Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please keep anonymous.

    I am a muslim girl and I am losing faith, I am very expressive in my appearance. I like to wear funky colourful clothes, put on dramatic make up, colour my hair, it makes me feel confident. I also have a bubbly personality and am very 'out there' and share pictures online and like to meet new people and talk to people, make them laugh and form special bonds.

    However I get judged for this. I get told I will go to Hell for not wearing Hijab so I started wearing it. It limited my creativity but I still found ways to dress it up, my makeup was still bright and I was still confident. Now I am being told that a good Muslim woman should not laugh in public, or wear bright coloured clothes, or makeup, or talk too much or talk to men and if I am seen doing any of those things I get judged and talked bad about.

    So all of this was taken from me. I can't express myself now and my confidence dropped a lot. I have low self esteem, I'm depressed and I hate going out now. It's making me lose my faith. I know this world is temporary and in Heaven Insha Allah I'll be able to do as I please but it's so hard to cope with because now I've lost who I was.

    Any guidance or advice please?
    Nothing in Islam tells you you have to be sad, so keep smiling girl
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    Yh **** Islam!( and all religions for that matter) and just leave it. Religion holds you back and makes you miserable unlike what the indoctrinated sheep on this thread are telling you. Do your own research with an open mind and don't talk to any of these religious preachers( Imams etc) as they will never have your best interests at heart.

    I left Islam a few years back and I've never been happier. Good luck!
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please keep anonymous.

    I am a muslim girl and I am losing faith, I am very expressive in my appearance. I like to wear funky colourful clothes, put on dramatic make up, colour my hair, it makes me feel confident. I also have a bubbly personality and am very 'out there' and share pictures online and like to meet new people and talk to people, make them laugh and form special bonds.

    However I get judged for this. I get told I will go to Hell for not wearing Hijab so I started wearing it. It limited my creativity but I still found ways to dress it up, my makeup was still bright and I was still confident. Now I am being told that a good Muslim woman should not laugh in public, or wear bright coloured clothes, or makeup, or talk too much or talk to men and if I am seen doing any of those things I get judged and talked bad about.

    So all of this was taken from me. I can't express myself now and my confidence dropped a lot. I have low self esteem, I'm depressed and I hate going out now. It's making me lose my faith. I know this world is temporary and in Heaven Insha Allah I'll be able to do as I please but it's so hard to cope with because now I've lost who I was.

    Any guidance or advice please?
    Firstly, society is society.. No matter what you do or say they will judge you. If you don't wear scarf they'll judge you for not being a good Muslim and when you start wearing a scarf they'll start judging you for being too religious but that's just society... Whether you do something good or bad they'll still have something to say about you regardless. You should always ignore what people have to say about you; you should only care about what Allah thinks about you. And who even said Muslim women aren't allowed to laugh in public? That's a really foolish thing to bring forward because that's absolutely not true. Of course you can laugh and hang around with your friends; I know it's different when you're with a guy and people start judging you but they also need to understand that this is the 21st century. If you ever go somewhere to work you won't just find female colleagues and workers.. There'll also be male colleagues and you have to get along with them. Don't ever let people ruin you; that's the worst thing that could happen. Just make sure you pray and read Qur'an.. Continue to be the happy bubbly person you are. And as for make up I'm sure you wear it for yourself to look beautiful so don't let others opinions get to you. People are like that, they'll always put their nose into someone else's business. Ignore the people saying all this unnecessary things; nobody has the right to judge except Allah SWT and indeed Allah is the best of judges. These people need to look at themselves before they try to judge anyone else and even if they think they're perfect they still aren't allowed to judge someone else because that's not their job and Allah hasn't sent them on this earth to judge other people just because they dress differently, look different, talk to different people etc. Don't ever worry about foolish people because they seriously have no life if they have time to actually point out the 'faults' they see in you; they should rather be using that time to make themselves better people but no instead they think it's okay to go judge a Muslim girl to the point where she's starting to lose her imaan. Don't lose your imaan and faith in Allah just because his creations think it's okay to start judging you. Always remember that Allahs opinions matters; not his creations opinions. Obviously no matter what these people won't keep their mouths shut because they're just like that. You'll just have to get use to ignoring them because negative people will always be around. Like in the time of Prophet Muhammad PBUH there were many people who judged him and hated him but today he is the most important human us Muslims and to the Muslim ummah. Our prophet had to go through struggles to get Islam this far today; it wasn't easy for him. He got a lot of hate and verbal abuse from people but yet he still kept going because his faith and trust in Allah SWT was always 100%. Don't lost your faith in Allah; rather put your trust in Allah and Allah will make everything easier for you. Always remember that we are the creations of Allah SWT and only Allah alone has the right to judge us; his creations don't have that right. Be the person you are, be that happy bubbly girl who laughs and wears make up and brightens up everything around her and loves to make new friends. Don't let the opinions of Allahs creation get to you. At the end of the day nobody is perfect my dear sister so don't lose yourself or your imaan. Be yourself; pray; read qur'an; spend the free time you have in the remembrance of Allah and trust me sister.. You will find yourself again. The happy bubbly person that you are. Don't lose faith sister.. Allah is with you I hope my words have helped you in some way; Jazakallahu Khair


