Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Should I tell him about the abortion? Watch

    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by DanB1991)
    If all things were equal, the father would questionably have a say in the abortion. Women have a right to know about their potential future children and morn their over their abortions and miscarriages, why shouldn't a man?
    I understand what you're saying. I'm just concerned for OP. If the conversation is a simple "I got pregnant. I'm aborting the child. Just letting you know; and the father replies with "okay, thanks for telling me." and it ends there, then all is well and fine. Or maybe even if he sends some form of support for the abortion, that's still fine. But like I mentioned in my first post, OP just needs to be careful if the father has a sudden change of heart and wants to get back together. Because that can complicate things a lot if it's done for the wrong reasons. So I think she should think about whether she can handle the conversation at this point, and what's best for her. Because at the end of the day, he already left, not knowing about the child isn't going to affect him in any way. OP however, has to deal with the current situation emotional and physically (regardless of whether the father knows). So if she feels like she is in the right state of mind to tell him, then sure go ahead. If she feels like she can't, her feelings matter more to me than the "potential feelings" of someone who doesn't know and has already left.
    • #6
    #6

    I would not tell him
    If you don't want to be with him, and know that you do not want a baby right now... then it is you're decision to abort.
    If he suddenly turns on the lets get back together, I will be there, (he may be genuine who knows) and you decide to give him the chance and keep it, (when you have already said you do not want too) and he goes back on himself and leaves you, you are stuck again with a baby that really, you did not want... if that makes sense..
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by DanB1991)
    If all things were equal, the father would questionably have a say in the abortion. Women have a right to know about their potential future children and morn their over their abortions and miscarriages, why shouldn't a man?
    edit: sorry, after reading my previous reply, I realized I didn't really answer your first point directly so I'll answer it here. Yes, if all things were equal, the father should get a say in the abortion. but let's say he does say "keep the child" in this case, but she already has decided on abortion, then what should she do? like i mentioned above, if he agrees to abort then there won't be any problem. but if they conflict on this issue, then it's just more emotional stress for OP (if she isn't firm on her decision to tell him "no, I'm aborting" yet, of course). And lastly, I've already mentioned the danger of birthing the child into a broken relationship. What if he convinces her to keep the child, but cannot fulfill the father role because the relationship just isn't there? she'll just be left with a child she originally wanted to abort. he can easily leave and not deal with anything. it's a very difficult situation, so if OP feels going for the abortion first is best for her, under these particular circumstances, it's fine. I've nothing against letting the father know about the child, but giving him a say in the abortion when he has already broken up with her is different thing.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by hipsterrapunzel)
    IBecause at the end of the day, he already left, not knowing about the child isn't going to affect him in any way.
    The problem is that this kind of purely consequentialist moral philosophy can be used to justify all manner of deceit, including marital infidelity. Again, remember the Golden Rule.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Profesh)
    The problem is that this kind of purely consequentialist moral philosophy can be used to justify all manner of deceit, including marital infidelity. Again, remember the Golden Rule.
    I was going to answer your first reply to me, but since you've made a more recent reply, I'll just answer it here.

    Please stop rubbing your idealistic fantasies in my face. I don't need them.

    Tell me:

    Did the father remember the Golden Rule when he decided to leave her?
    Is the Golden Rule going to apply when he decides to support her when there's no love in the relationship? - "Oh let's just be together because if I were the one pregnant, i would like you to support me."
    Why don't you support OP instead, since in your ideal world, you would want to be supported if you were pregnant?

    Stop telling me what's the ideal situation and start looking at what's happening in this thread. You miss out of the reality of people's suffering when you stay up in your ivory tower for too long. Take a walk.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TruthBeTold')
    To answer your first question. I care as do you, hence your reply.

    You're failing to understand. HOW ABOUT HE DOESN'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH OP BECAUSE OF HER CHARACTER AND LIFESTYLE. How about she is undesirable for a relationship? How about she insited he used protection? How about she didn't open her legs for someone she knew is unfit to be a father. HE EJACULATED AND SHE SHE OPENED HER LEGS. Stop judging him based on stereotypical ideas.

    You should not judge without sufficient information - which you do not have. And if you insist on doing that, do not create false bias.

    No male shaming allowed. You are putting all the blame on him. That is logically and morally wrong.
    You are missing the point. Not only that, you're accusing someone of male shaming when in the same post, you are giving scenarios where OP is at fault, when like you said, there isn't sufficient information.

