Going condomless for the first time Watch

e-m-i-l-y
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#41
Report 10 years ago
#41
Im on the pill, and Always use a condom aswell. I don't want even a tiny chance of getting little mini-me's.

However the few times i have done it without the guy wearing one, it didn't really feel very much diffrence. Its better for guys, but.. condoms ftw .. i just don't trust something that i can't see acting, if you know what i mean
0
reply
Anonymous #4
#42
Report 10 years ago
#42
(Original post by monty1618)
Because trust doesn't imply commitment. You mean to tell me that if a sexy girl walked up to him and said "You're hott! I wanna screw!" then he wouldn't do it? As much as you might like to say that you trust him not to bang the girl, (very good) chances are that he'd still go through with it.
I think in order to prevent the situation we now have in India and Sub-Saharan Africa occuring in Europe we need to assume the significant majority of people are polygamous. Better rubber up chaps.
reply
Ramryan
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#43
Report 10 years ago
#43
(Original post by SamTheMan)

The pill or the injection have never been substitutes for the condom anyway. If you want to be totally safe, then using the two is wisest.
Come on fella, that's not true. The Pill was engineered as a more reliable solution than condoms. It was part of the post-war sexual enlightment and medical revolution. And it is. What I don't understand is that most people do not realise that, in terms of pregnancy rates, the pill is much much
more effective way of preventing pregnancy than the condom is, it's biology. If there's no egg to fertilise, then the woman can't get pregnant, even if she was positivly drowning in sperm (apologies for the image there)

This is of course assuming that both methods are used as they're designed to be. The so-called "perfect" use.

It's true that using both, would technically be safer. But, it's like wearing a scuba diving suit just to go swimming at your swimming pool. One is enough, you don't need both.

However of course, the condoms saving grace is it's capacity to prevent STD's. The pill obviously, does not provide any protection there. If STD's did not exist, then I'm pretty sure The Pill would be the main source of contraception.

Long standing couples that have been regularly checked have nothing to fear though.

There's a hell of a lot of misinformation out there.
0
reply
SamTheMan
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#44
Report 10 years ago
#44
Yes many of you might still be living in the years after WW2 regarding condoms but something else happened since then: the 80s and awareness about AIDS and other STIs.

Most people know that the pill is a more efficient form of birth control, at least the girls in this thread know this and probably the original poster knows this.

The main assumption here regarding the choice of contraception is "if I won't get a baby, everything's fine". There are far worse problems than having a baby: for example not ever being able to have a child. It's ok to be having sex without any desire of having a baby but it's incredibly naive and immature to assume that that's the worst that can happen to you. You shouldn't be having sex if you don't have the maturity required to deal with pregnancy (even if it's unwanted).

The 80s saw the scare of AIDS that most people at the time thought was linked to the homosexual community. All western countries launched massive campaigns for safe sex and condom use, especially when they realised that it was among heterosexual couples that the disease was spreading at the fastest rate. With that, came greater awareness of other STIs.

A lot of kids, basically because of the culture around them, are growing up assuming that STIs are no big deal (the worst would be *shock horror* for Mummy to find I made a girl pregnant...) when there's a quarter of teens who already have an STI and they're spreading fast. You guys might not find the idea of some disease-ridden girl or guy unattractive and don't care as long as you have your fun, but personally to me, it's a massive turn-off.

http://www.avert.org/stdstatisticuk.htm
http://www.parliament.uk/documents/upload/POSTpn217.pdf

Why you don't get the point of the condoms+pill approach is because of the assumption that STIs are no big deal. Sure, if you're willing to make the step of trusting someone to the point that you believe they will always be faithful, and get yourselves tested, then that wouldn't be an issue. The thing is, a lot of people don't even bother with the testing bit, or just trust anyone. Hence the rise in STIs.

I personally don't think that condoms should be stopped until you're well into a very long-term relationship ESPECIALLY when you're in your teens: that's when you're most likely to trust the wrong person or at least get the wrong idea about them i.e. think they're in love with you when it's actually more of a sexual satisfaction thing and some people are prepared to go with that kind of arrangement for ages, while waiting for better opportunities. I know a number of mates like that who have their girlfriends totally into the idea of a serious relationship. The teenage years is when you're likely to change partners most frequently and also most likely to cheat.

Yes, it's all good and well saying "I'm in a stable relationship" and I'm sure a number of people on here have the right approach but a lot of people get it wrong. That's what condoms are there for.
0
reply
Helenia
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#45
Report 10 years ago
#45
(Original post by SamTheMan)
Helenia, I guess it's only in my experience then but every single girl I've slept with was on the pill when I met them and no, I don't think them all going around having casual sex was the reason...
Yes, there are some who are on it the whole time. But in my experience of my friends, most of us aren't if we're not in a relationship/having semi-regular sex. If anything, I'd think being on the pill all the time just in case you have a one night stand is likely to make you even more careless about condoms.