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    6
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by philo-jitsu)
    Literally nothing wrong with what he said, maybe at least explain what you found wrong with his comment, rather than just advising someone to completely ignore a viewpoint contrast to your own.

    Encouraging free thinking is to be discouraged?
    The OP was asked for help to strengthen her faith. I dont think she wanted people to advise her to leave her religion? Most of the things she mentioned does NOT happen in Islam. In nowhere does it mention in the Quran that a woman cannot laugh, talk, or wear bright clothes? In our Pakistani culture we wear bright asian clothes all time! We wear long tops with bright pink patterns on them and embroidered sequins all the time! But we are all Muslims? Nobody should be forced into wearing the hijab and that is WRONG. There is a bigger meaning to the hijab, and its not just a scarf. You should only wear it with the right intentions.

    This is why I said this is not the best place to ask for advice regarding the religion of Islam. There are so many people on TheStudentRoom who hate Muslims, call them barbaric and animals, call them ALL killers etc. So is this website REALLY the best place to ask people for advice? A website where Muslims are made to feel unwelcome in the world and their own country? Its better for her to ask a scholar for advice or even her friends (who are Muslims) and for her to also bring along the people who are brainwashing these senseless things into her mind to go with her so they get a better understanding of our religion.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by AperfectBalance)
    Disregard being a "good" Muslim and be a good person, hell does not exist and is only there to make you not want to do things that go against the religion. nor does heaven it is a con to make you want to be "good" so you get everything you ever dreamed of.

    Be yourself, dye your hair, dress up in short skirts or fancy clothes smile talk be friends with boys and girls, make good friends and be yourself. and most importantly be happy

    If you Still doubt it imagine How selfish a God must be to want everyone to Pray to him 5 times a day and not do this and not do that. A very cruel god.


    Life without a religion is like life without shackles. except these shackles you put on yourself and only you can take them off
    Exactly this, I respect that a person's faith is important to them personally, but you should never let a religion discourage you from thinking for yourself, being yourself or questioning things, authoritarian religious dogma shouldn't come before a person's happiness and wellbeing.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    Some people in this thread.

    >Ridicule Muslims for being uptight and stopping others from giving opinions.
    >Does the same to Muslims.

    What hypocrisy. :rolleyes: :mmm:
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by sameehaiqbal)
    The OP was asked for help to strengthen her faith. I dont think she wanted people to advise her to leave her religion? Most of the things she mentioned does NOT happen in Islam. In nowhere does it mention in the Quran that a woman cannot laugh, talk, or wear bright clothes? In our Pakistani culture we wear bright asian clothes all time! We wear long tops with bright pink patterns on them and embroidered sequins all the time! But we are all Muslims? Nobody should be forced into wearing the hijab and that is WRONG. There is a bigger meaning to the hijab, and its not just a scarf. You should only wear it with the right intentions.

