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    (Original post by ScaryScience)
    Yeah. in the same position. in the middle of exams and done approximately 0 revision. remember, whatever happens, a set of exams do not define you. it isn't the be all and end all and you can do good things. university is far from everything.
    Tell that to my parents.
    Though I must say, something has set in me. I feel like I'll actually properly revise for my resits. Whether that's true or not, remains to be seen.

    Just really struggling. Argh!
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    Feel like such a ****bag.

    Got a message from a guy I was in rehab with. It was really nice and he was just asking after me but unfortunately he had to kick a door down and get me to hospital after I passed out in the bathroom and then later saw me being carted off to hospital when things really deteriorated.

    He was telling me he has a cousin with a similar problem and living with me and seeing what I did in that state was traumatic to him.

    I know I am selfish and have been but I guess I don't take enough time to really think how I have impacted on peoples' lives. I have caused so much trauma and upset through my actions and behaviour.
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    Me going into school tomorrow is seeming like a really bad idea...

    Spoilered for the rant. Sorry.
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    My head of year has decided that i can't use my timeout card because if i do he won't give me a reference that i need... I honestly think he doesn't understand because he calls it a strop out card and its stupid because me saying "sir can i..." or something like that isn't being stroppy, is it? It's being sensible because it helps me realise my feelings and I'm able to leave the situation before i make things worse for myself. Because getting excluded for behaviours brought on by my anxiety is a crappy thing for him to do to me in the first place, i don't really want him to do it again and i just know that things are going to go wrong and I'm honestly not sure if i can cope with my anxiety in the first place and everything i try isn't really working for me at all right now and i really don't know what to do anymore. :cry:
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    (Original post by senz72)
    Tell that to my parents.
    Though I must say, something has set in me. I feel like I'll actually properly revise for my resits. Whether that's true or not, remains to be seen.

    Just really struggling. Argh!
    Ach sod your parents. I get they're strict and stuff but really, you're an adult and can make your own choices. if they're disappointed, let them be disappointed. there's worse things in the world. I'm sorry that you're struggling so much and truly hope that things improve soon.
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    I wish my flatmate would realise I can't help getting a fright whenever she sneaks up behind me if i'm cooking or when there's a sudden loud noise. I can't help that my automatic reaction is to think something terrible is going to happen but she seems to get confused about why I'd feel uncomfortable every time it happens

    Also I meant to go to bed hours ago but here I am
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    (Original post by Odd socks)
    I wish my flatmate would realise I can't help getting a fright whenever she sneaks up behind me if i'm cooking or when there's a sudden loud noise. I can't help that my automatic reaction is to think something terrible is going to happen but she seems to get confused about why I'd feel uncomfortable every time it happens

    Also I meant to go to bed hours ago but here I am
    Could just just ask her not to? Because you don't like it?
    You don't need to understand why somebody has a boundary in order to not cross it, you just don't do whatever makes them uncomfortable.

    Case in point: I have finally finally got to the point at uni that people have stopped trying to hug me.
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    Anxiousness is back
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    (Original post by Odd socks)
    I wish my flatmate would realise I can't help getting a fright whenever she sneaks up behind me if i'm cooking or when there's a sudden loud noise. I can't help that my automatic reaction is to think something terrible is going to happen but she seems to get confused about why I'd feel uncomfortable every time it happens

    Also I meant to go to bed hours ago but here I am
    Funnily enough, I've noticed that I'm exactly like this. I always tend to have my eye on the door when I'm in a room, and can get quite unsettled in response to noises around the house.
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    (Original post by Valvopus)
    Could just just ask her not to? Because you don't like it?
    You don't need to understand why somebody has a boundary in order to not cross it, you just don't do whatever makes them uncomfortable.

    Case in point: I have finally finally got to the point at uni that people have stopped trying to hug me.
    I kind of tried to just there when she knocked stuff over and was like 'why do you look all scared' but I felt silly since she didn't mean to knock it over :/ And like I don't think she means to sneak up on me, she just doesn't think, even though she knows I get scared and one time I was close to jabbing her with the knife I was chopping with cause all I felt was someone coming up behind me out of nowhere
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    (Original post by Emily.97)
    Funnily enough, I've noticed that I'm exactly like this. I always tend to have my eye on the door when I'm in a room, and can get quite unsettled in response to noises around the house.
    Yeah I'm always on edge, even when I know logically I'm safe in my own flat. I've come a long way in terms of anxiety and i'm no longer terrified of literally every person I meet, but I still have little things like needing to know where exits are and getting scared when I hear any noise. Not to mention the dark
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    (Original post by ScaryScience)
    Ach sod your parents. I get they're strict and stuff but really, you're an adult and can make your own choices. if they're disappointed, let them be disappointed. there's worse things in the world. I'm sorry that you're struggling so much and truly hope that things improve soon.
    Thanks Scary. All the best with any exams coming up.
    Exam in 10 hours. Going to stay up for another 5, get 4 hours sleep and sit this darn exam!

