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Guys, could you live in your current relationship with no sex? watch

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    #1

    (Original post by asif007)
    If you're talking about low libido as a result of poor attraction to a partner, that's a different story. Couples need to work on the problems in their relationships before they can have sex that is satisfying for both of them. Men put in a lot of effort going out on dates, getting to know a woman better and maintaining a steady relationship with her so she can feel comfortable and attracted to him before sex even comes into question. Men already understand that a woman has different requirements in order to feel attracted to a partner and comfortable enough for sex. The point is that even while men are in steady relationships with women, they still receive BS and one excuse after another about why a woman doesn't want to have sex - and it's almost exclusively because it doesn't suit her. That's not compromise, that's being selfish. Obviously men have a higher sex drive than most women do, but if she is still refusing sex with a person she is "emotionally attached" to, what's the point in a man putting in all that effort for no reward? Hence why I would encourage any man to cut a girl loose if she treats him like that. We might enjoy sex but we have self-respect and we won't be treated like **** with false promises of sex. Just look at this for example - do you think what this woman did to her husband was fair?

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relat...-with-him.html

    For you personally, if intercourse hurts - that's a medical problem. But it's not just your problem, it's a problem for your partner too. You might think it's no big deal and you don't have to do anything about it, but it will affect a man deeply if you are apathetic about glaringly obvious sexual problems. Go and see your doctor, do something about it and get it sorted. But because girls rarely ever do that unless they are concerned themselves, it doesn't surprise me that men move on and look for the next chick who won't create unnecessary problems, arguments and stress about sex. You're right though - from a man's point of view, it is hard for us to understand because we have healthy sex drives and we do look at it in black and white. We know that - all we're asking is for women to work with us and not make it more difficult than it needs to be. Women make such a big deal about sex - first they want it, then they get to the bedroom and they don't feel like it any more, then they make fake promises about next time and the cycle goes on. If sex does happen, she usually puts no effort in and just lies there like a corpse. Don't be surprised if a man eventually gets fed up and moves on.
    I just typed quite a long reply to this then my iPad battery went and I lost it all! Anyway yes men do put lots of effort into dating girls but then it's easy to forget that women put effort in to in the hope of a good relationship. Sometimes when guys say this it sounds like they don't really enjoy dating and just see it as a way to progress the relationship. Surely it's better for a man to get to know a woman before sex.. or maybe I'm wrong lol. Regarding me Ive tried to get help. I saw the gp last year for low sex drive and he told me to go away and try a specific diet first :/ I knew this wouldn't work and since my bf was getting frustrated I paid to see a sex therapist/counsellor for a few sessions. She explored the relationship and in a nutshell seemed to conclude that I didn't have much control over things within the relationship. She said any problem within a relationship is not just the fault of one person. I could understand my bf's frustration but she seemed to see him in a negative light and said to me 'where's your self esteem'. My boyfriend came to 2 sessions and at the end said she was a waste of space, idiotic feminist who knew nothing lol. I think that she was right in some things she said but she didn't seem to consider his feelings much. I don't hate sex but the drive is just not there and never has been, back at school I remember when everyone was into relationships I was only really interested in keeping fit and sport.

    Yea with the spreadsheet guy Ive seen it somewhere previously, it does seem like she is making lots of excuses and not trying but then we don't know about their relationship in full. A woman tried to see it from the females point of view and made up a similar spreadsheet, it's here if interested lol
    http://www.inspiredgirl.me/a-wifes-r...-not-have-sex/
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    Just guys? A lot of women wouldn't put up with that either.
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    I guess we'd just be friends in that case.

    I wonder if asexuals mind if their partner has sex with other people...
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    Sexual orientation doesn't just appear out of nowhere. You don't suddenly become bisexual, gay or asexual - so maybe look up your terms.

    If your partner suddenly went off sex completely and said that never wanted it again, you can be 90% certain it's either medical or trauma. So you're basically asking if your partner is ill, would you leave them to get your end away?

    Sure, if your partner had no plans to seek treatment then yeah, it wouldn't be a jackass thing to leave them. But otherwise I think it's selfish
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    loool **** that. Nah I'm not Muslim/Christian/Prudish in general
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    Hah, would never happen.

    But ok, hypothetically, yes of course. And no one should be ashamed to say that. Sex is part of a relationship and if one is not interested in that, they must find someone who has the same view on it.

    I mean different question, would you still be with your gf/bf if they suddenly started spouting racist slogans?
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What if she perhaps wanted to raise kids in later life but hated the idea of being pregnant
    If I there we had a surrogate then I'd stay. If I loved her enough I'd stay.