    But do you know what information HAS been provided?

    Here are the facts: He left her. He's gone. Done.

    So based on the facts, what would be your response? Please enlighten me.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    u need to tell him he has a right to know its his kid too!! and he might want u to keep it so its unfair if u just do it without telling him
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    why are u having an aborton in the first place !? if its just cos ur not with him anymore then if u tell him he might wanna get back together !!
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    i cant believe that ur all saying that he doesnt need to know!! imagine how you'd feel if someone kept somethign like that from u!! its evil
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Profesh)
    I don't presume to understand how the boundary between an apparently disposable conglomeration of cell-tissue and a legal personage has been conveniently ascertained as exactly twenty-four weeks from conception. Nonetheless, given that the nature of human consciousness is an epistemic conundrum which has preoccupied the world's foremost and preeminent minds since time immemorial, I can only surmise that the underlying rationale is one of utilitarian pragmatism; because it sure as hell doesn't conform to any applicable model of scientific rigour.

    Consequently, as befits any scenario where social policy, ethics and philosophy similarly fail to yield a sufficiently definitive or even logically coherent answer, I would suggest that the most fundamental precepts of empathy, compassion and mutual accountability are effectively enshrined within the Golden Rule; and that since most people would wish to know if they'd inadvertently conceived a child, the OP should negotiate her conduct with those (universal) tenets firmly in mind.
    Is there any chance you can write this again in English, this time?
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by hipsterrapunzel)
    You are missing the point. Not only that, you're accusing someone of male shaming when in the same post, you are giving scenarios where OP is at fault, when like you said, there isn't sufficient information.

    But do you know what information HAS been provided?

    Here are the facts: He left her. He's gone. Done.

    So based on the facts, what would be your response? Please enlighten me.
    Here are the facts. He's gone, yes. For reasons unknown to you. How do you know op is relationship material? How do you know she doesn't do drugs? How do you know she didn't cheat? How do you know she didn't abuse him in different forms? You don't know the reason for his departure.

    Stop making me sound like a treacherous SJW.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Of course you need to tell him, I was watching a prison documentary about a guy who's girlfriend aborted his baby so he butchered her with a machete (don't let this be you). Albeit, if your 100% sure he doesn't want a child then you might be OK but you don't know until you tell him
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TruthBeTold')
    Here are the facts. He's gone, yes. For reasons unknown to you. How do you know op is relationship material? How do you know she doesn't do drugs? How do you know she didn't cheat? How do you know she didn't abuse him in different forms? You don't know the reason for his departure.

    Stop making me sound like a treacherous SJW.
    Yes, and because the reasons are unknown, I base my response on the facts. Fact is, he is gone. Thus, OP should make her choice knowing that he left her and doesn't want the relationship (which OP has already mentioned in the very first post).

    I don't see what's the relevance of OP's character in this thread. Are you even reading what you're writing and what the thread is about? We're discussing whether or not to tell the father. It has nothing to do with what OP did in the relationship. Why are you obsessed with painting OP to be a villain when it has no relevance to the thread? Why don't I flip it on you? YOU DON'T KNOW THE REASON FOR HIS DEPARTURE, SO ALL OF THIS:
    "How do you know op is relationship material? How do you know she doesn't do drugs? How do you know she didn't cheat? How do you know she didn't abuse him in different forms? You don't know the reason for his departure."

    Is purely your speculation. And not only is it that, it's also irrelevant to the topic.

    So I'm going to repeat myself because you didn't get it the first time:

    You're missing the point.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by hipsterrapunzel)
    Yes, and because the reasons are unknown, I base my response on the facts. Fact is, he is gone. Thus, OP should make her choice knowing that he left her and doesn't want the relationship (which OP has already mentioned in the very first post).

    I don't see what's the relevance of OP's character in this thread. Are you even reading what you're writing and what the thread is about? We're discussing whether or not to tell the father. It has nothing to do with what OP did in the relationship. Why are you obsessed with painting OP to be a villain when it has no relevance to the thread? Why don't I flip it on you? YOU DON'T KNOW THE REASON FOR HIS DEPARTURE, SO ALL OF THIS:
    "How do you know op is relationship material? How do you know she doesn't do drugs? How do you know she didn't cheat? How do you know she didn't abuse him in different forms? You don't know the reason for his departure."

