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How to deal with being a loner watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Minusaletter89)
    Talking to people with the same or simular musical intersat will help also..
    As i said, i dont look like a person who like those genres
    If you get my drift....
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    Just deal with it. Get good grades, go to a decent uni, try make friends there, if that fails get decent degree, get good job, make friends there. If that fails you'll be more than used to being alone by then.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have many aquaintences
    i need and want friends
    Talk to your acquaintances more and try to talk to them just before lunch so you have an excuse to go to lunch with them.
    • #2
    #2

    ye i'm in year 13 of college.

    I find that most people I meet are incredibly shallow, as people. It is quite frightening and I question whether this is how the youth of today is or whether I am going mad! Such scum and flth in my college it makes me sick. Now and then I even hang around people I don't tbh want to out of loneliness in college lmao.
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    (Original post by bass_belle)
    I don't have any friends to be honest. I have the odd aquaintence but i am much more happy in my own company - i spend all my time with my other half aswell. I havnt had friends since i was about well.... ever. The friends i get, always betray me. i gave up and concentrated on my studies and passed
    That's pretty much me tbh - I don't really socialise outside of school Because I was bullied at my last school, I'm really wary of people because they've really made my life a misery in the past. I do have quite a few friends AT school, it's just I never really want it to go much more than that.... That and I have a shy streak, I can't object to things people say, or get the front to ask them to hang out. I wait for them to ask me. The one person I'm closest to, as in best friend is 3 years younger than me and it's because of the fact they never knew me inside school, just as a mentor sort of thing.

    Hopefully Uni will make things more interesting. The funny thing is I'm perfectly happy as I am. I sound like a right weirdo!
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    (Original post by Choccielatte)
    That's pretty much me tbh - I don't really socialise Hopefully Uni will make things more interesting. The funny thing is I'm perfectly happy as I am. I sound like a right weirdo!
    You don't sound wierd at all. You sound just like me. :yep:

    Yeah, i've found that most people in school are shallow. They have tendencies of only making friends with the people who will make them popular. Most of them dont even have pesonalities. You ask them what they like, they'll say something they know that other people won't disagree with.

    When you get to University(assuming you want to go) this will all change. The people in University are smart (usually) and mature. They don't all care about the popularity and they have personalities of their own.

    If you want to meet a great bunch of people, go to University. It's well worth it.
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    (Original post by KardKaper)
    You don't sound wierd at all. You sound just like me. :yep:
    Obviously, the first implies the second.
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    **** everyone, everyone at college, (almost) everyone I know.
    Forget them, and get the best damn A Levels you can.
    I've lost too many friends now to really care. Most of the time im on my own now in the library etc.

    ...but heres the good bit. then...Move away (like me) leave everyone behind (bye bye you shallow lot) and go to UNI.

    Is my new plan for now. Hardly "pro active" in solving the short term problems though.

    Try not to let it get you down, things will only get worse if you think that way.
    Things will improve in the future, Just do your best.
    I'm doing something similar to this, but I'm gonna maintain three friendships because they are the only friends I feel that have similar ambitions i.e. have a good job lol and they are probably the only people i will stay in touch with at uni.
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    Don't worry about it too much. I was something of a loner mainly due to innate shyness and having been bullied terribly. When you get to Uni you'll have a clean slate so to speak, and what's more so will everybody else just join societies, go to socials, get to know people on your course, et cetera.
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    Eat lots
    take up smoking
    get a car
    read stuff
    If education is going well, carry on
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    Become the cooliest loser in the whole widest world.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Right, i've accepted that i will never have a best friend, social life etc
    The people i want to hang out with don't bother with me, i dont want to be friends with people i secretly despise.
    People have already formed their friends, they are not looking for anymore
    I went to a college not 6th form and experienced this....I just want help on how to deal with the lonelyness, i dont want to be distracted by it and then flunk my A-levels, that would make me a double loser
    Is there any one else like me who have no real friends, never gone out sociallly and is always at home at the weekends at 16.
    Many thanks.
    Being a loner means you have more time to do what you want. So you can do more work and still have time to listen to music/ read lots of interesting books/ watch TV/ films, surf the net and go on random walks to nice places etc etc.
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    (Original post by Calira)
    Music.
    I guess there's some genre of music you like more than others. I've sat down many a time and just started browsing for some new music to listen to, only to realise I've spent a whole day doing it.
    I started off by just looking through Wikipedia - which seems to have decent lists of bands in a genre (example); but there are far better websites around; like this one if you're into metal; this one for prog rock, etc.

