What if the guy who 'raped me' doesn't know that he raped me

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    #3

    (Original post by Lemon Haze)
    Drop it. This is not rape.
    If OP didn't want to have sex, then it is rape. An absence of a no does not mean yes, only a clear and ethusiastic yes means yes.
    #3

    If OP didn't want to have sex, then it is rape. An absence of a no does not mean yes, only a clear and enthusiastic yes means yes.
    #4

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT. No means no, and he should respect that. He probably doesn't know that he raped you, because that's our society today, and it's bs. Contact a rape helpline, tell a university counsellor, and talk to him! Tell him what he did, and then he should realise that it's wrong. Just remember, you weren't leading him on, you owe him nothing, and it wasn't your fault.
    Or maybe because it wasn't rape. Just because you are drunk and are more likely to do things that you wouldn't do when sober doesn't mean you can't consent "drunken consent is still consent" it seems here that at worst he may have had a reasonable belief of consent so therefore it would not be rape.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    If OP didn't want to have sex, then it is rape. An absence of a no does not mean yes, only a clear and ethusiastic yes means yes.
    That is wrong. Please don't spread misinformation.

    One can only be liable of rape if they knew or ought to know that the other person was not consenting. The absence of a yes is immaterial if the latter person encourages sex (unless they later on said they wanted to stop).

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    (Original post by *Stefan*)
    That is wrong. Please don't spread misinformation.

    One can only be liable of rape if they knew or ought to know that the other person was not consenting. The absence of a yes is immaterial if the latter person encourages sex (unless they later on said they wanted to stop).
    There's a difference between the legal situation and the emotional one: you can feel raped by someone who would never be convicted.
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    (Original post by unprinted)
    There's a difference between the legal situation and the emotional one: you can feel raped by someone who would never be convicted.
    Rape is a legal word - one may feel raped but if they were not, it isn't 'emotional' rape - it's just regretting having sex with that one person.
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    (Original post by *Stefan*)
    Rape is a legal word - one may feel raped but if they were not, it isn't 'emotional' rape - it's just regretting having sex with that one person.
    No it's not.

    After Ian Huntley was convicted of the Soham murders, it turned out that numerous women had reported him for rape. He was even charged with one, but the case was dropped because there was CCTV footage of him kissing the victim in a club. So with attitudes like that, his chances of conviction were nil, but try telling the women that they 'just regretted' the sex.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Happened a while ago, we're at the same uni, shared halls, we used to be friends, had sex once previous to this event, and I feel I lead him on and it was my fault because I was too drunk to do anything about it. I know he raped me, but he has no idea.
    I saw a video today called 'casual rape' and it brought this all back. But that's exactly what it was, and now I don't know what to do and how to react.
    I have recently told my friends (the first people to know after 10 months) and feel worse than before when no body knew purely from the fact that I'm worried, terrified actually, they will say something and he will deny it/ tell everyone I'm spreading ****. What do I do??
    If you were too drunk then how would you know that you did consent?

    Im not a rape apologist btw, im just seeing if theres another side of the story. If "leading him on" means gave consent then...
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    (Original post by unprinted)
    No it's not.

