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Mum isn't letting me move out for university and I really want to.

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    #1

    (Original post by Acsel)
    That's a tough one and it depends on the uni. It's outside my area of expertise so you'd need to have a lengthy discussion with the universities you choose.

    In terms of the money aspect, if you absolutely can't get any help have you considered your alternatives to going to uni? If you can't afford to pay then going to uni will be a huge mistake for you. I'm not suggesting stay at home but what alternatives have you explored?

    For example could you stay at home for a year and work to save more money? Are there any friends who can help with finding somewhere else to live temporarily? Charities that can help if you did move out? While university may look like a way out, if it causes financial difficulties you'll be back to stage 1.

    Failing everything you may find that you have no choice but to live at home for a bit longer. As bad as the situation may be it would be better than having money problems at uni, not being able to eat and so on. You may have to play things a little slower until you're entirely self sufficient.

    Whatever happens remember that things will get better. You've survived this far and if you have to live at home for another 2 years to make it all end then it may be a price worth paying. Keep looking for places that will aid you in any way and of course come back to TSR if you need help or want to chat.

    What course are you hoping to study?
    I have looked at alternatives and decided uni is the one for me. I've applied for part time jobs so I can save up for university and I know I'll be working over the summer. One of my friends offered to let me stay at hers for the summer and I'm planning to contact a charity that helps with estranged students and helps them get grants/bursaries.

    Honestly, I don't think I can live with her for another two years. I've suffered so much mentally.

    (Original post by rambapa)
    Does she have any problems? Like depression, alcoholism, bipolar? Those could be contributors to what she is doing, though it's not acceptable for her to abuse you.

    What sort of stuff do you argue about?
    Nope she doesn't have any of those things.

    Don't want to go into detail tbh.
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    (Original post by Seamus123)
    Don't you dare talk like that! Where do you get this notion that every parent gives a **** about their children? Bringing a child into the world biologically does not automatically make them a good parent. Since when did you become an expert? The OP is an adult, and if she so feels that to have any kind life she has to cut ties with her mother, then so be it. The advice here is helpful with the exception of yours - keep it to yourself.
    Parents are the only ones statistically to give the most **** about you. Even your best friend won't care about you as much as your parents do statistically.

    I'm trying to save OP from creating WW3, while you guys want her to burn the house down and then jump onto benefits.
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    (Original post by stefano865)
    This is a special case.

    She should be able to get a loan that will not be dependent on her mother's income.
    I'd have to prove that I'm estranged and all that though. I do need to call student finance and speak to someone.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes it does seem to be the only option.

    I don't know about the boyfriend bit. Wouldn't it come off as offputting to have a gf whose estranged from her family?

    Nope not for me personally.

    See what happens I guess. The point is staying at home will not allow you to move forwards.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by rambapa)
    Parents are the only ones statistically to give the most **** about you. Even your best friend won't care about you as much as your parents do statistically.

    I'm trying to save OP from creating WW3, while you guys want her to burn the house down and then jump onto benefits.
    Blah blah blah talking BS again! My best friend helped me a million times more than my own parents did with my mental health. I owe it to my best friend for getting me out of clinical depression. My mother did **** all and called me pathetic and attention seeking.

    Who says I'll be a benefits scrounger? Get that attitude out of your backside.
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    (Original post by Obiejess)
    Contact your Dad, see if he can help. Tell your Mum on results if she doesn't help you financially you'll tell everyone you know about what you saw.

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    Yeah I'm planning to do so. She's managed to convince everyone I'm a liar apart from my dad because he suspected she was having an affair. What I saw would confirm that.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Blah blah blah talking BS again! My best friend helped me a million times more than my own parents did with my mental health. I owe it to my best friend for getting me out of clinical depression. My mother did **** all and called me pathetic and attention seeking.

    Who says I'll be a benefits scrounger? Get that attitude out of your backside.
    You are 18 years old and want to take on the world. You don't have any qualifications of high stature, or a big bank balance, or have any idea of saving/investing/tax.

    Ok, OP, let's say you walk out today. How do you stop your bank account from magically going to zero? How do you pay rent? £300 a week? That's probably more than your part time income for the week.
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    (Original post by rambapa)
    Parents are the only ones statistically to give the most **** about you. Even your best friend won't care about you as much as your parents do statistically.