Also, I'm far from being a teen, so please don't assume that everyone going without condoms is an irresponsible badly educated teenager. IIRC you're only a year or two older than me, and I certainly don't remember having the AIDS scare drilled into my head on a regular basis.
0
reply
SamTheMan
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#46
Report 10 years ago
#46
I was never repeatedly told about the risk of AIDS but condoms became a lot more popular following this period. I'm sure you remember important awareness campaigns focused clearly on the use of condoms. Durex was quite a small company that catered to a small userbase before the 80s, even before then, many condoms were reuseable. It's only recently that the use of condoms has been accepted as making common sense. It seems that we're slowly going back to the dark ages in terms of protection. The more people make the mistake of thinking "I trust this person, they must be clean", the more they help STIs to spread. Sure, going without condoms can be an option if you both really want to and both get tested (how often does that happen though?) but from the sound of some of the posts, some people assume that as soon as you're boyfriend/girlfriend there's no need for a condom if you're on the pill because after all "my boyfriend/girlfriend would never be the kind of person to have an STI".

There are plenty of people in serious relationships with their boyfriend/girlfriend who regularly go to boots to buy condoms. If that wasn't the case, then the only people who would ever buy condoms would be the people who are hoping for a shag the next Saturday night.

From all the posts, there just seems to be a general indifference regarding STIs. When people say "What's the point of condoms if I'm using the pill. As long as I don't get a baby...." without even mentioning the possibility of contracting an STI, you realise it's not that surprising that there are so many problems with diseases.

Back to the information campaigns... the only reason why there are fewer awareness campaigns is because the risk of HIV among heterosexuals was somewhat overestimated. What was before a campaign to save lives, is now just a campaign to avoid people having wart-infested genitalia. You can't attract the same kind of funds (the current TV advert campaign about STIs on the rise and use a condom if you want respect are pretty lame efforts) especially when most MPs might be thinking "if these kids are stupid enough to catch such disgusting diseases then that's their problem, they'll just have to live with it".
0
reply
Helenia
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#47
Report 10 years ago
#47
(Original post by SamTheMan)
I was never repeatedly told about the risk of AIDS but condoms became a lot more popular following this period. I'm sure you remember important awareness campaigns focused clearly on the use of condoms. Durex was quite a small company that catered to a small userbase before the 80s, even before then, many condoms were reuseable. It's only recently that the use of condoms has been accepted as making common sense. It seems that we're slowly going back to the dark ages in terms of protection. The more people make the mistake of thinking "I trust this person, they must be clean", the more they help STIs to spread. Sure, going without condoms can be an option if you both really want to and both get tested (how often does that happen though?) but from the sound of some of the posts, some people assume that as soon as you're boyfriend/girlfriend there's no need for a condom if you're on the pill because after all "my boyfriend/girlfriend would never be the kind of person to have an STI".
I think we must be assuming different things about posters here then. Maybe it's because I've spent so long bashing it into people (as have several of the others in this thread), but my assumption here is that when someone says "We're both clean" it means that they've both been tested. I'm not sure how often it happens in the general population but it's certainly my personal rule.

(Original post by SamTheMan)
There are plenty of people in serious relationships with their boyfriend/girlfriend who regularly go to boots to buy condoms. If that wasn't the case, then the only people who would ever buy condoms would be the people who are hoping for a shag the next Saturday night.

From all the posts, there just seems to be a general indifference regarding STIs. When people say "What's the point of condoms if I'm using the pill. As long as I don't get a baby...." without even mentioning the possibility of contracting an STI, you realise it's not that surprising that there are so many problems with diseases.

Back to the information campaigns... the only reason why there are fewer awareness campaigns is because the risk of HIV among heterosexuals was somewhat overestimated. What was before a campaign to save lives, is now just a campaign to avoid people having wart-infested genitalia. You can't attract the same kind of funds (the current TV advert campaign about STIs on the rise and use a condom if you want respect are pretty lame efforts) especially when most MPs might be thinking "if these kids are stupid enough to catch such disgusting diseases then that's their problem, they'll just have to live with it".
A fairly minor point, but condoms don't protect entirely against genital warts or herpes. But I agree, trying to get people to be proactive against some disease they can't see (but which could cause infertility later) is a lot harder.

