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    (Original post by lessthanthree)
    well not really, because you don't change your eye colour with drugs or if you're a bit low, or if your cat dies, or etcetc.

    I agree that it's not alien to have low sex drive - what I'm saying is that it's not set in stone - it's variable and you can't really say it's a fact that someone has a low sex drive and it's not a problem if it's upsetting someone. It's a problem for the both of them in the sense of the couple, but it's not a problem for him because he just has sex when he wants it. He could be perfectly happy, but there is a need to work out if this is just normal for him, or whether it's medical so that they can compromise and move forward, or...admit they're not sexually compatible. You get me?
    ah yes. sorry i missed a bit of your post due to stupidity. it happens often. i'm with you now
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    My point was that "fact" and "problem" are in no way mutually exclusive. Which is fairly obvious, really.

    Actually, doesn't something have to be a fact in order to be a problem?
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    as a male on the other side of the story, i do have a low sex drive with my current gf, but its mainly because i just don't feel a spark anymore, and i don't want to keep 'starting her off' (so to speak). i feel i pretty much put all the work into sex and i'm just not into it anymore, i feel its a chore now, which it shouldn't be
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    i have. she just doesn't understand why. She's 19, i'm 24. I'm joining the RAF in November too, and i'll be away for 9 months on training. to be honest, i just can't see the relationship lasting much longer.
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    (Original post by lessthanthree)
    I guess so. It's not what keeps me awake at night. Although we are treading lightly in the valley of the confused when a percieved fact can be a problem.
    But even then, the real problem is not the perceived fact, but the perception itself, which is factual. :p:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    If that were the case, why stay with me for over 2 years?
    I never said that he finds you ugly, rather that you shouldn’t believe simply because some people find you attractive that everyone will.

    However, having said this, maybe while in the beginning he was attracted, he no longer is so much so that sex and all that has become a chore. Have you noticed him behaving and acting distant compared to previously?
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    One of my close friends comes from a religious background and, while not a fanatic, was brought up having 'Christian' values forced on him. He was encouraged to view sex as a dirty, sinful, revolting etc act which should only be practised with a spouse.

    This is quite a common phenomena where young men experience a deep sense of guilt when thinking about intercourse. Though, of course, their ability to engage in intercourse is in no way affected - albeit by post-climax revulsion. Perhaps this could explain his avoidance of the subject in intimate situations?

    Whatever the reason, try to talk to him. Sex life is never as portrayed in popular culture - many people can suffer from anxieties, fears and other assorted problems. Or, in a more forward fashion, engage him; purchase a toy and encourage him to use it on YOU. Then develop the erotic situation....

    Best of luck!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That led me to question whether he is asexual. However if that was the case, how does he manage to orgasm on the occassions when we do have sex?
    It's not very hard to make males orgasm on a physical level... its just a physiological matter of stimulating him enough. Obviously he wont enjoy it no way near as much as if he actually wants you, finds you attractive, likes you, etc etc... but the actual happening itself is pretty banal.

    I think you just need to find what makes this guy tick. I assume there's SOMETHING sexual about him, otherwise why is he in a relationship?
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    (Original post by axios)
    It's not very hard to make males orgasm on a physical level... its just a physiological matter of stimulating him enough. Obviously he wont enjoy it no way near as much as if he actually wants you, finds you attractive, likes you, etc etc... but the actual happening itself is pretty banal.

    I think you just need to find what makes this guy tick. I assume there's SOMETHING sexual about him, otherwise why is he in a relationship?
    What ever happened to relationships which were primarily about love and emotions? Sex isn’t the be all and end all.
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    maybe he likes his studies more - is he a scientist - they are usually like that:P
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    (Original post by axios)
    It's not very hard to make males orgasm on a physical level... its just a physiological matter of stimulating him enough. Obviously he wont enjoy it no way near as much as if he actually wants you, finds you attractive, likes you, etc etc... but the actual happening itself is pretty banal.
    Agreed. The first time I had sex I wasn't attracted to the girl in the slightest but I still came. It was pish for me but I did it for the experience. Wish I hadn't now.

    Either way, the point is, it's possible to come without being attracted to the lass. If need be, you just think of someone else.
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    http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/ate/sexan...ex/200744.html

    It says Diabetes (they are relating to Type 2) does affect your sex drive.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He's not gay, and I'm not ugly. Lets get that out of the way strait away

    However my boyfriend has an abnormally low sex drive. We live together and have sex once a fortnight at the very most, and always as a result of me nagging him for it He *never* initiates sex. It's always me. And I get knocked back 90% of the time.

    Some points:

    1. He doesn't seem gay at all, and will get very upset if I question him. On the rare ocassion that we do have sex, he can maintain an erection and come without problem.

    2. I'm not unattractive. I know this because of the validation I get from other men (through offers, being approached, etc)

    3. I have tried to talk to him. For over a year now. When I question him why he cant touch me or why he isn't interested in sex he says that he really doesn't know. He said that it feels normal for him. That led me to question whether he is asexual. However if that was the case, how does he manage to orgasm on the occassions when we do have sex?

    Whats going on?

    Yours,

    Sex-starved anon
    Sorry but it sounds like that he isn't attacted to you for whatever reason. If you get offers why put up with it? He's probably staying with you just for comfort. He shouldn't get upset if questioned, that is very strange because it is him that is upsetting you. He can't expect you to put up with this situation. It isn't normal.
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    (Original post by Dulac84)
    maybe he likes his studies more - is he a scientist - they are usually like that:P
    Wtf? That makes no sense at all!
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    (Original post by Andrzej S.)
    What ever happened to relationships which were primarily about love and emotions? Sex isn’t the be all and end all.
    But it is part of a normal relationship unless there are specific reasons (such as having sex before marriage is against the religion). She complained he doesn't even want to touch her so it doesn't sounds like he's very affectionate.
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    Indeed, it isn't normal at all. What a knob! He's got someone (by the descriptions im seeing, pretty much a hottie) trying to have sex with him all the time and he turns it down.. I'm confused. Seriously though, its a problem. You gotta talk to him. Tell him what you're telling us. No other way to uncover whatever's the deal with the man.
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    Spike his food with excess testosterone?

    A low sex drive is obviously a genetic hormonal thing you can't really control so short of drugging him I don't think there's anything you can do.

    Look elsewhere for sex is what I would do, tbh. Sounds like you've told him he's not meeting your needs. Maybe you're just not compatible.
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    What a boring boyfriend...
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    Can't honestly say i give a stuff about shagging either.

    And i am male.

    I'd try and find a way to talk to him about it, don't do anything rash.
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    (Original post by Zoecb)

    Look elsewhere for sex is what I would do, tbh. Sounds like you've told him he's not meeting your needs.
    Great advice there. :rolleyes: If you'd seriously do that then your principles are seriously screwed up.
 
 
 
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