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Are certain things inappropriate in a relationship? Are boundaries bad? watch

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    (Original post by queen-bee)
    I can't imagine sleeping with a guy i barely know so well. How awkward is that,there's no sense of connection of any kind there. You mean if y'all aren't an item yet? If I'm not an item with a guy I would maybe feel alittle jealous if I liked him but he's not mine so he can do what he wants
    Ye just sex on it's own isn't nice imo. Need some friendship/love going on. Preferably love.
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    For sure, but there’s more to stable, long term, relationships than love alone. There have to be some other binds or what do you have? Unstable, fluid, relations. That might be great while you’re young and idealistic, but once settling down/uniting tribes/starting a family is involved it’s inadequate in the vast majority of cases. Without the monogamous union of matrimony civilisation as we know it will collapse

    Condoms existing is no guarantee of anything

    Not sure what you mean by this but most people don’t conceive of polyamorous casual lovers as ‘couples’
    I don't think a relationship needs 'some other binds'. If there's mutual love between two people then they will spend time and effort on each other. I think the strength of a bond is proportional to the time and effort spent and that's all; I don't see why monogamy or marriage matters. Most people have more than one friend. But you don't demand that your friend only plays Xbox with you and none of their other friends, do you? People can do whatever they want in their free time when they're not spending time with you imo.

    Of course condoms don't guarantee anything, but they're very effective.

    I didn't mean casual lovers, I meant a couple of people that love each other and are committed to raising a kid together. I don't see why they need be monogamous tbh. Are all monogamous couples honest and open with each other about their feelings and problems? Of the ones with kids, is it always that both parties try their absolute hardest to raise their children well and selflessly put their children first? How many monogamous relationships stay monogamous?

    How good and stable a relationship is is entirely down to the personalities of the individuals involved and how well they understand each other imo. I think good mutual understanding is best achieved through openness and lack of specified boundaries that can constrain a person's behaviour. Because with boundaries placed on someone, then how can you really know what their true behaviour is? They could well be trying to be someone they're not or suppressing their real feelings in order to obey the rules set to them and not upset their partner. I think that's why many people cheat tbh.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    how would you know if the guy your gf is spending with is someone to worry about?
    General experience of my partner (respect/trust is earned), discussion regarding boundaries vs. transparency with her, her reputation, and indications of her lifestyle, habits, and social groups, plus the potential for feedback from other social actors

    The type of friendly guys that aren't in it for anything are usually not confident, quiet and unlikely to interest your gf in a friendship where 1 on 1 alone time is even possible
    Girls generally filter our guys who are ‘on it’, or these guys don’t wait around to communicate interest/have a crack, and if a girl doesn’t avoid/bin such guys then you have to question whether they are girlfriend material if they think it’s wise to (continue to) spend time alone with such guys

    (Original post by queen-bee)
    I wouldn't mind him spending time alone with a female I knew had no hots for him and it was just a purely innocent meet up
    How would you know she definitely didn’t have the hots for him?

    trust that he doesn't get too drunk to the extent that he has to be dragged home
    Why should that matter in this context?

    all humans are capable of messing up
    Not when something extremely valuable is on the line, or when a person puts your well-being ahead of other concerns in life

    (Original post by Gnat)
    I think the strength of a bond is proportional to the time and effort spent and that's all
    Some truth in this, albeit that this cumulative love-token total is subject to natural decay, as well as exogenous forces

    I don't see why monogamy or marriage matters
    I’ve touched on why they matter in my earlier response to you (see the numerous bullets, and consider the problem of fatherlessness in particular, for individuals and society more broadly)

    [Are all monogamous couples honest and open with each other about their feelings and problems? Of the ones with kids, is it always that both parties try their absolute hardest to raise their children well and selflessly put their children first? How many monogamous relationships stay monogamous?
    No set of institutions and norms will ever deliver perfect outcomes, it’s a matter of striving for optimality whilst accepting certain human limitations. Personally I would most like to advocate for communitarianism, including communal sharing of guardianship responsibilities, but alas this is too abstract to be practicable (as of several thousand years ago)

    with boundaries placed on someone, then how can you really know what their true behaviour is?
    Ok, so let people act freely, legalise theft, assault, rape? A culture without boundaries is no culture at all, it's sheer animalism

    I think that's why many people cheat tbh
    Nonsense. No-one forces anyone to enter into/remain in a particular form of relationship (within the law) in the UK. If people are tempted to shag about then they can steer clear of monogamous relationships until such time as exclusivity is a priority for them – there’s really no excuse for infidelity in this day and age
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    General experience of my partner (respect/trust is earned), discussion regarding boundaries vs. transparency with her, her reputation, and indications of her lifestyle, habits, and social groups, plus the potential for feedback from other social actors

    Girls generally filter our guys who are ‘on it’, or these guys don’t wait around to communicate interest/have a crack, and if a girl doesn’t avoid/bin such guys then you have to question whether they are girlfriend material if they think it’s wise to (continue to) spend time alone with such guys

    How would you know she definitely didn’t have the hots for him?

