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Should I tell my girlfriend that I kissed one of my flat mates?

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    (Original post by Joel 96)
    Whatever you do, don't blame the drink - that will not help. Take full responsibility for your actions. That's all you can do.
    I don't agree with Pharma at all on this one.
    I dunno I think it's less bad of stupid mistake if you both really drunk, than you cheated when perfectly sober and should have know better. Just my opinion.
    People do silly regrettable things when inebriated. Specially when young.
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    (Original post by Elastichedgehog)
    Would you not want to know if this had been the other way around.
    Wise answer
    If she finds out by herself, it's gonna be worse
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    (Original post by 303Pharma)
    I dunno I think it's less bad of stupid mistake if you both really drunk, than you cheated when perfectly sober and should have know better. Just my opinion.
    People do silly regrettable things when inebriated. Specially when young.
    If we wishes to insist so furiously that alcohol made him irresponsible, then fine, but you have to be pretty irresponsible to get in that state to begin with. My advice to this man is to admit that he was drunk, immediately stating afterwards that it's not an excuse for what he did.

    Your idea of getting her drunk to ease the impact of the confession is textbook manipulation.
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    (Original post by Joel 96)
    If we wishes to insist so furiously that alcohol made him irresponsible, then fine, but you have to be pretty irresponsible to get in that state to begin with. My advice to this man is to admit that he was drunk, immediately stating afterwards that it's not an excuse for what he did.

    Your idea of getting her drunk to ease the impact of the confession is textbook manipulation.
    Manipulation? or an understanding there can often be mitigating circumstances / factors in play. Not trying to be confrontational, we're having a discussion. Actually I agree, it is arguably manipulative, but people manipulate each other every day, it's part of normal social interaction. Think trying to get her to a nicer place before hand to soften the blow is ins't anyway malicious, it's considerable. It's having empathy for your partner and trying your best not to hurt there feelings.
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    (Original post by 303Pharma)
    Manipulation? or an understanding there can often be mitigating circumstances / factors in play. Not trying to be confrontational, we're having a discussion. Actually I agree, it is arguably manipulative, but people manipulate each other every day, it's part of normal social interaction. Think trying to get her to a nicer place before hand to soften the blow is ins't anyway malicious, it's considerable. It's having empathy for your partner and trying your best not to hurt there feelings.
    So if your partner kissed someone else you'd rather not know?
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    (Original post by Ella-keturah)
    So if your partner kissed someone else you'd rather not know?
    If it wasn't serious, It didn't mean anything, and was never going to go anywhere, honestly I wouldn't need to know. The revelation would cause far more problems than it warranted.

    Partner having sex with someone else, that's a deal breaker. A bit of a drunken snog, no keep it quite, regret it, and move on.
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    Picture this. The night you were out, so was she. She's been grinding on some heartless, ruthless guy who doesn't care she has a man. At the end of the night she rewards him for his hard work by allowing him to lean in and neck her for a good 5 minutes. But she didn't tell you as this happened ages ago and she's still stunting.


    P.S. I'm that guy.
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    (Original post by 303Pharma)
    but people manipulate each other every day, it's part of normal social interaction.
    "Conform! Everybody else is doing it!"

    (Original post by 303Pharma)
    Think trying to get her to a nicer place before hand to soften the blow is ins't anyway malicious, it's considerable. It's having empathy for your partner and trying your best not to hurt there feelings.
    Consideration is admirable. Lying isn't.
    I cannot understand how one can simply live without consequence.
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    (Original post by BilBob123)
    The other night I went out with my flat mates and at the end of the night I kissed one of them, we were very drunk and stopped once we knew what we were doing. We spoke about it in the morning and both agreed that it was nothing more than a drunk kiss and it meant nothing at all. My girlfriend means the world to me and I have never done something like this before, I can't stand losing her! Should I tell her what I've done ?
    You have commited an act of disloyalty and now you even question whether you should commit a further act of dishonour. You are an inferior choice of mate and deserve to be dumped.