    After Ian Huntley was convicted of the Soham murders, it turned out that numerous women had reported him for rape. He was even charged with one, but the case was dropped because there was CCTV footage of him kissing the victim in a club. So with attitudes like that, his chances of conviction were nil, but try telling the women that they 'just regretted' the sex.
    Sorry but I trust the court system more than I trust random here say. And one example doesn't prove anything, even if it's entirely true.
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    If OP didn't want to have sex, then it is rape. An absence of a no does not mean yes, only a clear and ethusiastic yes means yes.
    Do you ask for your 'yes' in a written contract too every time before you have sex? Correct me if I'm wrong but you can't be convicted of rape JUST because OP never said yes - that's not saying she doesn't want sex, just that it wasn't verbally discussed, physically her actions suggested she consented.
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    (Original post by *Stefan*)
    Sorry but I trust the court system more than I trust random here say.
    Anyone who thinks that only rapes where there's a conviction count as 'rape' is a rape apologist.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I said no and I don't want to be here and he carried on
    (Original post by Ishax)
    I SAID if she tried to stop him then it's rape. She didn't as she hasn't mentioned that, if she stopped him then it's rape.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    that wasn't rape. That was drunken sex. By your own admission you started it. If anything you raped him.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Or maybe because it wasn't rape. Just because you are drunk and are more likely to do things that you wouldn't do when sober doesn't mean you can't consent "drunken consent is still consent" it seems here that at worst he may have had a reasonable belief of consent so therefore it would not be rape.
    (Original post by *Stefan*)
    One can only be liable of rape if they knew or ought to know that the other person was not consenting. The absence of a yes is immaterial if the latter person encourages sex (unless they later on said they wanted to stop).

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    errr - you lot might want to read the part where the OP said she said "NO" and he carried on before you go telling her that she wasn't raped.

    Because at the moment you're all sounding like creepy nasty people defending a rapist :yes:
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    (Original post by PQ)
    errr - you lot might want to read the part where the OP said she said "NO" and he carried on before you go telling her that she wasn't raped.

    Because at the moment you're all sounding like creepy nasty people defending a rapist :yes:
    Could you please show me where she said this?

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    (Original post by *Stefan*)
    Could you please show me where she said this?

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Click on the link in the first quote in the post you replied to.
    http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...0#post68082120
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    but he also took a snapchat of me giving him oral sex
    Do you consider giving him a bj to be him "raping you" too, since you regret it?
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    (Original post by unprinted)
    No it's not.

    After Ian Huntley was convicted of the Soham murders, it turned out that numerous women had reported him for rape. He was even charged with one, but the case was dropped because there was CCTV footage of him kissing the victim in a club. So with attitudes like that, his chances of conviction were nil, but try telling the women that they 'just regretted' the sex.
    Its not that simple though.
    How do you constitute consent? sounds extremely complex to me.
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    (Original post by hellodave5)
    Its not that simple though.
    How do you constitute consent? sounds extremely complex to me.
    "I said no and I don't want to be here and he carried on"
    http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...0#post68082120

    Is that complex?
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    (Original post by PQ)
    Click on the link in the first quote in the post you replied to.
    http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...0#post68082120
    Well, she should contact a lawyer then.

    Chances are it may still not be a rape because it depends on whether the 'guy' ought to know there was no consent. The OP has provided some pretty confused facts.

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    (Original post by PQ)
    "I said no and I don't want to be here and he carried on"
    http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...0#post68082120

    Is that complex?
    The "I don't want to be here" makes it sound indisputable, I guess.
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    (Original post by *Stefan*)
    Well, she should contact a lawyer then.

    Chances are it may still not be a rape because it depends on whether the 'guy' ought to know there was no consent. The OP has provided some pretty confused facts.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    So even if she explicitly said 'no' and 'stop' you still don't think it can be classed as rape? Are you for real? Talk about clutching at straws, what's your motive here?

    Tell me what facts have confused you so much?

    (Original post by PQ)
    "I said no and I don't want to be here and he carried on"http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?p=68082120#post68 082120Is that complex?
    I like to think (hope) that a lot of people missed that post from the OP, considering she refers to herself as "the OP". I hope so, because otherwise we have a hell of a lot of people informing the OP that she was wrong in feeling she was raped despite her saying no, simply because she feels she led him on.

    What a dangerous mindset.

    I know some think that this is just an Internet forum so we can say as we please, but I'm a little concerned that the offhand, snarky and blaming remarks by the people on here have effected the OP.

    Sometimes I wonder whether the nature of this site draws people too immature to discuss such a real topic. People genuinely seem to think of the OP as a source of debate as opposed to a real individual.
 
 
 
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