    Why should that matter in this context?

    Not when something extremely valuable is on the line, or when a person puts your well-being ahead of other concerns in life

    Some truth in this, albeit that this cumulative love-token total is subject to natural decay, as well as exogenous forces

    I’ve touched on why they matter in my earlier response to you (see the numerous bullets, and consider the problem of fatherlessness in particular, for individuals and society more broadly)

    No set of institutions and norms will ever deliver perfect outcomes, it’s a matter of striving for optimality whilst accepting certain human limitations. Personally I would most like to advocate for communitarianism, including communal sharing of guardianship responsibilities, but alas this is too abstract to be practicable (as of several thousand years ago)

    Ok, so let people act freely, legalise theft, assault, rape? A culture without boundaries is no culture at all, it's sheer animalism

    Nonsense. No-one forces anyone to enter into/remain in a particular form of relationship (within the law) in the UK. If people are tempted to shag about then they can steer clear of monogamous relationships until such time as exclusivity is a priority for them – there’s really no excuse for infidelity in this day and age
    how would i know? well,first of all,i would expect him to be mature about it and let her down gently and not encourage that sort of stuff if he knew and to be open with me about it. I would also invite her home to dinner with us/hang out together ,That way i can gauge just how she behaves around him etc and maybe confront her on the situation if i feel something is wrong? I can't always know for certain,hence why i would only want to be with a mature and trustworthy person and hope that he can be decent person about it. I know some men like the extra attention on the side or maybe have a desire to cheat,so,tbh i don't really know exactly how i would go about knowing for sure. and if she was someone he was meeting up with abit in the past in a romantic/hookup way,I would question his reasons to be seeing her again.

    drunk to the extent that he doesn't know what hes doing and god knows what he might do when in that state. I would prefer if he had good friends around him when hes going out to such places. I'm sure you too wouldn't be accepting of a girlfriend getting completely drunk that she doesn't know what she's doing or saying and won't remember a single thing the next day.

    You'd be surprised. People can tell you they love you and still cheat or they can tell you,you mean the world to them and still hurt you. Nothing is ever guaranteed in life apart fro death,
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    (Original post by queen-bee)
    i would expect him to be mature about it and let her down gently and not encourage that sort of stuff if he knew and to be open with me about it
    This supposes he was aware. Girls can generally spot the signs better than us guys!

    I would also invite her home to dinner with us/hang out together ,That way i can gauge just how she behaves around him etc
    Sneaky beaky!

    some men like the extra attention on the side
    That's more of a female thing, the need to feel popular/desired. Men are typically just subject to certain 'urges'

    if she was someone he was meeting up with abit in the past in a romantic/hookup way,I would question his reasons to be seeing her again
    Naturally :holmes:

    drunk to the extent that he doesn't know what hes doing and god knows what he might do when in that state
    I'm sorry but guys only lose all control when they're paralytic and at that point they're just hopeless/helpless, not likely to jump anyone! Blokes who use alcohol as an excuse are a joke

    I'm sure you too wouldn't be accepting of a girlfriend getting completely drunk that she doesn't know what she's doing or saying and won't remember a single thing the next day
    Indeed not, but females are naturally a lot more vulnerable in such situations. As a man, I know I can take care of myself, and it's my duty to take care of my girl, and her duty to take care of herself when I can't be there

    People can tell you they love you and still cheat or they can tell you,you mean the world to them and still hurt you
    Mortals certainly can, that's why it's best to judge them by their actions/on their vibe, moreso than by what they say (especially young guys, it has to be said) :rolleyes:

    Nothing is ever guaranteed in life apart fro death
    True; unless/until you realise/witness someone willing to lay down everything for you, that is :moon:
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    This supposes he was aware. Girls can generally spot the signs better than us guys!

    Sneaky beaky!

