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Family is stopping me from having sex before marriage Watch

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    Do what you want, Disregard what your parents say, you are 20 and you are old enough. If you want to have sex and you feel you are ready go for it. if you feel you do not want sex Don't Simple as.
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    (Original post by CAPTAINSHAZAM)
    So just because someone reaches adulthood doesnt mean they get to ignore whatever they want legally she may be an adulthood buts its clear she has no experience or much knowledge on such matters. If her family is muslim and she is too then she knows why she isnt allowed, and how will having sex give her worth and power when in fact it will give the opposite most women will feel like this especially if its something that isnt serious. Not having sex before marriage will atleast not make her feel cheap and she has a little bit of self respect.

    The irony in her statement is that she says she cant have sex before marriage so she feels the guy only wants to have sex with her.... Yet what does any other guy that goes out with op want to do exactly.... Atleast her husband wont (most likely) have sex once move on or ruin her life and make her regret something. Yes this can happen in marriage but less so then doing it at uni with no real emotional attachments
    This is absolute bull****. I'm sorry but to suggest that relationships at university don't have meaning or value, just because they don't always last forever, is devoid of any attempt to think outside a very small mental bubble. Suggesting that women who enjoy sex have no self respect is nothing but an insult to them, and it only comes from a fundamentally sexist worldview.

    Yes, some guys (and girls) want a one-night stand or to be friends-with-benefits and intentionally keep the emotion to a minimum, that's their choice and I think both parties can benefit from that kind of relationship if it's what they both want. But I was with my last girlfriend for two years at university, we're still friends now, and both of us made each other happier and better people from the companionship and experiences we gave each other. Just because we're not together anymore doesn't invalidate the benefits that the relationship gave us.

    A woman's worth and power doesn't come from her virginity any more than a man's does. Confidence and experience are more important, which relationships absolutely do help to provide. Relationships and sex are fundamentally enjoyable, and just like a holiday or a nice meal, good things don't become bad just because they don't last forever.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    basically she'll do it in a really sly way and coerce me into a marriage
    stand the **** up for yourself.

    don't be like 'yes i know i should have married him sorry, i'll marry the next guy sorry mummy ' - that's pathetic.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How do you find a guy who's willing to wait till marriage?
    By getting married to him before doing it. How else?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    They're really clever about it, they'd never insinuate that its forced. My mum especially, shed just say so and so's son is single and has a good degree and is well off, what do you think of him? then a couple of days later shed be like have you thought anymore about it? and if i keep saying no and lets say he marries someone else shed be like i told you he was available, he wouldve married you, you've just let this opportunity go blah blah.
    basically she'll do it in a really sly way and coerce me into a marriage
    She's clearly not forcing you.
    Nor is she being sly.
    She's giving you suggestions and handing you opportunities to 'a guy that is willing to wait till marriage'.
    And it's clearly up to you to get to know this guy better, see if he's your type, and you guys can get married and you can have your sex you're craving so badly for.
    • #6
    #6

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    And my mum says other muslim guys from our culture will call me second hand goods and no one will marry me if I'm not a virgin. these kind of things really depress me because it makes me feel as if i have no worth or power in my life, as if someone is only marrying me to have sex with me. meanwhile the guy can have sex with as many girls as he wants and no one will know
    See?
    You'd clearly want your husband to lose his virginity on you, right?
    So, why would you go out your way to lose your virginity before marriage and then expect your husband to be pure for you?
    Where's your logic in that.
    • #6
    #6

    (Original post by CAPTAINSHAZAM)
    So just because someone reaches adulthood doesnt mean they get to ignore whatever they want legally she may be an adulthood buts its clear she has no experience or much knowledge on such matters. If her family is muslim and she is too then she knows why she isnt allowed, and how will having sex give her worth and power when in fact it will give the opposite most women will feel like this especially if its something that isnt serious. Not having sex before marriage will atleast not make her feel cheap and she has a little bit of self respect.

    The irony in her statement is that she says she cant have sex before marriage so she feels the guy only wants to have sex with her.... Yet what does any other guy that goes out with op want to do exactly.... Atleast her husband wont (most likely) have sex once move on or ruin her life and make her regret something. Yes this can happen in marriage but less so then doing it at uni with no real emotional attachments
    You're Amazing
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    What's your problem with waiting till marriage to have sex??? Are you that desperate? Why not get to know those guys that your mum keeps introducing to you? Then there is a chance of you falling in love and getting married and then having sex
    How is having sex before marriage going to benefit you in anyway if you want a guy to wait till marriage?

