Would you ever date someone who's unemployed?

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    (Original post by markova21)
    OP also has to bear in mind that the vast majority of people will be unemployed at some point in their lives, even if it's only for a month. There are very few people who go into a job at 19,20,21 etc and continue to be in full employment without a break until they are 60 or older. So everyone of us has the possibility of unemployment or redundancy hanging over us at some stage. It's not their fault though, unless they choose that sort of lifestyle.
    But Markova, now the more I think about going on a date with him the more I don't want to and the more I want to vomit, I've already vomitted over him before idk why, it's not even about the employability issue anymore, I just don't think I can bring myself to meet someone online I've never met anymore and that's making me even more anxious and stressed out and I don't know what to do anymore
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Should I just unmatch him and block his number? I did that with the other two guys before him, then delete my tinder
    No: you should grow a ****ing spine. If you're prepared to so casually dismiss someone whom only one week ago you were 'imagining a future with' (and before you'd even met, no less), then you're too brittle, neurotic and emotionally-immature to be dating anyone—on Tinder or otherwise.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Should I just unmatch him and block his number? I did that with the other two guys before him, then delete my tinder
    I think you should only do this if you haven't already made a definate date,place and time to meet up. Otherwise he might not realise you have blocked him and turn up at the venue. This wouldn't be fair on him. If you don't feel comfortable doing it yourself, ask a friend to contact him on your behalf. Or say your gran is desperately ill at death's door and you have to go and visit her and she lives in another city or something. Tell him you will contact him in a few day's time when you know how the situation is with your relative. Then just never contact him again.
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    I'd date them, so long as they're not just bone idle.

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    (Original post by Profesh)
    No: you should grow a ****ing spine. If you're prepared to so casually dismiss someone whom only one week ago you were 'imagining a future with' (and before you'd even met, no less), then you're too brittle, neurotic and emotionally-immature to be dating anyone—on Tinder or otherwise.
    Ok ok ok, I get it. This would be the first date I've ever been on so I am a bit inexperienced about the whole thing. what worries me though is I go to uni in the city he lives in and during term time I live like 3-5KM away from where he lives so there is quite a probability that I might bump into him somewhere which would be mortifying idk what to do, what would you do?
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by markova21)
    I think you should only do this if you haven't already made a definate date,place and time to meet up. Otherwise he might not realise you have blocked him and turn up at the venue. This wouldn't be fair on him. If you don't feel comfortable doing it yourself, ask a friend to contact him on your behalf. Or say your gran is desperately ill at death's door and you have to go and visit her and she lives in another city or something. Tell him you will contact him in a few day's time when you know how the situation is with your relative. Then just never contact him again.
    We haven't set a time and place yet, only a day. This whole situation is just really escalating though, only last week he was barely replying and now he's replying instantly and flirting, I feel like I'm drowning in deep water already. Idk what to do omg
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    (Original post by catholicgirl)
    As a woman you should always date someone on the same level as you or above. Men get jealous if a woman is earning more because it makes them feel inadequate (especially in a marriage), this was why my parent's marriage broke down.

    Don't go on a date with him if he is unemployed. He is not prepared for a relationship. People should have their sh*t together before bringing another person into their lives.
    What absolute bs
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    We haven't set a time and place yet, only a day. This whole situation is just really escalating though, only last week he was barely replying and now he's replying instantly and flirting, I feel like I'm drowning in deep water already. Idk what to do omg
    Then ask a friend to contact him. Say the whole sick relative thing, and reiterate that you will contact HIM when you can. Then just leave it at that.
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by markova21)
    Then ask a friend to contact him. Say the whole sick relative thing, and reiterate that you will contact HIM when you can. Then just leave it at that.
    I haven't told any of my friends about him... I'm too ashamed to say I met a guy through online dating. That's also another reason why I'm reluctant about this, I don't want to tell people we met online, it would be mortifying
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    As long as they were working towards *something*, sure.
    #2