Maybe I'm just used to hanging out with medics and the H&R population, but an awful lot of people on here know about the risks of STIs and aren't being indifferent at all. You are, however, correct that there are a lot of people who don't think about it and as a result end up catching something - but most of them are probably not regular H&R posters, so I think you're rather preaching to the converted here! If other couples want to spend their money on condoms, that's fine. I just don't think it's necessary, and I don't think I'm being irresponsible by deciding that.
0
reply
boxface
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#48
Report 10 years ago
#48
I can't be bothered to write a more lengthy reply, but Sam, you clearly have trust issues!
0
reply
SamTheMan
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#49
Report 10 years ago
#49
(Original post by boxface)
I can't be bothered to write a more lengthy reply, but Sam, you clearly have trust issues!
Not at all actually. It's just a matter of using condoms as a second nature in my case. I don't ask myself if I trust or don't trust my partner or if I'm trustworthy: I just use condoms as do many mature, adult people in relationships. Not using condoms is a choice you take well into a relationship and one that I've only considered once despite having had a few relationships that lasted over 3 months. It's when people start thinking that using condoms is some kind of chore, a nuisance, that they start taking risks.

(Original post by Helenia)
I think we must be assuming different things about posters here then. Maybe it's because I've spent so long bashing it into people (as have several of the others in this thread), but my assumption here is that when someone says "We're both clean" it means that they've both been tested. I'm not sure how often it happens in the general population but it's certainly my personal rule.
Most of the people you're talking to haven't even started uni so when people say they're in a serious long-term relationship at 15, I question it. Not because it's not possible but because it's less likely. Whether they may think they're in a serious relationship is a different matter... Sure, I knew loads of people who at 15 or 16 were "madly in love" after 3 weeks, and pretty much thought they were set up, in the same way that a 25-year old who's been in a 3-year relationship would. Maybe I'm seeing something that you don't see or that isn't there but what strikes me is the number of posts from people who are clearly mistaken about their relationship status. These people who claim to have been tested and to be in a serious relationship, they are far from being a majority among people on here who do not use condoms.

There are obvious reasons why many clinics recommend that couples at uni use condoms. What is questionnable isn't the sole use of the pill and thus no protection against STIs by couples, it's the number of people who think that they're in a serious relationship. It's very easy and natural to think you're in a serious relationship before you are, even more so when you're young. These are the reasons behind the promotion of condom use. It's not all about people getting a quick shag in the local park. All I'm saying is that getting tested and stopping using condoms is a big step that should be pondered over and certainly isn't something to do only a few weeks into a relationship.

The focus in a lot of threads on the possibility of pregnancy and not on STIs, in a lot of threads about contraception is pretty obvious to me. It's the worry of becoming pregnant that is on a lot of people's minds and STIs clearly take a back seat and STIs are far more than just things you don't see that can make you infertile... far more unpleasant than that.
As for claiming that condoms are a waste of money, I don't find that a very wise or informative or even constructive comment. There are plenty of ways of purchasing condoms on the cheap, either from your local clinic or even online.
0
reply
death.drop
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#50
Report 10 years ago
#50
(Original post by SamTheMan)
Most of the people you're talking to haven't even started uni so when people say they're in a serious long-term relationship at 15, I question it. Not because it's not possible but because it's less likely. Whether they may think they're in a serious relationship is a different matter... Sure, I knew loads of people who at 15 or 16 were "madly in love" after 3 weeks, and pretty much thought they were set up, in the same way that a 25-year old who's been in a 3-year relationship would. Maybe I'm seeing something that you don't see or that isn't there but what strikes me is the number of posts from people who are clearly mistaken about their relationship status. These people who claim to have been tested and to be in a serious relationship, they are far from being a majority among people on here who do not use condoms.
I don't know where you got that information about the people posting in this thread. How can you know that they are mistaken about their relationship status? or that they haven't even started uni yet (not that i see why that makes a whole lot of difference)?
by the way, when I was younger I didn't know of a single friend who thought they were madly in love after 3 weeks. most of my friends were waiting about 6 months before sleeping with their partner which is a lot more than they seem to wait now that they're older. They were also very careful about contraception, probably slightly more careful than they are now.

to be honest it just sounds like you must know very immature and irresponsible people and have issues with trust (if you think nobody can really trust their partner not to cheat on them without a condom).
0
reply
Helenia
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#51
Report 10 years ago
#51
(Original post by SamTheMan)
As for claiming that condoms are a waste of money, I don't find that a very wise or informative or even constructive comment. There are plenty of ways of purchasing condoms on the cheap, either from your local clinic or even online.
Please show me where I said they're a waste of money? I said I don't think they're necessary for me and my relationship. Obviously for other people they are.

