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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    She wont be disgusted hun, she seems like a really nice caring person :yep:
    Could you perhaps write it down and put it in an envelope and give her it like that? Then maybe ask her to shred it after shes read it so you know no one else can read it?
    :hugs:


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    She might be.. is really nasty stuff about what happened/what i did when bad thing happened (ptsd trauma stuff). is a) disgusting in a "dont talk about this stuff cos is taboo" way, b) shows why i'm really really not clean, c) possibly shows why i cant get better and d) probably make her worried about something and i dont want to do that. i've written a word doc about it but the thing is i'm not sure i'm comfortable with her knowing at all. and i cant erase her memory even if she shredded it. but apparentyl talking is how you get better. but she can't help me, nobody can. and this might just be more proof of that

    (Original post by Nathanielle)
    Hm, but you talk about a bunch of other stuff with her, aren't you? Can you maybe tell it more metaphoically to her? Actually I don't see a reason, why she should be disgusted. It is her job not to be disgusted and the center are you, not her. Thus I don't think she mind it. I mean, the therapist took the job out of interest, not because they do not like working
    with people with problems.

    And yeah, Poncho Kid is right.
    yeah i do talk to her about stuff, but some stuff is worse than other stuff. she hasnt necessarily heard this before. and i dont want to make stuff uncomfortable or see her looking at me disgusted or any of the stuff i said in the beginning of the post. she's professional so would try not to show it, but i don't really care about that... her thinking about it is bad enough. i dunno.
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    (Original post by danny111)
    Guys, how are you? I haven't posted in a while, been busy was feeling a bit down didn't wanna just come to wine,
    hey, hope your ok :hugs:

    (Original post by asdfgah)
    She might be.. is really nasty stuff about what happened/what i did when bad thing happened (ptsd trauma stuff). is a) disgusting in a "dont talk about this stuff cos is taboo" way, b) shows why i'm really really not clean, c) possibly shows why i cant get better and d) probably make her worried about something and i dont want to do that. i've written a word doc about it but the thing is i'm not sure i'm comfortable with her knowing at all. and i cant erase her memory even if she shredded it. but apparentyl talking is how you get better. but she can't help me, nobody can. and this might just be more proof of that.
    IIRC youv spoken to her about stuff before that you thought she would be disgusted at, and when you did talk to her about it, you found it actually helped, and she wasnt disgusted in anyway. shell want to help you because she cares about you, she sounds like a really nice woman, and doesnt mind if you go into flashbackss in front of her and stuff.
    is there any way you could tell her part of it that your more comfortable with disclosing and see how that goes?
    or could you prehaps get the letter to her just before your appointment so you dont have to see her face when she first reads it?if thats what your more worried about?
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    hey, hope your ok :hugs:
    Oh no I am, that's the thing, nothing major just feeling a bit meh. Like there is nothing wrong why am I feeling bad?

    Just spoke to my thesis adviser, bad news a lot of work to do, good news mostly just re-writing and writing stuff up no more empirical work apart from one smaller thing and then should be a good grade. But yea thought I was almost done, now I'm torn one hand that good grade is possible on the other still quite a lot of re-writing (i.e. also a lot has to be cut, never nice to see work you done cut).

    But I guess I will stop looking for internships atm and concentrate on that. Do one thing at a time.

    How are you?
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    (Original post by danny111)
    Oh no I am, that's the thing, nothing major just feeling a bit meh. Like there is nothing wrong why am I feeling bad?

    Just spoke to my thesis adviser, bad news a lot of work to do, good news mostly just re-writing and writing stuff up no more empirical work apart from one smaller thing and then should be a good grade. But yea thought I was almost done, now I'm torn one hand that good grade is possible on the other still quite a lot of re-writing (i.e. also a lot has to be cut, never nice to see work you done cut).

    But I guess I will stop looking for internships atm and concentrate on that. Do one thing at a time.