    A lot of girls wouldn't stay with their boyfriends if the boyfriend came out as aesexual
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    If your girlfriend suddenly turned asexual .. would you leave her?
    Depends what you mean by leave her, but she'd be trippin' if she'd expect sexual exclusivity sans sexual intercourse :lolwut:
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    I could live with it but I would want to find more out about why she was feeling like that? As long as I have my right hand and pornhub, I don't think it is that hard to live with. Unless she had good reason to not want it, I would expect her to meet me in the middle though. There are two peoples' needs to consider and if she just never feels like it, well we all have to do things we don't feel like now and again.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I just typed quite a long reply to this then my iPad battery went and I lost it all! Anyway yes men do put lots of effort into dating girls but then it's easy to forget that women put effort in to in the hope of a good relationship. Sometimes when guys say this it sounds like they don't really enjoy dating and just see it as a way to progress the relationship. Surely it's better for a man to get to know a woman before sex.. or maybe I'm wrong lol. Regarding me Ive tried to get help. I saw the gp last year for low sex drive and he told me to go away and try a specific diet first :/ I knew this wouldn't work and since my bf was getting frustrated I paid to see a sex therapist/counsellor for a few sessions. She explored the relationship and in a nutshell seemed to conclude that I didn't have much control over things within the relationship. She said any problem within a relationship is not just the fault of one person. I could understand my bf's frustration but she seemed to see him in a negative light and said to me 'where's your self esteem'. My boyfriend came to 2 sessions and at the end said she was a waste of space, idiotic feminist who knew nothing lol. I think that she was right in some things she said but she didn't seem to consider his feelings much. I don't hate sex but the drive is just not there and never has been, back at school I remember when everyone was into relationships I was only really interested in keeping fit and sport.

    Yea with the spreadsheet guy Ive seen it somewhere previously, it does seem like she is making lots of excuses and not trying but then we don't know about their relationship in full. A woman tried to see it from the females point of view and made up a similar spreadsheet, it's here if interested lol
    http://www.inspiredgirl.me/a-wifes-r...-not-have-sex/
    Yes, most of the time women do put a lot of effort into their relationships too. But the parameters of a relationship are different for a girl than they are for a guy. Girls want different things from a relationship and are never willing to compromise on their own definition of a relationship in favour of something both people can agree on. From a guy's point of view, a woman's perfect relationship is to feel "emotionally attached" and only have sex every once in a blue moon when she feels like it. Think about it - a guy is expected to ask a girl out, take the lead on dates, pay for everything and initiate physical contact. The fact that we receive lies, verbal abuse and silent treatment in return is what really grinds my gears. Men are honest, practical and straightforward about sex and relationships whereas women like to beat around the bush, create problems out of nowhere and then blame men for those problems just so she can ***** about him to her girlfriends. That's not fair on any of us. I have a hard time believing that anything in the article you shared is true because women like to make up a lot of BS to support their arguments. I'm sure the husband would have acknowledged in the first place if her refusal to have sex was because of problems in their relationship, but he doesn't. With them being married for a while, I don't think he would be in denial. Which makes it sound like he's being honest about the problem but she's making up responses just to have something to say back to him, even though it's all lies.

    You say you knew that changing your diet wouldn't help your sex drive. But did you actually try it? I can see why the doctor suggested that to you - changing your diet and lifestyle would have ruled out depression/anxiety as the cause of your low sex drive, but you're not going to know for sure unless you actually try it. You say you were interested in fitness and sport so there's no reason why a healthy sex drive wouldn't accompany that. If you're 100% sure it's not depression, I'd suggest going to see a doctor again (not the same one as before) and telling them it hasn't helped. They can then refer you to mental health services or a sexual health clinic if needs be. But I think it was a bad idea going to a sex therapist. She obviously took your side and outright blamed your bf for all the problems in your relationship. That's not being diplomatic like a health professional is supposed to be - that's being divisive and trying to create more friction between you both. I don't blame your bf for calling her an idiot feminist. Your sex therapist was a woman - obviously she was going to support you, tell you what you wanted to hear etc but she was not impartial. So I wouldn't trust her advice. Your relationship issues are obviously much deeper than just low self-esteem - you seem to have a hard time connecting with your bf and you're in denial that this is a problem for both of you, not just yourself. Your bf's frustration is coming from the fact that you haven't tried hard enough to get it sorted but then you listen to people who are blaming him for your problem. People who are telling you what you want to hear, i.e. the sex therapist and maybe some of your friends too. It's easy to see why a guy would feel like he's being backed into a corner when he's done nothing wrong - and that's how you drive people away. I'm sure a man would appreciate it if you initiated some intimacy even if you don't have the drive for it - we all have to do things we don't like sometimes. Otherwise, it's unfair of you to expect to keep your bf around when you keep refusing his advances.
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    (Original post by TSR Mustafa)
    I wonder what the females think
    if she had a good reason to not want to give out I wonder if the answers would all be different.