As for the rest of your post, I think you are probably right about the general population, but not the people in this thread, most of whom have shown a very mature attitude.
0
reply
SamTheMan
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#52
Report 10 years ago
#52
(Original post by death.drop)
I don't know where you got that information about the people posting in this thread. How can you know that they are mistaken about their relationship status? or that they haven't even started uni yet (not that i see why that makes a whole lot of difference)?
by the way, when I was younger I didn't know of a single friend who thought they were madly in love after 3 weeks. most of my friends were waiting about 6 months before sleeping with their partner which is a lot more than they seem to wait now that they're older. They were also very careful about contraception, probably slightly more careful than they are now.
I don't know why you feel concerned by my comment about people misevaluating their relationship and feel that you have to prove that you're not one of those.
If what you say is true, I very much doubt it applies to that many people.
(Original post by death.drop)
to be honest it just sounds like you must know very immature and irresponsible people and have issues with trust (if you think nobody can really trust their partner not to cheat on them without a condom).
I'm well in my 20s so I KNEW a lot of very immature and irresponsible people. With hindsight, you see that a lot of people had the wrong ideas about their relationships. Safe sex campaigns struggle so much with trying to explain to young people that they need to use condoms because they have totally wrong ideas about what constitutes a serious relationship and the situtations when condoms should be used.
It's pretty worrying when people think that using condoms in a relationship shows that you have trust issues... (yes sure, if you're tested and have been in a LONG-term adult relationship and particularly enjoy going without condoms).
In your teens, yes I think you should have trust issues. But whatever, I must be talking rubbish. There's no problem with STIs out there especially among young people. That's just something that happens to other people, only skanks catch STIs... :rolleyes:
0
reply
SamTheMan
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#53
Report 10 years ago
#53
(Original post by Helenia)
Please show me where I said they're a waste of money? I said I don't think they're necessary for me and my relationship. Obviously for other people they are.
If other couples want to spend their money on condoms, that's fine.
Bascially insinuating slyly that using condoms in a couple doesn't make financial sense. I don't even think that the financial aspect should come into it consider how cheaply you can get condoms.
(Original post by Helenia)
As for the rest of your post, I think you are probably right about the general population, but not the people in this thread, most of whom have shown a very mature attitude.
I can't even remember the people in this thread. But yes with the number of people on here who don't seem that concerned about using condoms, who think that they're not necessary and are clearly misinformed...
0
reply
death.drop
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#54
Report 10 years ago
#54
(Original post by SamTheMan)
I don't know why you feel concerned by my comment about people misevaluating their relationship and feel that you have to prove that you're not one of those.
i don't feel the need to prove that i'm not one of those. i've already explained my situation. I just think you were really patronising and was wondering how you came to these assumptions.

It's pretty worrying when people think that using condoms in a relationship shows that you have trust issues... (yes sure, if you're tested and have been in a LONG-term adult relationship and particularly enjoy going without condoms).
I don't think that using condoms in itself shows you have trust issues. I think that your attitude that there's every chance your partner will cheat on you, not use protection, contract an STD and then carry on sleeping with you shows you have trust issues.

In your teens, yes I think you should have trust issues. But whatever, I must be talking rubbish. There's no problem with STIs out there especially among young people. That's just something that happens to other people, only skanks catch STIs... :rolleyes:
I never said that only skanks catch STIs, Nor am I saying that being in a relationship means your partner won't cheat on you. I'm just saying that for some couples it is perfectly safe to not use condoms, because both partners are responsible people. that certainly covers most of my friends, and did back when we were 15/16. probably more so back then as certain people have become much more relaxed when it comes to contraception and now, in their 20s, are taking a lot more risks than they were back then.

anyway, we seem to be agreeing, just coming from different directions.
0
reply
Helenia
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#55
Report 10 years ago
#55
(Original post by SamTheMan)
Bascially insinuating slyly that using condoms in a couple doesn't make financial sense. I don't even think that the financial aspect should come into it consider how cheaply you can get condoms.

I can't even remember the people in this thread. But yes with the number of people on here who don't seem that concerned about using condoms, who think that they're not necessary and are clearly misinformed...
Meh, I didn't mean that they're a waste of money. I could equally have said "If other couples want to use condoms," the point is that I don't see the need in my current relationship for reasons already given. Misinterpret as you will, I can't be arsed any more. You always have such a dismal view of people.
0
reply
SamTheMan
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#56
Report 10 years ago
#56
(Original post by death.drop)
i don't feel the need to prove that i'm not one of those. i've already explained my situation. I just think you were really patronising and was wondering how you came to these assumptions.
I don't think that using condoms in itself shows you have trust issues. I think that your attitude that there's every chance your partner will cheat on you, not use protection, contract an STD and then carry on sleeping with you shows you have trust issues.
Why are you talking about that scenario? Is this something you're worried about?
I simply said, repeatedly, that not using condoms is a bigger step than a lot of people on here realise.
(Original post by death.drop)
I never said that only skanks catch STIs, Nor am I saying that being in a relationship means your partner won't cheat on you. I'm just saying that for some couples it is perfectly safe to not use condoms, because both partners are responsible people. that certainly covers most of my friends, and did back when we were 15/16. probably more so back then as certain people have become much more relaxed when it comes to contraception and now, in their 20s, are taking a lot more risks than they were back then.

