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    (Original post by superwolf)
    That doesn't sound entirely healthy - are you getting any help for it? If something's interfering with your life to that extent then it's worth getting help to try and sort it
    Oh wow, what a lovely person you are! Taking the time out to answer so many posts like that :flowers:

    Well...nope, not in the slightest :sadnod: especially if you know how that really makes me feel and how drastically it affects everything in my life
    It's sorta difficult to actually explain why this is so, but I'm currently in a position that doesn't really allow me to seek any help, I've really been wanting to for a while since this is honestly just one random thing out of an ocean of messed up issues I've got but it's just that it's not really possible for me to 'go out' somewhere to seek help atm, and believe it or not, we don't actually have anyone who could be of any help at the uni I currently attend

    I really wish I could get help somehow, because I really just feel tired of it all, and whenever I've tried helping myself out I've only made it worse really....so it's just been getting worse for the past very long while. :emo:

    Thank you though, for your time and your concern and all it does sorta feel warm to feel that people are not completely oblivious to you, you know.
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    What a way to end such an amazing day :cry2:

    I wish these ****ing voices would just shut the **** up cause I cannot ****ing deal with these ****ing voices on top of everything! I JUST WANT ****ING SILENCE?!?!?! Is that really too much to ****ing ask for?!?! Stupid ****ing brain!!!

    And I can't even ****ing spell anymore! ****ING HELL!!!
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    Well, after the dire start to the day I actually had a relatively good afternoon. Got to do some work, and had a good choir session. Only came 4th in the pub quiz though. Nothing more to say today really. I have my weekly MHA appointment tomorrow, so chances are she will bring up Tuesday. Hope it goes smoothly, although I imagine it will be a hard day. On my own for most of the day.
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    (Original post by -FireFlies-)
    What a way to end such an amazing day :cry2:

    I wish these ****ing voices would just shut the **** up cause I cannot ****ing deal with these ****ing voices on top of everything! I JUST WANT ****ING SILENCE?!?!?! Is that really too much to ****ing ask for?!?! Stupid ****ing brain!!!

    And I can't even ****ing spell anymore! ****ING HELL!!!
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    Glad you enjoyed yourself 😬
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    Mood falling (fallen?), motivation almost zero, feel out of place.

    Seeing my psych tomorrow, and despite the fact I am going to try to tell him about stuff I can't talk about here, I don't think the appointment will be any help.
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    I tried to study but I couldn't manage to write more than a few sentences. I feel like absolute ****. Hate myself and other people hate me so what's the point?
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    (Original post by Delain)
    I tried to study but I couldn't manage to write more than a few sentences. I feel like absolute ****. Hate myself and other people hate me so what's the point?
    What makes you think other people hate you? :hugs:
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    (Original post by Deyesy)
    What makes you think other people hate you? :hugs:
    They don't talk to me any more, they probably wouldn't care if I didn't exist. I can't remember the last time someone, other than the Virgin Media engineer, came to my house. I'm such a freak and I can't relate to other people.
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    (Original post by Delain)
    They don't talk to me any more, they probably wouldn't care if I didn't exist. I can't remember the last time someone, other than the Virgin Media engineer, came to my house. I'm such a freak and I can't relate to other people.
    If they don't care and wouldn't care about your existance then these people definitely don't sound worth knowing :nah: The last time I had a 'friend' come to my house was...uh...I'm having to think here, I think 2 years ago before my sixth-form Prom? So it sounds like you'd be able to relate a little with me with not having people around and self-hate is definitely something you'd be able to relate to me with - Just trying to show you definitely can relate to people :hugs: I'm sure you're not a freak either! From your posts, I've picked up that you have a boyfriend? I doubt he thinks you're a freak either :nah:
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    I've been thinking a lot about my dad today :moon:

    Even this long after to just think that i'm never going to see him again, never going to be able to talk to him, never give him a hug... is something that is so hard to comprehend. He was my safety net and anchor, it is very rare you find a person that no matter what you did, no matter what you said.. would still love you, and always have your back. He was that person to me. When he caught me self-harming he threw his arms around me to stop me and I threw him to the ground, I swore at him, I said things i'd give an arm to be able to take back. But he still loved me, he sat in the car outside A&E for 4 hours while I was being seen with no complaints... What a father.

    He stared death in the face for 12 months and kept a smile on his face even until his last day, even when his body gave out on him. He has inspired me to try become a better person, and to try live my life, if I get down I contemplate the hell he went through, and how he stayed strong... Because if he coped with that I can cope with this.

    I miss him, people say it gets easier with time, people lie.

