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Is it bad for a 20 year old to date a 16 year old? Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm just curious, what do you find weird about it?
    I mean at the end of the day you are free to do what you want, so long as it is legal. It's just my opinion and I'm not gonna start harassing you or giving you **** if date this girl or do anything with her lol (how would I even know? :lol: ).

    Being physically attracted to her isn't weird, as I understand some 16 yr olds can look 18 or even in their early 20s.

    I just think there is a huge mental age gap between a 16 and 20 year old. I'm 19 and personally I have changed drastically since I was 16, in terms of knowledge, maturity, etc. Especially after my first year of university, I've grown a lot as a person and am completely different to when I was about to start my A-levels.

    A lot of 16 year olds think they are mature for their age but they don't really know jack ****. Many of them are very naive and impressionable. And no, I'm not saying all 19/20 year olds are super-mature adults who know everything, because there's obviously individuals at that age who have hardly changed since 16 (met quite a few of those at uni).

    I personally can't imagine myself doing anything with or dating a 16 year old. It just wouldn't feel right to me. That's just me I guess.

    Regardless, good luck with whatever you choose to do.
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    It is bad

    When she 18 and technically an adult, age gap wont matter. you being 22 and she 18 seems normal.

    At 16 she aint even fully developed, I just find it funny your defending this like its normal
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    (Original post by JoeyTr)
    I don't see any problem with it personally, as long as you don't mind ending up on a register and catching the attention of Operation Yewtree.
    How would i end up on a register? I said I would wait until my job is finished so I'm not doing anything illegal
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    this is so wrong...

    the age gap between you is way too big anyway at her age, there is a huge difference in maturity between the two of you... aside from that you are in a position of responsibility over her which means this is incredibly inappropriate and bordering on grooming, that difference in power between you won't go if you get in a relationship and you are exploiting her vulnerability if you start sleeping with her or anything

    add in to this that on a personal level if anyone finds out about it from your old employer you will never get a reference and they will probably try and prevent you getting any other employment, if I was them I would be thinking you have the potential to develop into much worse...
    If he breaks the law he's in big trouble, but you must be joking if you think your employer is allowed to police your sexual history. If go to a gay bar and get with a Black man do you think I should be allowed to be discriminated against on that basis?
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    (Original post by Devify)
    It's bad and inappropriate while you are her mentor. You're in position of trust so it is actually illegal until she's 18. You also don't want another kid reporting you two and you end up out of job in the best case scenario. That happened to my mate, he was a teacher and some girl he taught in a previous year didn't like the end grade so faked some Facebook messages and reported him. Even though it was clearly fake and it was proven, he was so ostracised that he didn't even come back to work after he was suspended during the investigation.
    I said I was going to wait until I wasn't her mentor. The job is finished in a few weeks.
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    (Original post by lonyeka)
    That's true but not at this age. Her parents will not necessarily come around - I know if I were a parent I wouldn't approve of a 20 year old, who was my 16 year old daughter's ex mentor. Not ever. And I'm 16 myself.
    https://66.media.tumblr.com/3f9fbfb2...tymxo1_400.gif
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    x
    As lots of people have said above, dating someone with such an age gap doesn't sound normal or healthy. It may be "only 4 years", but the gap between 16 and 20 is very different to the gap between people aged, say, 24 and 28. And if you ever wanted to have sex...

    "It is an offence for a person aged 18 or over to have any sexual activity with a person under the age of 18 if the older person holds a position of trust (for example a teacher or social worker) as such sexual activity is an abuse of the position of trust."
    http://www.fpa.org.uk/factsheets/law-on-sex

    You may have good intentions, but don't risk it. Find someone your own age/over 18.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How would i end up on a register? I said I would wait until my job is finished so I'm not doing anything illegal
    FFS you won't end up on any register so long as you don't break the law, so wait until you are no longer in a position of trust. TSR is the worst place for relationship advice because it's full of the most socially stunted virgins in the world. My mum was married when she was a teenager, according to TSR my father is some sort of raging paedophile even though my parents are probably more successful than most people on TSR will ever be.


    Stop listening to these moronic virgins who have zero life experience.
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    (Original post by eden3)
    I mean at the end of the day you are free to do what you want, so long as it is legal. It's just my opinion and I'm not gonna start harassing you or giving you **** if date this girl or do anything with her lol (how would I even know? :lol: ).

    Being physically attracted to her isn't weird, as I understand some 16 yr olds can look 18 or even in their early 20s.

    I just think there is a huge mental age gap between a 16 and 20 year old. I'm 19 and personally I have changed drastically since I was 16, in terms of knowledge, maturity, etc. Especially after my first year of university, I've grown a lot as a person and am completely different to when I was about to start my A-levels.