    Sorry I haven't been around lately.
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    (Original post by ScaryScience)
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    Yes, I can completely understand that. My eating has always been 'black and white' with no healthy balance so I appreciate it is absolutely not easy. I would say, if in doubt, to eat that little bit more rather than too little though. try not to get obsessed with numbers or anything food related if at all possible, but again, I know this is not easy/thoughts cannot be 'controlled' as such. sorry this is no help whatsoever. having binged for years, then restricted and purged for about a year, and then back to binging, I would personally rather be binging than being in that obsessive restricting cycle again. I know you have been offered a dietician in the past and I wonder if that would be of some use, and if for nothing else, to give you that sort of guideline of what is 'normal' without focusing on calories. Essentially, I would also trust your body - if you are hungry, then eat, if you feel full or satisfied, then try not to. Again, sorry this is obvious/useless.
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    yeah its hard, and because im so up and down with food i feel like my dr will just ignore it.

    I had some yoghurt with nectarine and a bit of syrup to sweeten it, im trying to eat more healthy snacks in the hope i feel better for eating a snack rather than having crisps or chocolate or biscuits.

    The thought of a dietitian is terrifying because my heads in a place where i genuinly dont know what is normal to eat in front of people so having to talk about food with a stranger is gonna be hell.

    Alot of mine kicked off at school cos i was bullied for being fat, so i stopped eating at school and now im terrified of eating in large groups, like i can cope with family seeing me eat, but pretty much anyone else makes me so self concious. So cos i wasnt eating at school id get home and eat loads, then my step dad always commented on my eating, so i started stashing food in my room so he didnt know. And i actually still do it when i go back to my mums, even if i dont eat it i take loads of food up with me.

    :hugs: thanks hun



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    (Original post by senz72)
    Thanks Scary. All the best with any exams coming up.
    Exam in 10 hours. Going to stay up for another 5, get 4 hours sleep and sit this darn exam!

    Sorry I haven't been around lately.
    Thanks, really good luck to you for tomorrow. Whatever happens it is not a reflection of you and does not define you. And no apologies needed, have you left the other site for good now? seen your latest post.

    (Original post by PandaWho)
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    yeah its hard, and because im so up and down with food i feel like my dr will just ignore it.

    I had some yoghurt with nectarine and a bit of syrup to sweeten it, im trying to eat more healthy snacks in the hope i feel better for eating a snack rather than having crisps or chocolate or biscuits.

    The thought of a dietitian is terrifying because my heads in a place where i genuinly dont know what is normal to eat in front of people so having to talk about food with a stranger is gonna be hell.

    Alot of mine kicked off at school cos i was bullied for being fat, so i stopped eating at school and now im terrified of eating in large groups, like i can cope with family seeing me eat, but pretty much anyone else makes me so self concious. So cos i wasnt eating at school id get home and eat loads, then my step dad always commented on my eating, so i started stashing food in my room so he didnt know. And i actually still do it when i go back to my mums, even if i dont eat it i take loads of food up with me.

    :hugs: thanks hun


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    :hugs: It's strange how disordered eating comes about isn't it? I don't really know why my eating went weird but I think it is something which can go a long time without being noticed. I can completely understand those feelings around the dietician, I would be exactly the same. Healthy snacks sound like a good idea. I know its difficult but if these problems continue/get any worse then it might be a good idea to mention it to the GP :hugs:
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    I'm a selfish disappointment to everyone. Don't wanna be a part of it anymore
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    Awwr, how come you're moving back home? Everything ok? :console:

    Hope we can arrange a meet up soon, and good luck with finding a job! :hugs:
    More jobs in the south, and my family are too good to not be close to, those reasons are good enough for me anyways.

    Yeah im hoping once i get a stable job i can plan regular visits, but when money is so tight i just can't afford to do very much :|
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    Today's been terrible. Obsession is returning with access to TSR
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    feeling pretty crisis-y. cant bring myself to ring samaritans
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    (Original post by ScaryScience)
    feeling pretty crisis-y. cant bring myself to ring samaritans
    here if you need anything
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    can't sleep and everythings just going round and round in my mind...
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    (Original post by Midnightmemories)
    can't sleep and everythings just going round and round in my mind...
    :hugs:

    I'm not much good for anything but sending out hugs these days…

    Have you learned meditation? Or got any relaxing music playlists to try and nod off to?
 
 
 
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