    With all that being said there are two points in your favour..

    1) As much as you think it was nothing, there is almost always a reason why people do things (perhaps you don't really love her). Until you discover this reason, you can't make a promise to change your behavior and mean it.

    2) Since she should dump you, it's clearly not in your self interest to tell her.
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    (Original post by 303Pharma)
    I dunno I think it's less bad of stupid mistake if you both really drunk, than you cheated when perfectly sober and should have know better. Just my opinion.
    People do silly regrettable things when inebriated. Specially when young.
    Having a weak mind is only mildly preferable to performing a deliberate act of malice.

    If they are in a kiddie relationship that's going nowhere then sure, these things can be forgiven. If it's meaningful though, neither is a suitable excuse.
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    (Original post by bubblebutt3000)
    Picture this. The night you were out, so was she. She's been grinding on some heartless, ruthless guy who doesn't care she has a man. At the end of the night she rewards him for his hard work by allowing him to lean in and neck her for a good 5 minutes. But she didn't tell you as this happened ages ago and she's still stunting.


    P.S. I'm that guy.
    Looool burn in hell X
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    YES
    I love drama
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    If you are going to tell her, then pick your moment.
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    Alcohol. :facepalm2:
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    I think you're gonna feel worse if you don't tell her. It sounds like it would be best to sit her down and explain what happened, and apologise for it. She'd appreciate you telling her, rather than the chance of her finding out later. It was a bad move, but you can still take responsibility for it and try to move on with her. It would be worse to not tell her, another bad move, and just let things like this rack up, you know?
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    (Original post by chelseadagg3r)
    I think you're gonna feel worse if you don't tell her. It sounds like it would be best to sit her down and explain what happened, and apologise for it. She'd appreciate you telling her, rather than the chance of her finding out later. It was a bad move, but you can still take responsibility for it and try to move on with her. It would be worse to not tell her, another bad move, and just let things like this rack up, you know?
    No. no.no! look I went through a short phase when I did a lot of coke. A ****ing sh!t tone of coke. Few years. I cheated on my wife and girlfriends. I'm not proud of it, I'm ashamed by it. But in no way would have owning up to my misdirections helped matters. Feel bad, feel sh!ty, and move on. Try and be a better person. Don't beat yourself up over your mistakes.
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    Tell her, I did the same thing at University and I kept it a secret for about 3 months and it drove me mad. She was upset and crushed and I felt terrible, but she was annoyed more because I didn't tell her right away.

    Breaking someone's trust or shattering the illusion of their/your happy life is tragic and painful for both of you and you never want to be that guy. If she takes you back let it be a lesson to you.
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    (Original post by BilBob123)
    But this is killing me inside and I don''t know what to do. I think I will have to tell her, I can't lie to my girlfriend and I owe it to her to tell the truth otherwise I'm going against what I am.
    oh ffs if you're that type of person who will actually feel guilty about this then 1st off:

    think about why you're *****ing yourself mate...

    do you two not have that kind of relationship where you tell each other everything?...

    Is that not a healthy relationship to you if you two can calmly maturely sort these kinda things out? If you're all quivery about this, then I really can't see how you two will get on in the future about actual problems, unless you're on a leash, or she is.

    This op is the minimal level of disaster honestly. This is the kinda thing you should be able to quickly discuss and brush off with each other.

    However, that clearly is NOT your relationship, so don't bottle it because you're having a guilt trip about a mistake.

    Also you're not lying are you by not telling. You're a liar if she asks and you say you didn't when you did. Don't do that. If she loses a tit over this then honestly it was bound to happen anyway that she'd lose a tit over small stuff and you should quite frankly have a long sit down if you wanna be with someone so ridiculous.

    At the same time, mate....handle your drink betta still :yy:
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    Tell her,you'll feel a relieved than keeping it from her
 
 
 
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Updated: October 5, 2016
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