    How are you?
    its ok to have days where you dont know why your feeling down, i often have them, everyone does :yep:

    its good that hes helping you, and even better that you can get an awesome grade from it!
    yeah i suggest spending time doing your thesis, then when thats either nearly done, or done, then concentrate on your next task

    urrrrm quiet honestly i have no clue :dontknow:
    im ok i think, just missing my boyfriend a massive amount, and still have like 2 weeks till i next see him
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    IIRC youv spoken to her about stuff before that you thought she would be disgusted at, and when you did talk to her about it, you found it actually helped, and she wasnt disgusted in anyway. shell want to help you because she cares about you, she sounds like a really nice woman, and doesnt mind if you go into flashbackss in front of her and stuff.

    is there any way you could tell her part of it that your more comfortable with disclosing and see how that goes?

    or could you prehaps get the letter to her just before your appointment so you dont have to see her face when she first reads it?if thats what your more worried about?
    Last stuff i told her that i was really scared about i gave her written stuff and then just cried and had flashback. she talked to me but i didn't talk out loud about it. i have disclosed everything except this one thing basically and its the thing that's really distressing me so i dont think theres any way around it but telling her. i'm thinking about emailing her it, but dont want to take up her time outside of my appointment :s plus i'd have to see her after anyway so i dont know if it would make a difference...

    (sorry for rejecting all advice btw, i know i'm being all crappy about this but i think it's just something i need to keep talking about so i actually have the guts to do it)
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    its ok to have days where you dont know why your feeling down, i often have them, everyone does :yep:

    its good that hes helping you, and even better that you can get an awesome grade from it!
    yeah i suggest spending time doing your thesis, then when thats either nearly done, or done, then concentrate on your next task

    urrrrm quiet honestly i have no clue :dontknow:
    im ok i think, just missing my boyfriend a massive amount, and still have like 2 weeks till i next see him
    Thanks

    And that's horrible, when I was in a relationship I think 2 weeks was the most we spent apart! Maybe plan something really nice you can do together you can look forward to? Can you text/skype him daily though?
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    (Original post by danny111)
    Thanks

    And that's horrible, when I was in a relationship I think 2 weeks was the most we spent apart! Maybe plan something really nice you can do together you can look forward to? Can you text/skype him daily though?
    weve already been a month apart and its horrible, but my sisters about to give birth, and i want to be at home for my mums birthday. were gonna do something anyway, because the day i will next see him will be our 6 month so its gonna be a special day anyway

    (Original post by asdfgah)
    Last stuff i told her that i was really scared about i gave her written stuff and then just cried and had flashback. she talked to me but i didn't talk out loud about it. i have disclosed everything except this one thing basically and its the thing that's really distressing me so i dont think theres any way around it but telling her. i'm thinking about emailing her it, but dont want to take up her time outside of my appointment :s plus i'd have to see her after anyway so i dont know if it would make a difference...

    (sorry for rejecting all advice btw, i know i'm being all crappy about this but i think it's just something i need to keep talking about so i actually have the guts to do it)
    dont appologise, im just suggesting different ideas for you, not expecting you to do any of them! i just know that personally i like to have different ideas thrown at me when im unsure of something.

    sending the email sounds like a really good plan hun, she wont mind at all, i bet a lot of people do it you still have to see her yes, but A) she will already know, so you dont have to see her initial reaction B) it may reduce the posibility of a flashback C) she may be able to get some info to the help you ready for the appointment
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    weve already been a month apart and its horrible, but my sisters about to give birth, and i want to be at home for my mums birthday. were gonna do something anyway, because the day i will next see him will be our 6 month so its gonna be a special day anyway

    That's lovely! have you got him a present already? I always thought I wouldn't find stuff, but in the end going shopping for things like anniversary and then later seeing you got something good was always great.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's lovely! have you got him a present already? I always thought I wouldn't find stuff, but in the end going shopping for things like anniversary and then later seeing you got something good was always great.
    no :sad: im rubbish at buying presents
    need to go to town and buy him a present, and my mum and birthday present
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    no :sad: im rubbish at buying presents
    need to go to town and buy him a present, and my mum and birthday present
    Then do it!
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    Aww, I'm sure he didn't mind. You could always ask your doctor about different sleeping pills if zopiclone not working is a regular thing - I've been on zolpidem before and although it didn't do the job that well for me it might for you.

    I'm alright - seeing study coach today and he's usually good at motivating me to work so fingers crossed I can get the dissertation back on track...
    I think you missed my amazing post about seeing your meece on the pet forums And I love the video!!
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    (Original post by danny111)
    Then do it!
    i need to sort out with my mum to get a lift, because i cant afford a bus AND presents
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    Doc keeping me on 100mg sertraline for another two months despite my ph9 score going up. He also felt the need to explain hormones and "happy chemicals".
    Am going back probably next week to see the doc I normally see since she seems better and I need another note.