    This is why I said this is not the best place to ask for advice regarding the religion of Islam. There are so many people on TheStudentRoom who hate Muslims, call them barbaric and animals, call them ALL killers etc. So is this website REALLY the best place to ask people for advice? A website where Muslims are made to feel unwelcome in the world and their own country? Its better for her to ask a scholar for advice or even her friends (who are Muslims) and for her to also bring along the people who are brainwashing these senseless things into her mind to go with her so they get a better understanding of our religion.
    Firstly I agree with pretty much every point you made in this post, but to me I didn't interpret the OP was definitively asking people to strengthen her faith. I think she explained a conflict in her life due to other people forcing there beliefs/opinions on her, and that could be taken in many ways. so offering an different idealogical viewpoint is not harmful.

    But as you say there are bigots who manifest online who's advice shouldn't be followed, but I think highlighting the above posters comment as an example of these kinds of people was a bit excessive, while his comment was abrasive it certainly wasn't bigoted/or any of the things you just mentioned. I think the poster offered an alternate viewpoint. I think thestudentroom is actually very good/well moderated on the whole compared to other forums in encouraging different viewpoints.

    Also I believe a dislike of islam/religion isn't synonymous with disliking muslims/followers of a religion. It is the dislike of an idea, and in free society/democracies the ability to disagree with ideas is imperative in order to conserve said freedoms.

    Lastly I do not agree that she can only attain good advice on this matter from scholars/muslim friends (I interpreted this is what you meant, if not then ignore this point :-) )

    I worried your response may accuse me of being bigoted etc {I also am a victim of the internets bad side :-) } But it wasn't and you made good points which I appreciate as it is getting rarer and rarer to have decent dialogues with people online!

    Also OP whatever decision you decide don't let other people's negativity influence them, cut out the *****y people from your life and then re-evaluate, you cant allow negative people to shape your view of the world. I am against the very idea of a religion but if following it allows you to be a better person then by all means continue, but alternatively if it is holding you back then don't be afraid to abandon it, it is 2016 after all!!
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by sameehaiqbal)
    The OP was asked for help to strengthen her faith. I dont think she wanted people to advise her to leave her religion? Most of the things she mentioned does NOT happen in Islam. In nowhere does it mention in the Quran that a woman cannot laugh, talk, or wear bright clothes? In our Pakistani culture we wear bright asian clothes all time! We wear long tops with bright pink patterns on them and embroidered sequins all the time! But we are all Muslims? Nobody should be forced into wearing the hijab and that is WRONG. There is a bigger meaning to the hijab, and its not just a scarf. You should only wear it with the right intentions.

    This is why I said this is not the best place to ask for advice regarding the religion of Islam. There are so many people on TheStudentRoom who hate Muslims, call them barbaric and animals, call them ALL killers etc. So is this website REALLY the best place to ask people for advice? A website where Muslims are made to feel unwelcome in the world and their own country? Its better for her to ask a scholar for advice or even her friends (who are Muslims) and for her to also bring along the people who are brainwashing these senseless things into her mind to go with her so they get a better understanding of our religion.
    A brightly coloured shalwar kameez doesn't scream 'Islam'; a black burqa does.

    Islam is not just the Quran. If something isn't written in the Quran, that doesn't make it un-Islamic. There is a concept of modesty in the religion - laughing (loudly) in public or dressing attractively could come under this depending on how you want to interpret things.

    A lot of the people on TSR who you think hate Muslims probably don't do so. Instead, they may oppose Islam/religion. A religion is separate from its followers, but too many religious people don't seem to understand this.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    DEAR OP - Islam is simple, people make it so difficult. Please don't be put down, you seem like such a positive person. Stay that way!