    Is purely your speculation. And not only is it that, it's also irrelevant to the topic.

    So I'm going to repeat myself because you didn't get it the first time:

    You're missing the point.
    You tried to make op the angel and the guy a devil for leaving. Purely because you thought you could get away with casual male shaming. NO.

    You don't know the reason for his departure therefore you cannot label him with negative connotations like you did above.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TruthBeTold')
    You tried to make op the angel and the guy a devil for leaving. Purely because you thought you could get away with casual male shaming. NO.

    You don't know the reason for his departure therefore you cannot label him with negative connotations like you did above.
    I'm about to try to explain my point to you for the third time, in a different fashion for the third time, so I do hope you'll make the effort to understand this time. Also, if you're trolling, please do spare me. My fingers do get tired, you know?

    Please point out to me what I have said that OP has not written in the original post. I urge you to. I have never referred to OP as an angel. Neither have I referred to the guy as a devil. What I have said, is that the guy left, and OP should keep that in mind if she is deciding to tell him about the child. (If you look at my previous two posts, this sentence has appeared in the same way - so apparently you didn't understand it. But here I am, writing it again, so please read it and please understand it. Here, I'll bold it for you: What I have said, is that the guy left, and OP should keep that in mind if she is deciding to tell him about the child.)

    Apparently you have some obsession with dichotomy with all your good versus evil, angel vs devil, male shaming and female shaming which I've already said is irrelevant. Because you didn't understand my previous two posts, I'm going to play your fantasy out to show you how much I don't care about the reason why they left or his/her character/values/actions. Suppose OP is really evil like you assume, and the father left her because she had issues and he's a total angel - SO WHAT? Tell me, how does that affect her decision whether or not to tell him about the baby? You're harping on a point which is completely irrelevant to the topic.

    I don't like to exaggerate because it's stupid. But I'm going to make an exception for you since you like painting angels and devils.

    Understand this: I COULDN'T CARE LESS about whether OP is an angel, or whether she is the worst human being in the world. I see someone who is asking for advice on whether or not to tell her ex about the baby. And I give advice based on the fact that he doesn't want the relationship, NOT whether he is an angel, NOT whether she's a devil. Based on the fact that he doesn't want the relationship. Based on the fact that he doesn't want the relationship. Based on the fact that he doesn't want the relationship.

    Maybe if you read my sentence three times, you'll understand it.

    That being said, I'm tired of trying to explain what should be clear in one post, countless times to you. Not only is your argument irrelevant, it's rude and insensitive to this thread. Out of respect to OP, I'm going to stop indulging your trolling. I do hope you'll understand my point now - seeing how much effort i've put into explaining it, but I'm not going to bother answering you if you continue to troll, because it adds no value to the thread.

    And to OP, I do apologize for engaging this guy. I thought my explanation skills were pretty okay and genuinely tried, but apparently he's either trolling, or has some personal vengeance towards you for God knows why. Don't worry about it. Haters exist everywhere. Ignore the haters. Do what's best for you.

    Sending love and strength.
    • #7
    #7

    IMO if you told him that you are pregnant probably tell him that you are aborting it. Otherwise, if he doesn't know it can't hurt him right? Telling him could cause all sorts of complications.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    I should think I would be inclined to share such information with the 'genetic donor', in any event, even if it's simply a notification
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Since you plan to distance yourself.. just.say nothing
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Just found out I was pregnant today and I've decided that I'm going to have an abortion. The "father" would have been my ex and he's young so I know he wouldn't want the baby (he doesn't even want a relationship) although MIGHT try to support me if I was to keep it. Should I tell him about me going to get an abortion or is it unnecessary? I'm trying to distance myself from him so I think me sharing this is quite a personal thing but one of my friends think he has a right to know? Should I tell him?
    tbh if it was me, its your own body, just go ahead and do it yourself he doesn't need to know. Its different however if you want his support through the abortion process, in which case yeah tell him, but otherwise i wouldn't feel bad about not telling him because he'd just be unaware, its not like you've lied.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by uglyslut)
    why are u having an aborton in the first place !? if its just cos ur not with him anymore then if u tell him he might wanna get back together !!
    why would you call yourself an ugly slut that is so weird
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: September 16, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Have you ever participated in a Secret Santa?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.