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    Thought I'd check in since its been a while. Have now moved house. Have had a lot of medical problems causing me to kind of be up and down mood wise a lot but I'm ok just now. Change of scenery has helped a bit and organising a lot of uni stuff as I'm one of my uni's student associations' vice presidents so lots of stress finalising Freshers week etc. But busy is good

    Hope everyone else is doing ok. Hugs to all who need them. x
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    actually feeling fairly relaxed today, thismorning i felt aweful after having nightmareish dreams last night.

    been home alone all day and just done what I want, not have people stressing out and stuff.

    going to a bbq tomorrow night which A im quite excited about, but B its a village thing, so lots of questions and C my mums getting me alcohol which ill have to be careful with

    still waiting on my sister having a baby which im getting so stupidly excited about, i just want to meet my nephew now, this whole waiting 9 months malarky is silly!

    ALSO sent off an application form for a job yesterday :eek: first one iv sent off this summer, so im quite pleased with myself :yep:
    All good stuff, am glad to hear it.

    (Original post by asdfgah)
    :eek:

    I don't actually mind insects/molluscs too much, but surprise ones are horrible. :console:

    ---

    Intrusive thoughts about CBT stuff continuing to be ****e. Need to talk about something pretty horrible (PTSD related) with therapist but I don't really want to, and it's still almost 2 weeks until my next appointment. Feel really guilty for continually talking it over with the same people, but I need to talk it through repeatedly otherwise I am going to bottle out of telling her about it. Again. Urgh I dunno.
    Mostly it was nasty cos it reminded me of the period when I was so ill I wouldn't even get out of bed all day, and there were slugs living under the bed which I couldn't make myself deal with.


    I think emailing her is the way to go - she'll probably have some time set aside to be thinking about your case anyway, so it's not like you're intruding. And that way you have any time within two weeks to feel brave enough to tell her, rather than within a single appointment.

    And you're a great person who she's not going to lose respect for - in fact I suspect the opposite, that the more she finds out about you the greater respect she'll have for you and your ability to carry on (has been the case with me and other society members at least).

    (Original post by Lazuliblue)
    Ahhhh they're so cute!! And this is completely random but I was on the rodent section of the pet forums website, went on the adoption bit, and saw your mice!!

    I got my two a flying saucer today from pets at home; I've already got a wheel in the cage but I don't want them to start squabbling, so I thought I'd just double everything! I got them another food bowl as well....I have a bit of a pink/ purple theme going, seeing as all my other pets are boys I was happy to embrace stereotypical girls pinkness!

    Edit: Also, a slug in my pack of celery beats yours on a sponge :P Good thing the celery was for the guinea pig!
    Which website's that?

    Yeah, is good to have multiple wheels - I've got two for them as well, one (massive) flying saucer one silent spinner. It's great when they all try and go on at the same time, especially when it's not always in the same direction. :mmm:

    I've now managed to get two of them to run across my hand, although not to stay put yet - looking forward to when they're more comfortable with me, as I have all kinds of plans for games and training for them!

    Bleah, makes me wish I had a pet hedgehog - then I could just feed it the slug! I now also want pictures of your guinea pig you realise.

    (Original post by danny111)
    Guys, how are you? I haven't posted in a while, been busy was feeling a bit down didn't wanna just come to wine,
    Hey, welcome back. I'm doing ok - was not so good either for a while there, but things seem to be on an up-turn now. :yy:

    (Original post by Lazuliblue)
    I think you missed my amazing post about seeing your meece on the pet forums And I love the video!!
    :nah: I just sometimes take a day (or a few days ) to reply to people cos I save quotes to answer later. Soon you will see the might of one of my MEGAQUOTES OF DOOM.

