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When does living on your parents' money offically become 'scrounging' or 'leeching'?

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As soon as I was old enough to get a work I did. When I was about 14 I got a paper round and done that till I was 16 when I got a Saturday job at Tesco after my gcses. I then did 3 years at sixth form college till I was 19. During this time I always had a part time job, I worked Saturdays and Sundays and earnt money to pay my train fare to college, my own toiletries, clothes, lunch money for myself etc. When I turned 18 and I was earning about £100 a weekend from my part time job I started to give my mum £20 a week to help pay for my share of the food bill, she never asked for this money but I knew she was struggling and I had the cash so why not help? Now I'm at uni I pay for my rent with my loan and any extra stuff like bills, going out, food etc I pay for from my part time job.

I know that if I ever need some money and ask my mum she would help me out, quite recently actually my laptop broke so she bought me a new one. I offered to pay her back but she said its a gift and I really appreciated it, I sent her a Thank You card in the post and she knows how much I appreciated it, because its not her responsiblity now I'm 20 to buy me laptops etc. I think if people are used to their parents paying for everything they then don't appreciate it as a kind gesture, they see it as the norm.

I've never ever moaned about having to work cause I believe thats what everyone should do, if you are old enough to work then get a job. Parents shouldn't have to pay for your stuff, especially after you're 18, cause your an adult.

Reply 41

ohyeahoh

Helenia

It wasn't just referring to you, it seems to have come up several times. And the "learning responsibility" thing is a bit patronising, don't you think? I'm 24 and going into my 6th year of university, I think I've just about managed to cope with life as an adult.

I suspect my situation in 6th form would have been different if I a)didn't have school on Saturdays and b)was particularly bothered about new clothes. I've never been a fashionista and so only ever get clothes when I need them - and when I was still living at home, my parents would get them if I did need them. At the end of my school week, which was pretty much 12 hour days every day, plus homework, I was completely knackered and a Sunday job would have just been awful. I'm very grateful that my parents didn't insist on my doing that for the sake of "learning responsibility" - it would probably have been irresponsible of them to force that on me.

Can I ask..where did you go that forced you to go to school on a saturday and work a 12 hour day! Thats horrible :frown:

Reply 42

gracie88

I'm 20 and at uni. The majority of what i live on comes from my student loan, i do get a monthly cheque from my dad but that's more through guilt than my asking. My mum will occasionally pay for the odd thing like tanks of petrol when i go home to see her for a weekend, but she doesn't give me money. I pay for my rent, my phone bill, my car insurance, car tax, MOT, bills for the flat. I buy my own food and clothes and i am yet to use my overdraft! I don't work in a proper part-time job as i go home for the holidays but i am employed by my university and take on jobs when they offer them to me to give myself a bit of extra income. Last summer i worked pretty much full time to pay for my driving lessons and car and hopefully I'll be able to find a job this summer.

I know of two friends at university whose parents pay for everything. I'm not jealous as i feel that i have a real understanding of the value of money. My flatmate (one of the friends) has everything paid for and was astonished when she found out i pay for my own phone bill. She's always in her overdraft and i don't understand how considering her dad pays her rent, her phone bill and she has her loan to do whatever she pleases with.

Then again if the parents have the money to give to their children can you actually call it scrounging or leeching? Surely they're just trying to support them as best they can.

Reply 43

e-lover

My parents don't want me to move out. Perhaps I'm an exception :s-smilie:

Reply 44

NW8_SW1_EC3

All depends on individual circumstances. I have friends (18 - 19) who have everything bought for them they never have or will have to get jobs whilst at university. They are from wealthy backgrounds and who is to say that is 'pathetic.' If your parents are willing and able to support you, what's the problem?

Reply 45

NW8_SW1_EC3

e-lover

My parents don't want me to move out. Perhaps I'm an exception :s-smilie:

Same.

Reply 46

Schmokie Dragon

If you have your own money, or have ways of getting money without distrupting your education too much, you should stand on your own to feet as much as that money will allow.

Reply 47

Helenia

ohyeahoh

Can I ask..where did you go that forced you to go to school on a saturday and work a 12 hour day! Thats horrible :frown:

Here. We didn't "work" a 12 hour day, but I left the house at 7:30am to catch the bus and didn't get home till about 7:15pm. We had a fairly normal amount of teaching hours - except Weds and Sat when the afternoons were for sport - but lots of extra-curricular stuff all over the place; loads of sport, music etc. So our days were pretty full and you had to stay till 6:30 even if everything had finished. You could get bits and pieces of work done here and there but couldn't leave early or anything without excuses. We had extra long holidays to make up for it though, so it wasn't all bad.

I remember there was one occasion when I brought up the idea of me getting a job (I think it was just waitressing a couple of evenings a week) and my Mum was dead against it. Not banning me from doing it, but she didn't want me to feel guilty enough that I had to take on more on top of what I already did.