    No, it wouldn't put me off going on a date with him. It's just a date - there'll be no devil looming over my shoulder, prodding me to sign a life-long contract with him. If by the end you find that he's not someone you want to pursue, the you just go your separate ways. Most people go on a date thinking they'll learn more about the person, and while that is true, most forget that you actually learn someone about yourself - what you want, what you don't want, how you handle things etc. Plus with my mental health history, I'm in no position to look down on someone who may be unemployed because of family issues and/or mental issues. As a woman, I too have found it difficult to get work. I haven't been unemployed, but trying to get out of retail these days without 300 years experience in another field is madness. I can bleat on about very real incidents that required me to have X amount of months/years to do a simple job like photocopying and filing in an office, even though I have transferable retail skills like, um, common sense and the willingness to allow them to train me no-pay. That's what I feel the job market lacks - employers who train (which basic office work needs very little of - perhaps a day at most) . That is just life from my experience; I don't know if anyone else has faced those kind of things.
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    (Original post by SpiritSharD)
    As long as they were working towards *something*, sure.
    Would working towards employment count?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ok ok ok, I get it. This would be the first date I've ever been on so I am a bit inexperienced about the whole thing. what worries me though is I go to uni in the city he lives in and during term time I live like 3-5KM away from where he lives so there is quite a probability that I might bump into him somewhere which would be mortifying idk what to do, what would you do?
    I'd honour the date, quite possibly make an ass of myself, recognise that I'm fundamentally ill-equipped to handle such intensive one-on-one interaction, and then set out to develop some self-confidence, integrity, stability and accountability (of the sort generally required to function in adulthood) before again toying with the emotions of people who, despite being presently unemployed, won't remain so for long because they at least have the tenacity to pursue opportunities rather than wallowing in anxiety and inventing spurious justifications for their own abject failure.

    Imagine how you'd feel had he simply 'blocked and deleted' you one week ago: I'd wager my internet-connection that your first recourse would have been a thread on TSR entitled, "online dating - what's wrong with me?!"
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    (Original post by shuu00)
    What absolute bs
    Why is it bs?? It's not as if I am just saying something random. I am speaking from experience, My mum earned more than my dad and he was jealous that she could buy me nice stuff and he could not as he was just a security guard. That's why the marriage broke down.

    We don't live in a Utopian society where 'love is all you need'. THAT'S NOT ENOUGH. Because when the man isn't working and he sees he's GF working, earning good money and providing for herself he will be jealous (consciously or unconsciously) that he can not 'provide' for her (which is biologically the role of a man).

    The only people who think its bs is unemployed people who are angry that I am exposing the truth and ruining their opportunity to scrounge off of a woman.
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    (Original post by catholicgirl)
    Why is it bs?? It's not as if I am just saying something random. I am speaking from experience, My mum earned more than my dad and he was jealous that she could buy me nice stuff and he could not as he was just a security guard. That's why the marriage broke down.

    We don't live in a Utopian society where 'love is all you need'. THAT'S NOT ENOUGH. Because when the man isn't working and he sees he's GF working, earning good money and providing for herself he will be jealous (consciously or unconsciously) that he can not 'provide' for her (which is biologically the role of a man).

    The only people who think its bs is unemployed people who are angry that I am exposing the truth and ruining their opportunity to scrounge off of a woman.
    So because it happened to you, it's set in stone. This is the 21st century. Your attitude is backward looking to say the least, and furthermore, the OP wants advice about whether she should go on a date with this lad, not how many bridesmaids she's thinking of having.
    And who are these 'unemployed people who are angry because you are exposing the truth"?
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    Even doing a course at college counts as doing something but sitting around watching daytime tv all day and not applying for jobs and having cant be bother attitude


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    (Original post by catholicgirl)
    Why is it bs?? It's not as if I am just saying something random. I am speaking from experience, My mum earned more than my dad and he was jealous that she could buy me nice stuff and he could not as he was just a security guard. That's why the marriage broke down.

    We don't live in a Utopian society where 'love is all you need'. THAT'S NOT ENOUGH. Because when the man isn't working and he sees he's GF working, earning good money and providing for herself he will be jealous (consciously or unconsciously) that he can not 'provide' for her (which is biologically the role of a man).

    The only people who think its bs is unemployed people who are angry that I am exposing the truth and ruining their opportunity to scrounge off of a woman.
    Now, now. One personal experience doesn't change the fact that people can make any situation they want work for them.

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    Yes as long as they were looking for work and not expecting me to take care of everything. If they can't work due to medical reasons that's also fine.

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    Ask him how long he has been unemployed for, if its anything over 3 months then tread carefully.

    In my honest opinion anyone whos been unemployed for more than 3 months is either;

    Too ill (mental or physical) to work.
    Too lazy to work.
    Isn't willing to drop down skillsets (ie going from cooking to potwashing).
    Isn't putting in enough effort to find a job.

    Charities are literally crying out for volunteers, I know this because I'm leaving my assistant manager post at a charity to start Uni and we really struggled finding willing volunteers over the last 6 months. Work gaps making people unemployable is a complete myth that only happens when people are either too lazy to volunteer or lack the insight to the amount of volunteers charities actually need (we've had people volunteering with walking sticks that have MS, Cerebral Palsy etc etc, they appreciate getting out of the house and doing something different to a normal routine for them).
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    (Original post by Mr Moon Man)
    Only if she thicc
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