Depression Society MkII Watch

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vapid slut magician
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#6781
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#6781
(Original post by Pocket Calculator)
ha. I've blown it, again. Assuming I hadn't totally blown it before. I wave and cry as I watch yet another chance of me actually obtaining some kind of happy life founder on the rocks and keel over before me.
what happened?

I went to the doctor today and asked for the referal, she said it'd take months and suggested some numbers I ring to go to CBT or group things. Then I clarified that I was acutely suicidal and she asked if I had plans; which obviously I do. Do people think you're relying on magic or a really lucky accident to end things? So then she went to speak to a colleague for ages and rang some people and said a CPN would come see me tonight or tomorrow morning- I wasn't free either of those times so she's made me go back to see her on Thursday morning.

I'm terrified now in case they try to lock me up. She did ask if I'd ever been admitted to inpatient care before So basically I don't know if things are better or worse. I was supposed to see the college nurse today but she'd gone home by the time I made it there from the Doctors so I guess I'll have to see her on Thursday. I guess if the college knows then I can get some support. I'm ranting because I don't know how to feel or what's going to happen.
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vapid slut magician
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#6782
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#6782
aghhh stupid visa appointment in london tomorrow, have to get up really early, so not looking forward to gradding myself out of bed before 7am when I don't usually wake up until the afternoon.
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Laus
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#6783
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#6783
I have a 10:15 lecture, so not too bad. Haven't had any alcohol tonight - still hoping I'll sleep. Feel quite low. Just watched a film - was good, but has made me think about life and death, which I cba with right now.
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jonathan122
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#6784
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#6784
(Original post by Laus)
I have a 10:15 lecture, so not too bad. Haven't had any alcohol tonight - still hoping I'll sleep. Feel quite low. Just watched a film - was good, but has made me think about life and death, which I cba with right now.
:hugs:
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Laus
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#6785
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#6785
(Original post by jonathan122)
:hugs:
:hugs:.

How are you?
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*pink_sapphires*
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#6786
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#6786
So worried Gav's going to be mad with me. Sent him a long message on Facebook and he replied saying

'Liz, I will reply when I have spare time. It's 2.30am here and I'm getting up at 7am to go skiing! Please send photos to disco address. Thanks babe. xx'

For some reason, I'm scared he's going to be stern with me because of the way he said my name with no hello or anything. I've just replied saying 'ok, i'll try not to worry that I'm going to get a stern reply later. I can probably guess what you're going to say but please don't be too mean to me
Will send photos in a bit. Hope you enjoy skiing. x'

So scared now. Hate this feeling in the pit of my stomach. Mum's making me go to step class tonight but I really don't want to go to the gym. I hate it so much
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jonathan122
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#6787
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#6787
(Original post by *pink_sapphires*)
So worried Gav's going to be mad with me. Sent him a long message on Facebook and he replied saying

'Liz, I will reply when I have spare time. It's 2.30am here and I'm getting up at 7am to go skiing! Please send photos to disco address. Thanks babe. xx'

For some reason, I'm scared he's going to be stern with me because of the way he said my name with no hello or anything. I've just replied saying 'ok, i'll try not to worry that I'm going to get a stern reply later. I can probably guess what you're going to say but please don't be too mean to me
Will send photos in a bit. Hope you enjoy skiing. x'

So scared now. Hate this feeling in the pit of my stomach. Mum's making me go to step class tonight but I really don't want to go to the gym. I hate it so much
:hugs: I think you're reading too much into it. Do you have anything you could distract yourself with today?
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Pocket Calculator
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#6788
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#6788
(Original post by vapid slut magician)
what happened?
Probably cocked up a potential relationship. Before I'd even spoken to the girl! And this was one who was apparently interested in me before I even knew of her. Might have mentioned her in here before. Made the mistake of telling someone I fancied her, and after a long chain of events I ended up really pissed off and miserable. God, I'm so useless these days. Shame, it was a good day until then. Had some AMAZING blackcurrant shisha with some old mates in town.

So you've applied for help through the university, right? I've never actually tried to get help of any kind yet. I've only been like this for about 18 months though. I can't see them sending you to an asylum though, assuming that's what you're scared of. I had a friend put in one before and it wasn't pretty. She gained a stalker there too.

what's the visa for?
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becki08
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#6789
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#6789
It's Stephanie's birthday today.
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*pink_sapphires*
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#6790
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#6790
(Original post by becki08)
It's Stephanie's birthday today.
:hugs: she'll be partying in heaven don't you worry. she'll be having cake and ice-cream and will be free from pain. xxx
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*pink_sapphires*
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#6791
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#6791
(Original post by jonathan122)
:hugs: I think you're reading too much into it. Do you have anything you could distract yourself with today?
Slowly drinking the Archers, tidying my room and paying off my student loan (i love my mum). I probably am reading too much into it, I know, but that's me. I'm an emotional wreck and a complete idiot. Archers is helping numb the pain though.