    A lot of 16 year olds think they are mature for their age but they don't really know jack ****. Many of them are very naive and impressionable. And no, I'm not saying all 19/20 year olds are super-mature adults who know everything, because there's obviously individuals at that age who have hardly changed since 16 (met quite a few of those at uni).

    I personally can't imagine myself doing anything with or dating a 16 year old. It just wouldn't feel right to me. That's just me I guess.

    Regardless, good luck with whatever you choose to do.
    That's fair enough I understand what you're saying. I'm not trying to make excuses here but she is actually mature more than most of the staff I have to work with. My boss, who is 28, went behind my back and started talking about me to people and spreading stuff, saying I don't do my job properly and that I am rubbish at my job, without coming and talking to me about it first and it was the 16 year old who came to actually tell me what was going on.
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    Yes, get someone your own age you weirdo
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    (Original post by catrinana)
    As lots of people have said above, dating someone with such an age gap doesn't sound normal or healthy. It may be "only 4 years", but the gap between 16 and 20 is very different to the gap between people aged, say, 24 and 28. And if you ever wanted to have sex...

    "It is an offence for a person aged 18 or over to have any sexual activity with a person under the age of 18 if the older person holds a position of trust (for example a teacher or social worker) as such sexual activity is an abuse of the position of trust."
    http://www.fpa.org.uk/factsheets/law-on-sex

    You may have good intentions, but don't risk it. Find someone your own age/over 18.
    I know the law that's why I said I was going to wait until I am no longer her mentor before actually doing anything so I am no longer in a position of trust.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's fair enough I understand what you're saying. I'm not trying to make excuses here but she is actually mature more than most of the staff I have to work with. My boss, who is 28, went behind my back and started talking about me to people and spreading stuff, saying I don't do my job properly and that I am rubbish at my job, without coming and talking to me about it first and it was the 16 year old who came to actually tell me what was going on.
    Fair enough mate - best of luck if you decide to ask her out.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's fair enough I understand what you're saying. I'm not trying to make excuses here but she is actually mature more than most of the staff I have to work with. My boss, who is 28, went behind my back and started talking about me to people and spreading stuff, saying I don't do my job properly and that I am rubbish at my job, without coming and talking to me about it first and it was the 16 year old who came to actually tell me what was going on.
    You clearly don't find it bad so just go for it then instead of wasting your time defending yourself.
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    (Original post by lonyeka)
    That's true but not at this age. Her parents will not necessarily come around - I know if I were a parent I wouldn't approve of a 20 year old, who was my 16 year old daughter's ex mentor. Not ever. And I'm 16 myself.
    Because OP is obviously trying to marry her parents :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 20 and I've recently been working as a mentor with a group of 16 year old students. Anyway I've gotten quite close to one of them and we get on really well. She flirts with me a lot and sometimes I do flirt back and I've started to realise that I do like her. I wouldn't do anything while I'm still at work since it isn't allowed but I was thinking about asking her out when my job has finished. Do you think this is a good idea or not and why? Do you think it's ok for a 20 year old guy to date a 16 year old girl?

    Not illegal, but very creepy.

    Think about it this way, say you had a kid and in 16 years she was flirting with her 20 year old mentor and he was thinking of asking her out. How would you feel?
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    (Original post by JamaicanMeKrazy)
    Because OP is obviously trying to marry her parents :rolleyes:
    Well I'd feel uncomfortable about dating someone if their parents didn't approve or like me. But that's just me.
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    (Original post by lonyeka)
    Well I'd feel uncomfortable about dating someone if their parents didn't approve or like me. But that's just me.
    Why? :dontknow:


    (tbh my fathers family all hate my mum, but it's just whatever, don't talk with them, most of them are idiots anyway)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How would i end up on a register? I said I would wait until my job is finished so I'm not doing anything illegal
    As eden3 said, the mental age gap is huge. You said it yourself that you two "flirt", you're at different stages of your lives, the things that you share in common are minimal, you're not both looking for a long lasting loving relationship, even though I'm sure you'll argue otherwise. Basically what all this means is that this is about nothing more than sex. And using your age as a lever to have sex with a girl who is 16 is wrong.

    Even though you won't admit it, and she won't realise it quite yet, that's all it is, and when she's older and does realise, that won't be a nice realisation for her. The fact that you explicitly said "so I'm not doing anything illegal" proves my point.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I said I was going to wait until I wasn't her mentor. The job is finished in a few weeks.
    That's fine but you should wait a bit longer than until the job is finished. Anyone seeing you go out will automatically assume it was going on while you were a mentor and are now just open about it. Keep in touch and chat and see where it goes but don't just jump in as soon as it's over
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    Anybody two years younger I would say is too young.
 
 
 
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