Obviously since my gap year and in uni holidays (we're not allowed jobs in term time) I've had jobs to pay off my overdraft and make a little money for holidays etc, but they weren't so keen on the idea while I was at school.

e-lover

My parents don't want me to move out. Perhaps I'm an exception

Mine didn't really have a choice in my moving out - and they wouldn't have wanted me to stay at home for uni. They've always said that if I ever want or need to come back, I can. I don't know if I will ever need to but if I did, assuming I was working (which I intend to be, once I qualify!) I would definitely pay my contribution. I just don't think that's necessarily a good or required thing when you're still at school/uni.

Reply 48

e-lover

NW8_SW1_EC3

Same.

Perhaps it's an asian thing :p:

. Whenever I mention Uni to my mom she replies with "Who's gonna make your favourite indian dishes :hmmm:

?" "Todays Asian girls can't make anything" lol ... *sigh* bless her :smile:

Reply 49

NW8_SW1_EC3

e-lover

Perhaps it's an asian thing :p:

. Whenever I mention Uni to my mom she replies with "Who's gonna make your favourite indian dishes :hmmm:

?" "Todays Asian girls can't make anything" lol ... *sigh* bless her :smile:

LOL sounds like my mum as well, I was actually about to ask you if you're Asian as I had a feeling!

>16

I was called a scrounger by a friend of mine the other day -

When I was at school, I didn't have a part-time/weekend job. My parents were determined that I shouldn't have anything as practical and mundane as that to detract from my studies. I had two horses to look after, and I needed to see them everyday. I also had army cadets twice a week, and most weekends. I would often be away from 7pm on a Friday to 5pm on a Sunday. They felt that the lessons I was learning there - time management, fittness training, leadership, responsibility were much more useful than sending me to the local cafe to work waitressing shifts would be. I got £75 a month to pay for everything I needed, with the exception of meals and board. Apparently, this makes me a scrounger. The friend who called me this worked long hours at a part-time job since she was about 14. She had lots of savings, but ended up having a nervous break-down around our A Levels and got poorer grades than me, partly as a result of not having as much time to study as she needed.

Reply 52

Kew

When you can afford to move out. I'm 23 and still live with my parents, but only because I'm saving my money so that I can afford to do my MA (which is a professional qualification for the career I want to go into). I'll probably move out for good when I start the MA, which should be September 2009, provided I get onto the course.

Reply 53

IntrovertedExtrovert

I think this largely depends on how your parents react. Some prefer you to be independant as soon as you can afford it, which is about 18. As most people will be either going to university or entering full-time employment. In which case, most would move out unless they travel to uni.
If my parents offered me a car and could afford it i wouldnt say no. But a flat? Id prefer to be more independant and look after myself. I guess those people who are provided for by their parents wouldnt be prepared properly for adult life. Id like to see the shock on their face when they realise they actually have to earn money to pay bills! :O
Personally, my mum says i can stay as long as i want. Which basically means 'stay until you feel you are ready, dont take the mick.' I plan on staying until im about 20 when i go to university. :smile:

Ofcourse i will help out with money, my mum and dad could do with the help but they wont ask me for it.

Reply 54

Robob

atoms4peace

when you're 45 and still single, living at home and spending every waking hour on tsr

Tell your dad I said hi.

Reply 55

Danielle89

Helena in Bristol

I would hope that most parents would bail their child out if they were at uni and about to starve (and hadn't just spent the money stupidly).

Other than that, either when you move out or when you have a full time job, or when you have a part time job that pays extremely well / you do lots of hours.

My parents couldn't afford to do this for me, so unfortunately I don't have the option of my parents bailing me out in tough times. Hence, despite the fact I spend pretty badly, I saved a couple grand before uni using money from a part-time job. It doesnt take that much effort, and it was only one day a week.

Reply 56

geetar

Ask Jeremy Kyle.

Personally, I think that it's okay to move back with your parents after graduating for a year or two, but living with them beyond your mid 20s at the latest is when it starts to look a bit odd.

Reply 57

Danielle89

NW8_SW1_EC3

Maybe not pathetic, but weak not to try it on their own. No point in depending on your parents for too long, how are you supposed to learn how to budget etc, if you have unlimited cashflow?

Reply 58

$loth

brightxburns

When is it no longer acceptable?

Would you consider it pathetic if, for example, someone in their early twenties, no longer at Uni, had a flat and car bought for them by their parents? When is it time to wholly stand on your own two feet?

I wouldn't complain if I were in their position, but if someone was having a lot of their bills, food etc paid by their parents and they were in their twenties I would call that leeching.

Reply 59

Titch89

$loth

I wouldn't complain if I were in their position, but if someone was having a lot of their bills, food etc paid by their parents and they were in their twenties I would call that leeching.