How are you? How is uni this week?
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jonathan122
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#6792
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#6792
(Original post by *pink_sapphires*)
Slowly drinking the Archers, tidying my room and paying off my student loan (i love my mum). I probably am reading too much into it, I know, but that's me. I'm an emotional wreck and a complete idiot. Archers is helping numb the pain though.

How are you? How is uni this week?
Uni is ok. Haven't got any more work due in this week, and I'm going home for the weekend on Friday morning.

Great to hear you've got your student loan paid off. :hugs: Have you managed to get anything sorted with regards to courses at the college / jobs yet?

Go easy on the Archers. :hugs:
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*pink_sapphires*
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#6793
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#6793
(Original post by jonathan122)
Uni is ok. Haven't got any more work due in this week, and I'm going home for the weekend on Friday morning.

Great to hear you've got your student loan paid off. :hugs: Have you managed to get anything sorted with regards to courses at the college / jobs yet?

Go easy on the Archers. :hugs:
:hugs: Only had 2 shots over 3 hours. I'm ok. Don't worry. Want more though to stop the pain of life.

I've got a place on the marketing course which should have started at the end of Jan but now isn't starting until the end of Feb. Costs £650 though I need to find from somewhere. Mum's paid off my loan for me to stop interest adding up but she wants the money back at some point so I'm technically still in debt, just not having interest added to it.

Need to get a job and find a course for September. Not sure I want to go to uni now. I want the degree, the experience and the friends but I don't think I can handle a) the debt and b) the people. I'm so strange. I might just do it through an employer or something. Not ideal but better than nothing.

Step class tonight at the gym. I enjoy it but I'm rubbish at it. Cried all the way through last week.

Gav's just sent me a message on facebook chat that says 'your message was LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG.' That's all he's said. Great! lol
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jonathan122
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#6794
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#6794
(Original post by *pink_sapphires*)
:hugs: Only had 2 shots over 3 hours. I'm ok. Don't worry. Want more though to stop the pain of life.

I've got a place on the marketing course which should have started at the end of Jan but now isn't starting until the end of Feb. Costs £650 though I need to find from somewhere. Mum's paid off my loan for me to stop interest adding up but she wants the money back at some point so I'm technically still in debt, just not having interest added to it.

Need to get a job and find a course for September. Not sure I want to go to uni now. I want the degree, the experience and the friends but I don't think I can handle a) the debt and b) the people. I'm so strange. I might just do it through an employer or something. Not ideal but better than nothing.

Step class tonight at the gym. I enjoy it but I'm rubbish at it. Cried all the way through last week.

Gav's just sent me a message on facebook chat that says 'your message was LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG.' That's all he's said. Great! lol

Have you thought about the Open University at all?
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*pink_sapphires*
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#6795
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#6795
(Original post by jonathan122)
Have you thought about the Open University at all?
I have, yes. I wanted to do a course with them but just a level one course to keep me working. I'm doing the marketing thing now though instead. The thing that puts me off the OU is the social side of it. I'd rather go to college at least once a week so I get some social interaction. I don't know what I want to do anymore. Still thinking about the music industry just because music is the only thing that gets me through the day (and you guys of course!) x
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becki08
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#6796
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#6796
Thanks Liz :hugs: Don't suppose you could send me any of your Archers? :P:
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vapid slut magician
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#6797
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#6797
Ugh, stupid GP left a voicemail with the college nurse, who rang the chaplain (who I was seeing for tea and to see her cats today) so she mentioned that the nurse was worried about me and sent me to see her. So I've had to explain my craziness and general apathy about life to a pile of people so now they think I'm some charity case who's a danger to myself. Great. That's just want I wanted.
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blackfish
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#6798
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#6798
Feeling like complete and utter c**p today. It's my sisters birthday. I bought her a card, can't even spell her name on it correctly. Spent the day doing "bread and butter" style jobs at work which wasn't to good.

Went out with my family for a meal tonight. Well, in all honesty, it was rather poor. I felt like my presence wasn't wanted... It was stressful, and the food... What annoyed me the most though was I had my suitcase with me because I am staying with my parents. Well I said I would meet them at the restuarant. Well, they did meet me there, but had already gone into the restaurant and been shown to a table. Leaving me (arriving about 2 minutes later) standing outside trying to attract their attention like a moron

I might have to go and start on the chocolate fingers again or at least the lemonade. I feel like I just want to disappear, like I can't get anything right... I hate this

:hugs: too all. Hows things...?
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*pink_sapphires*
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#6799
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#6799
(Original post by becki08)
Thanks Liz :hugs: Don't suppose you could send me any of your Archers? :P:
*passes over some Archers* are you ok?

VSM - how was your visa meeting? And that sucks about the people all wanting to know stuff when I'm sure you just wanted some escapism but at the same time it must be nice to know people care?

Blackfish - sorry about your family getting there early and everything. Bear in mind though, it's freezing outside and they didn't know how long you were going to be so that's why they'll have gone on ahead, not because you weren't wanted.
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becki08
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#6800
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#6800
*downs Archers* Thanks Liz. Think I might open my vodka too actually.

Had a bad day which has managed to get even worse. If I make it through tonight without doing anything 'stupid' then it'll be an achievement. I've well and truly had enough.
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