Depression Society MkII

Yea, I'm on facebook. All my friends that I have on it are where I used to live in Cornwall. Going down there isn't an issue, it's accomodation thats the problem. I occasionally go down the local club, but I tend not to stay to long as it gets to busy for my liking. I always end up going on my own. and I try to talk to people, but I never get anywhere and i'm beginning to think it's because i'm such a s**t person. I really do hate myself.

how am I this depressed today? I just want to kill myself. I don't want to be on this course. I have dreams every night that im back at school taking a qualifications I don't need and that I don't care about, and it's obviously because staying here is playing on my mind and seems pointless. I don't know what to do though.

But you did need those qualifications and if you didn't have them you would care. they've got you where you are now and what you're doing now will shape the rest of your life.
why don't you want to be on your course?

that's hardly the point, is it? The point of the dream is that I know I'm doing something pointless and worthless and expensive just because it's a masters from Oxford when really I don't need or want it.

how am I this depressed today? I just want to kill myself. I don't want to be on this course. I have dreams every night that im back at school taking a qualifications I don't need and that I don't care about, and it's obviously because staying here is playing on my mind and seems pointless. I don't know what to do though.

I was just pointing out that you could also read your dream as telling you it's worth sticking it out, despite how you feel at the moment. just depends how you look at it.
if you don't need or want it then why are you there?

I know what you mean about qualifications that you don't care about and don't need. Education seems so pointless to me at the minute. In fact, everything seems pointless which is why I've spent the whole day in tears sitting on my bed doing nothing at all.

i don't feel education is pointless, I would never have quit my BA, I just don't have a reason to be here- what do I need an MSt for? In Art History ffs?

why would my dream be protraying the opposite to what I feel?

I think you're missing my point. and totally ignoring the questions.

If it's making you so unhappy and you don't need it then why are you staying?

you could try joining groups for anything local, as well as just clubs and pubs. get talking to people on the wall thing, then if you met them it would be easier as you'd already know each other a bit. I'm terrible in social situations and most of my friends got to know me at first online.
My current best friend is the chef in my hotel. I added him on facebook, we got chatting and it went from there. I'm fairly certain that without taking away the pressure of *shock horror* face to face interaction we never would have said two words to each other and I'd have missed out on a really great friendship.

You're not a ****** person for not liking it too busy, it just makes it a bit more difficult to find people who you click with.

Vapid, you're only still in your degree course because it's the done thing, because you feel it's expected, right? It's some kind of direction or purpose in your life that you need. Something else outside your degree to focus on and aim to preserve. Although you probably knew all that already. I'm pretty much in the same boat though.

I am literally scared to go to sleep. This is pathetic. definitely picking up my prescription tomorrow.

how come? insomnia? dreams?

I'm not planning on sleeping. For both the above reasons. Just drank a bottle of Sake while watching Zulu. Go me!