    1) Forget what everyone else is saying, the most important thing is the relationship between yourself and Allah. Say the words 'laa ilaha il Allah'. Allah (swt) loves those words, and He loves you for saying them. Be happy, proud, and calmed with the fact that you are Muslim and your Lord loves you for that.

    Even if you were to do nothing else and die with these words in your heart and on your lips, you would be among those beautiful people who God loves.

    2) Hijab is important. However, it is secondary to your belief in your Lord. Spend some time each day speaking to Him and asking Him for your aid in your struggles. Know that as long as your Lord is happy with you, that is all that you need. Your family and friends are hugely important, but do not give them priority over your Lord, and do not let them make you sad and lose hope in Islam and Allah's mercy!

    3) If you wish to strengthen your faith, focus on the most important things first. If you do not pray yet, start praying, even if it is only the Fardh prayers, or even if it is only once a day. If you are praying, then great work mashAllah. But make sure you are sincere with each prayer and feel yourself standing in front of Allah when you pray. If you pray with full attention and effort, you will feel so calm, positive and closer to your religion every time.

    Then, when you feel comfortable, make the decision to wear the hijab. But do it because you want to, and for Allah, not because others keep telling you to.

    4) Spend time with positive people like yourself! And if you can, try and make some of these people fellow Muslim women who you can trust and look up to. Trust me when I say I have met some amazing Muslim girls who wear the hijab, are modest, but are also some of the most confident and expressive people I have seen! They do so much good for others. You sound like one of them!

    It can take some time to find these people, but in the meantime I would recommend watching the videos of Alima Ashfaq. She is really inspirational, and really speaks with such a positive attitude on issues that all Muslims, especially Muslim women, are facing. (click any of these videos! - https://www.youtube.com/results?sear...y=alima+ashfaq)

    I have so much more I could say, but these are the most important. Remember, no matter what, do not let others make you feel sad or inadequate. Dont let anyone tell you that you are a 'bad' Muslim. So so so wrong, these people are so far from the truth! Feelings of sadness come from Shaytaan, and he loves to make believers sad. Be positive, be happy, and remember that you CAN be confident, and expressive, and a great Muslim .
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please keep anonymous.

    I am a muslim girl and I am losing faith, I am very expressive in my appearance. I like to wear funky colourful clothes, put on dramatic make up, colour my hair, it makes me feel confident. I also have a bubbly personality and am very 'out there' and share pictures online and like to meet new people and talk to people, make them laugh and form special bonds.

    However I get judged for this. I get told I will go to Hell for not wearing Hijab so I started wearing it. It limited my creativity but I still found ways to dress it up, my makeup was still bright and I was still confident. Now I am being told that a good Muslim woman should not laugh in public, or wear bright coloured clothes, or makeup, or talk too much or talk to men and if I am seen doing any of those things I get judged and talked bad about.

    So all of this was taken from me. I can't express myself now and my confidence dropped a lot. I have low self esteem, I'm depressed and I hate going out now. It's making me lose my faith. I know this world is temporary and in Heaven Insha Allah I'll be able to do as I please but it's so hard to cope with because now I've lost who I was.

    Any guidance or advice please?
    Salam beautiful! I would absolutely love to talk to you in depth, maybe you coul pm me? I've been through that stage, so much so that I switched faiths... I became agnostic. I know what it's like to have all this jumbled up in your head, so don't worry hayati, we cam talk it through. Xxx
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Rabia.Nishat)
    I switched faiths... I became agnostic. I
    Agnosticism is not a faith
    Offline

    6
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by EastGuava)
    A brightly coloured shalwar kameez doesn't scream 'Islam'; a black burqa does.

    Islam is not just the Quran. If something isn't written in the Quran, that doesn't make it un-Islamic. There is a concept of modesty in the religion - laughing (loudly) in public or dressing attractively could come under this depending on how you want to interpret things.

