Is it unfair to judge a Woman on her past?

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    would you wife up a girl like that tho? lol
    if i loved her and she was no longer like that then sure
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    I don't think it's unfair; when it comes to dating and relationships you can judge people on whatever you like. The whole purpose of being in such a relationship is for you to be happy, and if anything about that person bothers you to the extent that you wouldn't be happy with them overall (whether they're to "blame" for it or not), then it would kind of defeat the point of being with them in the first place.
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    Tbf her past just sounds more wild and experimental than being malicious or anything.*

    The only reason I'd be cautious would be if she had a track history of something, e.g. having a lot of bad history with guys or continuing drug taking but it sounds like all of those were just a phase that she went through (believe it or not, a lot of people do go through similar types of phases, especially when they're younger).

    So no, I wouldn't be worrying about her past, alrhough if you are still mulling over it, maybe it's worth reconsidering what you two should be. **
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    (Original post by tazarooni89)
    I don't think it's unfair; when it comes to dating and relationships you can judge people on whatever you like. The whole purpose of being in such a relationship is for you to be happy, and if anything about that person bothers you to the extent that you wouldn't be happy with them overall (whether they're to "blame" for it or not), then it would kind of defeat the point of being with them in the first place.
    Yeah I do agree to a certain extent, especially with the happiness part. If your gut instinct is telling you that you're not comfortable with her past, then that's your choice.

    I do respect the girl for being open and honest with him. *
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    People can change. But the truth is they usually don't.
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    (Original post by tazarooni89)
    I don't think it's unfair; when it comes to dating and relationships you can judge people on whatever you like. The whole purpose of being in such a relationship is for you to be happy, and if anything about that person bothers you to the extent that you wouldn't be happy with them overall (whether they're to "blame" for it or not), then it would kind of defeat the point of being with them in the first place.
    Good point :yep: And I don't think she was peer pressured.

    (Original post by DanielleT192)
    Tbf her past just sounds more wild and experimental than being malicious or anything.*

    The only reason I'd be cautious would be if she had a track history of something, e.g. having a lot of bad history with guys or continuing drug taking but it sounds like all of those were just a phase that she went through (believe it or not, a lot of people do go through similar types of phases, especially when they're younger).

    So no, I wouldn't be worrying about her past, alrhough if you are still mulling over it, maybe it's worth reconsidering what you two should be. **
    Thanks :thumbsup: Yh I don't think she's a bad person lol. We're just dating atm
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    (Original post by miser)
    People can change. But the truth is they usually don't.
    Even from around 23 (when she left uni and grew up a bit probably) to 30?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Even from around 23 (when she left uni and grew up a bit probably) to 30?
    By the time you're 23 your brain has already matured, which means patterns of thinking have been built that are difficult to remove or change. Your personality is mostly decided, although you can affect certain aspects if you really try, and you will continue to gain maturity and experience.

    If you want to know if she's stopped being such a party girl, she probably has, but if you want to know if she has much more self-control, she probably doesn't.

    Having said this, I'm sure others here have deeper insights into behavioural psychology than me, so anyone reading this please feel free to correct what I've said based on your expertise.
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by miser)
    By the time you're 23 your brain has already matured, which means patterns of thinking have been built that are difficult to remove or change. Your personality is mostly decided, although you can affect certain aspects if you really try, and you will continue to gain maturity and experience.

    If you want to know if she's stopped being such a party girl, she probably has, but if you want to know if she has much more self-control, she probably doesn't.

    Having said this, I'm sure others here have deeper insights into behavioural psychology than me, so anyone reading this please feel free to correct what I've said based on your expertise.
    Interesting, thanks. Not sure if it was just a "phase" as someone posted above. We all do stupid stuff, Ive got blind drunk on nights out, but I know loads of people and never met someone who had sex in public before :lol:
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    (Original post by ANM775)
    aware?
    not sure exactly 100% sure what you're getting at but .....perhaps.

    friends with ex boyfriends too?
    I didn't think it could get any worst.
    You've probably got a better chance of one of them Geordie shore girls not cheating on you than this lass
    She seems moral now, she volunteers and protests about rights and stuff

    But if shes a bit of a nympho.. lol
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    (Original post by stefano865)
    Have some fun with her.

    Clearly not 'wife material' though.
    If you reject someone who's otherwise perfect, based on something they did nearly half their lifetime ago, then you are a fool.

    All these boys saying women don't change, know absolutely nothing.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She seems moral now, she volunteers and protests about rights and stuff

    But if shes a bit of a nympho.. lol
    Listen, you clearly don't respect her. You've repeatedly made remarks about wanting a "nice girl" and her being "naughty". So why are you wasting yours and ours time? You clearly have made your mind up.
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    (Original post by Twinpeaks)
    Listen, you clearly don't respect her. You've repeatedly made remarks about wanting a "nice girl" and her being "naughty". So why are you wasting yours and ours time? You clearly have made your mind up.
    Why are all the triggered SJWs wasting my time on MY thread? :rolleyes:
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    People always say the past is the past or something like this in this kind of thread. But I think that is bs. People generally don't change that much. And if you are not comfortable with her past, it will always be an issue. I don't buy the whole, they were just young, rebelling, whatever. If you would not have been cool with it then, why now?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Seems like:





    Just lol @ the defensive, whiny butthurt. :lol: Why not just post "I slept around and this thread triggers me." ****ing lmao
    Lol, at you staying anonymous.
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    Yes it's very reasonable to judge a persons past (a history of disloyalty ect.. would be a red flag) however in this case i'd largely ignore anything she's done say more than a decade ago.
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    (Original post by Rakas21)
    Yes it's very reasonable to judge a persons past (a history of disloyalty ect.. would be a red flag) however in this case i'd largely ignore anything she's done say more than a decade ago.
    Good point. The teenager stuff was slightly worrying but I was more concerned about what she did at uni (FWB with housemate, etc.)
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    (Original post by Rakas21)
    Some of the most ardent social justice types that i've met (liberal lefties) have been the most slutty and most prone to drug abuse. They think anybody that critises this is a mysoginist when the truth is they can't keep their legs closed and will never screw the submissive man they protest with.
    My doctor friend was in a Labour group at the junior doc protests and he said half the people there started shagging each other afterwards or went on Tinder to find each other :rofl:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My doctor friend was in a Labour group at the junior doc protests and he said half the people there started shagging each other afterwards or went on Tinder to find each other :rofl:
    Apparently Tory conference sees half the membership of Conservative Future do the same.
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    If you trust her then I see no issue. I try not to judge a past, but more if I like them in the present.
 
 
 
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