    That's more of a female thing, the need to feel popular/desired. Men are typically just subject to certain 'urges'

    Naturally :holmes:

    I'm sorry but guys only lose all control when they're paralytic and at that point they're just hopeless/helpless, not likely to jump anyone! Blokes who use alcohol as an excuse are a joke

    Indeed not, but females are naturally a lot more vulnerable in such situations. As a man, I know I can take care of myself, and it's my duty to take care of my girl, and her duty to take care of herself when I can't be there

    Mortals certainly can, that's why it's best to judge them by their actions/on their vibe, moreso than by what they say (especially young guys, it has to be said) :rolleyes:

    True; unless/until you realise/witness someone willing to lay down everything for you, that is :moon:
    If he's a very in demand guy and usually has girls throwing themselves at him,I'm sure he's able to spot the signs. Him choosing to ignore them is a different matter. Of course,girls are better at telling than girls are.

    Keep your friends close and your enemies closer

    You're telling me guys don't desire or feel good with knowing lots of girls like them? I think for some guys this is the case and they use it to their full advantage to get laid/cheat/fling on the side.

    Still,if they're that drunk they're still likely to do some out of normal behaviour ****. Exactly,and it's my man's behaviour to take care of himself even tho he's a lot less vunerable than a female in the same situation but anything could happen.

    That's correct.

    I guess that would offer a sense of security but humans are always subject to changes of mood,situations and what not. And also these days some people only care about what's in it for them when entering high value relationships or what they could get out of it.
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    (Original post by queen-bee)
    If he's a very in demand guy and usually has girls throwing themselves at him, I'm sure he's able to spot the signs
    Don't be so sure, some of us can be completely oblivious, particularly once we're out of the habit of reading women :innocent:

    Keep your friends close and your enemies closer
    That's a little dark/slightly sinister.. :ninjagirl:

    Spoiler:
    Show
    ..me likey :sexface:

    You're telling me guys don't desire or feel good with knowing lots of girls like them?
    I'm telling you it's not high up on our lists compared with other drivers

    if they're that drunk they're still likely to do some out of normal behaviour ****
    Aye, but people who make a habit of getting that drunk are not the type you or I would date to begin with, and it's a short hop between wildly drunk and out for the count

    humans are always subject to changes of mood,situations and what not
    Aye, albeit that some fundamentals never change, with certain characters, who grow to love you like family

    these days some people only care about what's in it for them when entering high value relationships or what they could get out of it
    Indeed so, and this is not a new capacity, it's just that there has been a proliferation of opportunity and moral license for people to seek to selfishly 'self-actualise' in post-feminist modernity
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Don't be so sure, some of us can be completely oblivious, particularly once we're out of the habit of reading women :innocent:

    That's a little dark/slightly sinister.. :ninjagirl:

    Spoiler:
    Show
    ..me likey :sexface:

    I'm telling you it's not high up on our lists compared with other drivers

    Aye, but people who make a habit of getting that drunk are not the type you or I would date to begin with, and it's a short hop between wildly drunk and out for the count

    Aye, albeit that some fundamentals never change, with certain characters, who grow to love you like family

    Indeed so, and this is not a new capacity, it's just that there has been a proliferation of opportunity and moral license for people to seek to selfishly 'self-actualise' in post-feminist modernity
    Really? That's like the complete opposite of what in demand men are good at :confused:*

    With pleasure! it's a true statement tho,one must always be careful*

    Oh I see,I only know one of these 'drives' btw.

    Aye,I definitely don't see myself dating such types. *

    When it gets to that stage,then things are really set and likely to erode very quickly because family is key to most people,so that's a big step.

    Hopefully things will become to change and people may become less selfish although I know it's probably still going to remain the way it is now.
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    (Original post by queen-bee)
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    Oi m8 y r ur VMs and PMs not available??????????????????????? ?????
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    (Original post by queen-bee)
    Really? That's like the complete opposite of what in demand men are good at :confused:
    1) We all get rusty; 2) Some guys don't need to be particularly good at spotting the signs in the first place, women just naturally warm to them and they're bold as **** regardless

    Hopefully things will become to change and people may become less selfish although I know it's probably still going to remain the way it is now
    There are counter-cultures forming e.g. the neoreactionary 'Dark Enlightenment', that place less emphasis on ceaselessly progressive/liberating (selfish) individualism and more emphasis on cherry picking the most successful/sustainable elements of 'the old ways', including/especially the importance of gender roles, that modern 'progressives' are so keen to utterly trash :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    1) We all get rusty; 2) Some guys don't need to be particularly good at spotting the signs in the first place, women just naturally warm to them and they're bold as **** regardless