    A lot of the people on TSR who you think hate Muslims probably don't do so. Instead, they may oppose Islam/religion. A religion is separate from its followers, but too many religious people don't seem to understand this.
    If I wear shalwar kameez it doesnt make me a less of a Muslim than someone who wears a burqa. Nobody should be forced to wear a hijab or a burqa. The point the OP is making about not being able to wear bright clothes in Islam is completely false. As long as she is dressed modestly, whats the problem? In my Pakistani culture I dress attractively (wearing bright clothes) for weddings and events, does this make me a bad Muslim then? I dont think theres ANYTHING wrong with having a laugh with your friends at a coffee shop? The things the OP has been taught not to do is in my opinion extreme.

    And trust me, people have been racist to me, called me a "killer" and told me to go back to my own country, told me that I'm an animal and I'm barbaric and I am heartless. Is that merely "opposing" the religion? Therefore a website full of so much extreme hate against muslims isnt the best place to ask for advice.

    You CAN be a bubbly, extroverted Muslim while still being a "good" muslim.
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by sameehaiqbal)
    If I wear shalwar kameez it doesnt make me a less of a Muslim than someone who wears a burqa. Nobody should be forced to wear a hijab or a burqa. The point the OP is making about not being able to wear bright clothes in Islam is completely false. As long as she is dressed modestly, whats the problem? In my Pakistani culture I dress attractively (wearing bright clothes) for weddings and events, does this make me a bad Muslim then? I dont think theres ANYTHING wrong with having a laugh with your friends at a coffee shop? The things the OP has been taught not to do is in my opinion extreme.

    And trust me, people have been racist to me, called me a "killer" and told me to go back to my own country, told me that I'm an animal and I'm barbaric and I am heartless. Is that merely "opposing" the religion? Therefore a website full of so much extreme hate against muslims isnt the best place to ask for advice.

    You CAN be a bubbly, extroverted Muslim while still being a "good" muslim.
    You might feel some things are 'extreme' because you don't follow them and they're not compatible with your way of life, but that doesn't mean they aren't part of Islam. It's just that you follow the religion in your own way (or more likely the way you were brought up with it), just like every other Muslim.

    "Good" Muslim or "bad" Muslim, Islam isn't true so ultimately it doesn't matter
    Offline

    6
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by EastGuava)
    You might feel some things are 'extreme' because you don't follow them and they're not compatible with your way of life, but that doesn't mean they aren't part of Islam. It's just that you follow the religion in your own way (or more likely the way you were brought up with it), just like every other Muslim.

    "Good" Muslim or "bad" Muslim, Islam isn't true so ultimately it doesn't matter
    What Muslim is going to agree that you cant laugh and talk? Lol, trust me that is extreme.
    • #3
    #3

    It's sort of a clash of the ways of thinking in two parts of the world, some of it cultural and some of it religion.
    Like the older generations in my family who were born abroad and quite religious/traditional will be completely against say marrying someone not in the religion.
    i.e One of my cousins recently got engaged to a white girl and all the older people talk so badly about them and avoid the two of them like the plague...

    Not much you can do about it unfortunately, but still be respectful to your parents/family. They most likely want the best for you.
    If what my Mum says is anything to go by (she grew up in quite a traditional household), they're probably thinking that acting like that will make you better potential wife material. i.e You'll have an easier time getting married in future.
    It's your familiy's way of trying to look out for you I guess.

    Reminds me of my Aunt who was a bit of a geek growing up.
    She was super smart and did really well in her A Levels, but got told she couldnt go to Uni because it wasn't the done thing (this might've been religion or cultural tradition - though probably some mix of the two, i don't know).
    She put her ambitions on hold and eventually got married to my uncle. Luckily my uncle, being the awesome guy he is (not even joking, funniest guy ever ), said to her that she can go and study if she wants, so she went to Uni as a mature student, got a Computer Science degree and now works as a Programmer.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's sort of a clash of the ways of thinking in two parts of the world, some of it cultural and some of it religion.
    Like the older generations in my family who were born abroad and quite religious/traditional will be completely against say marrying someone not in the religion.
    i.e One of my cousins recently got engaged to a white girl and all the older people talk so badly about them and avoid the two of them like the plague...