    Probably some would leave and others would stay. I would probably leave tho if a guy just never wanted to have sex. *
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    I can't see any guy agreeing to this arrangement unless he is asexual or has a very low libido. For me personally, not a chance in hell.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by asif007)
    Yes, most of the time women do put a lot of effort into their relationships too. But the parameters of a relationship are different for a girl than they are for a guy. Girls want different things from a relationship and are never willing to compromise on their own definition of a relationship in favour of something both people can agree on. From a guy's point of view, a woman's perfect relationship is to feel "emotionally attached" and only have sex every once in a blue moon when she feels like it. Think about it - a guy is expected to ask a girl out, take the lead on dates, pay for everything and initiate physical contact. The fact that we receive lies, verbal abuse and silent treatment in return is what really grinds my gears. Men are honest, practical and straightforward about sex and relationships whereas women like to beat around the bush, create problems out of nowhere and then blame men for those problems just so she can ***** about him to her girlfriends. That's not fair on any of us. I have a hard time believing that anything in the article you shared is true because women like to make up a lot of BS to support their arguments. I'm sure the husband would have acknowledged in the first place if her refusal to have sex was because of problems in their relationship, but he doesn't. With them being married for a while, I don't think he would be in denial. Which makes it sound like he's being honest about the problem but she's making up responses just to have something to say back to him, even though it's all lies.

    You say you knew that changing your diet wouldn't help your sex drive. But did you actually try it? I can see why the doctor suggested that to you - changing your diet and lifestyle would have ruled out depression/anxiety as the cause of your low sex drive, but you're not going to know for sure unless you actually try it. You say you were interested in fitness and sport so there's no reason why a healthy sex drive wouldn't accompany that. If you're 100% sure it's not depression, I'd suggest going to see a doctor again (not the same one as before) and telling them it hasn't helped. They can then refer you to mental health services or a sexual health clinic if needs be. But I think it was a bad idea going to a sex therapist. She obviously took your side and outright blamed your bf for all the problems in your relationship. That's not being diplomatic like a health professional is supposed to be - that's being divisive and trying to create more friction between you both. I don't blame your bf for calling her an idiot feminist. Your sex therapist was a woman - obviously she was going to support you, tell you what you wanted to hear etc but she was not impartial. So I wouldn't trust her advice. Your relationship issues are obviously much deeper than just low self-esteem - you seem to have a hard time connecting with your bf and you're in denial that this is a problem for both of you, not just yourself. Your bf's frustration is coming from the fact that you haven't tried hard enough to get it sorted but then you listen to people who are blaming him for your problem. People who are telling you what you want to hear, i.e. the sex therapist and maybe some of your friends too. It's easy to see why a guy would feel like he's being backed into a corner when he's done nothing wrong - and that's how you drive people away. I'm sure a man would appreciate it if you initiated some intimacy even if you don't have the drive for it - we all have to do things we don't like sometimes. Otherwise, it's unfair of you to expect to keep your bf around when you keep refusing his advances.
    What you said about the sex therapist I have said to my bf, shes a woman so doesnt see a guys view point as easily. I dont expect my bf to stay or blame him if he decides to call it a day. We did have issues at the start besides sex including the age gap and my dad not wanting to see him due to this, my parents not wanting to see him and him not wanting to see them i guess still affects the relationship. The relationship has been on and off so far. I dont really know what a doctor can do as I can get turned on at certain things (so do have a sex drive)but not by kissing and intercourse. I was told this is why it hurts as im not enjoying it, but we still try just not as often as he wants plus with it hurting he says it puts him off that im in pain etc. I just dont know how medicine can make me get turned on by something if you know what i mean.
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    Hola!
    Hola na
    She tellin me this
    And tellin that

    Now I got a lesson that I wanna teach
    Imma show you that where you from
    It don't matter to me (to me)

    She said hola! Com musta?

    She said go **** yourself

    Asexual? Seriously?
    What is wrong with you?
 
 
 
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