anyway, we seem to be agreeing, just coming from different directions.
You've got to realise that when people set guidelines for safe sex, it's not based on one or two people's experiences: what you're describing is a totally 100% personal experience. In their teens, young people are at a much higher risk of catching STIs than in their 20s, based on social behaviours that people receive very high salaries to evaluate.
It's when you're in your teens, that you're more likely to misevaluate a relationship, that you have a high chance of being cheated on, that you're likely to have shorter relationships and people are likely to have simultaneous partners (i.e. seeing several people). It's quite serious and documented stuff. It seems crazy to be 15/16 and think that it's ok not to use condoms.
It's not wise just to say stuff "well in my situation, I never had a problem". In the same way, people can say "well I've never used a condom ever and I've never contracted an STI so that means that anyone who tells me I should use a condom is just scare-mongering and has trust issues".
0
reply
death.drop
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#57
Report 10 years ago
#57
(Original post by SamTheMan)
You've got to realise that when people set guidelines for safe sex, it's not based on one or two people's experiences: what you're describing is a totally 100% personal experience.
how have I not realised that? I'm only talking about where people were ok not using condoms, obviously I knew people who would be idiotic not to use condoms as well, i'm just trying to explain why it's ok for some people regardless of age and why not all young people are the dumb, irrespsonsible, immature people you think they are.

In their teens, young people are at a much higher risk of catching STIs than in their 20s, based on social behaviours that people receive very high salaries to evaluate.
It's when you're in your teens, that you're more likely to misevaluate a relationship, that you have a high chance of being cheated on, that you're likely to have shorter relationships and people are likely to have simultaneous partners (i.e. seeing several people). It's quite serious and documented stuff.
I'm not disagreeing with any of that, just saying for some people it is perfectly ok. whereas you seemed to be saying that it's not really ok for anyone except people who have been together a very long time and are in their 20s or older.

It seems crazy to be 15/16 and think that it's ok not to use condoms.
I think that really depends on the person. for most people it would be crazy, for some not so much.

It's not wise just to say stuff "well in my situation, I never had a problem". In the same way, people can say "well I've never used a condom ever and I've never contracted an STI so that means that anyone who tells me I should use a condom is just scare-mongering and has trust issues".
Ok for a start those two things aren't the same at all. secondly, i don't think anyone has really said anything like the second thing.

that's me done. I think i've said everything i can and you just can't accept that some young people actually are responsible.
0
reply
SamTheMan
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#58
Report 10 years ago
#58
This is just about advice. I'll recognise that SOME young people are indeed responsible enough and won't be running any risk but how does that help anyone at all? How does it help to know that some people can go around driving under the influence of alcohol and never have an accident? That's simply not advice.

when asked if they're among the few people who are mature enough to evaluate the situation correctly, what do most people think? :rolleyes: Of course they think they're one of those few people.

God, if I spoke to most of my friends back when we were in our teens, especially the girls, they were all convinced they were mature adults who knew everything because they'd read Cosmo Girl or Just Seventeen. How wrong were they...
The reason why there are guidelines for safe sex is because they will help the majority of people. It provides zero help to say "if you're mature enough, it's ok" because everyone thinks they're mature enough, that's the point.

When providing advice, it's quite essential to separate your personal situation from the advice you're providing, to the point that yes you can sometimes become hypocritical (I have never said that I personally have never taken any risk in this area). Too often, people give advice based almost entirely on their personal situation, because they want to reassure themselves.
0
reply
death.drop
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#59
Report 10 years ago
#59
when did we say we were giving advice? this was just a thread about the feeling of going from condoms to hormonal contraceptive.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#60
Report Thread starter 10 years ago
#60
this thread has got weirrdddd...

if both partners get tested every 6 months i honestly do not see a harm in going condomless if hormonal contraception is used....
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Are you chained to your phone?

Yes (6)
16.67%
Yes, but I'm trying to cut back (17)
47.22%
Nope, not that interesting (13)
36.11%

Watched Threads

View All
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise