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fooling around with guys at uni but without actual sex, would they be up for it? watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So you're not going to have the sex for your whole life because you can't take the Pill? The thing you said about being an abusive relationship and therefore wanting to avoid sex is understandable - I feel the same - but the stuff you say about contraception makes you come across as though you didn't get very good sex education at school? I'd suggest looking into the contraception options available to you. Condoms are very reliable but if you want to be extra safe there are numerous options available other than the Pill. And if you did get pregnant, abortions exist, and early stage abortions simply involve taking a pill, which needn't be traumatic.
    Yeah honestly now that I think about it, I remember the people who did that sex talk thingy were weird hippie women , and the girls in my class wouldn't stop making jokes and targeting some girls , so the teacher said that was it lol. Yes I'll look into these options, thanks.
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    (Original post by Airmed)
    The pill is not the only contraception out there for girls. I can't take it myself for medical reasons but there is the implant and the coil. Discuss your options with the GP. They're not for everyone but don't trust everything on the Internet.

    Re the sexual abuse, have you spoken to anyone about it? That might help you resolve, or at least get close to, your fears.
    No I haven't and I don't intend on doing so because I don't like to talk about my feelings and I'd rather leave that in my past tbh.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I hate how people don't see guys who do the same as slutty, that's so unfair.
    But yeah I wouldn't be the kind of person who plays with other people's feelings, I hate the people who do that.
    Sure it's unfair, not everyone is going to think the same way. I wouldn't want a partner of either gender with a colourful sexual history, especially someone that's been so prone to commitment-less relationships, but that's because I don't want that for myself either. It's more because I romanticise too much rather than anything, but for most people it's probably because infidelity means less of your own children from a biological standpoint. For a guy, there's little physical investment in a child, but for a woman it's 9 months of pregnancy and then the years of physical after effects of having another human be forced out of you. So, to a guy, a woman that tends to sleep around would be seen as less investment in him and his children, even if there weren't any children before him. It's what sex is for, to be fair.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No I haven't and I don't intend on doing so because I don't like to talk about my feelings and I'd rather leave that in my past tbh.
    I know you didn't ask for my opinion, but I don't think you should leave it in the past. If you haven't grown from it and come to peace with it, you'll not recover from it. Be aware of your own emotions, even if you don't talk about them to others. Meta-thought can be just as good if not better than professional advice, as long as it's constructive.
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    (Original post by AlexLawrence1453)
    Honestly, though, I'd really think about why you want to do this. Don't think in terms of what you want, be truly introspective and decide if it is a good decision to look for hook ups so readily without commitment. Same goes for anyone. I know abusive relationships affect people differently, so try to reflect on everything that's culminated in your experiences and learn from them rather than dwell on them. If you're using this time to work on yourself personally, just remember that there will always be some emotion in sex, even if it's not sex-sex. All the more to you if you're exploring your sexuality and building yourself, just be careful, introspective and stay safe in doing so. Make anyone you are planning on having a stint with well aware of your intentions beforehand, too. I can't stress how much it hurts to develop a connection to someone that only thought of your relationship as a casual fling.
    thanks, it was a really helpful post. I actually already thought about it and I think I want something casual because I don't want to have feelings and get hurt emotionally , but I do like being close to a guy, like cuddling and hugging and kissing etc, I mean I do like doing more sexual stuff otherwise I wouldn't be seeking it but I really like having someone to feel close to, but not be in love or anything. Is that weird ? Yes but I can't really explain what I mean properly :/.

    Okay I re read myself and now I see it lmao, the people saying it will end in tears are so right
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No I haven't and I don't intend on doing so because I don't like to talk about my feelings and I'd rather leave that in my past tbh.
    Honestly, take it from someone who has severe mental demons - bottling it up? Not good. Ignoring it won't ever make it go away. You can even try self help.

    I despise talking about feelings but I still force myself to do it. In the long run I know that it will help me. In the long run, dealing with your own past will help you. I promise.
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    (Original post by AlexLawrence1453)
    I know you didn't ask for my opinion, but I don't think you should leave it in the past. If you haven't grown from it and come to peace with it, you'll not recover from it. Be aware of your own emotions, even if you don't talk about them to others. Meta-thought can be just as good if not better than professional advice, as long as it's constructive.
    It has been two years since this happened, and I do think I have grown from it honestly. I'm not entirely at peace with it because that guy was emotionally abusive, l think a true sociopath tbh, and then he tried to force me into physical things I didn't want, so it's not like I can "forget" it ever happened, even more so because he kept trying to contact me for 1 and a half year after . But, I don't blame myself for it anymore so that's good I think.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    thanks, it was a really helpful post. I actually already thought about it and I think I want something casual because I don't want to have feelings and get hurt emotionally
    I understand this way of thinking. But think of it this way: if you don't develop these deep connections with people, you're not going to experience the joy of love. If you're afraid of getting into a relationship for fear of failure, you're setting yourself up for it.
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    (Original post by Airmed)
    Honestly, take it from someone who has severe mental demons - bottling it up? Not good. Ignoring it won't ever make it go away. You can even try self help.