    I'm so confused. Aren't you a muslim?? why are you even talking about sex before marriage if you know it's bad?
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    (Original post by CAPTAINSHAZAM)
    So just because someone reaches adulthood doesnt mean they get to ignore whatever they want legally she may be an adulthood buts its clear she has no experience or much knowledge on such matters. If her family is muslim and she is too then she knows why she isnt allowed, and how will having sex give her worth and power when in fact it will give the opposite most women will feel like this especially if its something that isnt serious. Not having sex before marriage will atleast not make her feel cheap and she has a little bit of self respect.

    The irony in her statement is that she says she cant have sex before marriage so she feels the guy only wants to have sex with her.... Yet what does any other guy that goes out with op want to do exactly.... Atleast her husband wont (most likely) have sex once move on or ruin her life and make her regret something. Yes this can happen in marriage but less so then doing it at uni with no real emotional attachments
    You're Awesome
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    Your parents sound horrible. Leave them behind and live your own life. Life is short so dont let a couple of sh***y people control and ruin it.
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    (Original post by lawyer3c)
    stand the **** up for yourself.

    don't be like 'yes i know i should have married him sorry, i'll marry the next guy sorry mummy ' - that's pathetic.
    It's not that easy for some people... Her best bet would be leaving home and cutting off contact.
    • #7
    #7

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's because my family is muslim
    I too am a Muslim, you say you're family is Muslim so I'm assuming you are not?
    I completely understand where you're coming from but as a guy I can honestly say there are plenty of guys willing to wait until marriage which in my opinion is the safest option and something I have chosen to do myself without any advice from family. Trust me the majority of guys will use you and couldn't care less because they know youre not a long term mate.
    What your family is doing is harsh and wrong for a 20 year old and I would try to reason with them to allow you to get married whenever you like to whoever you like. You should be free to practice how you like but please try to consider Islam even if it is through your own research and away from your family's harsh traditions.
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    (Original post by Lavaridge)
    This is absolute bull****. I'm sorry but to suggest that relationships at university don't have meaning or value, just because they don't always last forever, is devoid of any attempt to think outside a very small mental bubble. Suggesting that women who enjoy sex have no self respect is nothing but an insult to them, and it only comes from a fundamentally sexist worldview.

    Yes, some guys (and girls) want a one-night stand or to be friends-with-benefits and intentionally keep the emotion to a minimum, that's their choice and I think both parties can benefit from that kind of relationship if it's what they both want. But I was with my last girlfriend for two years at university, we're still friends now, and both of us made each other happier and better people from the companionship and experiences we gave each other. Just because we're not together anymore doesn't invalidate the benefits that the relationship gave us.

    A woman's worth and power doesn't come from her virginity any more than a man's does. Confidence and experience are more important, which relationships absolutely do help to provide. Relationships and sex are fundamentally enjoyable, and just like a holiday or a nice meal, good things don't become bad just because they don't last forever.
    I'm not denying that relationships don't last nor did I suggest all women feel worthless. For the first time especially at uni when most often than not.one night stand occurs it's hardly gonna leave op feeling good. And the main issue is her religion
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    (Original post by CAPTAINSHAZAM)
    I'm not denying that relationships don't last nor did I suggest all women feel worthless. For the first time especially at uni when most often than not.one night stand occurs it's hardly gonna leave op feeling good. And the main issue is her religion
    Possibly not, but OP sounds intelligent enough not to have sex with the first boy who says she's pretty. I trust her more I trusted myself when I first started having sex, and I trust that even if she makes mistakes or experiences some heartbreak, she'll be a better and wiser person for having had the experiences.

    And it doesn't sound like religion is her problem, it's pressure from her mother. OP knows the Quranic view on the matter, and obviously isn't too deterred by it. Credit to her for questioning hand-me-down morals and trying to live her own life.
    • #8
    #8

    I hope you don't mind me asking, but do you classify yourself as a muslim. If so wait after marriage.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I hope you don't mind me asking, but do you classify yourself as a muslim. If so wait after marriage.
    Come off Anon you coward.
    • #9
    #9

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't want them to find a martial partner for me. I want to find my own relationship at uni and fall in love by myself, however the guys i have liked in the past would not wait until marriage and sex is such a large part of a relationship that in the end i bet because i will have no other option, I will just end up having to marry someone my parents want me to
    are the guys you previously dated muslim though?
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    Look at all these Muslim guys posting on Anon trying to justify/support OP's vile mother.
    • #7
    #7

    (Original post by lawyer3c)
    Look at all these Muslim guys posting on Anon trying to justify/support OP's vile mother.
    What value are you adding to this... I didn't support the family in any way if you can be bothered to open your eyes and your mind and read. We're anon to stop people directing hate at us seems like you're just disappointed that you can't abuse us.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What value are you adding to this... I didn't support the family in any way if you can be bothered to open your eyes and your mind and read. We're anon to stop people directing hate at us seems like you're just disappointed that you can't abuse us.
    Muslim men trying to repress "their" women is nothing new.

    Just funny you do it anonymously, shows how cowardly you really are.
 
 
 
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