    This was going to be a 1 line post, I rambled, sorry.
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    I guess just take them and then go to bed within a certain time then? Sucks that they have that effect, but it could be a lot worse - you don't feel like that during the day at least, and it's definitely better than full-blown psychosis, which would have an even bigger effect on you. :console:

    I'm ok, have decided to bribe myself into doing work. If I do either 10 minutes a day or two hours in total of studying by the end of the week then I get to buy a book on making your own sweeties. I've also bought a sugar thermometer and am gonna have a go at scientifically making honeycomb! :drool:
    I've been staying up late a few nights this week now and it keeps happening, you're right it's good that it doesn't happen during the day but it's still worrying.

    The walls have stopped shouting or making any noise at all. It's pretty ****ing awesome. Well....on one hand I'm worried this is the drug blocking them out and maybe I need to know what they're saying, but on the other I'm pretty ****ing pleased I have my own space again - just had a 3 hour nap without interruption or needing to drug myself to sleep, pretty ****ing fantastic. :proud:


    That sweetie book sounds like a dream! Good plan to bribe yourself - let me know how it goes, also how the cooking goes obviously. I tried making honeycomb before, can never get it to work but good luck to you. :drool:
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    Oh and having just watched it. Possible triggering scene in Waterloo Road. Around 45 minutes in. It's to do with Casey/Robbie - Those who follow it will know who that is :yy:
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    hello, how is everybody?
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    (Original post by Idle)
    I've been thinking a lot about my dad today :moon:

    Even this long after to just think that i'm never going to see him again, never going to be able to talk to him, never give him a hug... is something that is so hard to comprehend. He was my safety net and anchor, it is very rare you find a person that no matter what you did, no matter what you said.. would still love you, and always have your back. He was that person to me. When he caught me self-harming he threw his arms around me to stop me and I threw him to the ground, I swore at him, I said things i'd give an arm to be able to take back. But he still loved me, he sat in the car outside A&E for 4 hours while I was being seen with no complaints... What a father.

    He stared death in the face for 12 months and kept a smile on his face even until his last day, even when his body gave out on him. He has inspired me to try become a better person, and to try live my life, if I get down I contemplate the hell he went through, and how he stayed strong... Because if he coped with that I can cope with this.

    I miss him, people say it gets easier with time, people lie.

    This was going to be a 1 line post, I rambled, sorry.
    This is so sad. I'm so sorry :jumphug: Your father sounds like an absolutely wonderful amazing person. I often think people lie when they say things will get easier with time in situations like this, too. But it can get better and eventually the memories will become a little less painful to think about, honestly :jumphug: Im sure your father is so proud and is watching over you and will be there for you, forever :jumphug:


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    (Original post by Delain)
    They don't talk to me any more, they probably wouldn't care if I didn't exist. I can't remember the last time someone, other than the Virgin Media engineer, came to my house. I'm such a freak and I can't relate to other people.
    This isn't true at all! :hugs: I know it's hard to accept though. We all care for you on here, and you seem lovely. You have a supportive partner who obviously loves you, there must be other people who do too :yes: By the way, if you are visiting your nan today, I hope it's okay for you and she's not doing too badly :console: :hugs:


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    Yay! My mental health advisor is ill! As much as I hate knowing she is ill and I feel really bad for thinking it I could really have used the appointment this morning. I had so much to talk about and wanted to get my letter sorted for the deferred entry next year. Now I'm all alone at home all day again with no distractions to keep me from going insane. Only thing that makes me feel better about this is that I won't need to buy a bus ticket. Yay.
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    (Original post by 08batee)
    This isn't true at all! :hugs: I know it's hard to accept though. We all care for you on here, and you seem lovely. You have a supportive partner who obviously loves you, there must be other people who do too :yes: By the way, if you are visiting your nan today, I hope it's okay for you and she's not doing too badly :console: :hugs:


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    Thank you. :hugs: My mum said she's quite chirpy atm and they've made her as comfy as possible so that's something at least. I'm quite tired as I've stayed up all night to make sure I don't miss going to see her. I'm feeling more positive as I found a really great job I'd love to do and I feel I'd be good at so I applied for that. It's working as a library assistant and it's my dream to work in a library so fingers crossed.
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    (Original post by Deyesy)
    Oh and having just watched it. Possible triggering scene in Waterloo Road. Around 45 minutes in. It's to do with Casey/Robbie - Those who follow it will know who that is :yy:
    Cheers for the heads up just about to watch it so ill just skip past that bit it's such a sad storyline for grantly isn't it?!


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    oh. apparently i can't talk about the thing i need to talk about in here. well, ****.
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    (Original post by littleshambles)
    oh. apparently i can't talk about the thing i need to talk about in here. well, ****.
    Hello! You can PM me if you want to talk about it, I'm not easily triggered. Don't think PMs are banned?
 
 
 
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