    I despise talking about feelings but I still force myself to do it. In the long run I know that it will help me. In the long run, dealing with your own past will help you. I promise.
    That guy is studying in another country now and I moved away so I won't see him ever again probably and it makes me very happy and feeling more safe, so I don't feel the need to talk about it, like it doesn't affect me I think now so I'm "good"
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It has been two years since this happened, and I do think I have grown from it honestly. I'm not entirely at peace with it because that guy was emotionally abusive, l think a true sociopath tbh, and then he tried to force me into physical things I didn't want, so it's not like I can "forget" it ever happened, even more so because he kept trying to contact me for 1 and a half year after . But, I don't blame myself for it anymore so that's good I think.
    It does seem like you've made progress in that regard. I've just recently gotten out of an emotionally abusive relationship myself, and the thing I feel has helped me most has been working on myself for a while. I'm now almost at the point where I feel a relationship is a good idea, but I understand why you don't want to make that commitment. It's about your mindset now. It feels horrible asking you to think in light of any trauma, but a great step for me was changing from "She ruined me and broke me down" to "This was a time in my life where someone abused me. Now I know more about myself and future partners."
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That guy is studying in another country now and I moved away so I won't see him ever again probably and it makes me very happy and feeling more safe, so I don't feel the need to talk about it, like it doesn't affect me I think now so I'm "good"
    Well, it's up to you. I do hope you've made peace with it. :hugs:
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    (Original post by AlexLawrence1453)
    I understand this way of thinking. But think of it this way: if you don't develop these deep connections with people, you're not going to experience the joy of love. If you're afraid of getting into a relationship for fear of failure, you're setting yourself up for it.
    You're right, but I did so poorly at two of my exams because I was so shaken up by this ( the guy who abused me broke up with me 2 hours before the exams, and he had tried to force me into things the night before) and because of this I couldn't get into my first choice uni, so I feel like a failure and I don't want to let someone into my life because what if they affect my life for the worst you know ?
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    If you do ever want to talk about anything, there are many people to talk to. Hell, even I'll talk to you about it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi ! So long story short, I'm a virgin, as in I've never had actual sex, but I've done pretty much everything else. I don't want to have sex because I was in a relationship where I was kinda abused and it was bordering sexual assault I think, and also I cant take the pill for medical reasons so I'd never want to have sex right now by fear of getting pregnant while I'm at uni. But a girl got needs lol and I wouldn't mind doing stuff with guys, but keeping it casual, I don't want a relationship out of it. So my question is would guys at uni refuse doing stuff but not having actual sex ?
    Please remember STIs still spread from 'fooling around' and you can still get pregnant if sperm goes anywhere near your vagina, even via your fingers!

    I have friends who messed around in their first year of university and realised it's easier and safer to get a sex toy than to invite strangers and ****boys back to your flat.
    Good luck with everything!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You're right, but I did so poorly at two of my exams because I was so shaken up by this ( the guy who abused me broke up with me 2 hours before the exams, and he had tried to force me into things the night before) and because of this I couldn't get into my first choice uni, so I feel like a failure and I don't want to let someone into my life because what if they affect my life for the worst you know ?
    This is a great time to learn what you personally did wrong and what signs to look for in people. I botched a few of my exams because she became increasingly abusive smack dab in the middle of mine. You can find people that won't abuse you. You can set yourself up to have a healthy relationship if you learn the signs of an unhealthy relationship, as you have an opportunity to do.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please remember STIs still spread from 'fooling around' and you can still get pregnant if sperm goes anywhere near your vagina, even via your fingers!

    I have friends who messed around in their first year of university and realised it's easier and safer to get a sex toy than to invite strangers and ****boys back to your flat.
    Good luck with everything!
    The chance of getting pregnant from sperm via your fingers is practically zero.
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    Where in the **** do you people get time for this ****?
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    Of course you can get STDs but it's impossible to get pregnant via sperm on fingers. The sperm has to fertilise the egg which is in your fallopian tubes. The sperm can't travel all the way up there by itself and the finger certainly isn't getting there lol

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please remember STIs still spread from 'fooling around' and you can still get pregnant if sperm goes anywhere near your vagina, even via your fingers!

    I have friends who messed around in their first year of university and realised it's easier and safer to get a sex toy than to invite strangers and ****boys back to your flat.
    Good luck with everything!
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    (Original post by AlexLawrence1453)
    This is a great time to learn what you personally did wrong and what signs to look for in people. I botched a few of my exams because she became increasingly abusive smack dab in the middle of mine. You can find people that won't abuse you. You can set yourself up to have a healthy relationship if you learn the signs of an unhealthy relationship, as you have an opportunity to do.
    Yep that's what I've been doing, and when I read those articles that warn people about unhealthy relationships, I felt soooo stupid because I was literally that person who's oblivious to clear warning signs . The thing is now I'm not sure I'll ever get a healthy relationship because I'm very very wary of people know and always assume the worst, but who knows maybe it'll happen some day.
 
 
 
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