd want to be in a relationship with all your friends?!). EDIT: Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say you were bad for dating that girl. You clearly liked her a lot and had her best interests at heart, and it worked out well. It just could have not! Also, I'm sorry about the mass of text, the site keeps deleting my line breaks I used bold to try and make it a little better.
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    (Original post by EnterNamehereplz)
    what he sees beauty in everyone? Not everyone is perfect.
    Nobody is perfect, but that's never an excuse to settle.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Lol you still don't get it do you? I fell for her just the way she was 3 dates in. She changed as a result of being with me, my personality and lifestyle. She changed, not because I forced her, but things just fell in place and the changes were a result of it. Some people need love, security and encouragement in their lives as they otherwise may not have had that before. Changes happened gradually over 4 years...it didn't just happen over night. I don't get why you're so bitter lol. Do enlighten me..What's going through my mind..? Lol.
    Why was it you pursued this girl as opposed to someone with a similar personality but better looks?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Lol you still don't get it do you? I fell for her just the way she was 3 dates in. She changed as a result of being with me, my personality and lifestyle. She changed, not because I forced her, but things just fell in place and the changes were a result of it. Some people need love, security and encouragement in their lives as they otherwise may not have had that before. Changes happened gradually over 4 years...it didn't just happen over night. I don't get why you're so bitter lol. Do enlighten me..What's going through my mind..? Lol.
    I'm not bitter, I see a girl's face and body and that creates lust it's only after that through her personality and shared experience it creates something more.
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    (Original post by upperechelon)
    so if someone you knew really well and liked spending time with asked you out, and you said no, because you are not physically attracted to them, you aren't shallow right? isn't that the defining difference between a friend and a potential lover? it doesn't make you a bad person does it?
    no
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    (Original post by RobML)
    Why was it you pursued this girl as opposed to someone with a similar personality but better looks?
    The sad truth is he wants a pretty girl but doesn't have the looks/money/game to get one. You can tell me I'm an elitist, I don't care, but at least I've never been with a girl secretly wishing she were someone else.
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    (Original post by Atlas Thugged)
    The sad truth is he wants a pretty girl but doesn't have the looks/money/game to get one. You can tell me I'm an elitist, I don't care, but at least I've never been with a girl secretly wishing she were someone else.
    You're right, though.
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    (Original post by RobML)
    Why was it you pursued this girl as opposed to someone with a similar personality but better looks?
    I didn't go there with the intent of pursing her, we sat next to each other. She came across as a loner. We became pretty close she told me some stuff about her life. She was anything but ordinary at that point. She seemed serious about assignments and exams, came across as a bit boring. I could tell she was pretty insecure and wouldn't really show emotion when we were friends as she'd never come out on a night out. Then I asked her out..to my surprise she said yes and things just kicked off. Gradually she started to have a new energy in her, she became noticeable happier and would have very deep conversations with me. She'd show a lot of affection and her confidence started building. About 6 or 7 months in, she started getting really witty and stopped worrying about what I or others might think ..or say if she said something. Her confidence just grew and grew. Btw I didn't say this, but she also helped me. My grades became better, I became more motivated about my career and my life. U started studying and taking life seriously because of her and her work ethic. We all give each other something even though that may not be our motives. Some of her traits rubbed off on me and some of mine on her.
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    (Original post by Atlas Thugged)
    The sad truth is he wants a pretty girl but doesn't have the looks/money/game to get one. You can tell me I'm an elitist, I don't care, but at least I've never been with a girl secretly wishing she were someone else.
    Lol and that's why you're forever alone. Stop with the bitterness bro. Chill. I've been around the block a couple of times that's why I'm so open minded.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I didn't go there with the intent of pursing her, we sat next to each other. She came across as a loner. We became pretty close she told me some stuff about her life. She was anything but ordinary at that point. She seemed serious about assignments and exams, came across as a bit boring. I could tell she was pretty insecure and wouldn't really show emotion when we were friends as she'd never come out on a night out. Then I asked her out..to my surprise she said yes and things just kicked off. Gradually she started to have a new energy in her, she became noticeable happier and would have very deep conversations with me. She'd show a lot of affection and her confidence started building. About 6 or 7 months in, she started getting really witty and stopped worrying about what I or others might think ..or say if she said something. Her confidence just grew and grew. Btw I didn't say this, but she also helped me. My grades became better, I became more motivated about my career and my life. U started studying and taking life seriously because of her and her work ethic. We all give each other something even though that may not be our motives. Some of her traits rubbed off on me and some of mine on her.
    Well that's just luck.
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    (Original post by RobML)
    Well that's just luck.
    How? I didn't just ask her out randomly. She was hinting that she liked me. She just didn't say it out right.
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    (Original post by upperechelon)
    so if someone you knew really well and liked spending time with asked you out, and you said no, because you are not physically attracted to them, you aren't shallow right? isn't that the defining difference between a friend and a potential lover? it doesn't make you a bad person does it?
    Well no, not at all. I'm not suddenly interested in dating every one of my good looking guy best friends, and I'm sure you aren't either.

    That being said, how is a relationship going to work if you aren't attracted to him whatsoever? If you can see that it's not going to work out in a million years, you're not obliged to waste your time
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    (Original post by kpwxx)
    In several of your posts, you seem to be talking as if it's ---Meet someone---Instantly decide to start a relationship with them or reject all interaction with them forever. If you are not physically attracted to someone, and they are looking for a relationship with someone who is, I would say it's misleading and unfair to start up a relationship with them. I completely agree that getting to know someone's personality is often the thing that triggers being physically attracted to them, moreso that the first impression of their appearance. I also think it's great that you were supportive of the girl you mentioned through her confidence issues, and obviously it worked out well as you became physically attracted to her. Unfortunately, there's no way to predict whether that will happen. Imagine if you'd started a relationship and then had to end it telling her 'Sorry, I just never found you physically attractive' - she'd probably feel devastated and very much misled. I don't believe it's right to start a relationship with someone on the off chance that you may find them physically attractive in the future. For me, it's much better to remain friends and get to know them better, be there for them, and if the attraction develops THAT is the appropriate time to start a relationship.Of course there are always unusual situations. For example, if you were on a dating website and met someone, or set up on a blind date, if you get along reasonably well it's fair enough to go on another date or two to give yourself time to figure out if a physical attraction is going to develop. But if we're talking about the much more common situation of knowing someone first as a friend (as the OP is) then it doesn't make sense to me to start the relationship before an attraction develops. My husband and I were friends for years before we became attracted to each other, to start a relationship before then just because we were nice people would have been ludicrous (and also confusing... surely by that logic you'd want to be in a relationship with all your friends?!). EDIT: Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say you were bad for dating that girl. You clearly liked her a lot and had her best interests at heart, and it worked out well. It just could have not! Also, I'm sorry about the mass of text, the site keeps deleting my line breaks I used bold to try and make it a little better.
    I did go on dates before committing to a relationship. What OP is doing is not even giving him a chance to go on a date. I fundamentally disagree when someone doesn't give someone a chance purely based on how they look.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I did go on dates before committing to a relationship. What OP is doing is not even giving him a chance to go on a date. I fundamentally disagree when someone doesn't give someone a chance purely based on how they look.
    You're acting like I don't even know him. I know the guy, I've spoken to him, I've hung out with him, and yeah he's pretty nice. I'm just not attracted to him
 
 
 
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