    (Original post by zonkfrog)
    Thought I'd check in since its been a while. Have now moved house. Have had a lot of medical problems causing me to kind of be up and down mood wise a lot but I'm ok just now. Change of scenery has helped a bit and organising a lot of uni stuff as I'm one of my uni's student associations' vice presidents so lots of stress finalising Freshers week etc. But busy is good

    Hope everyone else is doing ok. Hugs to all who need them. x
    :hello: Good to have you back, and I'm glad keeping busy is helping, especially since you've been having health issues. :console:
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    All good stuff, am glad to hear it.
    actually socialised AND told someone that i havnt spoken to or seen but knows i went to uni that i failed, i wasnt going to, but someone brought it up, and i didnt feel bad talking about it

    we also sorted out my mums birthday, because that was stressing me out. my mum had booked it off work specially, then my step dad decided to he was going to the isle of man with a friend :eek: so my mum was really upset about that. so now were having aa "girls night in" with drinks, and getting fish and chips from a local chippy thats supposed to be reallllly nice
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    dont appologise, im just suggesting different ideas for you, not expecting you to do any of them! i just know that personally i like to have different ideas thrown at me when im unsure of something.

    sending the email sounds like a really good plan hun, she wont mind at all, i bet a lot of people do it you still have to see her yes, but A) she will already know, so you dont have to see her initial reaction B) it may reduce the posibility of a flashback C) she may be able to get some info to the help you ready for the appointment
    Yeah I like different ideas as well, just didn't wanna offend you or anything by being all "noooooo none of the ideas work!!".. i'm just in a position where I feel like nothing will work. :sad:

    yeah you might be right tbh. i'm kind of worried about (a) cos I sort of want to see her initial reaction. if shes disgusted I want to know, so I can understand that I definitely am unfixable and I know I can do something that i'm currently holding off on because I think I could get better. (b) is good though, and that's true about (c). I hadn't thought about it maybe making it easier for her to read it beforehand.

    one of my friends ("Nut." who used to post here) is staying at mine next week and we've decided it'll be easier for me to talk about this stuff if she can be there after at least. so she's going to stay here until my CBT appointment. I need to email therapist at some point and ask about whether it's ok for her to be in the waiting room (you need a code to get in and i'm not sure if it's OK in general to bring a non-patient in) or maybe even in the room with me. i'm not sure if asking either of those things is asking too much though... therapist is already seeing me at a mega-reduced fee so I can afford to see her, and I don't wanna ask any more of her. but I also don't think I can do it on my own and get home safely after. so need to figure out how to compose an email asking about it.

    (Original post by superwolf)
    Mostly it was nasty cos it reminded me of the period when I was so ill I wouldn't even get out of bed all day, and there were slugs living under the bed which I couldn't make myself deal with.

    I think emailing her is the way to go - she'll probably have some time set aside to be thinking about your case anyway, so it's not like you're intruding. And that way you have any time within two weeks to feel brave enough to tell her, rather than within a single appointment.

    And you're a great person who she's not going to lose respect for - in fact I suspect the opposite, that the more she finds out about you the greater respect she'll have for you and your ability to carry on (has been the case with me and other society members at least).
    big :hugs: on slug things. is so **** when you're too ill to take care of things properly, but not your fault and i'm really glad you're doing better than that now.

    yeah that is true, I probably will email. or at least email saying I have something important to talk about and "shall I email stuff across or bring it with me?". cos that way she'll make sure I do give her stuff.

    i dunno. she already knows all about what happened to me so it isn't gonna be like "oh you survived and are strong" stuff. more like "oh, you might have survived but you responded like that? urgh." and even though i know its true i still don't want other people to know about it. eurgh. makes me feel so sick to think about those thoughts in someone elses head.
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    (Original post by asdfgah)
    Feel really guilty for continually talking it over with the same people, but I need to talk it through repeatedly otherwise I am going to bottle out of telling her about it. Again. Urgh I dunno.
    Don't feel bad about it. Am sure Nut. doesn't mind coz she's ace and I totally don't mind at all either :lovehug:

    (Original post by avhhs)
    Well, they are alright with it :yep:. In fact they always were, ever since I told them , even if I went uni nearby. It is a shame that you parents didn't let you go :sad: :hugs:
    Ah but they did! Escaped London and everything. So was all good in the end
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    Bleah, makes me wish I had a pet hedgehog - then I could just feed it the slug! I now also want pictures of your guinea pig you realise.



    Hey, welcome back. I'm doing ok - was not so good either for a while there, but things seem to be on an up-turn now. :yy:

    Awesome!
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    Falling apart very quickly with so very bad thoughts :sad:


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