    Not much you can do about it unfortunately, but still be respectful to your parents/family. They most likely want the best for you.
    If what my Mum says is anything to go by (she grew up in quite a traditional household), they're probably thinking that acting like that will make you better potential wife material. i.e You'll have an easier time getting married in future.
    It's your familiy's way of trying to look out for you I guess.

    Reminds me of my Aunt who was a bit of a geek growing up.
    She was super smart and did really well in her A Levels, but got told she couldnt go to Uni because it wasn't the done thing (this might've been religion or cultural tradition - though probably some mix of the two, i don't know).
    She put her ambitions on hold and eventually got married to my uncle. Luckily my uncle, being the awesome guy he is (not even joking, funniest guy ever ), said to her that she can go and study if she wants, so she went to Uni as a mature student, got a Computer Science degree and now works as a Programmer.
    Your example of progressive Islam is that the new generation of men will give their permission for a woman to get educated? Can't you see how messed up that is.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's sort of a clash of the ways of thinking in two parts of the world, some of it cultural and some of it religion.
    Like the older generations in my family who were born abroad and quite religious/traditional will be completely against say marrying someone not in the religion.
    i.e One of my cousins recently got engaged to a white girl and all the older people talk so badly about them and avoid the two of them like the plague...

    Not much you can do about it unfortunately, but still be respectful to your parents/family. They most likely want the best for you.
    If what my Mum says is anything to go by (she grew up in quite a traditional household), they're probably thinking that acting like that will make you better potential wife material. i.e You'll have an easier time getting married in future.
    It's your familiy's way of trying to look out for you I guess.

    Reminds me of my Aunt who was a bit of a geek growing up.
    She was super smart and did really well in her A Levels, but got told she couldnt go to Uni because it wasn't the done thing (this might've been religion or cultural tradition - though probably some mix of the two, i don't know).
    She put her ambitions on hold and eventually got married to my uncle. Luckily my uncle, being the awesome guy he is (not even joking, funniest guy ever ), said to her that she can go and study if she wants, so she went to Uni as a mature student, got a Computer Science degree and now works as a Programmer.
    Lol, a husband "letting" his wife pursue her dream isn't awesome, it's called being a decent human being who values equality.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by sameehaiqbal)
    This really isnt the best website to ask.

    Edit: Who told you that a Muslim woman cant laugh? Are you serious? You wont go to hell for laughing at a joke?
    What about a dirty joke?

    Do you want the OP to consult with other Muslims who will tell her she's going to go to hell if she has a personality and enjoys herself? That's pretty sad.
    Offline

    6
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by YaliaV)
    What about a dirty joke?

    Do you want the OP to consult with other Muslims who will tell her she's going to go to hell if she has a personality and enjoys herself? That's pretty sad.
    Lol what? I told her that it's not a sin to laugh and talk to people... And I'm a Muslim myself.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yh I've never been immodest even when I didnt wear hijab, i never wore sleeveless or shorts and when i wore hijab I tried to wear loose clothing that i liked but its not enough and i get called a slut if i dont wear a top that covers down to my knees! I dont understand it.

    The hijabi lifestyle isn't for me if it is so extreme!
    worry less about how long your sleeves are and how much you can or cannot laugh or how bright are your clothes (
    most people im shocked to have to tell you, dont have to worry about those petty matters ) - just do well at school, get an education, a career, a family , a loyal friends circle , be a decent person etc. these are the important things in life, not what a few nutters may dictate to you to appease some dictats
 
 
 
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Has a teacher ever helped you cheat?
    Useful resources
    Bizarre things students have spent their loans onThings you should budget for at uni

    Sponsored features:

    Making money from your own website

    Need some cash?

    How to make money running your own website.

    Bianca Miller, runner-up on The Apprentice

    Handle your digital footprint

    What would an employer find out about you on Google? Find out how to take control.

    Groups associated with this forum:

    View associated groups
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Write a reply...
    Reply
    Hide
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.