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    (Original post by hollywoodbudgie)
    No, I'm not talking about that experience.

    :mad: Censored English man, Scottish man, Irish man joke THAT WILL CAUSE OFFENSE AS IT IS AN OFFENSIVE JOKE:
    ^ I'll say sorry in advance :sad:
    Spoiler:
    Show

    An English man, a Scottish man and an Irish man walk into a bar.
    The bartender is holding a competition. If you could drink 20 pints of beer in a row, sing your country's national anthem correctly and then pull out the tooth of a lion then you get to sleep with this really stunning virgin English woman waiting for them upstairs.
    The English man, Scottish man and Irish man, (as usual) are desperate, so they sign up.
    First goes the Scot. He drinks and drinks. After finishing his drinks he tries to sing the anthem, but he faints from too much drinking. He's out.
    Then comes the English man. He drinks and drinks... however, (being English), he doesn't even know his own national anthem, so he goes out.
    Finally comes the Irish man. This well built man drinks and drinks till he feels so faint and dizzy. He then sings his anthem. He's ridiculously drunk, but he's always drunk so noone could tell the difference. Completely ****ed out of his head, he goes upstairs. Suddenly there's this huge lion roar and the scream of a woman. The people cheer! They all think he's done it...

    ...Then the Irish man comes down. His clothes are completely wripped.
    The bartender: So, had a wild night eh?
    The Irishman: I'll say! I ****ed a lion and pulled out the tooth of an English woman! Now where's the virgin?


    ^ I hope I didn't offend the person above me too much.
    Ah...come on. Tell us the story It can't be that bad :p:

    Lmao :rofl: I wouldn't get offended by a joke so you don't need to apologise

    Spoiler:
    Show
    A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman find a wizard on the top of a tall cliff. The wizard orders them to jump off the cliff, but he also promises that if they say anything while falling, they will get it at the bottom of the cliff. So first, the Englishman jumps off the cliff and shouts, "Pillows!" and so he lands on some pillows. Then the Scotsman jumps off the cliff, and he shouts, "Hay!" and so he lands on some hay. Finally the Irishman runs to jump off the cliff, but he trips on a rock just before the jump and says, "Aw, *****!"]
    Spoiler:
    Show
    An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all builders working on a bridge. The Englishman opens his lunch-box and says, "If I get one more tuna sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The Scotsman opens his lunch box and says, "If I get one more ham sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The Irishman then says, "If I get one more egg sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The next day, all three get the same lunch, all three jump off the bridge, and all three die. At their funeral, the Englishman's wife says, "If only I'd known he didn't like tuna." The Scotsman's wife says, "If only I'd known he didn't like ham." The Irishman's wife says, "I don't understand it. He made his own sandwiches."
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    Spoiler:
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    One day a Jew, a Hindu, and a scouser all arrived at their hotel to find that there had been a mix-up with the bookings, and that there was only one room left for them to share. The manager explained that this room only had two beds, but that there was a barn at a neighbouring farm which the farmer, an old friend of his, would let one of them sleep in free of charge.

    They complained a bit, but since there was nowhere else to go, the Jew graciously said he'd sleep inthe barn. The Hindu and the scouser were just settling down to sleep in their room, when there was a knock on the door. It was the Jew.

    "I'm sorry," he said, "but there's a pig in that barn and because I'm Jewish I feel uncomfortable about sharing the barn with it." "No problem," said the Hindu. "I'll sleep out there instead." So off he went to the barn, leaving the scouser and the Jew to share the room.

    They were just settling down to sleep, when there was a knock on the door. It was the Hindu. "I'm sorry," he said, "but there's a cow in that barn and because I'm a Hindu I feel uncomfortable about sharing the barn with it."

    The scouser grudgingly agreed to give up his bed and stomped off to the barn, leaving the Jew and the Hindu to share the room. The Jew and the Hindu were just settling down to sleep, when there was a knock on the door.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    It was the cow and the pig.

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    (Original post by OceanInTheSky)
    Is ashamed of their reputation and gender, so decides to hide them both.
    lol.
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    :eek:
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    (Original post by zedbrar)
    Ah...come on. Tell us the story It can't be that bad :p:
    I just saw something I'd rather have never seen in a million years. There's nothing to say really. :confused:

    (Original post by zedbrar)
    Lmao :rofl: I wouldn't get offended by a joke so you don't need to apologise
    My jokes can get even more offensive...Though I'm surprised nobody had a go at me for the previous joke seeing as it basically built on so many stereotypes...

    (Original post by zedbrar)
    Spoiler:
    Show
    A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman find a wizard on the top of a tall cliff. The wizard orders them to jump off the cliff, but he also promises that if they say anything while falling, they will get it at the bottom of the cliff. So first, the Englishman jumps off the cliff and shouts, "Pillows!" and so he lands on some pillows. Then the Scotsman jumps off the cliff, and he shouts, "Hay!" and so he lands on some hay. Finally the Irishman runs to jump off the cliff, but he trips on a rock just before the jump and says, "Aw, *****!"]
    Spoiler:
    Show
    An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all builders working on a bridge. The Englishman opens his lunch-box and says, "If I get one more tuna sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The Scotsman opens his lunch box and says, "If I get one more ham sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The Irishman then says, "If I get one more egg sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The next day, all three get the same lunch, all three jump off the bridge, and all three die. At their funeral, the Englishman's wife says, "If only I'd known he didn't like tuna." The Scotsman's wife says, "If only I'd known he didn't like ham." The Irishman's wife says, "I don't understand it. He made his own sandwiches."
    Heard a similar version to the first one before. Second one was funny. We should make this a joke exchanging thread... Though I await neg rep for my racist or sexist jokes :sad:

    Censored 'bad' French Joke:
    Spoiler:
    Show
    WW2 is over and Louie the brave French Pilot has returned to his girlfriend Helena.
    The go to have a picnic in this quiet park in an isloated place. It's so beautiful and Helena suddenly feels the love in the air. She shrieks, 'Oh Louie, kiss me!'

    Louie dabs his fingers in a bottle of red wine and rubs it on Helena's lips.
    Helena: Louie, what are you doing?
    Louie: Why I'm Louie, the great pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!
    Helena laughs as this and they start kissing. Things heat up much more.

    Helena whispers to Louie: Louie, kiss me lower...
    Louie grins at this, and unbuttons her blouse. He pours some white wine on her breasts.
    Helena: Louie, what are you doing?
    Louie: Why I'm Louie, the great pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!
    Helena giggles at this and they get even more passionate. Laughing, she whispers in Louie's ear...
    Helena: Louie, kiss me even lower...

    Louie now looks like our TSR :perv: face. He slowly lifts up Helena's skirt.
    Suddenly!! He grabs a bottle of congac and pours it on Helena's lap. Then he strikes a match and looks really crazy. He throws the match onto Helana and Helana starts to scream as she dives into the river:

    Helena: OMG Louie, what the **** are you doing!????
    Louie: Why I'm Louie, the great pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!


    ^ Person above me... I hope is not French. :eek3:
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