    I'm trying to save OP from creating WW3, while you guys want her to burn the house down and then jump onto benefits.
    Except not all parents are good parents.
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    (Original post by Acsel)
    What course are you hoping to study?
    Languages.
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    No, that is not the case. And the OP is not a statistic. She is an individual who has irreconcilable differences with her mother and feels her life is unbearable. She is not some stroppy kid who is behaving badly because she isn't getting the latest trainers.
    And, in the unlikely event that she might have to claim benefits, there is no shame in that if it allows her to find her feet.
    I feel for the OP. I have 7 children of my own and made my own mistakes, but never to the point where any of my children disowned me.
    Walk a mile in her shoes, I always say.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Except not all parents are good parents.
    Yes, but I would still hang in their till I got a real job. OP wants to run away at 18 with no qualifications of value, little bank balance and no idea of how the outside world works.

    This is a perfect example of how people end up in prostitution or drugs (not saying it will happen to OP, but this is a risk). They have no or little income, need money, have no support and meet *******s.
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by rambapa)
    You are 18 years old and want to take on the world. You don't have any qualifications of high stature, or a big bank balance, or have any idea of saving/investing/tax.

    Ok, OP, let's say you walk out today. How do you stop your bank account from magically going to zero? How do you pay rent? £300 a week? That's probably more than your part time income for the week.
    Wait so that kind of logic means I'll be a benefits scrounger? Oh wow you must be great with people. I don't want to live with my mother anymore. Get off this thread and quit telling everyone that parents care more than anyone else in the world. My mother disproves your naive statement perfectly.
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    (Original post by rambapa)
    You are 18 years old and want to take on the world. You don't have any qualifications of high stature, or a big bank balance, or have any idea of saving/investing/tax.

    Ok, OP, let's say you walk out today. How do you stop your bank account from magically going to zero? How do you pay rent? £300 a week? That's probably more than your part time income for the week.
    I already adressed those issues. They are to be taken into consideration but people do leave home at 18. The OP just needs to make sure they have a plan and are prepared for taking responsibility.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Wait so that kind of logic means I'll be a benefits scrounger? Oh wow you must be great with people. I don't want to live with my mother anymore. Get off this thread and quit telling everyone that parents care more than anyone else in the world. My mother disproves your naive statement perfectly.
    You have no means to support yourself financially and want to walk out the door, so yes you will end up on benefits (until you get a proper job after your degree).

    Do this OP, hang in their for a while, get your degree, get a well paying job and then go.
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by rambapa)
    Yes, but I would still hang in their till I got a real job. OP wants to run away at 18 with no qualifications of value, little bank balance and no idea of how the outside world works.
    This is a perfect example of how people end up in prostitution or drugs (not saying it will happen to OP, but this is a risk). They have no or little income, need money, have no support and meet *******s.

    Erm honey I will be getting support from student finance and my uni (as well as my friends).
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by rambapa)
    You have no means to support yourself financially and want to walk out the door, so yes you will end up on benefits (until you get a proper job after your degree).

    Do this OP, hang in their for a while, get your degree, get a well paying job and then go.
    No. I want to actually enjoy the teenage years I had left. I'm not living with that selfish cow for another 3 years because she'll just end up getting worse.
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    (Original post by rambapa)
    Yes, but I would still hang in their till I got a real job. OP wants to run away at 18 with no qualifications of value, little bank balance and no idea of how the outside world works.

    This is a perfect example of how people end up in prostitution or drugs (not saying it will happen to OP, but this is a risk). They have no or little income, need money, have no support and meet *******s.
    Thats why its being pointed out to them the things they should consider.

    Should she do the degee she want? yes.

    Should she do it locally as her mum dicates? No, no if she can avoid it.

    The issue then beomes one of timing and attending uni when she is able to sustain herself financially.
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    (Original post by rambapa)
    But her money does feed you. Why doesn't she care about you?
    Believe it or not, but a child is not a pot-plant, having them is not obligatory, and if the most you can say of yourself as a parent is that yours didn't starve while under your custody then, frankly, you don't deserve to be one.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Erm honey I will be getting support from student finance and my uni (as well as my friends).
    You do understand that the grant you will get will be low and even lower because your mum sounds like a high earner? She would normally be expected to pay the difference but obviously in your situation she will not, so therefore you could be on min loan of £3821. That is £73 a week.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by 999tigger)
    You do understand that the grant you will get will be low and even lower because your mum sounds like a high earner? She would normally be expected to pay the difference but obviously in your situation she will not, so therefore you could be on min loan of £3821. That is £73 a week.
    I checked on the student finance calculator and I think it was £8538 or something like that. I did read that estranged students get the maximum loan from Student finance and I don't mind proving evidence I'm estranged. I'm planning to get a part time job to save up too and my mum's boyfriend has said he doesn't mind helping me on the quiet.
 
 
 
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Updated: October 7, 2016
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