    There are counter-cultures forming e.g. the neoreactionary 'Dark Enlightenment', that place less emphasis on ceaselessly progressive/liberating (selfish) individualism and more emphasis on cherry picking the most successful/sustainable elements of 'the old ways', including/especially the importance of gender roles, that modern 'progressives' are so keen to utterly trash :rolleyes:
    but even when the women do warm to them,I'm sure they feel alittle something or sense that they might have feelings for him.*

    Have you heard of an Armenian guy called roosh? You guys are very alike and he Too is a neomasculinist
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    (Original post by queen-bee)
    but even when the women do warm to them,I'm sure they feel alittle something or sense that they might have feelings for him
    Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Some guys don't make women warm to them, so much as frustrate/excite them in most agreeable ways :innocent:

    Have you heard of an Armenian guy called roosh? You guys are very alike and he Too is a neomasculinist
    Yup. He's had a lot of bad press but he's on point in much of what he says. He's pretty much the father of neomasculinity as I understand it, and has developed the theory beyond my somewhat simplistic conceptions
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Some guys don't make women warm to them, so much as frustrate/excite them in most agreeable ways :innocent:

    Yup. He's had a lot of bad press but he's on point in much of what he says. He's pretty much the father of neomasculinity as I understand it, and has developed the theory beyond my somewhat simplistic conceptions
    ah like the ones who play hard to get/enjoy the chase.

    There's something mesmerising about him. He's so good looking for his age too and I pretty much agree with most of the stuff he says plus he's passionate about Christ too :daydreaming:
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    (Original post by queen-bee)
    ah like the ones who play hard to get/enjoy the chase
    Something like that, some guys are just 100% themselves, and don't pander, chase, or what have you. This kind of IDGAF, self-amusing, persona can be at once infuriating and compelling :evilbanana:

    There's something mesmerising about him. He's so good looking for his age too and I pretty much agree with most of the stuff he says plus he's passionate about Christ too :daydreaming:
    He's not a very good Christian (****s and chucks young, impressionable girls, deliberately provokes people with offensive rhetoric, and has said that rape should be legalised), just FYI :yy:
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    Wow, you sound like my ex. He would have a go at me any time I spent 'too long' with a guy friend, and got so paranoid about me going for drinks.
    There's a reason we broke up. It is incredibly controlling.
    If my best friends are guys, that does not mean I'm any less faithful to my partner. If I was bisexual, would that mean I couldn't have any friends at all. It's ridiculous.
    Being drunk doesn't make you a different person; it just lowers your inhibitions. It would never have crossed my mind to cheat or even look at another guy.
    You need to trust your partner.
    (Referring to the OP)
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Something like that, some guys are just 100% themselves, and don't pander, chase, or what have you. This kind of IDGAF, self-amusing, persona can be at once infuriating and compelling :evilbanana:

    He's not a very good Christian (****s and chucks young, impressionable girls, deliberately provokes people with offensive rhetoric, and has said that rape should be legalised), just FYI :yy:
    I find it a turn off especially if the guy is arrogant,although it can be fun to begin with.

    Oh okay! I didn't realise all of that stuff. I take back what I said :puke:*
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    (Original post by queen-bee)
    I find it a turn off especially if the guy is arrogant, although it can be fun to begin with
    Arrogance is often correlated with what I've described, if not synonymous

    Oh okay! I didn't realise all of that stuff. I take back what I said :puke:*
    Fair enough, easily done He was making a fairly astute sociological point (one I've made myself re: females taking personal responsibility for themselves/their security/safety etc), albeit in an extremely ill considered way :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Arrogance is often correlated with what I've described, if not synonymous

    Fair enough, easily done He was making a fairly astute sociological point (one I've made myself re: females taking personal responsibility for themselves/their security/safety etc), albeit in an extremely ill considered way :rolleyes:
    aye,and nobody actually likes arrogance.

    Is he popular then?*
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    (Original post by queen-bee)
    aye,and nobody actually likes arrogance
    If you have someone in awe then they will generally forgive you anything/expect a little arrogance

    Is he popular then?*
    With the ladies? Sure..
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    If you have someone in awe then they will generally forgive you anything/expect a little arrogance

    With the ladies? Sure..
    tis true..

    I can see why.. He's pretty good looking/In great shape *and I guess girls get turned on by his arrogance and hypermasculinity
 
 
 
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