    Might not float your boat, but I can easily lose hours in the metal archives :yep:
    Nightwish :yep:
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Right, i've accepted that i will never have a best friend, social life etc
    The people i want to hang out with don't bother with me, i dont want to be friends with people i secretly despise.
    People have already formed their friends, they are not looking for anymore
    I went to a college not 6th form and experienced this....I just want help on how to deal with the lonelyness, i dont want to be distracted by it and then flunk my A-levels, that would make me a double loser
    Is there any one else like me who have no real friends, never gone out sociallly and is always at home at the weekends at 16.
    Many thanks.
    seriously- you can't be that old if you're on here
    you have to learn to get on with people- it will take a long time (months before you start to notice a real change)
    try to be more generous towards people- always take an interest and be sympathetic- remember you can never know whats going on inside another persons head- appearances are always deceptive
    there are almost 6 billion people on the planet- if you think none of them are worthy of being your friend thats just arrogant and stupid
    its easy to think people have got to come to you (I didn't notice I was doing this until recently)- you have to try and actively get to know people
    Im 18 and have had this problem since I was 13- I feel like a total failure sometimes- its hard, but Ive finally realised that I just have to work at it- learn how to be friendly
    remember things will get easier when you leave school- but you will always take your problems with you- this has taken me years to learn
    even if after a year, youve only made one close friend or a few more superficial ones-thats a start, and it will make a massive difference to your life
    also- I felt like this particularly acutely a few weeks back, and noticed a new forum on tsr almost daily of people who felt the same way and were in exactly the same position
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    just remember that school is incredibly important- work hard, get yourself a direction, and chances are at 25 (or even more so at 35 or 45) you will be happier than all those überpopular people who look like their having a blast at 16
    my mum recently went to her school reunion- she was a loner at school- she never had a boyfriend or many friends and never went out, but when she meets these people 40 years on, she told me there wasn't one person at that reunion she would have rather been- and the high-flyer head girl with the best looking boyfriend at 18 and supposedly the perfect life is now divorced and unhappy
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    (Original post by graveyarddreams)
    Nightwish :yep:
    They don't take long to find.. even if somehow you haven't heard of them to start with :p:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Right, i've accepted that i will never have a best friend, social life etc
    The people i want to hang out with don't bother with me, i dont want to be friends with people i secretly despise.
    People have already formed their friends, they are not looking for anymore
    I went to a college not 6th form and experienced this....I just want help on how to deal with the lonelyness, i dont want to be distracted by it and then flunk my A-levels, that would make me a double loser
    Is there any one else like me who have no real friends, never gone out sociallly and is always at home at the weekends at 16.
    Many thanks.
    You sound exactly like me! I have never ever had a best friend in my whole life. I don't trust people because they have abused my trust in the past. And i am shy in real life and find socialising extremely difficult. I spent a year living out at uni but it was terrible because i was always alone and it sucked! for the last year I have been living at home and commuting (changed uni), and I have been much better. I have basicalyl come to accept that i'm a loner and will probably be one forever, so why try to change? Just live/work around it. When i have all day lectures at uni i go to a museum or library (or sit alone and eat quickly). If i have a few hours to spare i take train home and eat/browse net. I only have class 'friends', whom i talk to in lessons - outside lectures and class i am alone again - it sucks but what can you do? It's life. I hope hearing my story puts fellow loners at ease
    • #4
    #4

    I'm a massive loner, I have no friends and I have no clue how to socialise. I don't think anyone should go through the suffering of being a loner. I really would love some good friends but I have no idea how, my childhood really affected how I am now. Right now if I got an easy "in your face" chance to make friends I would take it so quickly. I really regret not taking the chances I got when I was younger. I have also applied for jobs but no luck after a year..
    • #5
    #5

    We all should read this , http://www.succeedsocially.com/

    ALot of the stuff on there is how lonely people think, I was surprised myself, just spend abit of time reading and try to apply the advice, it will take time and things will start to change...

    I myself am going through things, and am now at uni try to get a social life, I cant handle being lonely anymore at home doing squat. I want to enjoy life, meet new people, have girlfriends etc...

    Sometimes I find I think about things too much, you just have to take it as it comes and be friendly to other people, talk to them, ask questions etc. You will come accross someone eventually that has the same thinking as you do, this is what I tell myself all the time.

    I also think to myself that because I have been alone not socialising with many people for many years, the non socialable person has become my personality, so you when people say "be yourself", you think, so what should I just accept that I find it hard to make small talk with people and think, oh I am being myself...

    Life can be so confusing, you can see ive been thinking loads tonight, thats why i am reading all these threads of tsr !
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I just dislike being alone for the whole time
    I want to enjoy and live life, it just feels as if i'm wasting the best years of my life....
 
 
 
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